She wants to tear everything apart, throw the pieces on the floor, set them on fire, and watch them burn to ashes.
But she won't do it. She can't do it. Because Sakura knows that even tough it feels like the world and every single thing it hates her and everything she is right now, it is only temporary.
It will pass.
In a few days she won't care anymore. In a few days she won't care that a complete nutcase of a man, her ex-fiancé sent her a letter. She won't care that she read it. She won't care that she almost cried. She won't care that she's terrified. And most of all, she won't care that she lost the goddamn bet because of a one crappy letter.
But right now, it's May 22nd and the world hates her with gusto.
Right now she cares.
So she has to control her nerves.
She mustn't fail.
Her hands and legs tremble a little, she tries to sit still, drink her coffee and count the minutes to tomorrow.
Kakashi watches her stiff form from the corner of his eye. Her legs are crossed, lips form a tight line, and there's a dark look in her eyes as she stares at the green coffee cup at the table.
He can see that something has gone terribly wrong.
He sighs and starts to mix the ingredients for tamagoyaki in a bowl. Yolks, water, soy sauce, sugar and vinegar. He pours himself a cup of joe, and starts to fry the mix in a square frying-pan.
When he's done, he rolls the omelet into a perfect roll, cuts it into small pieces and divides the food on two plates right next to cut tomatoes and cucumbers. He takes two glasses out of the cabinet and pours juice into them, and places the fresh breakfast in front of the stiff girl.
Sakura doesn't even seem to notice. She just continues to stare at her cup, as if expecting it to blow apart from the feel force of her stare.
"Sakura" She doesn't move. "Sakura." He states again, and this time he gets a reaction out of her. She liftes her head and looks straight into his eye. He's momentarily taken back by the lost stare she gives to him. She tilts her head.
She looks back at the table and notices for the first time that there's delicious looking breakfast before her, and she wonders for a moment when it got there.
He sees how she opens her mouth to ask something, but before she can gets the first syllable out of her mouth, her face turns pale, her hand flews to her mouth and she lurches towards the bathroom.
Then he hears her vomit long and loudly, hence she didn't have time to close the door behind her.
Kakashi sighs again and for twenty seconds he absolutely hates this, he hates his job. Then it passes, and he starts eating his breakfast. When he's done, he places the dishes in the sink, takes Sakura's glass of juice with him, and enters the bathroom.
He finds her on her stomach on the cold tile floor, clutching a towel in her right hand. He flushes the toilet and that makes her lift her face from the floor, and look irritatedly up at him.
"Sorry, I didn't realize that you wanted to save that." His comment makes her lips curl slightly.
"Jokes aside, you must feel like hell." He hands the glass carefully down to floor next to her. "Want me to get you something?"
She rises slowly to sit on the floor and leans against the wall, and shakes her head.
'Just count the minutes. It's the only thing you can do.'
"I'm fine." And she wonders for a moment if her voice sounded more convincing to his ears.
For three hours she doesn't move. He washes the dishes, airs the bedroom, separates the white laundry from the dark and takes the garbage. After that he's done every domestic deed in the small apartment, though a small voice in his head mutters something about the unwashed toilet, but he decides to ignore it. All that's left, is to get Sakura out of the bathroom floor, and back up to her feet. He tries to brace himself for the worst, since all his experience with women who gave him the silent treatment never ended nicely.
He opens the door, and suddenly everything that he'd planned to say fly from his head. She's still sitting in the exactly same position, hands in her lap and her eyes stare deadly in the space in front of her. There is no emotion on her face, and that creeps the crap out of Kakashi. He steps in front of her, but she doesn't seem to notice him. So he crouches, and reaches out to her. He has to call her twice before there's any sign of recognition in her eyes, and yet-
'Do not go there. It's not like you haven't seen that look on people before.'
-she looks as if everything she's ever had, has been taken away
Nothing comes to his mind.
"Could you go outside for a bit, I really need to use the shower."
It's a horrible excuse, and he knows it but it's the only one that sounds even remotely reasonable.
Her body moves stiffly, since her limbs have grown numb. She wobbles past him and closes the door behind her.
When he gets out of the steamy room, still toweling his hair, he notices that she has taken the wide windowsill as her port. He pulls his mask back up and grimaces, he hates putting it on damp skin, but right now it can't be helped.
As the day passes before her eyes, old memories start to creep up to her. Like a movie she can't turn off, they play, one by one before her.
"This is your new assistan Meidou-san. She's come al the way from Fire country to gain more experience, please treat her kindly."
Not even sparing a glance to the girl standing next to Hiro, the man called Meidou speaks.
"She's useless. I don't' need an assistant."
Sakura clenches her fists, Hiro notices and looks terrified. "We talked about this! You said you can't do all this work by yourslef!"
"Agreed, but that girls useless."
"You don't even know me." She finally grits trough her theet.
"I don't need to. The fact that you were sent to here instead of staying where you were to gain expirience states more than words." He finally looks up from his papers, and for the first time in her life, Sakura sees eyes that are as green as hers. Somehow it's creepy.
