Jack is about sixteen by the way. Nothing else about him has really changed though, cuz he still acts like an idiot. oOoOoOo
December 22, 2005
"WHAT! NO MORE ALLOWANCE!" Jack yelled at the top of his lungs.
"Now Jack. It's your own fault that this happened," his step-father said, "I have to punish you in some way for all those times that you sneak out of the house past curfew. And since I believe that you are a little too old for spankings, I find that this is a suitable punishment," his guardian said reasonably.
Jack had indeed been sneaking out of the house, but only to get Shen Gong Wu of course. But then again, his step-father didn't know that Jack took place in the legendary Xiaolin Showdowns. And Jack wasn't too intent on telling his step-father of this. So far as he was concerned, parents (or guardians for the matter) were labeled 'untrustworthy.
"But it's so close to Christmas! How am I supposed to buy my Jack-bot's gifts if I'm broke?" Jack whined.
Now, if your wondering how Jack got a step father then I'll tell you. Jack's real father died in a car accident about seven years ago and his mom remarried about two years later. And if your also wondering why Jack doesn't think to get his mom or step-dad anything for Christmas, that's easy to explain. About six months ago, Jack's mom was on her way to visit an old friend in Africa by rideing in a helicopter. Well for some reason the helicopter never reached it's destination and was never found; neither was his mother. And so, his mom's been missing ever since. And as for his step-dad, well Jack never considered him as a father or a friend, so never worried about getting him anything.
"Well Jack, if you were as smart as you say you are. Then you would have saved up your money over the year or make investments. Or you could have gotten a job. Besides, I'm not sure if I would consider robots as friends...or family," and Jack's step-father continued to drone on.
"Okay fine! I don't like you either!" Jack yelled at his step-dad and ran down to his evil lair. When he got inside he immediately closed and locked the door to make sure that he got some privacy.
Jack sat down in his favorite seat that he only used when brain-storming. The seat was one that had wheels and had soft cushions on it, which only made it even more appealing.
'This Christmas is going to suck,' Jack thought to himself as he raised his legs to his chest and pulling his arms around them and resting his chin on his knees.
"Jesse?" Jack spoke to his computer that was only a few feet away from him.
The computer started up, "Yes Jack?" the computer answered it's creator in a robotic female voice.
Yes, Jack also had a computer that could talk to him, had emotions, and could calculate alot of things when he was to lazy to think for himself. This was thanks to a new chip he developed about four months ago.
"Jesse give me a list of options I could use in order to get money," Jack told Jesse.
"A little short on the green this year Jack?" Jesse asked tauntingly.
"Shut up and give me the results or no Christmas present for you," Jack said, annoyed at his computer's comment.
"Alright already, no need to threaten me," Jesse said and activated a nearby printer that began to spill forth paper with letters on it.
Jack jumped out of his chair and grabbed the piece of paper.
The paper said as follows:
1.) ROB A BANK
2.) SELL COOKIES
3.) BECOME A HITMAN
4.) SELL ALL OF YOUR ROBOTS AND SHEN GONG WU
5.) PLAY A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT ON THE SIDEWALK AND HAVE PEOPLE TOSS YOU QUARTERS
6.) BECOME A MALL SANTA
"Is this all?" Jack questioned Jesse, "I mean, surely there has to be more options than this"
"Well, there would be more if you weren't such a whiner, coward, and possessed more talents," Jesse answered.
"I'M NOT A WHINER!" Jack yelled at Jesse.
"Jeez, no need to yell, my microphone can hear you just fine," Jesse said.
"Well, I can't rob a bank, because I can't risk getting on the bad side of my step-dad again," Jack said, he was eliminating what he should and shouldn't do, "I'm not going to sell cookies like a girl scout. Although their cookies are really good. Become a hitman!" Jack turned his head to Jesse, "You call me a coward and then tell me to become a hitman?" Jack said.
"I just put that there to see that look on your face."
"The look that screams: 'What-the-hell!'"
"Stupid computer," Jack mumbled but continued on with the list, "I will never sell any of my robots or shen gong wu."
"To bad for me," Jesse remarked.
"Play a musical instument on the sidewalk? Nah, I tried that for fun once and it didn't turn out to well," Jack said recalling the time where he did that very thing. People really didn't like to hear him play the violin. They said that he sucked and flipped him off. But then again that was when he was nine and was a beginner. He now had about five or six years of experience at the violin, but Jack really didn't want to risk an experience such as that again.
