TOW Nonsense

Summary: I'm back with Part 5 of my "Dialogue Only" series!

A/N: Most of you will be happy to know that Chandler is my absolute favorite Friend, (which is why two out of four of these so far have included him). As much as I will try not to be biased and spread it among the Friends, the majority of these stories will probably be between him and another of the six.

New feature! Now I will officially tell you all what the pairing will be for each piece before I start (unless you would rather guess? Tell me!).

Pairing: Rachel and Chandler

FYI: The song mentioned is by Randy Brooks.


"This sucks."

"What?"

"This!"

"The…color of the radio you're pointing to?"

"No! This!"

"Chandler, by asking 'what' I am clearly indicating that I do not know what 'this' is!"

"The music, duh!"

"So? It's Christmas music! Granted, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer is probably not the most universally pleasing song in the world, but it's catchy."

"That's not what I meant. It's two days after Thanksgiving! I haven't even fully digested dinner yet!"

"You had macaroni and cheese."

"It was filling!"

"Okay…"

"True, I hate it, but it would be nice if I was given time to hate it in the aftermath before being consumed by all this Christmas…cheeriness."

"What is with you and your dislike of major holidays? It's annoying!"

"No, I have nothing against Christmas itself. Christmas is great."

"…oh."

"It's all the hype."

"'Hype'?"

"Yes, hype. Like the playing of Christmas music 24/7 a month before the 25th."

"Well, that is a little bit of an overkill, but it's still nice."

"How? It's like…you getting up at five in the morning yesterday to hit Macy's and Nordstrom's."

"Hey! I got some great deals!"

"No deal is great enough to get me out of bed before the sunrises!"

"Alright, then I guess I'll return your present, since you seem to think it wasn't worth the effort."

"…what?"

"Oh yeah. In fact, I think that's the best gift I got all day."

"…really?"

"Uh huh."

"You…you misunderstood me."

"How could I have misunderstood you?"

"The way that doesn't get my present taken back to the store."

"I see. So you take back the 'neurotic shopper' comment?"

"'Neurotic shopper.' I like that, Rach. That is so what I'm going to call you from now on!"

"Chandler!"

"Neurotic shopper neurotic shopper neurotic shopper neurotic shopper –"

"If that's the way you're going to be, then fine! Your present is going back to Nordstrom's today!"

"…shopper – wait, seriously?"

"Hell yeah! It's right here in this bag!"

"Hold on, that's bigger than a sweater vest!"

"You bet it is!"

"It's all noisy and stuff!"

"Yup!"

"It's square! You can tell by the way the sides are dented!"

"Yeah you can."

"And you're just going to march out that door and return it?"

"Yes sir."

"Okay….Irespectyourshoppingaddiction."

"I'm sorry, didn't quite hear that."

"I respect your shopping addiction! You are fully entitled to do whatever the hell you want and I, a mere man, can in no way stop you! There, happy now?"

"Very. Let me go put this back in its hiding place."

"You were really going to do it, weren't you?"

"Yes I was."

"That's funny."

"…how?"

"'Cause then, I would have had to tell Monica who really forgot to put the cups in numerical order after washing them…"

"Chandler! You wouldn't!"

"Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't…"

"You're just saying that!"

"Am I?"

"Oh my God she's going to kill me!"

"Yeah she will! Oh, wow, this is fun!"