"Merry Christmas... Jerk"

By Chocolate Wolfie

Ah, Christmas; the time where all the people are happy and thankful for their friends and family. Where everyone takes a chance to look around and say "Gee, my life is swell!" full of a warm, snuggly feeling you could only get from Christmas or a dear friend you haven't seen all year.

Pfft. Yeah right.

If anything, Christmas was the exact opposite of what it was supposed to be. A chance for parents to bribe their kids into being good for a month, a chance for kids to get a whole shitload of presents that they would play with until New Years eve and eventually forget about, a chance for teens and parents to go to wild parties and geet drunk off of eggnog, a chance to go shopping and waste a whole bunch of money. At least that's how sixteen-year-old Kouji Minamoto thought of it.

Kouji wasn't exactly a bucket of roses and cherries. He was a grumpy, punkish teen with nothing better to do than criticize the world and everyone else in it. He was always right, no matter what anybody ever said, and that would probably never change. If there was one good side to Kouji, it would have to be his right. Which at that particular moment his sweet, loving girlfriend, Izumi, was on, holding his hand and smiling.

"Don't you love the holidays? "The blonde girl asked cheerfully.

"No." Kouji replied sourly.

"Well, everyone is happiest at the holidays!" Izumi smiled, "Its all about being together with your loved ones and giving!"

Kouji sighed, "I don't really like Christmas, its too commercial."

"Well, I could understand that." Izumi nodded and they walked in silence for a while.

"Heh heh heh heh heh..." A voice cackled behind them. The two spun around to face Arekkusu and Kouichi, and almost instantly sweat dropped.

Arekkusu was dressed in a short, green elf-dress lined with white faux fur and a matching hat, a large black bet on her waist. She had on a pair of fishnet stockings and some black boots. Kouichi stood next to her in a pair of jeans and a brown coat, with a Santa hat on.

"And what the hell are you supposed to be?" Kouji asked sarcastically.

"I'm a kick-ass punk elf!" Arekkusu replied cheerfully.

"We're going to the hospital to pass out Christmas gifts to the kids." Kouichi explained.

"Wanna help?" Arekkusu asked.

"I'd love to!" Izumi smiled, "What about you, Yamainu?"

"No way I'm giving gifts to a bunch of ungrateful little brats!" Kouji laughed, "Later, Firefly, I'm going home."

"Okay, if you change your mind, you know where to find us!" Izumi cried as he walked off.


Kouji's house was darkened and silent. His father and step mother must've been off doing some Christmas shopping... Kouji snorted to himself, what a waste!

"Kouji... Kouji..."

"Huh? Evie-chan?" Kouji looked around, his mind must've been playing tricks on him. But he could've sworn he'd just heard a young woman call out to him. Kouji continued towards his room and began to walk up the stairs.

"Kouji..! Kouji..!"

He was almost sure he had heard it now, it was louder this time. But still, Kouji decided to ignore it. He retreated to the darkness of him room and picked up his guitar, then plopped down on his bed. The door swung shut.


"AHH! Hananosei-sama, what the hell are you doing here? And what're you wearing?" Kouji asked, understanding who had been calling him. Ri had been hiding behind his door the whole time. And let's just say Kouji was a bit more than shocked to see her, especially wearing what she was wearing. Ri was clothed in a long, white dress that hugged every curve of her body. Around her arms and legs and even her neck were thin, silvery chains.

"Oh, this?" Ri looked down at her dress and sighed, "This is what I get for being such a bitch at Christmas time every year. I'm always running around, biting everyone's heads off because I'm stressed. Shinkei made me do it, and lemme tell you, chains are not exactly my thing!"

Kouji just stared.

"Okay, on with the point!" Ri said and crossed the room, she then plopped down on Kouji's bed and folded her arms, "Its not exactly fair you just get the 'lecture' treatment and not 'ghost' duty, but, whatever. KOUJI MINAMOTO!" Ri made her voice loud and booming, "YOU HAVE BEEN A COMPLETE AND UTTER BUTTMUNCH THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON! TODAY, YOU SHALL BE VISITED BY THE GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE AND UH-" Ri ripped a small book out of her pocket and muttered to herself as she read it, "Ah! Who the hell even reads this anyway? Its written like its in code! Oh well, um... AND UMMM, YOU SHALL FEEL BAD AND... UH... STUFF!"

"What the hell are you doing? Get out of my room, Ri!" Kouji snapped.

"Whatever," Ri shrugged, "Your loss, geki."

