Titus
By Trevor Smith

CUT TO:
(The room. Black and white. One sinle chair in the middle and one lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. Chris Titus stands in front of the lone chair.)

CHRIS
Birthdays are a time to celebrate when a person was brought into this world. Its like christmas except the person having the birthday is the only one getting preasants. Birthdays are supposed to be fun.....
(looks stright in to the camera)
.....for most people

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(A dining room. A now 7 year old chris sits at the table with his dad Ken and brother Dave watching him blow out the candles.)

KEN
Happy birthday son.
(Ken starts to put the cake back in the box)

CHRIS
Daddy aren't we going to have any cake?

KEN
No son. You see Daddy cant afford a cake for every birthday that comes along.
(continues putting the cake away)
Daddy needs that money for booze.

CHRIS
Can I have my presant daddy?

KEN
(Takes big gulps from an open beer can and belches loudly)
There you go son did you enjoy that presant? (short pause) Great!



CUT TO:
(The room. Black and white etc...)

CHRIS
The proper question would have been... Do I have any presants daddy?
My birthdays became worse as got older.

CUT TO:
(The same dining room as before. Chris is now 18 and Dave 16 and the cake is now all old and moldy and lop sided. Ken stands over it trying to light waht is left of the 18 year old candles.)

KEN
Damn candles come on now
(continuing to try then giving up)
Oh well happy birthday son.
(hands Chris a gift)

CHRIS
You got me a presant this year. Thanks dad.
(Chris opens the box and feels around in the confetti. Not feeling anything he dumps the confetti onto the floor)
Dad, there is nothing in here.

KEN
Thats because the box is your presant son.(sips his beer) Enjoy!

CUT TO:
(The room. Black and white etc....)

CHRIS
And those are just the birthdays I didn't block out.

CUT TO:
(Opening credits and theme music)

CUT TO:
(Chris' Living room. Erin is standing on a stool putting up decoratins that look like thay have been taped togeather more than once and the colours that where once happy and bright are now faded, while Tommy is at the table putting the candles in the cake.)

ERIN
We should have bought new decorations for the party. These are to old.

(Erin gets down off the stool and starts looking through a box on the floor. She emerges with a dust coverd party hat, holds it and continues looking when....)

ERIN
Oh god! a spider get it away, get it away!

(Erin stops running around and gets back up on the stool. Dave enters from the kitchen with a fork in his mouth and carrying another cake which is half gone)

ERIN
Dave what are you doing? I said Tommy was going to take care of the cake and you where to invite the guests.

DAVE
(his mouth full of cake) I was?

TOMMY
Nobody is coming? Well a private affair between us is fine, just fine.
(getting real nervous)
The party is ruined. What are we going to do?

ERIN
Calm down, I knew Dave would do something, or in this case not do something so I called a few people and invited them.

DAVE
(The fork falling from his mouth, he wimpers...)
Who?

ERIN
Mrs. Otis that sweet old lady next door and Ken.

DAVE
(to Tommy)
Maybe we can move the party to your house before dad arrives.

TOMMY
Right.

ERIN
I am not leaving Chris alone with Ken on his birthday.

DAVE
Mrs. Otis will be here.

(Dave grabs the gifts and Tommy gets the cakes and they both quickly head for the front door. Just as they approach it the doorbell rings)

TOMMY
Who's that?

DAVE
Could be Chris.

ERIN
(calmly waiting) Why would he ring his own dorrbell?

TOMMY
(gulping) Could be Mr. Titus.

(They bolt for the kitchen while Erin opens the door)

ERIN
Hello Mrs. Otis. (calling to Dave and Tommy) Its Mrs. Otis.

(Dave and Tommy emerge from the kitchen with the cakes and stuff while Mrs. Otis a sweet little old lady with a big smile and a gift enters.)

MRS. OTIS
Am I on time?

ERIN
Yes Mrs. Otis everything is fine. Mr. Titus still has to arrive.

(Mrs. Otis' face instantly goes from a cheerful smile to a horrible frown.)

CUT TO:
(The room. Black and white etc...)

CHRIS
My neighbour Mrs. Esra Otis, widowed, has had the unfortunite pleasure of meeting my father when he and Dave had to stay with me while they looked for another house. Theirs was siezed for tax purposes.

CUT TO:
(A few months ago. The camera is looking over a fence from Mrs. Otis' yard into Chris'.It is a hot day and Ken Titus is in Chris' backyard sitting in a kiddy pool with his legs sticking out. He sips his beer and then grabs a bottle of bubble blowing fluid from a near by table. He looks around for the Bubble blowing loop but cannot find it. He reaches into the pool between his legs and finds it and starts to blow bubbles. Then the camera pans back to reveal the back of Mrs. Otis' head coming into the shot. Ken notices Mrs. Otis.)

KEN
Hey, you want to see the best part?

(A shot on Mrs. Otis as she screams and runs out of the shot.)

CUT TO:
(Chris' living room. Mrs. Otis tosses her gift onto the coffee table as she walks out.)

