(A/N): This fik is 4 myself and the characters kuz I believe they need it. Just damn, giv these ppl a break sumtime. Oh, Ive changed a few things. This takes place just at the end of ORIGINS in SEASON 5. U kno, where Connor steps in2 the elevator and looks back? Yea, so basikally the whole thing where he "comes back" like 4 episodes later…never happens. Kuz he will already b with him. Yes, u already hav the ending. I spoiled it. But who reads a fik 4 the ending, huh?

O yea, I 4got 2 mention that in this fik, Connor and Cordy were never 2gether. I mean, she stayed with him in his rundown apartment building when he was away from the Hyperion, but he only watched over her, knowing there was something powerful growing inside her. He grew 2 luv her like a mommy. THATS IT.

DISCLAIMERS: I don't own the tv series ANGEL whatsoever. Everything I own would get me more TWISTED, Connor and Angel just make me wanna go out in2 the world, find my ownfather who I dont know, and beat the living sh*t outta him (that is, if he's even alive4 me 2 beat). Then laugh. Laugh a lot.

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Angel continued to gaze back at his son, even as the elevator shut and started its descent. He had hoped at that last second….some part of him deep down had hoped his son would just look up, recognize him, and come running back to stay or say something else other than what he had, atleast tell him he was ok now.

The spell should've dissolved, Connor should've remembered himself, everything that had happened, all the people that were around him…..

He shouldve remembered him.

But no, his son had smiled, something very unConnorlike and left,…left out of Angel's life forever, to go back to what he thought was his "real" family. Angel had wanted to shout at him, tell him everything that happened, how he loved him still no matter what and how they could work everything out. He had wanted to scream as Connor called that other man "Dad", had wanted to kill when the man had grabbed the boy's arm and led him away, wanted to tear the man's limbs off as he embraced Angel's only son.

And he had made a decision at that moment, the very moment those feelings appeared, his son was his and no one else's. Connor belonged with him, in his arms was Connor's only true home, he was Connor's home.

And Connor was his life.

It actually amazed him how strongly he felt, after all, he had let him go once before. The others never understood, but Angel had. Connor had only wanted a true family. At one moment in time, Angel truly believed Connor had felt Angel was his true family, the bar brawl after they had first met when they were talking out back, they had playfully fought like a cub to a papa bear, and Connor had shown his father his smile for the first time, something so….so precious, it practically made Angel's heart skip a beat (reletively speaking, of course), but through the lies and the deceptions of others, Connor was led away blind, away from the only thing-the only person that could actually keep him safe. Comfort be out the window since Connor had a very hard protective shield around himself, considering all the shit he's been through, but that was understandable, and Angel had made it his own secret task to break that barrier, and gather his broken son in his arms and slowly mend him.

And he had been getting though, he knew it, but…..it slipped though his fingers. And that alone had pissed him off so much. He had been so close to gaining his son's trust and maybe love, then just to have lost it so quickly….That had burned him inside. It was a new feeling, something sharp and painful and swelling with hurt and anger.

Regret was a bitch.

And the need hurt his pride, however little that had become since Connor had been born. Begging was no longer an embarrassment. If anything, it wasn't enough. He actually felt like groveling for his son's acceptance and affections, getting down on his arms and knees and pleading to be let in. It was already driving him insane not seeing him next to him, and he was probably still in the building. He at first thought it was completely ridiculous to need a single person this much, but without Connor...without his son,….well that was the purest form of death that he could imagine as of now.

"He will never love you."

His thoughts were interrupted as the elevator DINGed again and the numbers lit up to his floor. Somebody was coming up.

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Connor didn't know if he could do it, didn't know if he was even strong enough. That feeling was definitely new. When he had faced Angel…faced his father and told him goodbye, he didn't know if he could just turn away from him, didn't know if he could move forward, didn't know if he could just leave and not return.

But no, returning was out of the question, his da-no not his real father. His real dad was Angel. The man of the family he was with now would not allow him visiting, that was not even an option. He could already tell this was as far as the man would take; Emily was the one that had decided to go see somebody about their "son", and Connor was so thankful she did. Because he saw him again. And he remembered.

His father was Angel. He was Angel's only child.

