Life Or Death


Here's the seventh installment of Kassatsu. I don't know if this is long or short, but I don't care. I want to post something while I can! So here it is. Sorry it's been a long wait. I was on vacation. And if that excuse doesn't work, then let's just say that my real life interferes a lot with my fanfic life.

Thank you to anissa32, RayneDancer, Kami Crimson, Ellie105, MousyCoon, and DanicaOfTheMoon. That's the most reviewers for one chap I've had in this fic so far. Love you all!

Read on, and enjoy.

"Helvete is the phantom manslayer spirit's name," Quatre whispered. Rashid's eyes widened in surprise and shock and, once again, with the moment of distraction of anger gone, it hit Quatre again. He sank to the floor. Trowa, who took this as Quatre falling to the floor, caught him and eased him down.

"He...he is called Helvete?" Rashid asked. Quatre nodded, feeling very unsure of anything inside.

"It'll be okay, Q," Solo assured him. "Just keep Kassatsu around. They can fight off anything. And I'm here to help." Quatre did feel somewhat assured. Not much, though, considering a maniac, homicidal spirit with an unquenchable thirst for death and blood was chasing after him so he could take over and use Quatre for dark actions most likely involving the death of innocent people in great numbers.

"I apologize," Rashis said. "For not listening. You have just been making many impulsive desicions lately..."

"I understand, Rashid," Quatre replied, smiling for his bodygaurd and trusted friend to cover up any of his more negative emotions. "I just have to leave here, fast."

"We shall begin preparations immediately," Rashid replied, nodding.

"Rashid, you have to prepare for four extra people," Quatre said. "Trowa, Heero, Wufei, and Duo will be accompanying us, on account of a certain tie between me and a brother of one of them." Duo looked at him in complete understanding now, and joy lit up everyone's faces. "We have to discuss things. Not to mention they've seen things here and at school, and there's no possible way we can avoid explaining, or leave them ungaurded." Duo frowned at this a bit.

"I thought you were going to consider it for a week," Solo asked, confused.

/I am still considering...I'm just halfway in your favour right now, that's all/ Quatre replied snappishly. /I haven't decided yet. And I made a good end point, there./

"...true," and Solo went quiet again.

"Yes, Master Quatre," Rashid agreed hesitantly, with a wary glance at the Kassatsu members. He left the room.

"You found Solo?" Duo asked, his eyes wide. "You went looking and found him again?"

"Yes, I did," Quatre said, frowning. "But I only went to try and persuade him his idea was crazy. And he ends up persuading me to let him join me again."

"So he's with you, then," Wufei said.

"Can we speak to him?" Duo stood up shakily.

"NO!" Quatre's voice took on the resonating quality again for an instant. He sighed, letting his anger fade quickly. "I can relay messages between you and him, but you can't talk directly with him. If Solo possesses me without my permission again, I'll push him away and erase your memories. And then Solo won't have the chance to persuade me to help bring him alive. I hope you all appreciate Solo, because he's willing to go through hell to come alive, just for you." Quatre scowled at the floor for a moment, then sighed and looked up at Wufei. "Solo says, and I quote at his amused insistence 'get the hell out of those black clothes because I refuse to take black clothes off you when I come alive again'."

Wufei blinked and then smirked. "He's still a horny bastard, then. I guess death didn't change that."

"Where are we going?" Duo asked again for the seventh time. He couldn't ever seem to remember. The five of them and Rashid were currently seated in a private and very secret plane headed for a location set by Quatre. A location that no one, except Rashid and Iria, had known about.

"He's told you a dozen times already!" Wufei exclaimed, sitting stiffly in his chair across from the braided boy.

"So?" Duo asked as if that was the stupidest thing to say in the world. "Tell me again."

"We're going to an old forgotten place. It used to be an animal experimentation lab but it was closed down years ago. It's unused now, and in the basement of that lab is where I became alive again," Quatre said once more for Duo, in a quiet, subdued tone. He was staring out the window in his own seat, Trowa across from him. Heero sat behind Duo, absently playing with his braid.

"We should not be going there," Rashid advised warningly, even though he knew the reason why they were going. It had all been explained to him. "That place holds nothing but nightmares and dark things for you, Master Quatre. You should not be going there." He stood at the front of the plane, observing Quatre with concerned eyes.

There was a long moment of silence that followed this as everyone waited for Quatre to respond. Finally, he sighed wearily and turned to them, his dark lined eyes looking even darker, as his eyes were gaunt and shadowed with pain. "I know...but I have to. My...my feelings tell me I have to do this. I don't want to. As a revived spirit, I know the pain it brings, and I know that those dead should stay dead, the experience I wasn't lucky enough to have. Solo shouldn't be pursuing this, and I shouldn't be helping him, but...I don't know. I have to. My heart tells me I have to help try and bring him back to life."

"You are a very passionate person," Trowa mentioned softly after another pause of respectful silence.

"I agree," Wufei nodded, then added. "But I've noticed that you have a depressing view on life. Even though you got another chance to live out your unfinished life, you wish for death to come to you."

