A/N: I'm angsted out from reading a fic, so I'm going to try and make this as neutral as possible. It wasn't supposed to give off much of a feeling in the first place.
For 30 kisses theme #5. "ano sa" ("hey, you know...")
Pairing: Haruka x Kantarou
Warnings: none really, except shounen-ai and a kiss. And possibly strangeness.
Disclaimer: Kyuu does not own Tactics, Haruka, or Kantarou.
He does not do it out of fear, love, or reverence, but because it is just something that he needs to do. To him, it is as basic as the concept of breathing or the fact that the sky is blue. He is bound by his name, and in Haruka's world, his master's word—his every wish—is law.
Kantarou, however, is seldom very sure of his own hold over the ogre-eater. Despite all of it, Haruka also knows that there's only a certain amount of power words can have.
Hey, Haruka, if I asked you not to kill me... would you still?
Kantarou's voice is calm and smooth in a neutral way, though almost sad. He looks as if something inside of him broke and could not be fixed.
Haruka stiffens slightly before letting out a small sigh. He is not sure, though really, he doesn't want to know the answer either. The cost of the consequences isn't worth the knowledge. Haruka is, undeniably, the onigui tengu, but onigui is not "Haruka," so he cannot predict what his other will do.
I'm not sure.
Kantarou's vivid crimson eyes slowly turn to him, but his expression has not changed. He is silent for a moment, and when he speaks again, his voice is cold.
Would you kill me if I asked you to? he asks.
Haruka closes his eyes for a moment, contemplating.
He answers so because that is what he would do, though he is not sure he could do it. Kantarou's words are his laws whether he wants them to be or not, but just as they are meant to be guidelines and set boundaries, laws are also made to be broken.
Haruka does not think he could kill Kantarou.
Oh, he says, almost pained. I see.
That hadn't been the answer Kantarou wanted to hear. But Haruka does not know what Kantarou wants to hear, what to tell him to make him happy. He just tells Kantarou the truth. Still, he wishes Kantarou would stop giving him the kicked puppy look; he feels guilty for not saying the right thing.
He does not expect anymore questions from Kantarou, thinking that there isn't more his master wants to know. But Kantarou always manages to surprise him once in a while.
Hey, Haruka, if I asked you to fall in love with me, would you?
Haruka whips his head around, almost shocked. But not really.
If I asked you to never forget me...
Haruka realizes these are just rhetorical questions that Kantarou needs to hear for himself. He wonders if Kantarou stopped seeing him, though does not say anything. Kantarou continues to voice his greatest fears and doubts, and Haruka listens to him because he knows that his master needs someone to tell these things to. Eventually, he trails off and the two of them sit in a comfortable silence.
Kantarou, thinks Haruka, is annoying and talks too much, even though he is not talking right now and Haruka doesn't mind his presence.
Hey, you know, Kantarou begins, his voice sounding less despairing, if I were anyone else, I wouldn't have to worry about asking you for anything. But I named you, so I don't have that luxury.
He glances at Kantarou and understands, because Kantarou's asking is the same thing as demanding and ordering in Haruka's world. They are all equivalently his law.
Hey, Haruka, Kantarou turns to him and smiles, all the gloom fading from his expressing. If I asked you to kiss me, would you?
And Haruka can't help but smile back, understanding the other part. What Kantarou says is his law, but what he doesn't say is just as important. And that's the part that really matters.
Kantarou does not order Haruka to kiss him. Haruka kisses him anyway.
A/N: One of these days, I'll stop writing demented fluff (aka fluff + angst flangst), but for now, you can revel in my strangeness. This fic was total "what the foo?" but I kind of like it. I have no clue whether or not it made sense, but it's nice and comforting in a strange way.
I promise a semi-normal fic next time. Right.