As Ri stood up and walked away, the room seemed to be pulled into a heavy mist, Kouji felt very tired. His eye lids began to droop and he soon felt himself drift off to sleep.

"Woah!" Kouji cried as he shot up in bed. He quickly looked around, he still held his guitar and he was still on his bed, "Phew! It was all a dream!" He sighed as he relaxed into his pillows and began to play on his guitar. Suddenly, he heard something at the foot of his bed. Probably his big, old dog, Baka. Kouji set down his guitar and went to the foot of the bed to pet him.


Something, more like someone leapt up onto his face, pinning him onto the bed. "Osu Yamainu-chan!" A little girl with short, black hair and white doggy ears cried cheerfully as she sat down on the bed, Indian style. She was dressed in a plain, pink kimono and a pair of white tabi boots, "I'm here to be the ghost of Christmas past! My name is Koinu Yasha!" She excitedly.

"So it wasn't a dream?" Kouji asked, looking at at the hanyou with a slightly frightened expression.

"Nope!" She smiled, "The smoke was just for a dramatic feel!"

"Riiiiight..." Said Kouji slowly, "Now what?"

"Now you come with me!" Koinu grinned as she opened the door to Kouji's bedroom, "And step into the past!"

"Past?" Kouji asked, "Aren't we supposed to fly out the window?"

"Nope! I'd probably run into a pole or something, so I have to do it the easy way!" Koinu smiled broader as Kouji walked out of his room, "Now!" She wheeled Kouji around, "Step into the past!"

"What past?" Kouji asked, "I was just in here! Is this supposed to be this morning?"

"No, this is last Christmas!" Koinu yelled as a slightly younger Kouji walked past them and threw himself on the bed. He picked up his guitar and began to play on it.

"So what? I always do that!" Kouji snapped, "Screw this, I want to go home! I'm not going to learn anything!"

"Kami-sama, that girl was right! You are as stubborn as a stack a bricks! This is probably the most important Christmas in your life, so far!" Koinu snapped, "This was the Christmas you got together with your beloved Firefly-chan!"

Suddenly, a recorded guitar tune began to play and, the past Kouji grabbed his cell phone and flipped it open, "Moshi Moshi?" He said into the cell phone, suddenly, Koinu waved her arms so that she and the present Kouji could hear the voice on the other line.

"Ohaio Kouji-kun, this is Izumi." Came her sweet and polite voice.

"Oh! Ohaio Izumi-san, ja ne?" Replied the teen, his eyes lighting up.

Koinu giggled and nudged Kouji in the side as she wiggled her eyebrows.

"Shut up, douji." Kouji grumbled as he blushed.

"Well, actually, I called around and JP-kun is going to his aunt's for Christmas, Tomoki-kun's brother is coming home to visit, and Takuya-kun, well, I think he found another girlfriend." The girl giggled nervously. The past Kouji went pale.

"Er, um, well, that, oh, and Kouichi-kun already, er, kinda, um, promised his mom he's spend Christmas ever with her, so, um." He stumbled over his word choice.

"That makes just the two of us, if its, okay with you." She said softly. Kouji could almost hear her blushing.

Now, I'm not sure if your familiar with Christmas in Japan, but its usually a night for couples, and a very good night for teenagers to- ahem- get to know each other better. Now, at the time, Kouji and Izumi weren't officially a couple (this takes place about three weeks prior to when the dark clan attacked Japan). And lets just say this was a very, very awkward situation for two "just friends". Kouji cleared his throat and then said into the phone, "Sure thing, would you like to come over around five tonight?"

"Hai, that sounds perfect! Jaa, then!" Her sweet voice chirped into the phone.

"Hai, jaa." Kouji replied.

"So, we became a couple on Christmas, what's the big deal?" The present Kouji asked Koinu.

"Onigai, just bear with me, okay?" Koinu said softly. Kouji groaned, how he despised children. The little hanyou grasped his hand in hers and dragged him out of the room, into the hall, down the stairs, and into the living room where he and the past Izumi were sitting on the couch watching "The Red", a horror movie. Quite a strange choice for a Christmas movie, but JP and Takuya had demanded it- before it turned out they were ditching the party.

Suddenly, the screen flashed red and there was a scream. Izumi's eyes widened in horror as she grabbed Kouji's had. He nervously waited for her to pull away, but it seemed she hadn't even noticed she had done it, being so into the movie. Kouji nervously gulped as he stretched and placed his arm behind Izumi and slid it around her. She quickly glanced at him, a shade of red on her face, before lightly leaning into his arms. They quickly smiled at each other before looking back at the movie. The image then faded from the room, which returned to its present state, darkened from night.