CUT TO:
(The room. Black and white etc....)
(Chris holds Mrs. Otis' box and opens it. then tilts it toward the camera. All that is in the box is broken glass)

CUT TO:
(Chris' living room. Dave and Tommy start to gather the party stuff again as Chris enters. Erin turns and sees him)

ERIN
Oh honey, hi. I love you

(Erin starts to kiss Chris as he notices the decorations and what Dave and Tommy are holding.)

CHRIS
Hey whats all this? Where you guys going to throw me a surprise birthday party?

ERIN
Well we......

CHRIS
Thank you honey.

(Erin and Chris kiss as Ken Titus walks in through the front door with a big nicly wrapped gift)

KEN
Oh geeze save that for after the party. I have to be able to keep my booze down.

(Chris is in shock that someone had the nerve to invite his father. He looks angrily at Dave and Tommy who nervously shake their heads no. Then he looks at Erin.)

CHRIS
Why did you invite my father?

ERIN
Chris he's your dad he wants to be here. I know he does.

CHRIS
(to Ken)Dad, please go home.

KEN
(slyly, knowing once Chris sees the gift he won't have to leave) Fine, I'll go. But I was looking so forward to seeing you open my gift. But if this is the way you want it I won't complain I'll just go.

(Ken goes to pick up his gift and Chris notices it is the biggest one in the lot so.....)

CHRIS
Well dad maybe I could look at your gift. I mean what's the harm right?

CUT TO:
(the room. Black and white etc...)

CHRIS
An overwhelming sense of greed was clouding my memory. I had forgotten that all of dads gifts where jokes at my expense to give him a good laugh.

CUT TO:
(Chris' living room. Chris is opening his gift and takes out a vacuum that looks old and used.)

CHRIS
Dad what is this?

KEN
Ah geeze, its a vacuum. But looking at how clean this place is I can understand why you don't know what one looks like.

CHRIS
I know its a vacuum. But it looks used. Where did you get this?

DAVE
Hey that vacuum looks like.....

KEN
Dave why don't you go into the kitchen, sit down and shut up!

(Dave starts to make his way to the kitchen)

CHRIS
No Dave stay here and tell me where this came from.

KEN
(putting his arm around Dave) Dave son choose your next words carefully because I want you to remember whose house you live in and just who can throw you out on your ass.

ERIN
Dave, don't let him intimidate you. You say what you think should be said.

DAVE
(lowers his head and almost mumbles) Thats the vacuum that Mrs. Wilson threw out yesterday.

CHRIS
What? I can't believe this. Dad you picked this out of your neighbours garbage?

KEN
Oh quit complaining. Its the thought that counts not the gift.


TOMMY
Well Mr. Titus with all due respect you didn't put much thought, if any, into getting this gift. Now I think.....

KEN
Would someone get him away from me?

CHRIS
Who wrapped it? It looks too nice to have been wrapped by you.

(Chris looks around the room and when he gets to Dave, Dave looks to the floor.)

CHRIS
(To Dave) You knew about this?

DAVE
I didn't know what the gift was. Dad just told me to wrap it and keep my mouth shut. And he offerd to pay for my gift if I wrapped it.

CHRIS
He offerd to pay for your gift? So I have two gifts from dad and none from you?

DAVE
I picked out the card but dad signed my name cause I forgot.

CHRIS
You forgot. Since when have I ever forgotten about you?

CUT TO:
(the room. Black and white etc...)

CHRIS
Whoops!!

CUT TO:
(A hospital room. Dave is covered in bandages except for his eyes. Chris rushes in worried sick.)

CHRIS
Dave I am so sorry. I am so so sorry. I meant to tell you the breaks on the car didn't work but I just forgot. So why don't we forgive and forget about this little incident?

CUT TO:
(Chris' living room.)

CHRIS
How many times do I have to apologize about that?

DAVE
Well that was worse then this.

(All attention turns to Erin as she takes the vacuum over to an outlet and starts to plug it in)

ERIN
He's right Chris, It's the thought that counts and maybe this place could use a little sprucing up here and there.

CUT TO:
(the room. Black and white etc....)

CHRIS
(wearing a spiderman outfit and jumping around the room)
My spidie sense is tingling. It senses danger in the area. Something terrible is about to happen very close by.

CUT TO:
(Chris' living room. Erin plugs the vacuum in and sparks fly as Erin is shot accross the room. everyone runs to Erins side)

CHRIS
(worried) Erin wake up.
(to Dave) Dave bring the car around.

(Dave exits through the front door. A second later he re-enters)

DAVE
I dont' have any car keys.

(Tommy, Chris and Ken all throw their car keys at him and Dave goes around picking all three sets up. He walks to the door and just as he gets there he stops and turns.)

DAVE
Which car should I get Because I have three sets and......

CHRIS
Just pick one.


THIS SCRIPT IS UNFINISED DUE TO A CASE OF WRITERS BLOCK BUT I INVITE PEOPLE TO FINISH IT FOR ME. I WOULD LIKE TO SEE WHERE DIFFERENT PEOPLE TAKE THIS.