That thought brought about a small smile to his face as he turned and stepped into the elevator, looking down so as his father could not see his eyes misting up,…..then the tears streaming down his face slowly.

The doors closed and his stomach felt the small drop down.

He didn't want to leave.

He had found him again. The man that had loved him so purely. From the beginning til the end.

But his memories…they were tormenting him, laughing as they gleefully showed scene after scene of what he did to those around him, of what he did to his father. His own actions stabbed him back into the heart. He saw every look his father had given him over the short time they had lived and fought together, the good faces he could count on one hand while the betrayed and hurt faces completely weighed him down and crushed him. And that's what made him keep going forward, away from the man, even though every part of his heart wanted to just turn around and run crying into his father's arms.


How could somebody still love him after all that? After every look of hate, every sneer, every punch, every hurtful word and action, every betrayal…

No person in their right mind would continue to love….no.

Connor felt more tears leap forward and fall freely as he realized…

After everything he put his father through, Angel loved him more.

How was that possible? How the hell was that even possible, his mind raged. He had hated Angel before even meeting him, but here Angel was, having met him and lived with him, putting up with all his vengeful actions, and…he loved him more.

The sob that was building up into his throat finally let itself free as Connor fell to his knees, his actions and hate and shame and even his father's face, crushing his heart to the elevator's floor.

The elevator itself DINGed as the doors opened and through his tears and half-closed eyes, Connor could see the Wolfram and Hart garage finally before him, filled with cars of every color, and in one of those cars held the family that was waiting for his return.

But he didn't want to.

His "mother" and "little sister", they had been nice to him and he had felt the need to protect them throughout all of this, but they were not his true family. And he couldnt keep up the lie to them.

The man called his "father",…..He didn't want to go home with him. He was nothing compared to Angel.

His real father was everything good and honest and caring and especially, Connor laughed silently, loving, something the other man definitely was not. He was definately not good at it at all, like a certain other man.

And Angel was just up above him. The man he wanted to be with forever was only a few floors up and waiting, still loving him as he walked away yet again.

From the beginning until the end.

Connor felt more heat trailing down his face as he looked up finally, seeing the numbers above him.

No, this was not how it was going to end again. Things were different.

I'm different!

He clenched his fist and pounded the only number he needed 'til it was lit and closing the door.

He didnt get up even as the doors closed, his head bent down and arms encicled around his belly, which felt like it was full of pins and needles, each stabbing into him painfully. His vision blurred again as more sobs broke free, wracking his body savagely, and leaving him shaken as he felt the familiar lift of the elevator.

He had no clue as to what he was about to do, not even on what to say.

And he didnt care.

As long as he could see Angel again, as long as his real father could stop his body from crying and heart from hurting. As long as his father could hold him and tell him everything was going to be ok.

But did he deserve it?

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Angel heard the familiar DING again and the sound of the elevator stopping on his floor. He really wasn't in the mood to face anybody, his usual somber demeanor seeming bright and sunny compared to how he was surely looking now. He hoped it was Wes and the gang so he could just turn and tell them to leave him alone for awhile.

That scent however belonged to none of them. Only one person had that clear scent of pine and the forest breeze mixed with cold ocean air.

He gasped, and even before the elevator opened, he was just under running to the doors and ready to pull them apart faster if need be.

But they opened before he got there.

And what was inside made him almost vamp out in panic.

Connor was on his knees on the floor.

And Connor was crying.

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There's a part of me you'll never know
The only thing I'll never show

Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything

But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
If the moment ever comes

It's plain to see it's trying to speak
Cherished dreams forever asleep

Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything

But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
If the moment ever comes

Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything

But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
But the moment never comes

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A frantic Angel rushed over to the elevator and after once more looking down in shock at his young son, sobbing loudly on the floor, he turned to his left and punched in one elevator door, completely bending it broken so that it would hold the rest of the elevator in place and not have the doors close on him.

That one door was completely destroyed and he didn't even care.

Nothing was more important than his son, nothing was even allowed to be.

"C-Connor?" he questioned quietly but anxiously, also bending down to his knees and laying a hand on his son's trembling shoulder. But Connor visibly flinched to his surprise and quickly flung it away, sobbing louder.