"What was that supposed to teach me what, again?" Kouji asked, turning to Koinu, only to find that she was gone, "Baka douji..."

Kouji groaned in exhaust and started up the stairs and then into his room. Only to his slight surprise, he found another "Ghost" awaiting him. She seemed to be about his age, sixteen, with long, white-blonde hair parted in the back. Two bell-shaped pink and white ears were placed on the sides of her head. Her face was innocent and seemed to shine like her amber eyes. A long, white dress with a tight, strapless corset was tipped on the top and bottom bottom with pearls. A long row of pearls went down the middle of the corset and then lined it as well. Her feet were covered with nothing but white ballet slippers.

"And you are...?" Kouji began to ask as he pointed to the girl. She smiled happily and curtsied.

"Chii is the ghost of Christmas present! She is here to show you how you effect all the people around you." She proudly announced. Kouji sighed.

"Okay, then. Let's this over with." Chii lightly took his hand and waved her free one, his window flew open as they floated up off the ground and out the window. Kouji looked around in awe as they flew over beautiful buildings twinkling with lights Kouji couldn't help but adore this light-hearted feeling of soaring. His eyes widened as he attempted to take it all in. Chii smiled at him with a small "Chi-ie," of contentment.

"Does Yamainu-chan like it?"

"Ne?" Kouji asked, jumping out of his trance, Chii was smiling at him.

"Flying, silly!"

"Well, yeah, its a nice feeling." Kouji shrugged.

Chii grinned ever broader and then said, "Ah! Here we go!" The two floated into the two-bedroom flat that Kouji's birth mother and Kouichi lived in. They were in the small family room where the woman was quietly hanging ornaments on a tiny Christmas tree. Kouji approached her and looked to the small ornament she was hanging on the tree, it was his school photo on a Christmas tree-shaped piece of construction paper. She smiled fondly at the picture before grabbing another ornament.

"Chii is sure Yamainu-chan recognizes this nice lady." Chii softly announced.

"Hai, but... why are you showing me stuff I already know?" Kouji asked.

"Yamainu-chan's mama loves him very dearly. It may be nice if he returned her love by showing her you holiday spirit." Chii explained before she seized Kouji's arm again. They lifted up off the ground, through the ceiling and over more buildings, finally landing in a shopping mall where his father and step-mother were browsing through guitar music sheets.

"Aino-chan," Kouji's step mother addressed her husband, "Do you know why Kouji-chan dislikes Christmas so much?"

"I don't know, I guess he never got a chance to have a good Christmas before." The man answered gruffly.

"Haven't I ever given him a good Christmas?" The woman asked, hurt.

Her husband looked stunned, "No! No! I didn't mean that Evie-chan, I just meant that the kid's a Scrooge, he probably learned the habit from me while growing up." He put his arms around Evie, who looked worried.

"Don't talk about him like that. Kouji-chan is a sweet and loving boy, he just doesn't like to come out and talk to many people. I guess he just dislikes it, I don't know why, though." Evie sighed and continued to shuffle through music books.

"Why do I hate Christmas do much?" Kouji asked himself.

"Exactly the point I was trying to make!" Kouji turned, and instead of Chii, saw Koinu, who was holding a hamburger and a large soda.

"And where the hell did you go?" Kouji snapped.

"To get food, of coarse!" Koinu said loudly, waving her burger in his face, "Here, I got you a soda."

Koinu shoved the soda into Kouji's hands and turned around, taking a huge bite out of her burger, "So why did you come back?"

"I weft becuh oo were getty yo pah!" Said the hanyou with a mouth full of food. Kouji gave her a strange look. She then swallowed and then repeated herself, "I left because you weren't getting your past! So I let Chii show you a bit of your present so you could understand your past better, kapis?"

"Yeah..." Kouji said slowly, "So, what's next?"

"Umm..." Koinu blinked and then giggled at herself, "Oh! Silly me! You already saw your past, and I guess that's it for your present, so lets get on with your future!"

Kouji went to nod as he sipped his drink, but suddenly, a wave of exhaustion hit him, and he felt himself fall backwards onto his soft, warm bed. Quickly, the teen sat upright and looked around his room, it all seemed normal... as he turned his head, he jumped. A figure had suddenly appeared, sitting on the corner of his bed. It was a young woman, in her early twenties, dress in a long, black funeral kimono, her black hair was cut short and her violet eyes shimmered sadly with silvery fireflies. In her hand, she held a long, black rod, which was tipped with a glaive.