"So go play doctor somehwere else, I'm really trying to save lives here."
That's the moment when she realized that Sasuke wasn't really the greatest jackass in the world, he was fairly nice compared to this person.
"Let me work here I week, and I'll prove you that I'm not useless."
"Is your friend always so charming?"
Hiro laughs nervously and scratches his head. "He's a bit peculiar, isn't he.?"
"Peculiar my ass, he just plain nasty."
"Out of the way, you're wasting my time." She pushes (or more likely shoves) Meidou-sempai out of her way, and takes the hand of a dying man.
'Keep trying. Keep Trying. Keep Trying. Don't you dare to die on me.' Closing her eyes, and ignoring an angry protest behind her, she sends a jolt of chakra trough the joined hands, using it to locate the worst damage causing the internal bleeding. Trough the veins, pass the artery, all the way to the dying heart. Searching and healing.
Later when all is done,and the man (Shin as Hiro called him) has opened his eyes, Sakura turns to Meidou. She's exhausted and angry, since the healing could have been easier and less life threatening for Shin-san if only the ass had let her-
and Meidou just stares at her.
Admiring. Wondering. As if he's seen a ghost. "You're something different."
He doesn't call her by her name. Not at first. It's all about you, and girl.
The first time he calls her name
The first time he snatches her hand
The first time he kisses her
The first time she kisses him
The first time they have sex.
All these times and more play themselves inside her mind over and over again, until she can't remember what came first.
The time when he didn't call her name.
"You think that you've managed to escape, don't you?" Sakura's eyes snap open, and before her- god, before her is Meiko in all her radiant glory. Pale skin and pink hair, green eyes staring into hers.
"This is imppossible." It sounds stupid to her own ears, but Sakura can't help saying it. "This isn't real."
"Is it?" Meiko laughs. "You make me real darling." She smiles and touches Sakura's face almost too gently. That's when she notices that Meiko's fingers are ice. And that the girl has no feet. She's just floating in the middle of her appartment whitout any feet. Or scratch that, her current appartment didn't have white floorboards. Nor windows with blue curtains that Hiro had bough-
'No. No. No-no-no-no-no-NO!'
"Realized it already sugar?" Meiko's hand reaches again for her face, this time nails scratching her cheek. It burns.
"Pain is all in the mind."
Kakashi watches her sleep. He doesn't know the exact moment she fell into it, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that she sleeps. After two days, she's finally asleep. Granted, her position can't be too comfortable, but hey, you take what you get. He drapes a quilt over her slim body, in hopes of making her warmer, since the temperature is still belove 15C and he really doesn't want to take care of her if she caughts a cold.
When he turns his back to her, he hears her. She mutters something incoherent. Again, language he doesn't speak, words he cannot understand. Her speech gains speed, and becomes frantic. He turns in time to see her fall of the still, limbs in a jumble. She hits the floor head on and lays still.
Her breathing's hard, loud and raspy in his ears. She lifts her head from the floor and stares at him with the same empty look and answers, "Do I look fine to you?"
Kakashi's silent. " No. You look like somebody just suckerpunched you." Sakura laughs bitterly, lifts herself up from the floor and goes to get dressed.
The day passes. After afternoon comes evening, after evening comes night. Sakura doesn't speak, but he doesn't need words to see that something wrong. Something between yesterday and today had made her slump into a passive state where nothing mattered. She didn't speak, didn't eat nor move from her new spot all day long. She leaned against her bed and stubbornly ignored the rest of the world. When natural light fades and turns to twilight Kakashi acts. He walks to her, grabs her arms and lifts her up. She looks almost angrily at him and makes an outraged sound in the back of her throat.
"Okay. Time to sleep."
"What?"Her voice is octave higher than normal."No it's not!"
"Yes it is."He hands Sakura her medication. "It's night and most people sleep at night. Also this is what our dear esteemed Hokage ordered me to do. To make sure you sleep. So nighty-night Sakura-chan." He knows that bickering won't help but honestly, she'd been driving him up the wall all day long with her sombre state.
"No..I..I dont't want to."
"Take the medicine Sakura, or I'll force you." She looks at him eyes wide, outraged.
"Try me." He's pretty sure he could win her in a struggle, especially now, when she hasn't eaten or slept propely in the past few days. Still, it's not like he wants to get in a hand-to-hand combat or a serious argument with her, but right at this moment this is the only way he can help her.
Finally after long silent minutes she sighs, takes the vial kakashi's holding and opens the creaking cork. She lifts the vial to her lips and pauses. Her angry face falters. "You'll wake me if I scream, right?" That's when he realises that she's actually scared of sleeping. He doesn't know what to make out of it, so he just nods. She sighs again, and drinks the whole bottle in one go. This time he manages to cath her from her shoulders before she hits the floor. As he tucks her in, he wonders if he'd have to wake to her scream.
Suprisingly this is not the night.