A/N: The reason why I am starting yet another story is because I can write this one pretty quickly. It is based completely off of a movie I made with my cousins over five years ago when we were on a family vacation on a cruise to England. It's supposed to be completely stupid and a complete joke and I am aware of how dumb it is. I've wanted to write a FanFiction version of it for quite some time so here it is.
Summary: One of the various BBC networks is doing a TV special about a group of models who have all graduated from their wizarding school and then get chosen to go on a fashion cruise. But things go wrong when suddenly they all start dying one by one. It is your job to figure out if this story is true or false, fact or fiction.
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.
"Hi, I'm Alicia Spinnet! I'm here to tell you that my Quidditch playing days are over. As some of you may or may not know, I am a very accomplished model in both the wizarding and Muggle worlds. But I know that there is always room for more! That's why I'm hosting a Fashion Cruise where I'm recruiting six average Wizard girls to come on a cruise with me and be introduced to the fashion world. Don't miss out on this chance of a lifetime! Audition today at the audition location nearest to you. Who knows? Maybe you could be the next Alicia Spinnet!"
"Hi, I'm Hannah Abbot from BBC Eleven – The Wizarding Network." Hannah Abbot, with bouncy blonde hair curled to perfection right above her shoulders, sat at her desk in the BBC Eleven studios. "I'm here for another episode of 'Stories: True or False? Fact or Fiction?' Today's story is about a group of witches chosen to go on a 'Fashion Cruise' when suddenly they start to die as the ship leaves from its port in New York City. It's your job to solve this mystery. Is it true or false? Fact or fiction?"
Six girls sat anxiously in a large circular room on the Queen Elizabeth 2, a huge ocean liner that traveled across the Atlantic from New York City to Southampton, England in six days. The girls had only a few days earlier received the news that they were to attend the fashion cruise.
Suddenly someone stepped down into the circular formation of rusty red couches built into the large room. She stood in the middle, next to a tall, wide pole that extended from floor to ceiling. They recognized her immediately.
"Hi, everyone! I'm Alicia Spinnet!" she said enthusiastically. She was tall and thin with dark hair and a face that looked like a thin layer of skin had been stretched uncomfortably over it. "Welcome to the Fashion Cruise!"
All six girls let out an uncontrollable squeal.
"As you all know, you all have been chosen to participate and I'm so excited!" Alicia gushed. "I know you all from our days at Hogwarts, so I'm sure you all know each other as well. I think this will be an especially exciting reunion for all of us! You all, Cho Chang, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Lavender Brown, Parvati Patil, and Pansy Parkinson are the Six Sticks!"
"Wow, what a cool name!"
For some reason, all six of the intelligent witches found the name to be extremely clever and exciting.
"Well, I think you should all head up to your rooms. I will be seeing you all next for dinner in the Queen's Bar and Grill at six-thirty tonight. Attire should be semi-formal," Alicia explained. "Until then, I hope you all get settled in well and get ready for a great trip!"
Cho sat with the photographer for the trip, who she had met with earlier and also happened to be a recruited ex-Hogwarts student. He was Draco Malfoy. He was showing her some pictures they had taken during her photo shoot earlier that day. Cho was the only of the six who was an actual model.
"Ugh, those shots are disgusting," Cho expressed. "How dare you show me such awful pictures?"
Draco frowned at the negatives. He didn't see anything wrong with them. "Well… We can retake them. If you want…?" Draco responded quietly, oddly intimidated by a girl he had once thought himself all-mighty and powerful against.
"No! Just get out of my room. You're despicable." With a wave of her hand he was gone.
Just moments later there was a knock on her door. Irritated, Cho got up and opened the door in a huff.
"Hello, Cho, I'm Apples and Bananas. I'm here to be your personal assistant."
"What?" Cho was very confused. "No, you're Harry Potter."
The short, skinny, messy-haired ex-Gryffindor looked nervous. "No, now I'm Apples and Bananas."
Cho's irritation was now completely gone. She was utterly puzzled.