"Become a Mall Santa?" Jack mumbled and took a moment to think, "Exactly how much does a Mall Santa get paid?" Jack asked Jesse.
"Well, at the nearby mall, you get paid ten bucks an hour."
"Wow! That is alot of money just to sit around in a red costume and have kids sit on your lap! There must be a catch to this though... oh, well, who cares?" Jack said gleefully.
"Should I send a application form?"
"Yes, go ahead!" Jack answered and jumped on his 'thinking' chair.
He then placed his portable head phones in his ears and turned on his radio so he could listen to Heavy Metal.
Jack pretended that he was playing the guitar in the song and began strumming the invisible instrument. He was also danceing, lucky for him though, he had enough sense to keep his balance on the chair, lest he fall off.
If you were standing in the same room. You would see an idiot standing on a chair with wheels, playing a guitar that didn't exist, and listening to music that you couldn't hear. Jack, being a little sense less, didn't think that it was idiotic at all. In fact, he called this his 'Victory Dance.
If Jesse had eyes, she would have rolled them.
December 23, 2005 2:01 p.m.
Jack was asleep with his head down on the desk and drool was slowly running out of his mouth and dripping onto the papers beneath his head.
"I like you that way," Jack mumbled in his sleep, "I like your heavenly taste... everything about you is just so perfect... so smooth... so beautiful... so delicious... I love you... every bit of you... I love your color, it's yellow... but I like that, I like that in a slice of cheese... oh cheese, will you go out with me?" Jack let out a little snore.
The alarm read 2:05 p.m. and it's shrill alarm went off.
"I SWEAR! I DIDN'T DO IT!" Jack yelled and sat up.
"Say what?" Jack looked around blearily and checked his alarm clock, "Oh, never mind," Jack sighed and turned the alarm off.
"Jesse?" Jack walked over to his computer.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Jesse yelled at Jack.
"What the hell did I do?" Jack asked.
"You forgot to turn me off last night," Jesse said crankily and let out a robot sounding yawn.
"Oh sorry," Jack apologized.
"Whatever. Anyway, I received an e-mail from the guy who wanted a Mall Santa last night and he said that you got the job," Jesse said.
"Yesss!" Jack yelled and raised his hand in triumph.
"Don't get excited already," Jesse said and Jack's smile fell, "He said that you better get there by three p.m. today or else your fired"
"Oh crap!" Jack yelled and ran to his dresser to get some clean clothes, "Why didn't you wake me earlier!" Jack asked.
"I tried, but you wouldn't wake up. All you did was talk about cheese," Jesse explained.
"How many times, must I tell you?" Jack asked and rushed off to the bathroom to take a shower, "I DON'T TALK ABOUT CHEESE IN MY SLEEP!"
Jack took a fast, cold shower and put on fresh clothes. He then strapped his heli-pak to his back and raced out the door so he could fly off to his first 'normal' job ever.
December 23, 2005 3:00 p.m.
Jack flew to the nearby mall as fast as he possibly could and got there at exactly 3:01 p.m.
The moment he walked through the doors he saw a big, fat hairy man in front of him. The man's arms were crossed, he had a cigar in his mouth, and he had a stern look on his face.
"Are you Jack Spicer?" he asked Jack.
Jack stared at him for a while before he replied, "Yes."
"Your late," he growled.
"Um," Jack looked back and forth nervously, "Sorry."
"I pictured you to be a little bit taller," he said slowly with a raised eyebrow.
"Heh," Jack let out. Honestly, he didn't know what to say to this guy.
"Well, let's get you in your suit," the man said, "Follow me," he then began to walk into the awesome depths of the mall.
Jack trailed behind the man.
"So, I guess your my boss, huh?" Jack questioned. Jack never did check to see what his boss's name might be.
"That's right," he said, "My name is Joyce Reddyman."
"But," he said with a mean voice, "You will refer to me as Mr. Reddyman, sir, or boss... if you know what's good for you"
Jack quickly replied, "Yes sir!". Jack simply had to make a good impression on the 'boss'.
"Have you ever wore contacts kid?" Mr. Reddyman continued to walk onward.
"Once or twice," Jack said truthfully.
"Well, we're going to have to get you some," he said as he turned his head toward Jack, "Your eyes are red and I bet their natural too."
"Yeah they are."
"Do you ever see any Santa's with red eyes, kid?"
