Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination.
Author's Note: Here's your reference guide to all the Gilmore-isms in the story.
"How about a Carol Burnett?"
Carol Burnett, a comedienne whose many accomplishments include her own variety show (and who was also seen recently on ABC's Disney tv-movie version of "Once Upon a Mattress") had a trademark move in which she pulls on one ear.
"Look, I'm not Cliff Clavin here, ok?"
Cliff Clavin was the name of John Ratzenberger's character on "Cheers," a popular TV show in the 1980s. Cliff Clavin was a mailman.
"Let's start with Captain Picard," she said with a mischievous gleam in her eye. "Do you, um, need to wear your Star Trek shirt for this?"
This is a dual reference. Patrick Stewart is a classically trained actor who once upon a time performed with the Royal Shakespeare Company, but is best known for his film and television roles. One of his most popular roles is as Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise on the television series "Star Trek: The Next Generation" (and its ensuing movies). The second half of the reference is about Luke's childhood obsession with Star Trek. Apparently he once wore a Star Trek shirt every day for a year.
"Patience, young Skywalker," chided Logan. "Here's the limo now – watch your head."
A reference to Luke Skywalker, the main character in the original Star Wars trilogy, when he was going through training to become a Jedi knight.
"Hello, possums!" Finn proclaimed.
"Oh no, it's Dame Edna's ugly stepsister," Logan moaned.
"He seems more like a Sir Les Patterson, I think," Rory offered.
"Well as long as I'm not a bloody friend of Kenny, I'll take it," Finn said.
Dame Edna Everage is a character created by Barry Humphries. Dame Edna is a jet-setting Australian widow who has hosted her own talk show and is a frequent performer on Broadway, injecting her own particular brand of humor and her strong opinions in all she meets. 'Hello, possums!' is her affectionate greeting, and Sir Les Patterson is a regular guest on her shows, debauched as he may be. Kenny is the name of one of her sons who is quite possibly homosexual.
"Oh my God," interrupted Colin, "we're in fucking Mayberry. Look, an honest-to-God old-fashioned soda shop! And look, the guy inside looks like he belongs in a freakin' barbershop quartet."
Mayberry, North Carolina is the name of the fictitious idyllic town in which "The Andy Griffith Show" is set.
"You know, those curtains would make a hell of a dress," Logan replied as they sat down.
"I am offended. I always thought I was more of a Melanie than a Scarlett," she said.
"Oh, I believe you have an inner Scarlett," Logan intimated, "you just need to let her out more often."
These are all references to "Gone with the Wind," a movie based on Margaret Mitchell's novel about the change in the South around the Civil War. Scarlett O'Hara was the main character, who was rather conniving and selfish, and used her womanly wiles and sharp brain to get what she wanted out of life. Melanie was the soft-spoken sweet antithesis to Scarlett. The curtain reference is about when Scarlett, needing money but wanting to appear rich, fashioned a new gown out of the curtains hanging in her house.
"Master and Commander, babe," Logan said with a grin. He took a sip of coffee. "This is really good," he said, smirking.
Once again, a dual reference. "Master and Commander" was a movie starring Russell Crowe in the main role, and when Rory and Logan first meet – well, when they meet for the second time – they argue, and Logan thinks that he wins and asks Rory to call him Master and Commander.
"Not really, man, no," Logan replied. "So don't worry, Chachi; Joanie's all yours," he said with a smirk.
Joanie and Chachi are high school sweethearts on the tv show "Happy Days," and they got their own short-lived spinoff called "Joanie Loves Chachi."
"Yes," she said slowly, "I also know that gum on the street is not free candy and a peep show is not letting you look at presents before Christmas, but that's not the point."
"Huh?" Luke said, raising an eyebrow.
"Ok," Lorelai said authoritatively, "Elf is officially added to our Christmas Movie Marathon," Lorelai said.
In the Christmas movie "Elf," Will Farrell plays a Buddy, a human who was raised as an elf in the North Pole and goes to New York City to find his real dad. Buddy is naïve about the ways of the city, so Santa has to give him some pointers.
"Anyway," Lorelai said, getting back to the matter at hand, "everyone has special talents. Milli Vanilli could lip synch, the Supernanny can make children behave, and I can predict snow," she said triumphantly.
Milli Vanilli was a rock group that was widely mocked for lip synching their songs. The Supernanny has her own ABC tv show. She is an English girl who goes to average American homes where parents feel that their kids are out of control and teaches the children to behave and listen to their parents.
"Ladies and gentlemen, my mother, the Punxsutawney Phil of snow," Rory said.
Punxsutawney Phil is the official groundhog who gives the weather prediction on Groundhog's Day.
"Oh, please!" Rory said. "He nearly brained him with the Bop-It."
A dual reference; the Bop-It is a toy that is for two people to play, and the Bop-It tells you a task to perform and you do it. The tasks speed up until the first person makes a mistake and loses the game. Rory and Lorelai pull out the Bop-It to resuscitate un-fun evenings, and had to use it on Luke and Dean when they were practically fighting on a double date.
"You know we're going to have to show him Neil Young in a tux again, right?" Rory said.
Dual reference: Neil Young was a singer-songwriter who established a solo reputation as well as one with Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. Rory also showed Dean a video featuring Neil Young in a tuxedo in order to convince him that it would be cool to wear one.
