A/N: Ok, guys. Here's a little crack-fic for you. It's all KakashixOC. Kakashi is his normal perverted self...Yipee! It's my first non-canon Naruto fic. They have cars and cell phones and stuff, but they're still in Konoha. And there's a Universtiy, which is where Takuda Natsumi goes to school. Other than that, I guess that's about it, other than the fact that there's suggestive language, foul language, suggestigve behavior, and mention of hentai (as is only usual for a Kakashi fic).

Legal Stuffiness: I don't own Naruto or any characters within. If only!

Only one rule--enjoy!

Chapter 1: Phone calls.


I rolled my eyes. Who the hell is calling me this late? I had just settled down with a bowl of ramen and a nice cup of tea. I was going to distract myself from writing yet another term paper, when of course, the phone rings. Grumbling, I get up and stumble over a stack of books on the floor. And this only one step in the direction of the phone. I should have turned the damned ringer off! The books skittered across the floor, and I sighed. Grabbing the phone, I pulled it off of the stand and pressed the little button labeled TALK.

"Hello?" I asked in a rather harassed voice.

"Hello, darlin'." The familiar voice on the other end said.

"Fuck you." I hung up, wishing I had a corded phone, so that I could have the satisfaction of slamming it down in the bastard's ear. It immediately rang again. Fuming, I answered it again. "What the hell do you want?"

"I just wanted to come over. Can I?"

"Do you have amnesia or something? You broke up with me last week. Are you really expecting that I would just let you come over?" I was thinking about how it had happened.

I was sitting on my rickety couch, staring down at the phone in my hands, a disbelieving look on my face. "What's the matter Natsumi?" My friend's voice came from the door to the bathroom. I looked up at the blonde-haired girl. "He dumped me, Ino. He fucking dumped me over the fucking phone."

"Oh, sweetie…" Ino started toward me.

I stood up. "Fuck this. I'm not studying anymore. Let's get out of here. We're going over to my aunt's bar."

"Um, Natsumi, it's Saturday. You know who's working tonight, right?" Ino's voice held concern. She knew damned good and well that Mitsui Aki was working the bar, and that he'd been trying to get into my pants for years.

I rounded on her. "Do I look like I care right now?" I grabbed my coat and my shoes. "He called me and dumped me. Not just that, but his friends were with him, and they were waiting in line for tickets to a movie." That made it seem to me, and to Ino as well, that breaking off a two-and-a-half year long relationship had been an afterthought to him.

Later that same night…

"I think you've had enough, Natsumi." Ino dragged the glass from my hand, and I didn't protest. I nodded. Aki looked worried. Ino waved him off, and I followed Ino out of the bar, giving my aunt Chieko a kiss on the way out.

"Well?" I was very close to yelling into the phone.

"Natsumi, I thought we were going to be friends?" The bastard had the gall to sound innocent. Motherfucker! I hate that green-haired sonovabitch!

My voice dropped to a low growl. "Yeah. Sure. Come over. I've been meaning to talk to you about this, you chicken-shit bastard. You've got fifteen minutes, or I'm coming to you." I pressed the little button on the phone so hard that I thought I might have broken it. Then I immediately regretted saying what I had. He was coming over. Shit. My fingers instinctively dialed another number.

"Hi. Yeah. It's me. Can you come over? I need you here as soon as you can be here. Aoi is coming. No, I'm not an idiot. I just need moral support. Please? Thank you. I love you, Kakashi!" Hanging up the phone, I had begun to sweat. What the hell was I doing? For one thing, my asshole and evil bastard of an ex was coming to my apartment, and I had just told Hatake Kakashi that I loved him. Double shit. "I take it back," I said to the walls. "I am an idiot."

Two minutes later, there was a knock on the door. I wrenched it open, and dragged the silver-haired man in the door. I slammed it shut again, and squeezed the man around his waist. I looked up at him and smiled. "Thanks, Kakashi. I just don't know that I can handle seeing him by myself right now."

He looked down at me, his eye narrowing. "Then why not call Ino or Hinata? They live closer."

"You got here fast enough." I smirked. This was always the kind of talk that passed between he and I. One or the other of us would make some kind of insinuation (usually of a sexual nature) and the other would just brush it off or drag it out nearly to the point where neither one could stand it. But amazingly enough, nothing had ever happened between us. It was the sort of thing I wondered about late at night when I couldn't sleep. I never really thought that I would object if he actually asked me out, but then again, he never did, so there was no point in worrying about it.

