The Misadventures of Draco Malfoy, Ferret

By: Saber ShadowKitten

Rated M

Parts: 18 total, complete

Pairing: H/D

Warning: 'm'preg, multiple beastialities, and Gryffindors

Category: Humor/Romance

Spoilers: Post HBP

Summary: Snape turns Draco into a ferret for his own protection. He would've been safer with the Dark Lord.

Well, this is just brilliant.

Draco Malfoy ran as fast as his legs would carry him. Tall blades of grass smacked him in the nose and tickled his bare feet. The hum of the night reverberated around him: predators on the hunt, crickets fiddling, and the timpani of his heart beating against his breast. Overhead, the moon glowed brightly, making the starry sky appear midnight blue.

His ears strained and his nose ticked, but he couldn't tell if he was being pursued. His surprise toss over the gates of Hogwarts had probably set off all sorts of alarms. His only recourse was to run and hope he wasn't caught before finding a place to hide.

When Snape had said he was sending Draco away for safety's sake, Draco had pictured polyjuice maitais on the Côte d'Azur or hot butterbeer glamours in Interlaken. Having a horrifying, remembered spell shot at him, side-along apparating to Scotland, and then being pitched onto school grounds didn't factor into any part of his imaginings. Snape had obviously had one too many crucios to be thinking clearly.

Luckily, Draco's mother was safe already at Azkaban. The conniving witch got herself arrested purposely by the Aurors in order to escape the Dark Lord's wrath for Draco's failure to kill Dumbledore himself. Unless the Dark Lord won, which Draco now believed would be a Very Bad Thing, his parents would be protected in prison. Knowing Narcissa, she would be out the instant the war ended and somehow schemed a way for Lucius to be released with her.

Draco would've joined them in Azkaban, if given half the chance, but medical care had been necessary after reporting to the Dark Lord, and once Snape had him up and walking again, he'd been ensorcelled and thrown onto his enemy's doorstep. Just because the Dark Lord was no longer on his Ten People I Admire (Even Though I'm Better Than Them) list, didn't mean the Dumbledore Cheer Team would welcome him with open arms. After all, it was he who caused Dumbledore's death and as faux pas went, that took the biscuit.

(Except for the time mother had dressed him in summer whites after Ministry Day. He'd never live that down.)

Draco heard the screech of an owl and squeaked in panic. He craned his neck back, searching the air for the winged beast. Not watching where he was running, he tripped in a divot in the grass and tumbled forward onto the muddy shore of Hogwart's lake. He found his footing and looked at his coat. Mud spattered the glossy white fur. He scowled unhappily.

The still surface of the lake reflected the moon, the starry sky, and Draco's pointed features as he approached the edge of the water. His gray eyes widened and his whiskers twitched in dismay. He dipped his paw in the water and began washing the dirt from his muzzle. Ferret or not, a Malfoy was never filthy.

A rippling of the water drew Draco's attention. The paddle shaped end of the giant squid's tentacle broke the surface of the lake not too far away. Draco wrinkled his nose in disgust, hesitated over dipping his paw in the water again, but resumed grooming. He hoped he wasn't spreading squid slime on his fur.

The shadow passing overhead was his only warning before he was seized around the middle and yanked into the air. "Eeee!" he screamed. The squid had him! "Eeeeee!"

Draco clawed and bit at the rubbery tentacle holding him captive as he was lifted over the lake. He froze when he met the single black-eyed stare of the squid. The squid rolled in the water, its pointed head disappearing beneath the surface as its mouth emerged. The bird-like beak snapped several times.

"Kek-kek-kek-kek-kek!" Draco's fast, vehement panicked noises echoed across the water. He was going to be eaten! He emptied his bowels in fright and resumed his terrified struggling. "Kek-kek-kek-kek-kek!"

The squid's tentacle lowered, bringing Draco closer to death. The shorter, blunt arms of the squid churned the water around it. Draco's eyes rolled wildly in their sockets. "Kek-kek-kek-kek-ke—"

Draco's voice cut out mid-kek when he felt a squid arm poking in a private place. He stiffened, horrified. The shovel-shaped tip of the arm left, then returned. He could feel individual comb-like fingers bump against him as the arm slid inside. It didn't register that the squid was probing a hole that shouldn't exist; he was too focused on the fact that the squid was molesting him.

"Meep," he whimpered, and promptly passed out.

The next thing he knew, he was sailing through the air, the wind whistling past his ears. He landed in the shallows with a splash and sucked a litre of water into his lungs. He broke the surface, coughing and wheezing, and ferret-paddled to shore. Hoisting himself onto the bank, he collapsed in a wet heap, feeling violated and getting muddy all over again.

A loud snuffling lifted his head and he blinked fast at the hot gust of breath against his face. A deep woof made him rise and back unsteadily away, hissing at the large, scarred dog standing in front of him. Puffy slashes of pink slashed across the dog's black muzzle, head, and forelegs, and a deformed pink blob sat where his ear should've been.

"Wha'cher got there, Fang?" Hagrid lumbered up behind the dog, and Draco didn't know whether to be relieved or scared. He continued backing away and hissing until his rear paws touched the water's edge. He shuddered and hunched, hackles raised.

"A ferret, eh? Good boy." Hagrid tugged lightly at Fang's one ear, bent and snagged Draco with surprising swiftness.

Being seized again sent Draco into panic once more. He let out a loud cry, wiggled wildly in Hagrid's grip, and bit down on a meaty finger. Hagrid seemed unaffected as he held Draco in the air. "Best check 'n see iffin' 'e's a 'e or not, first," Hagrid said, and brushed his thumb against the fur at Draco's groin.

"Eeeee-kek-kek-kek-kek-kek!" Draco screamed and thrashed. First, a squid molested him and now he was being felt up by a half-giant!

"It looks like yer a miss, not a fella," Hagrid said, drawing his hand away. He rubbed his thumb against his fingers, the moonlight catching a glistening slime on his digits. "Hmm. Seems the squid's been busy again, too. Sorry 'bout that, girl."

Girl? Girl? Draco stopped struggling and glared at Hagrid. How insulting. He knew he didn't have the biggest wand, had suffered through the laughter because of it, but he most certainly wasn't a girl.

"Lucky fer you, though, eh?" Hagrid said to Draco. "Iffin' you were a fella, I woulda broke yer neck and fed ya t'Witherwings."

Just call him Dracana.

Author's Note: Hello again, readers! As usual, this story is complete and I will be posting it about a chapter a day/every other day. I didn't come up with the opening pairing that spawned this fic, but it makes for some great crack. I hope you enjoy.