"I am the ghost of Christmas future, my name is Hotaru. Come with me." She said softly. She stood up and crossed the room to Kouji's door. He quickly climbed off his bed and followed. Kouji gasped at what he saw. They had just seemed to walk out of his room and into a Tokyo business building. The receptionist was a woman in her mid thirties with brunette hair pulled out of her face and into a bun. Oval-shaped glasses sat on her button nose in front of violet eyes. Kouji felt he knew her from somewhere.

Suddenly the woman looked up and asked, "Good morning, how may I help you two?" in a shockingly familiar voice.

"Ri?" Kouji asked in disbelief. The woman smiled and chuckled.

"Ri... no one's called me that since my teens. Would you like to see Minamoto-san?" The older Ri asked.

"Minamoto-san... you mean...?" Kouji asked slowly, suddenly, the scene seemed to pause, Hotaru faced Kouji.

"Hai, she means you. This is your friend, twenty years from now. Underpaid by you and attempting to raise a family on her own while her husband is at war in the digital world." She explained solemnly.

"Why would I do that to Hananosei-sama? And why would Takuya be fighting and not me?" Kouji asked.

"Eventually, you will loose your light and fall into the darkness. You will no longer remember your friends or you spirit of light." Hotaru sighed. She walked into a long row of doors and came to a pair of double doors at the end of the row. She pushed them open, and time seemed to start again. Kouji's mouth dropped open.

A business man with deep blue hair pulled into a short, curt ponytail with round glasses, wearing a business suit, was at a large desk covered in papers. He was on the phone and seemed very annoyed that two random teenagers had just stormed in. "Ah, hai... hai, six PM would be a perfect time... domo arigato Fubuki-san, I'll see you then." The man set down the phone and glared at the two.

"What business do you have here?" He snapped rudely.

Hotaru nudged Kouji, who stepped foreword, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Minamoto-san, I was, erm, wondering. Do you remember a girl from your teenage years named Orinato Izumi?"

He furrowed his brow, "Who, now?"

"ORINATO IZUMI!" Kouji yelled, "She was the love of your life! Your firefly! She meant the world to you! You would rather give your life up than see her die!"

"I do not know who you are talking about, but I assure you, I did not have any love interest in my teen years to any girl named Orminavo!"


"Onigai!" The older Kouji said angrily, "If you are going to yell and demand such foolish things, please leave at once! I have a business to run and I do not need some teenager ruining it with his stupid rantings!"

"I'M NOT JUST SOME TEENAGER, I'M YOU!" Kouji yelled, about to go and punch himself.

"You are surely crazy! Leave now before I have to call security!" He yelled to himself, and then suddenly froze, Kouji turned to Hotaru.

"Onigai! Tell me, what ever happened to firefly?" He asked, Hotaru sighed and waved her arms. They were in a cemetery. Izumi walked by. Her hair was shorter cut and she was dressed in all black, wearing a black veil over her face, and black pillbox hat to keep it in place. She was crying into a handkerchief, and Ri had her arms around her, comforting her, Takuya walked next to Ri, a sad expression on his face. Then, to his dread, six men, each dressed in black, walked by. They were carrying a long, ebony coffin, "Is that... me?"

"No." Hotaru answered flatly. Kouji watched as Marie and Acier walked by, they were hanging their heads low. Next there was Tomoki, who walked in step with Kai. JP holding a sobbing Yumi came last. Behind the coffin was Arekkusu, dressed in her priestess robes, a stone expression on her face. If Kouji wasn't the one in the coffin, then that meant...

"No..." He whispered to himself. The men set down the coffin in front of an open grave as a crane lowed it in. As the coffin lowered in, Kouji was able to see what was inscribed on the black headstone.


"Onigai, no..."


"Kami-sama, let this just be a dream..."


November 12th 1990-October 31st 2016"

Kouji watched in dread and horror as they finished lowering his brother's coffin into the grave. One by one, each of his friends picked up a handful of dirt and threw it into the grave. Arekkusu quietly blessed the burial site as a small tractor lifted up dirt and let it fall into the grave. Arekkusu's voice began to waver and tears began to fall from her eyes. She suddenly fell on her face and began to pound at the ground, screaming "WHY? WHY? WHYYYY? DAMN YOU TO HELL MINAMOTO KOUJI, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!"

Kouji began to tremble, this was all so unnevering, "Hotaru, is this really my future, just because I don't like Christmas?"