"That's because a Santa with red eyes is just creepy. And we really don't want to scare off our customers. So, your going to have to wear blue contact lenses."
"Because blue happens to be the most natural eye color there is in my opinion. And blue eyes are pretty."
Jack raised an eye-brow at this comment.
Joyce (cough cough), I mean, Mr. Reddyman walked through a door on the right side of the wall and Jack quickly followed.
When Jack entered the room it was like entering another dimesion where orange and yellow didn't exist and only red and white remained. The only things that were in the room was a bunch of Santa suits, some giant candycanes, and alot of other random items.
"May I ask you a question?" Jack asked his boss.
"You already did, but you may ask another," Mr. Reddyman grunted.
"Heh heh," Jack gave a nervous laugh, "How come you chose me over all the other people who applied for the job?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm sure that other people wanted the job and I was just wondering out of all the people, why hire me?"
"Well, for one thing, your the only one who applied. For another thing, had there been any other applicants, I would have chose someone young. Cuz, having a bunch of brats sit on your lap is a tough job, and I needed someone with stamina to get it done."
"... How come nobody else applied? The pay is pretty good," Jack asked curiously.
"Why are you complaining?"
"I'm just curious," Jack said quickly.
"...," Mr. Reddyman's face grew dark and he didn't speak.
Jack stayed silent and waited for his boss to say something.
Finally Mr. Reddyman spoke, "I'm not sure if I should tell you this."
"What?" Jack asked.
Mr. Reddyman sighed, "...mm...curse...mm...mm...," Mr. Reddyman mumbled.
"What did you say?"
"There's a curse on the job," Mr. Reddyman sighed.
"There's a curse on the job."
"... Are you sure?"
"Well, what else could it be?"
"What are you talking about?"
"People say that there is a curse on the job."
"No one is for sure, but nine years ago, there was an old man who was a mall santa. He loved his job. But he was getting so old, and started to smell like old people and would fart all the time""Well, one day, I decided that he just had to be laid off. So I fired him the next day. Well, later that very day a bunch of doves attacked him and killed him."
"What?" Jack felt very confused. Was his new boss on crack or something?
"Nobody actually seen the doves attack him. But he was covered in holes from were the birds pecked him to death. His eyes had been gorged out, and he was covered in bird crap."
"What the hell?" Jack looked at Mr. Reddyman with puzzled look, "Are you on crack?"
"No, and I'd watch that language or else your fired," Mr. Reddyman said sternly.
"Well, you just said crap," Jack argued.
"I'm the boss, and I'm not the one who going to have a bunch of squalling brats on my lap. Can you imagine the surprised look on their faces when 'Santa' says 'hell' or 'crap'."
"Sorry. Now what was you saying?"
"Anyway's, ever since that man died many strange things have happened to the mall Santa's."
"Like what?" Jack asked eagerly.
"I can't tell ya'. I don't want you to get spooked."
"To late for that," Jack mumbled.
"Well, somehow alot of unfortunate things happen to all the mall Santa's. One year, one of them got shot."
"WHAT!" Jack yelled.
"Don't raise your voice!"
"Well, it wasn't an actual gun. It was one of them toy gun's that have the bullets that stick to any flat surface"
"Oh," Jack sighed out of relief.
"But, anyways, he got shot in the eye with one of those things and went permenately blind."
"Yup. Another year, one Santa was on his way to the bathroom. Well, when you want to go to the bathroom here, you have to go through the gardening department of the mall. He accidentally got his foot caught in a gardening hose and fell into a deep water fountain, where he nearly drowned to death."
Jack looked at Mr. Reddyman in horror.
Mr. Reddyman continued, "Other things have happened as well. Mostly just little things, like going missing, and getting stuck to the ceiling, and winding up in the Women's Bathroom."
Jack raised an eyebrow.
"But there's really nothing to worry about. Maybe this year something good will happen. Anyways, lets get your suit on!" Mr. Reddyman exclaimed and yanked a suit off a hook, "Try this one on for size," he then tossed the suit to Jack.
Jack caught it and trudged slowly to one of the changing stalls.
December 23, 2005 3:45 p.m.
It had only been thirty minutes and Jack looked absolutely merry. He was wearing a frown and a fake beard, he had on a red suit with white cuffs, the suit was stuffed with pillows so that he could appear fat, and he also was wearing the blue contact lenses.
