Father's Advice:

That's What You Get For Being Uke

Elrond Lets Loose

Written by TJ

Disclaimer: We don't own Lord of the Rings or any of its characters…

The next day... Elrond approached his daughter, Arwen. "Look, honey, I know you like him and all, but... well, frankly, he's not very good in the sack..."

Arwen frowned. "But, how do you know, daddy?"

Elrond looked away, uncomfortable. "Um... just believe me..."

Arwen burst into tears. "It doesn't matter anyway! He's decided he's gay and wants Legolas instead!"

Elrond glared. "What? How dare he, that whore!" He also burst into tears.

Arwen sniffled, then asked through her tears, "But, Daddy, where were you last night? I wanted to talk to you about it, but I couldn't find you."

Elrond looked away again. "Oh... last night... I was... out bowling... yeah, that's it..."

Arwen burst into tears once more. "How DARE he leave me for that good for nothing elf! And why hasn't anyone invented the camera yet!" She then ran off to read her copy of FAKE, Volume 7.

Elrond decided to hunt them down. He found them... in a broom closet... Legolas was on his knees.

Elrond began to weep. "You... and... and him... and... what about me?"

Aragorn crossed his arms. "Well... there isn't room for three in here... maybe we should move to the royal bedroom." Legolas nodded happily in agreement.

Elrond pouted. "Oh, fine. We can threesome..." he sighs. "AGAIN..."

Aragorn shrugged. "Well... I guess I could lend him to you. I mean, I'm gonna have him through the whole fellowship of the ring trip..."

Elrond glares. "Damn, that was MY idea, too..."

Legolas turned to Elrond, "Yeah, but just think. After we get to set sail to that weird place all the elves are going. And then we can all have a big orgy!"

Elrond considered it. "True, true... and if HE marries my daughter, then she won't be around to witness any naughty acts of her father... I could cut loose... be myself..."

Aragorn clapped his hands. "Then you'll let me marry Arwen?" He decided he was going to be bi instead.

Elrond crossed his arms. "Fine. But at least let me PRETEND like I don't want it and aren't scheming behind her back..."

Aragorn squealed. "Fine with me!" He pushed Legolas aside. "I don't need you anymore." Then, he trotted off without zipping his pants back up. "Arwen!"

Legolas cried, "I feel used!"

Elrond grinned evilly and stepped into the broom closet. "Aw, don't worry. Big Daddy can make you feel ALL better..."

A big neon sign randomly appeared over Legolas' head, reading, "That's what you get for being uke."

Legolas grinned. "Okay!"