"No," Hotaru answered, she lifted her glaive and pointed it straight a Kouji, inches away from him, "This is your future if you keep going about with such a horrible attitude. This is your future if you forget truth. This is what your heading for, Kouji. You will forget about your friends. You will become a heartless businessman. You will loose the love of your life. And your brother will die because you fell into darkness and disrupted the yin-yang balance. I'm sorry I have to do this."

Kouji turned around to see a humongous pit, which seemed to stretch on forever into a swirling vortex of darkness. Hotaru took a step foreword, her glaive nearing Kouji. He hesitantly took a step backward, nearing the pit. She extended the glaive, so that it touched his clothes, Kouji didn't move, horrified of both falling into the darkness and being impaled. Hotaru pressed her glaive against Kouji's skin. Anymore and it would slowly slice into him. Suddenly, Kouji lost his balance and fell into the pit. Hotaru's sad face watched him as he was enveloped by the darkness. Its cold, uncaring touch pulled him deeper and deeper into the pit, filling his head with horrible memories. Kouji cried out loudly and shot up from his bed.

His guitar was placed across his lap, the room was quiet and the door was still open. Taking a deep breath, Kouji wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and faced the clock. He had only been asleep for five minutes.

"Domo Kami-sama!" He yelled, "There's still time!" Kouji jumped up off his bed and grabbed his coat on the way out, hoping Izumi would forgive him.


"We wish you a Merry Christmas!

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Good tidings we bring to you and your kin;

Good tidings for Christmas and a Happy New Year!"

Ri and Izumi delightedly directed the children at the hospital into singing Christmas carols as they waited for their turn with Santa.

"What is your name little girl?" The jolly, old man asked.

"Your mama." The little girl replied sarcasticly.

"Ho ho ho!" Santa laughed at the girl's sarcasm, "Well, sweetie, why don't you go over there to my elfie Arekkusu and hey yourself a present, I'm sure she'd have something you'd like."

The child leapt off of Santa's lap and went over to Arekkusu, "You don't happen to have an MP3 player, do you?" Arekkusu rolled her eyes.

"How about a Peppermint Bomb CD?" She asked.

"I'll live." The girl smiled.

"Merry Christmas, Minnah-chan!"

"Kouji!" Izumi cried happily as he ran up to her and gave her a big kiss.

"Oooooo..." The children teased in time with Ri.

"Oh! Hananosei-sama!" Kouji yelled exasperatedly, "Domo origato!"

Kouji threw his arms around Ri who made a slightly frightened expression, "Anytime..." She answered slowly.

"Konnichiwa, are you here to help hand out presents?" A nurse asked. She wore pink scrubs and a white coat, she was removing pink and white earmuffs which her white-blonde hair flowed around.

"Chii?" Kouji asked, looking stunned.

"Chii?" She replied, cocking her head, "How did you know my name?"

Kouji turned around as the little girl who had just received the Peppermint Bomb CD accidentally ran into him.

"Douji? What're you doing here? And- w-what happened to your ears?" Kouji asked.

"I had to have my appendix removed, and my ears are right here, smart one!" She snapped as she raised her hair up to reveal her ears, which were obviously not that of a dog's.

"And what about that girl, Hotaru?"


Kouji spun around to face a young intern with her black hair pulled into a bun, he looked around, "Kami-sama! I had the strangest dream, and you were there!" He pointed to Koinu, "And you!" He pointed to Ri, "You!" he pointed to Chii, "And you, too!" He finally pointed to Hotaru.

"Wait a sec, I thought this was supposed to be based on A Christmas Carol, not Wizard Of Oz!" Arekkusu snapped.

It was...

"Hey, I thought it was supposed to be based on Wizard Of Oz!" Kouji yelled.

"Well that just proves she doesn't like you!" Koinu huffed.

What! Of coarse I love him! I love all you guys!

"Then why are you always trying to make him look like the bad guy, huh?" Izumi asked, putting her hands on her hips.

Because it adds more drama! And its easy to make Kouji look like the bad guy.

"WHAT! Your going down!" Kouji roared.

Heh heh... wait until next year's Christmas story...

"It better have more Inu's in it!" Koinu demanded.

I just came out with an Inuyasha one shot! AND you were in this story! You were originally going to be Kai!

"WHAT! I'm with Yamainu, you're goanna get it, wolfie!"

And the moral of the story is: never let Chocolate Wolfie do crossovers!

The End

"Hey! Wait! I wasn't done yelling at you!"