Now Time for a Commercial Break
Cho was sitting on a bed, holding a big, juicy orange.
"Hi, I'm Cho Chang and I eat real Florida oranges," she said, a smile plastered on her wide face. "They're great," she put the orange in her other hand, "I love them. So eat real Florida oranges."
Now Back to the Show
Alicia decided to have a conversation – more like an interview – with Draco, or The Photographer as he was mostly referred to, and Apples and Bananas in her room later that day. With her manager and other assorted people present as well, of course.
"I understand that you two have a bit of a… shall I say, frustration toward Cho Chang?" Alicia questioned.
The two sat still in their chairs below the window of Alicia's suite.
"How do you two feel toward Cho?" Alicia tried.
There was silence until suddenly Apples and Bananas leapt up, a long strip of negatives in his hand.
"This is what I think of Cho!" he screamed. He threw the negatives onto the ground and began to stomp on them very viciously.
"Okay, okay, calm down, now," Blaise Zabini commanded, appearing from behind a curtain. He was the Security Guard for the trip. Also a recruited ex-Hogwarts student. "Simmer down now."
He pushed a heavily breathing Apples and Bananas off the negatives and back into his chair.
"I think of her as an empty roll of film or a broken camera," The Photographer said, once the anger subsided.
"Interesting," came from Alicia.
The next morning, Ginny and Hermione decided to go to breakfast together to catch up.
"I was so surprised to see you when I arrived," Ginny expressed, cutting up her pancakes that were just drenched in syrup. "You were the last person I expected to succumb to trashy modeling cruises for money!"
Hermione was slightly taken aback by Ginny's comment, especially since it was said with such gusto. "Well, I figured I might as well try it, but I didn't expect to actually make it."
"I thought you'd be working with the Ministry by now," Ginny continued.
Hermione was beginning to feel uncomfortable. "No, not yet…"
"I mean, you've been out of Hogwarts for four years now!"
"Ron?" Hermione suddenly cried, looking just beyond Ginny's shoulder.
"What?" Ginny turned in her seat. Sure enough her brother was striding toward the girls, a smile spread across his freckled face.
"Fancy seeing you two here!" he exclaimed.
"Ron! What on earth are you doing here?" Ginny whined.
"I thought I'd buy a ticket for the cruise and see what my little sister was up to," he said, winking at Hermione.
"What? Why?" Ginny stammered.
"Hermione! Long time no see!" Ron said, changing the subject. "I haven't seen you since graduation!"
"I guess not," said Hermione, surprised that she hadn't seen such an important friend in so long. "Wow, I can't believe it. It's great to see you. So you're on the cruise, then? That's great!"
"It sure is," Ron said, nudging Hermione's arm. He turned to his sister. "At least someone's happy to see me!"
Later that day, Alicia decided to inspect the safety of the boat. So she had a conference with Blaise and Luna Lovegood, the Activities Coordinator for the cruise.
"I hear that some people have been slightly concerned with the safety of this cruise," Alicia began. "I have heard that there aren't enough lifeboats for all the members of the ship…?"
"That sounds like Titanic…" Blaise said, mostly to himself.
"This is a fashion boat, not a safety boat," Luna said, almost appalled.
"Well there are some inflatable lifeboats," Blaise said.
"How on earth will there be enough time to inflate inflatable lifeboats while the boat is sinking?" Luna cried, suddenly changing her opinion on the matter.
"You pull a cord and they instantly inflate!" Blaise said, leaning forward in his seat. "Then you throw them out the windows and people get in them!"
"I don't think this will be a very safe trip," Alicia said to herself, putting her head in her hands. "I don't think this will be a very safe trip."
A/N: Okay… I know it's weird; it's supposed to be weird. It's probably confusing too because it's like a TV special… Review and ask as many questions as you want! Even if it's "why are you such a bad writer?". That's okay. Anyway, if you review I'll give you a box set of Star Wars DVDs, except they won't be digitally enhanced because those versions suck. A lot.