His eye crinkled in a smile. "Oh, you know I can't resist a damsel in distress, especially if it's you, Natsumi." His tone was suggestive, as always.

"Tease." Just then, there was a knock on the door. "That's him!" I hissed. "What am I gonna do?"

His eye glittered, a very mischievous light there. "Leave it to me. Ok. I'm apologizing in advance." I was confused for a minute. Before I could ask what he was talking about, he reached over and pulled the elastic band from my hair, and I got a face full of the dark brown stuff. His hands then ripped open the front of my shirt, buttons flying across the room. Through my hair, I saw him looking. I pushed my hair out of my green eyes and glared at him.

He took off his forehead protector and handed it to me, motioning that I should hold it. Then he unzipped his vest, un-tucked his shirt, and pulled down his ever-present mask. The icing on the cake was when he picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist. He smiled evilly, reaching for the door with one hand and grasping the back of my head with the other. Just as the door was fully open, he kissed me.

It took everything I had not to blink in surprise. I tried to pull away, but he kept up the charade for another four or five seconds. When he finally released my mouth and I was able to turn my head, I saw Aoi standing there in the doorway, an almost comical look of shock on his face. His short green hair was flipped out as usual, and his very odd eyes were very wide. His mouth hung open, and then his eyes fixed on Kakashi, narrowing.

Kakashi released the doorknob and gave a small wave. "Yo."

Though it had taken me a few moments to catch on to what Kakashi was thinking, I got the picture clearly now, and had decided to play along. "Ah…um." I slid down from where I was and landed on the floor. Twirling Kakashi's forehead protector in my hands, I stepped toward Aoi. "I'm sorry, darlin', I'm a little busy right now. Maybe you can go be friends with someone else." Arching an eyebrow, I kicked the door shut, and locked it quickly.

I laughed quietly. "Wow. That was…insane. You're good at thinking on your feet, Kakashi." He was re-zipping his vest, smiling. The jounin began to pull his mask back up. "Aww. You know," I mused aloud, "I've always wondered why you cover up your face. It's so pretty…" I blinked. Did I just say that? What the…

Kakashi snorted. "Well, I'm glad I could be of service, anyway." His eyes started to drift down again, and I realized that my blouse was still open, my bra showing and everything! "Hmm. I would have thought it would be white, not red." That earned him a glare and a punch in the chest. "Hey! It was just an observation!" Then a second later, "Do you match?"

"Kakashi!" I screamed indignantly. He laughed even harder than before. I threw his forehead protector at his head. Like the super-ninja that he is, though, he caught it. "Damn. Just when I'm really pissed at you, I can't even throw stuff at you!" I was sure he was smirking at me. That was one of the reasons I hated that mask. I could never really tell what was going on inside his head.

Before he put the thing back over his eye, he winked at me with his Sharingan. "Oh, is that pissed? And here I thought you were flirting with me…"

I snorted, crossing my arms under my breasts, which only drew his attention to them even more. At the moment, I didn't care. "You'd know it if I was flirting with you, baka." His one visible eyebrow rose. "Don't go getting any of your perverted ideas, teme." Then I sagged where I stood as relief washed over me. "I'm really glad you came over. I don't know what I'd do without you." This was said quietly.

"Frankly, Natsumi, you'd probably have taken him back."

"Do you really think I have so little self-control?" I was getting angry again.

"No, ma'am. I think you have great self-control. If you didn't have any, you would have jumped me as soon as the door closed." I blinked. There were times when he was so blatantly honest with his opinion that it was scary.

Snorting, I said, "You wish." Then I looked over at him. I didn't want him to leave just yet. There was always the chance that Aoi would wait for him to leave. "You wanna watch a movie?" He shrugged as if to say "Why not?" I smiled. "Ok. You pick something, and I'll go change so you don't jump me." He chuckled. By the time I got back into the room, I saw that he had a movie sitting next to him on the couch, and he was reading one of his hentai books. "Which one is that, Kakashi?"

"Volume six. Not the best one, but it works."

"Let me see which movie you picked. Ack! That's not one of my movies!" My eyes widened at the title of the movie next to him. Icha Icha Paradise, the Movie. I guessed that he'd gone home to get that one. He seemed to be trying not to laugh. "Do we have to?" He looked up at me with a very mischievous glint in his eye. "Fine. Just don't expect me to like it." But I did like it, really. If you took out all of the sex, and there was a lot of it, the plot wasn't bad, and the situations weren't too implausible.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" He asked as he stood to leave. I shook my head. "I'll see you later. Have a good day at school tomorrow."