"That's better, and those boots that your wearing really make you seem taller," Mr. Reddyman said joyfully, "Oh! Wait a second!" Mr. Reddyman exclaimed and rubbed off Jack's eyeliner.
"Are you happy now?" Jack asked sullenly.
"Hmmm," Mr. Reddyman said, "There's still something wrong," he thought for a moment. "Aha!" Mr. Reddyman exclaimed, "All you need is smile!"
Jack curled his lips a bit, but you wouldn't really consider it to be a smile.
"Now come on! Don't be shy!"
Jack rolled his eyes and put on one of his really stupid grins.
"That's better!" Mr. Reddyman said, "Now lets hear your laugh!"
"My laugh?" Jack questioned.
"Yeah, you know 'ho ho ho'?"
"Ho ho ho?"
"No, say it with 'feeling'."
Jack sighed and then yelled out, "HO HO HO!"
"That's perfect! Now, we have a special place for you to sit so just follow me," Mr. Reddyman walked out the door and Jack followed silently. Jack was feeling very embarassed to be in a Santa getup right now.
"Now just remember!" Mr. Reddyman said cheerfully, "Just keep on smiling and laughing and you should be alright. Oh! And don't forget to set the kid up on your lap and ask them what they want for Christmas. When they tell you what they want, then just say something like 'Alright I'll get that' and every now and then ask them 'Do you think your on the naughty or nice list?'. And don't forget to talk in a deep voice."
Jack's boss continued to blab on and he just rolled his eyes at most of it.
Finally, the two came to a section in the mall where there was fake snow everywhere, there was a throne in the middle of the hall and there was a very long line of adults with their crying children.
Jack gulped, this whole Santa thing wasn't a very good idea. 'Dammit all,' Jack thought to himself, 'I should have never have listened to Jesse'
"Also, I'll be watching you for a while to make sure you don't mess up," Mr. Reddyman said. Jack turned his head to look at him, 'This is going to be my first day in hell,' Jack thought.
Jack sat himself down in the throne type chair and the moment he sat down a fat, little boy with his mom bounced up to him.
"Hi Santa!" the fat little kid said cheerily and waved at him. Jack looked back and forth nervously, then he remembered that his boss had said to set the kids in your lap. So Jack, with some stuggle, lifted the fat kid onto his lap.
"HO HO HO!" Jack exclaimed, he was feeling even more foolish than he normally did, "And what's your name little boy?" Jack asked in his deep voice.
The fat kid giggled, "My name's Sam!" the little kid said gleefully.
"And what is it that you want for Christmas, Sam?" Jack could tell that this was going to be a long five hours.
"I want alot of chocolate for Christmas!" Same replied.
"Is that all?"
"Nope! I also want jellybeans, and pie, and cake, and gum, and ice cream, and candycanes, and cake, did I already say cake?"
"Yes," Jack replied flatly and Mr. Reddyman eye balled him.
"Oh," Sam paused, "Anyways, I want cheese cake, and cup cakes, and muffins, and cookies, and most of all, fudge!" the kid said finally.
Jack raised his eyebrow so far that it disappeared underneath his santa hat, "That's all?"
"Well, I'll see what I can do! Now you just make sure that you stay on the nice list!" Jack said as Sam hopped off of his lap and ran back to his mom.
Soon Jack found himself sitting in front of another little boy. This child was different from all the others however. This one was wearing some moth eaten clothes while the boy's father was dressed in suitable looking clothes.
"Well come on up here!" Jack said and picked up the little boy and set him on his lap, "And what is your name?" Jack asked the child.
"Henry," the little boy answered in voice barely above a whisper.
"Really now?" Jack said slowly. How ironic, Henry was Jack's middle name.
"And tell me now, Henry, what would you like for Christmas?" Jack asked the small child.
"I- I'd like a friend," the little boy stuttered and looked at Jack with big watery eyes.
Jack could feel his heart slowly start to break. It was so sad. The kid was so sad. It made Jack feel sad.
"Well, I'll do the best that I can to full-fill your wish," Jack said with a smile. And Henry grinned broadly as well and hopped off of Jack's lap.
"Thank you Santa!" Henry cried out as he walked away with his father.
Jack sneaked a glance at his boss. The moment he saw Mr. Reddyman's face. He wanted to walk over to him and slap him silly. Because Mr. Reddyman was grinning like an idiot and started to chuckle. Jack really hated to be laughed at. This made Jack so mad that he could feel his face flush.
