Author's Note: Ok, so I know I said that this was just a Disney parody but there are other literary references... if you can find them, you're entitled to a free Something! Also, if I have managed to offend anybody, my deepest apologies. And of course, no profit is being made from this fic, and I don't actually own all that much of this fic. Anyhoo... I present you with...
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a princess. This princess lived with her mother The Queen (she had no name, she was merely 'The Queen') and her father King Cecil. (He was the richest and most powerful man in the world.)
All was well, apart from the fact that the King was fond of a good meal, and the Queen had a weakness for pretty clothes, blackbird pies, and lavish names, and so consequently, the court was forever in deficit. But we digress.
This princess was so beautiful that even the vainest peacocks, upon seeing her, would drop their feathers and respectfully scowl. She was called Julietta Rebekah Leonora Aldith Charlotta Louisetta Regina, but everyone in the court called her Princess Red Snow, for her hair was red, her cheeks were rosy and her lips were red, but her skin was white.
A year after her birth, the King and Queen held a lavish party. They had golden placemats for all the guests, and the party went on for days. On the seventh day, the King called on the miracle workers and faeries of the land to bless his daughter.
"My people!" he boomed. "For twenty years this country has had naught but peace, for the blessings of the miracle workers and faeries have prevailed. One year and one week ago, my daughter, Julietta Rebekah Leonora Aldith Charlotta Louisetta Regina, aka Red Snow, was born, and when I die, and when she has married, she shall rule this kingdom! Bless her with all gifts desirable-" here the King turned red and mumbled something about money management skills- "bless her as befits her blood and her name!"
One by one, the faeries and miracle workers placed blessings and charms on her such as beauty, wit, a voice of a nightingale and money management skills, so that the princess had all the worldly perfections imaginable. As the last faerie began her blessing, a gust of wind blew through the castle. The guests sat stiff in their chairs. The faeries shrieked- for riding through a castle window was The Wicked Witch of the North!
The Wicked Witch of the North had once been a faerie, and had worked for the king, blessing him with the promise of a beautiful daughter on his ascension to the throne. Thereupon, she had migrated to the Land of Oz, and had stayed there under the promise that when the time came, when this child reached her first birthday, she would be called to take her and instruct her. The King, however, had had no intentions of calling back the faerie to his court, and so instead had sent a letter informing her that she was to, by no means, meet his daughter. She had been a trouble maker, and had terrified his wife into kissing a pig to avoid having her hair cursed to become a cabbage leaf for a day. Now, when he saw her, his face was like a thundercloud.
"Jezebel Jocasta Jennings!" he roared, standing up, but the witch ignored him. She landed beside the princess and pulled a scraggly wand from her tattered robes, and recited in a voice that made the guests shriek for fear as their blood ran cold-
"I tell the truth
Even as your father lied-
At sixteen by the bite of an apple
You will have died."
The witch looked triumphantly at the king and cackled.
"You fell fool to one of the classic blunders!" she cried. "The most famous of them is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia', but only slightly less well known is this- never go in against the Wicked Witch of the North, when a certain Princess Julietta Rebekah Leonora Aldith Charlotta Louisetta Regina's life is on the line!"
With that she leapt up onto her broom and flew away, far away, returning to the Land of Oz.
Soon after, the last Good Faerie regained her wits and tapped her wand to the princess' forehead.
"I cannot undo the witch's spell," she squeaked, "but I can help." And without further ado, she said, "The Princess shall not die, but merely fall into a hundred year sleep."
The party guests disappeared soon afterwards. The King and Queen tried to be merry, but a cloud hung over the castle for many days, and a new law was decreed- apples were illegal. (Anybody in possession of an apple or tree was made to burn it and pay a tax of $70 000. The King was very clever at these sorts of things, even in a crisis, but as a rule, that money was spent on food or clothes, and not for filling up the treasury.)
Please R&R... I was silly enough to not ask for that on my other fics, but please do! Like it, hate it, the review button was put there for more reasons than aesthetic purposes- in my opinion.