"I do wish for death," Quatre closed his eyes, then exhaled roughly and shuddered. "You don't know what it's like. You weren't turned into a spirit psychic by some crazy old men, to be tortured with voices that aren't your own, to be controlled by someone else, someone dead and evil. I hate this life! Why? Because it's brought me nothing but pain. I've had no joy in living again. I killed two hundred and four people because of coming alive again, and I have an urge of bloodlust in my veins now that I'm constantly resisting. It's like an addiction, killing is. I have powers, but if I use them, I am found by evil spirits, who are drawn to me. I experience physical pain all the time, and mental pain as well from all the voices I hear. I can hear everyone's spirits, whether they be alive or dead, and it's suffocating! I died once, and it was horrible, then I came alive, and it was like dying all over again, and now I live, but it is like a never ending death. Death would be a release for me. Death would be life for me. But I can't die. I heal too fast..."

"I'm sorry," Wufei mumbled, looking down at his feet in shame of bringing up these horrible things for him. "...I thank you for helping Solo. You shouldn't, but you are. You are an honorable person, Quatre. I'm glad I met you."

"What's this about killing two hundred four people?" Duo asked, his eyes wide. He suddenly 'ow-ed' as Heero pulled on his braid in rebuke. Heero knew how valuable privacy could be if you had people's blood on your hands. He, himself, had never shared his deepest memories of being an assassin with anyone, not even Kassatsu.

"You haven't told them yet," Solo stated softly in Quatre's head. He paused for a moment. "You really should, you know. They won't rebuke you or hate you or pity you. Don't worry."

Quatre scowled. /I thought I told you not to read my thoughts./

"I'm sorry. They're just so hard to ignore. It's like I've got two minds."

/You think you've got it bad? I can hear yours, too, you know. Do you know how random you can be with your thoughts, sometimes? And I would prefer if you would stop deciding what to do with Wufei when you come alive again./ Solo laughed, and Quatre rolled his eyes.

"What's he saying this time?" Duo smirked. They all knew how to recognize when Quatre was talking to Solo.

"He keeps imagining what to do with Wufei if..."


"...IF he comes alive again," Quatre frowned. "I'll never have another innocent thought!"

Wufei began to sputter, blushing a deep red, then scowled and began to mutter about all the things he would do to Solo when the damn onna came back. And his were definitely not on the same track as Solo's, if all the mentioning of 'dismemberment, maiming, and hitting on the head' were to be believed.

"I've noticed we got a bit off track here," Solo said, as though scolding. "You have to tell them your story like you told me. Just don't make the pain I'm gonna go through sound too horrible, okay? I don't want to discourage them or anything..."

Quatre sighed, knowing Solo was right. They would have to know, and he would have had to tell them at the lab anyways, if they didn't figure out most of it on their own there. They needed to know what he had to go through in order to help him bring Solo back. If, IF, he decided he was going to. So he took a deep breath, opened his mouth, and proceeded to speak. He told them everything, just as he had told Solo, with a little less ominousness in the pain part, and they listened very quietly. Rashid's eyes were flashing with indesicion the whole way through as to whether telling them was a good idea or not. But he wouldn't dishonor the boy he had sworn loyalty to by ordering him to stop.

When Quatre finished, there was a very long and uncomfortable moment of deathly silence, then Duo spoke softly. His tone was serious and soft, with no joking or laughter in it right now. "How did you die, Quatre?" Apparently, he and Solo thought much along the same lines, as Solo had asked that same question.

"I died when I was thirteen. I was kidnapped because of my father's wealth and tortured for six months for ransom. When they got the money, they still killed me. They slit my throat," Quatre's voice was slightly hoarse now as his hand unconsciously brushed along his throat. "...if I had lived, I'd be twenty two by now. I was dead for seven years."

"Master Quatre has lived two very hard lives," Rashid spoke solemnly as soon as Quatre finished. "But he has succeeded so far, and I know he will continue to succeed. He is strong in heart and spirit, and he is the most worthy man I have ever met."

Quatre looked up and met Rashid's eyes, his own eyes shining with the threat of tears. A small smile creeped back onto his lips. "Thank you, Rashid."

"It is true, Master Quatre," Rashid nodded in respect.

"You have gone through so much because you're a spirit psychic," Heero wondered. "Maybe bringing Solo back isn't that wise. He shouldn't have to suffer like you did and do. No one should."

"No, don't give out on me now, damnit," Solo cursed. "Tell them I don't give a damn. Tell them I fully know of the consequences of my actions and I'm prepared for full responsibility, but I still don't care. I'm going to come back alive for them. I can survive a bit of pain."

/It's not a bit of pain/ Quatre exclaimed. /It's torture times ten. And I should know, I was tortured, brutally. I barely survived it, and that was probably only because I had a bit of experience in handling pain./

"So do I," Solo insisted. "I can do it, Quatre, I know I can!"

/We'll have to wait and see, won't we/ Quatre began to end the conversation. /I hope Lady Luck shines down on you with good fortune./

"Where'd you get that from?" Solo snickered.

Quatre blushed a bit. /A fortune cookie, actually. But nevermind that, we're here./ Quatre cut off the conversation just as the pilot, who was a Maguanac, declared that they were landing now and all seatbelts had to be fastened. The six passengers obeyed and soon the jet was gliding to a stop on an ill taken care of makeshift runway. It was basically a long field, but it worked well enough. They dismounted and looked solemnly at the plain, white looking building across the field. It looked run down and abandoned, with weeds and grass growing plentifully, and windows broken.

Quatre stared at it for a long while, then chuckled darkly. "Welcome to my hell."

There you go! A seventh chapter. Tell me if you liked it, and it'll be a while before the next chap, cause it's not even started yet.