Pink Squirrel Orgies
Disclaimer: I don't own Resident Evil. Or Gamestop.
Hrm, the name doesn't really fit anymore. Oh well.
Chapter Six - Breakthrough
Our favorite gang of zombie killers was walking down a road, looking for a bank.
"Hm, wanna rob a pastry shop instead?" Alyssa asked.
"How about a Gamestop?" George suggested.
"No way; we want money. Then you guys can buy your stupid crap with it," Kevin replied.
"Our stupid crap? And what the hell are you gonna buy that's so important?" Alyssa demanded.
"Guns and male prostitutes, of course," Kevin replied smugly.
"Typical man. All you think about is violence and sex," Alyssa sighed. Kevin refrained from responding with something about typical cows, because he liked his limbs where they were right now. They all walked in silence for a few minutes. They passed many corpses and ran into the occasional zombie, but other than that, the street was empty.
Yoko broke the silence. "Oh look! A bank!" she said, pointing. They all stopped and looked the their left, a few buildings down.
Yup, it was a bank. The doors were slightly agape, and the windows were smashed. It looked like it could've been looted already, but it could also be from the zombies breaking in.
"Only one way to find out," Kevin announced.
"One way to find out... what?" George questioned, looking confused.
"The narrator lady said...," Kevin trailed off.
"Don't worry, I hear her too," Cindy said with a kind smile.
Yeah, that's really helpful. The insane and/or possessed one is hearing the same voice as me, Kevin thought.
"Okay, let's ignore Kevin and Cindy's crazy and go inside," Yoko suggested. There were nods of agreement, and they headed through the doors and into the building. They found the inside to be messy and bloody; it definitely looked like a zombie attack had occurred here.
"Okay everybody. Be careful," Kevin warned.
"Oh really? 'Cuz when I see a bunch of dead bodies, I think, 'hey, let's take a nap'," Alyssa said sarcastically.
Kevin sighed and started forward. He looked down at the ground, carefully stepping over bodies and trying not to slip in the pools of blood. He saw a handgun next to a man's outstretched arm, and picked it up. It was almost fully loaded. He stood up with a smile on his face and resumed walking, going around a corner, still looking down so as not to trip. And thus, he didn't see the Licker on the ceiling.
Luckily, David was behind him, and he was actually looking around for threats. He saw some movement at the top edge of his vision and looked up.
"Look out!" he barked, grabbing the back of Kevin's shirt and yanking him backwards. A long, whip-like tongue missed the cop by inches and withdrew.
"Oh, you do care! I think I'm in love!" Kevin squealed, hugging David.
"Not now, idiot!" David growled, and jumped back, pulling Kevin with him, as the Licker shot its tongue out again. It hissed in frustration as it missed, again. David and Kevin went back around the corner and out of the Licker's reach.
"Okay, I got this one," Kevin said, lifting his handgun. He peeked around the corner and took two shots at the Licker before its tongue whipped out again. Then he jumped out and took three more shots, one of them hitting the creature in the brain. It immediately fell off the ceiling and died.
"Now where were we? Oh yeah." Kevin pulled David into a hug again.
"Just because I didn't let you die, doesn't mean I like you!" David said, but was ignored. He endured the squeezing for a few more seconds, then plucked the cops arms off. "Let's keep moving."
Kevin backed off, his smile getting slightly smaller, but he was still beaming. This had been a breakthrough - he knew it!
The gang continued through the bank, passing small rooms where people would consult their bankers, and coming to a door at the end of the hall. It had a keypad off to the side, and on the door, it said, "Authorized personnel only." The door was made of steel, and the vault was most likely behind it.
"Okay, how are we gonna get this thing open?" Kevin wondered aloud.
"I can make a bomb," David said smugly.
"What are you, a terrorist?" Kevin asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No, I'm like MacGyver. Just find me a battery, some 'junk parts', and a lighter, and I'll take this door down."
After a few minutes of wandering around the bank and dispatching some stray zombies, our band of not-so-smart people came up with the goods. David turned his back secretively and made some hand movements, and then he turned back around with a time bomb in his hands. He went over to the door and placed it on the floor. As soon as he started it, he ran down the hall and around a corner. The others were not so smart.
"You should probably run!" he yelled to them, rolling his eyes. The other six survivors started running around in circles, still in front of the bomb. Luckily, David had set thirty seconds on it, not ten seconds as might be needed by people of normal intelligence.
"Run over here!" he corrected. They did, throwing in a bit of hysterical screaming, as well. As they rounded the corner, there was a big BOOM, and the sound of falling rubble. They all peeked around the corner to see that the door still stood. Fortunately, the bomb had destroyed the wall around the door, so its purpose had been fulfilled.
"This is kind of a crappy bank, if a plumber can break into it," Alyssa pointed out.
"Yes. But let's not dwell on the question of whether this is actually possible or not. The money awaits," George said.
"Corrupt your souls with thievery and greed, my minions!" Cindy said in a strange, echo-y voice, and laughed in an evil manner.
Kevin gave her a weird look, but everyone else was already walking away. He started to follow, when he heard her speak again in a low voice:
"Resist me and you shall perish..."
He looked back, alarmed, and then glanced at the others. It seemed that they hadn't heard any of it. Cindy gave a sinister chuckle and walked by him.
.o End of Chapter o.
I see that their level of intelligence seems to fluctuate... Sorry 'bout that. I'll try to avoid it in the future.