"Good night, Kakashi."

"'Night, my little damsel in distress." He teased, and before I could throw one of the couch pillows at him, he was gone. I laughed to myself. Sometimes, he was just so infuriating…

The next day, at school.

I walked past one of the many bulletin boards, and noticed a flyer for a self-defense course. I pulled it down, folding it and shoving it into my pocket. It would be nice to learn some of that stuff, just in case Aoi turned into a stalker, like I knew he would be capable of doing. Then I went into my history class.

Later, at lunch, I took the bright green paper out, and read it. Something seemed familiar about the phone number. My voice was loud, and incredulous. "Kakashi? Teaching self-defense? Oh, this is too good to pass up." I reached into my bag, digging for my cell phone. After punching the number on the flyer, I waited. After six rings, I heard Kakashi answer lazily.

"Moshi, moshi. How can I help you?"

In a higher pitched voice than I normally use, I said, "Is this the person who's teaching the self defense course?"

"Hai, hai."

"I was wondering if I could have a private lesson." It was so hard not to laugh, especially with the uncomfortable silence on the other end of the phone.

"Well, I—"

At that point, I couldn't hold it in any more, and I pulled the phone away from my ear as I screeched in laugher. Putting it back up to my ear, I laughed, "It's me, Kakashi."

"And you call me a tease?" His voice sounded like a growl. "I'm gonna need a cold shower after this."

"Did you need one last night?"

"That goes without saying, Natsumi."

My tone lowered, and became husky. "Well, another one wouldn't hurt you then, would it?" I heard him groan, but I couldn't tell if it was out of annoyance or something else. "Oh, sorry. I didn't want to bug you too much. Are you really teaching self-defense?"

"Yup. If you would like a private lesson, it would be fine. I wouldn't charge you, Natsumi." He was totally serious.

"Really?" I brightened up considerably.

"Of course. Now, let me see…How about Thursday?" I agreed, and the time for this was set for seven o-clock in the evening. "You should wear something that will allow you a lot of movement." I said ok, and then he laughed. "I'm going to take that cold shower now."

Ino stared incredulously. "What! You mean to tell me that you kissed him?" I rolled my eyes.

"No, Ino. He kissed me. And it was only to freak Aoi out. It's no big deal." I fiddled with the papers on her desk. Her eyebrows shot up. "What are you looking at me like that for? I said it's not a big thing."

Ino tapped her fingers on her desk. "So 'not big' that he's giving you a private self defense lesson! And he isn't charging you for it. Oh, Natsumi, why don't you two just get it over with?"

My eyes bulged, anger flaring. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

The blonde woman smirked. "You know exactly what I mean. The two of you have been dancing circles around each other for years. For crying out loud, Natsumi. You were halfway there last night, and you didn't? There's gotta be something wrong with you." My friend was in her matchmaker mode. I rolled my eyes yet again. "Is he at least a good kisser?"

I blinked. "You know, I hadn't really stopped to think about it. I don't really remember." Really, I hadn't. I was so busy worrying whether or not Aoi was going to try to kick Kakashi's ass that I didn't have time to enjoy myself.


Just then, Sakura's head poked into the room from the hallway. "What are you yelling about, Ino? Oh, hi Natsumi-san." Ino blurted out the entire situation to Sakura. The pink haired woman's face turned the same color as her hair. "You mean that Kakashi-sensei kissed you?" Her knees seemed to go weak. "That's great! He's really hot. But don't tell him I said so!"

My eyes rolled instinctively. I'm not the sort to just get all giggly over a man. That's probably why I never really liked Sakura that much. She is very giggly. "Will you two cut it out? Kakashi and I are just friends. If it were ever to become more than that, it would be really weird. It would be like…like if you started dating Naruto, Sakura." That shut her up fast. She was still after that snobbish Uchiha, and I never did see what it was she liked in him. "Now, if you don't mind, I have a paper to write."

A/N: Hehe. I love Kakashi. Unfortunately, I don't own him either (sighs). Ino's cool, too. If you like her, and this is the first fic of mine you've read, check out "A Meaning In Death," where she's one of the main characters. She's just so delightfully bitchy!