"Connor?" He tried again to place a comforting hand , this time slightly relieved his son didn't move it. He noticed the boy holding his stomach tightly. "Is it your stomach? Does it hurt?" If that was the case, he would give his "specialized" Wolfram and Hart doctors a good beating for allowing his son to go walking around hurt. And maybe to himself for not noticing…

Not getting an answer, though, he tried catching his eye, then gently placed his hand under the boy's chin and lifted, but his hand was slapped away yet again.

"Stop it!" Connor yelled through his sobs, startling the man, and looking up briefly before dropping his head again, continuing to cry. Never before had Angel seen the boy so hysterical. It was scaring the hell out of him. And that noise, to Angel, was terrifying to hear! Many people has cried in his presence, many had even cried in his arms, but for that noise to be coming out of his son….. For once, he was lost on how to handle it.

"Is it your stomach?…..You have to tell me what hurts!"

"N-No," the boy cried, gasping for breath and sobbing louder. "Just stop it!"

"Stop what?" Angel asked, not understanding. It was killing him not knowing what the hell was ailing his son.

"Stop hurting me!"


Connor looked up, tears streaming down his face. His lips were trembling and eyes puffy from crying so hard.

"Stop being so nice to me," he whispered, distraught, looking down yet again. Angel watched the tears drip onto the floor, completely aghast. He clenched a fist, confused and upset himself.

"I don't….I don't understand…."

"Quit being so nice to me!" This time when he looked up, his eyes were blazing, tear streaks running down to his chin. "How can you be so nice to me after everything Ive done! After everything Ive put you through!" he screamed, losing control. "How can you stiill love me?! How!" He gasped as he felt a large weight grab hold of him and encircle him in a warm and solid embrace.

Now Angel understood. This was the reason why he had stayed up so many nights in vigil, after everything that had happened with Jasmine, waiting and hoping for his son to return to him. This was something he never wanted to face, for fear of losing his own control. This was something he had never wanted to see happen to his son.

This was Connor breaking.

"You remember…," was all his father whispered in shock, before quickly scooping him up into his arms and standing effortlessly. Connor clung to him, burying his head into his father's shoulder. He sobbed more as they left the sanctuary of the broken elevator.

"N-No put me down," he quietly cried. "Put me down. I don't deserve to be held by you…..A-Angel please…" Tears leaked free, dropping onto Angel's chest.

Lorne appeared on the other side of the room by the stairs, chest heaving. "Damn, Im outta shape. Hey Angel what in hell's bells is wrong with the-"

"Cancel all my calls today!" Angel ordered roughly, rushing past him to a second black stairwell hidden in the dark corner. "Nobody comes up to my room unless I tell them to, Got it!"


Angel didn't wait for his reply, already climbing up the stairs at an alarming speed.

The green singer sighed. "…Yeah, got it."

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Angel rushed into his private quarters, gripping his son tightly against him as he turned and shut the door, locking it quickly.

"Connor?" He tenderly murmured against a dark brown mop of hair. He walked over to the bed and gently tried to lower the boy, but his son clung harder to him, not wanting to let go. A few whimpers escaped then another sob as Conner tried to bury his face into the older man's trenchcoat.

"I don't care about the tears, son," Angel whispered, sitting down on the mattress, Connor still secure in his arms. "You have to let them out. It'll make you feel better. Don't be ashamed." He leaned down to kiss the boy's forehead, but his son flinched away, yet again trying to burrow more into the jacket.


There was a awkward silence.

"Why not?" Angel asked quietly, moving the hair out of his son's face. He had cut it short, Angel noticed, and in the same style he had had it when he first came to Earth from Quor-toth.

"….Just….don't," He repeated weakly, sniffling.


Connor hesitated before nodding. Angel pulled one out from his pocket and handed it to him. "Its clean, I promise," he smiled, trying to lighten up the situation. It hurt him so much seeing his son this upset. It just wasnt Connor. Well, not like the old Connor. Even though, before, Angel had been extremely concerned and uneasy about his son being so cold, so emotionless, he had almost taken comfort from that. On earth, you needed to know about technology and the ever-day ways of life, which Angel was prepared to teach, but when it came down to street-smarts and fighting, Connor was already a pro. Connor's tears, however,…Connor crying... That did not happen. The world would end before Connor cried, and even then, the boy would not shed a tear.