The children didn't seem to mind this as Jack continued with his job. They simply thought that 'Santa' was very merry and had healthy red cheeks.
December 23, 2005 6:45 p.m.
The day slowly dragged on and Mr. Reddyman finally left. Jack however didn't get off till eight thirty. So he still had to sit tight and wait for this hellish nightmare to end.
So far everything was going alright. It was only until a rich little girl was brought up to him that things started to get bad.
"Hello Mr. Claus," the rich little girl said to Jack and daintily hopped on his lap, "My name is Rebecca Stevens and I'm not in the mood for mindless 'chit-chat', so let's cut to the chase," she said sharply and pulled out a piece of paper.
Jack didn't like this girl so far.
Rebecca began to read off the list, "For Christmas, I want a pony, a doll house that is the size of my room, a jungle in my back yard, a lion, a python that can juggle, a zoo, a theme park, a roller coaster, and pink limo, did you get all that?" she snapped at Jack.
Jack looked at her for a moment and he wondered, 'I just realized that everyone who has called me spoiled has never met this girl before,' Jack thought to himself.
"Yes, I have it all," Jack said.
"Good, now remember that I want it shipped to my mansion before midnight on Christmas Eve or else I can assure you Mr. Claus, that you are removed from the North Pole and placed in custody," Rebecca said with a wicked smile.
Jack laughed one of those Santa laughs.
"Are you laughing at me?" Rebecca questioned Jack.
"No," Jack lied, "But I would like to know something."
"And what would that be?"
"Do you believe that you are on the naughty or nice list?" Jack asked Rebecca.
"I'm on the Nice List of course," Rebecca replied.
"And what makes you believe that"
"Well, if it wasn't for me, all the companies in this nation wouldn't be able to get a tax right-off for all of their vacant buildings. Plus I loaned three billion dollars to the Queen of England. So of course I'm on the nice list," Rebecca said with a smile of false innocence.
Jack leaned over Rebecca and whispered in her ear, "I don't think your on the nice list Rebecca. In fact, I believe that I have about five buckets of coal that have your name on them."
Rebecca growled loudly, "Well then, I guess you'll just have to put me on the nice list then."
"What makes you think that I'm going to do that?" Jack asked with curiousity.
"Well, if you don't, then I will throw you in prison!" Rebecca said threateningly.
"I don't think so."
"Oh really?" Rebecca asked and pulled a cell phone out of her pocket and began to call up the police.
"Wait! Don't call them!" Jack said and snatched the phone before anyone picked up on the other line.
"Then put me on the Nice List!" Rebecca screamed demandingly.
"Well," Jack said slowly, "You actually have to be nice in order to be on the Nice List. And your not being very nice," Jack said confidently.
"Yeah, well, who wants to be on your dumb list anyways. I can get whatever I want from my daddy!" Rebecca yelled loudly and the other parents and kids in the line began to stare and whisper.
"Well, your just spoiled!" Jack stated.
"And your a pick-pocket who stole my cell phone!" Rebecca yelled so that every one could hear.
"Wait! Don't-," Jack was cut short because two white men in black suits pulled Jack out of the chair. Obviously, these men were her body guards. While Rebecca, who had jumped out of Jack's lap, was a few feet away screaming, "SANTA'S AN EVIL THEIF! SANTA'S EVIL!"
"Wait a second!" Jack yelled through his fake beard, "I've been framed!"
"Tell it to the judge!" One man in a suit said and placed Jack in hand cuffs.
"I will get you for this!" Jack yelled at Rebecca, "I'll be sure to stuff your bed with hot coal"
Rebecca stuck her tongue out at Jack.
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be misquoted and used against you," the other man in said to Jack as he shoved him in the back of a police car that was disguised as a normal car.
'When I find a lawyer,' Jack thought to himself as they sped away to the nearest police station, 'I'm going to sue Santa. It's his fault that this happened. Had he not existed, I would never have gotten into this situation.'
what did you think? oh by the way, i'll need alot of reviews in order to feed the flames of my inspiration. the more inspiration i have the sooner this fic will be finished. and i'd really like to finish it before Christmas.
also sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. i use a mac and mine doesn't have any type of spell-check programs running through it so it's easy to miss something.
um, does neone know how to end italics on text? every time i put italics in a document and try to end it, the whole thing comes out italics. i've tried and so far but neither work.