Title: Ten Steps

Rating: PG
Pairings: RaexBB
Genre: humor
Warnings: Bad advice

Summary: Beast Boy's steps to getting the girl

A/N: Wow. Can you say overdone? Still, something about this appeals to me; Beast Boy giving dating advice is so wrong, and yet so right. Hope you guys enjoy.

How to get the girl.

One: Compliments.

Be careful with these. If you're too obvious, the girl might be embarrased. Or beat you, depending on the girl.

"Raven, you're really pretty today."

"I'm not always pretty?"

You should also be careful with the wording.

"W-what? No! I mean yes! I-i..."

"Forget it, Beast Boy."

Two: Presents

You need to know about the girl before you buy her stuff.

"Here, Rae! Chocolate!"

"Beast Boy, I'm lactose intolerant."


"Go away."

Note: if you're anything like me, the first thing you should buy is a dictionary.

Three: Physical contact.

This one is a good idea unless the girl is anti-social

'Beast Boy, why are you hugging me?"

"'Cause you're so soft, Rae!"

Always be careful of your wording. I had bruises for a week after this one.

Four: Surprises

This one works really well as long as you're not the one being surprised.

"Rae! I brought you something!"



ALWAYS KNOCK! Especially if there is any chance that she might be changing. Girls do not like guys seeing them naked, even if they are really hot. The girl, I mean.Though it doesn't matter if the guy is hot, either.

Five: Do nice stuff for her

Save seats for her, open doors, pull out chairs for her.

"Raven, I saved a seat for you!"

"I get motion sickness, Beast Boy. I am not getting on the rollar coaster."

"But you fly!"

"I'm in control then."


"...Fine. But if I get sick, it's your fault."

Note: No matter how much you like her, getting barfed on is not romantic. If she says it's a bad idea, it's a bad idea.

Six: Always listen to her

Girls really like it when guys actually listen to them. And if you have to zone out, at least stare at her face while you're doing it.

"Beast Boy?"


"Did you hear anything I just said?"


"My face is up here, Beast Boy."

"But this is more interesting."

Just don't do this. It really hurts.

Seven: Think before you talk.

Most chicks like having deep, meaningful conversations. Even the dumbest guy can do this if you agree with what she says, and don't blurt stuff out.

"So that's how the tearing spell works."

"What happens if I use it on your clothes?"

"...Go away."

Eight: Pay attention

Always pay attention to her, even if she's not talking. You can learn a lot about some one by watching them.

"Beast Boy? Why are you staring at me?"

"Because it's a good way to get to know someone!"

"And why are you staring at me through my bedroom window?"

"I like the view?"

Careful with this one. There is a fine line between paying attention and stalking.

Nine: Respect her wishes

If she says she won't/can't do something, listen to her. She knows herself better then you do.

"Please, Rae?"




"Fine. Then I'll push you in."

Saving the drowning girl isn't as heroic if you're the one that caused it.

Ten: Never assume anything!

Girls are full of tricks. Don't believe anything unless they say it, and they look you in the eye as they say it. And even then, don't trust it completely.

"Fine, I'll leave you alone."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Oh nothing. Except that you hate me!"

"No I don't. What gave you that idea?"

"You yell at me all the time!"


"And..um...you hate me!"


Girls will do anything to prove you wrong, including kiss you!

Well, these are my ten steps to getting your dream girl. Trust me; these work. If you don't believe me, just ask my girlfriend.

Beast Boy out!