That was the old Connor.

And that was the Connor Angel almost wished to see at that moment. Connor breaking in his arms was almost unbearable. And it was suffocating.

The fear of it was suffocating him.

But maybe this was the chance he was looking for. Maybe this was the chance he had always hoped for. To be let in. Truly let in.

He continued to gaze at his son, every now and then brushing the hair out of Connor's pale face.

Every part of him had wanted this moment, had wanted to just rush forward, envelop the boy in his arms, and make him forget about his new "family", his new life, everything that had happened and everything that had been fabricated for his sanity.

He wanted to be selfish and make Connor forget everybody but him. And part of him still hoped he had that chance-that Connor would suddenly realize he didn't belong with those other people, that his father loved him more than anything, that it wasn't even possible for the other family to hold the same amount of love.

Completely endless love. Nobody would even come close to loving his son like he did.

He lovingly tucked some stray strands behind his son's ear. Connor had calmed down a bit, the tears had stopped, but he continued to sniffle as he still tried to hide his face away in seventeen year old (almost eighteen, Angel had to remind himself) looked so small and fragile in his arms. Angel almost laughed at that thought.

Fragile and Connor in the same sentence was close to ridiculous.

But he stayed silent, fearing what to say next. Any wrong move or word could unravel everything. He wasn't used to fatherhood yet and still had no clue on what to do.

Connor however broke the silence.


"What?" Angel almost eagerly asked.


"Why ….what?"

"Why did you do it?" He finally looked up at his father, but still not bothering to move out of his father's touch, much to the older man's relief. "Why did you sign your soul away to this company for me? You hated Wolfram & Hart….."

"I think you've already answered that question."

Connor looked up at him confused.

"For you, Connor. That was the deal. Grant my only wish, and inherit all of this," he replied, motioning to everything around them.

"What was your wish, then?"

Angel repositioned the boy in his arms, grip loosening, which caused Connor to jolt in fear, his hands clutching at the jacket again. Even though he spoke calmly, he still had a panicky look on his face.

"It's ok, Im not leaving. My wish was for you to forget everything and have a happy life. That's all I wanted."

"And you were ok with it? Just leaving me with somebody else?" Anger tinged his voice, his eyes darkening.

"No, of course not!" Angel unconsciously tightened his hold, desperately looking into his son's eyes. "Connor, look at me! I couldn't-"

"You gave me up….again," the boy interrupted, this time sounding more hurt than anything else. Just as the words left his mouth, he found himself crushed fiercely to the other man's chest, strong arms circling around his midsection.

"Connor…." His voice cracked as he bowed his head on top of his son's, kissing the top. Why did this one boy cause his heart so much misery? "I've never wanted you away from me. I love you far too much. You not even being in my sight was almost unbearable! But...I just wanted you happy…" He rubbed his son's back, not only soothing the boy but also himself.

There was another tense silence before Connor put his hands on his father's chest and pushed away, not looking at him, his hair hiding his eyes.

"Im not happy, Angel." He got up from immortal's lap and stood, his back towards him. "Staying away wouldn't make me happy. Living with people I don't even know wouldnt make me happy. Life being just a lie would not make me happy. But most of all," he turned and looked down at his father, still seated on the edge of the bed. He put his hand on the man's black shirt collar and tugged, motioning for the other to stand. "Most of all, forgetting you-" Angel stood and Connor's gaze glinted almost dangerously. "-would not make me happy."

And finally, something Angel had not thought possible, something even in his wildest dreams he would not receive. His son hugged him. So fiercely it was almost painful.

But Angel's heart wept in joy, his body feeling as if it was glowing. Those few times he enjoyed the sun's rays seemed pitiful and worthless compared to his son's warm embrace. He hugged back tightly, his very soul soaring.

"But..." When Angel looked down, he saw Connor's head bowed against his chest. "But," the boy muttered quietly, almost sadly. "Do I deserve you?"

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(A/N): YAY! Chap done. Musik was Muse from their cd ABSOLUTION. Thanks 4 the reviews!