P.S. This is for your inner Scarlett.
Another reference to Scarlett O'Hara, the main character from "Gone with the Wind."
Rory's pulse raced. She dropped the card and slowly unwrapped the present, finding a blue Tiffany box. She opened the box and gasped. Inside was a pair of gorgeous diamond chandelier earrings. Rory heard Dean coming back through the common room and shoved the box and envelope in her coat pocket.
Tiffany and Co. is perhaps the most famous jeweler's in the world. Their trademark boxes are always a specific shade of blue tied with a white ribbon.
"Yeah, apparently this is a Vera Wang," Rory said loftily.
Vera Wang is a world-famous designer.
"The last of the blond bombshells?" Lorelai offered.
"The Last of the Blonde Bombshells" was a movie starring Judi Dench, Ian Holm, Leslie Caron, Olympia Dukakis, and Joan Sims. Lorelai changed it to "blond," the male version of blonde to fit Logan.
"Yes, well, I tried to fashion one out of Luke's curtains, but it proved too difficult, so this had to do."
Another reference to the ingenuity of Scarlett O'Hara.
"What? I said nothing!" Stephanie protested. "Well if you're going to yell at me anyway: you liiiiike her. You think she's seeexy, you wanna kiiiss her, hug her and daaate her," said Stephanie in a singsong voice.
Stephanie is mimicking a cute scene from "Miss Congeniality," starring Sandra Bullock in which she teases her partner.
"Come on," Logan said. "He's been dyin' to do West Side Story again. The knife fights are the best. And the world doesn't seem quite so bad when he sings 'I Feel Pretty.'"
"West Side Story" is a musical version of the classic Romeo and Juliet tale set in the 1960s New York City world of gangs.
"Hey!" Rory said, pulling away. "Stay away from the hair. It took Stephanie and me two hours to turn me into Myrna Loy. It was not easy, let me tell you," Rory said, checking her 1930's-inspired tresses.
Myrna Loy was a popular actress in the golden days of Hollywood. One of her most famous roles was as Nora Charles in "The Thin Man" movies. Nick and Nora Charles are wealthy socialites who just so happen to also be able to solve murders. Nick used to be a detective, but quit after marrying Nora, but somehow they still manage to always be on the trail of the murderer of whichever Thin Man was featured in that particular movie.
"Why, Asta! We've been looking all over for you! Found any clues?" Rory said, sharing a grin with Logan. 'Asta' just barked.
"Asta" is the name of Nick and Nora Charles' dog in the "Thin Man" novels and movies.
"Sherlock Holmes, I presume?" Logan said, sticking out his hand.
Colin merely chewed on his pipe and whipped out a magnifying glass to inspect Logan's hand. He swept out his tweed coat. "Clean fingernails, soft hands; you've never done a day of work in your life, have you, Nick?" he said with a ridiculous English accent.
Logan laughed. "Good deduction, my man. You see I have my Nora," Logan paused as Rory gave a slow nod of acknowledgement, "but where's your Doctor Watson?"
Sherlock Holmes is one of the most famous detectives in history. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle first wrote novels featuring this character, and since then Holmes has been seen in many reincarnations, including radio, film, and television. Holmes is often accompanied by a Doctor Watson when solving his crimes.
"Magnum, P.I., at your service," Robert said.
"Magnum, P.I." was the name of a popular tv detective of the 1980s played by Tom Selleck.
"Yeah; Jim and Gary were pulling up. They went with Simon and Simon. I'm also fairly sure I saw Jonah, who, by the way, might be very chemically altered," Robert said.
"What makes you say that?" Rory asked, tilting her head.
"He came as Miss Marple," Robert deadpanned. Everyone laughed.
"Simon & Simon" was a tv show about two brothers who ran a private detective agency, played by Gerald McRaney and Jameson Parker. Miss Marple is one of Agatha Christie's creations; she is a spinster detective.
"Ah, Inspector Clouseau, glad you could make it," Logan said.
"Yes. I regret Kato could not accompany me. I told him we did not have enough hrooom," Finn said in his best Peter Sellers' impression.
Inspector Clouseau is a character played by Peter Sellers in the Blake Edwards films about the Pink Panther. Clouseau is a rather bumbling detective with a ridiculous accent and a houseman called Kato who attacks him at random in order to hone his skills. (Perfect for Finn, n'est-ce pas?)
"Well," he said, squinting at the card, "it says something about everything coming up roses and a toolbox, but every damn house here has a garden!" Finn whined.
Rory thought for a moment. "Of course! Kirk's love of musicals rears its ugly head. Go to Gypsy's; she fixes cars, and I guess look inside her toolbox," she explained.
The clue refers to "Gypsy," a musical about a stage mother whose dream for her children overtakes her life. One of the main numbers is "Everything's Coming Up Roses."
"I thought you meant like – you know, the traditional kind of carrying, like over-the-threshold kind, like the Clark Gable in Gone with the Wind up-the-staircase kind!" Rory protested, finally stopping her struggle.
"Well, I am doing the Clark Gable kind of carrying; it's just the It Happened One Night kind of carrying," he said reasonably.
Clark Gable as Rhett Butler, in a memorable scene from "Gone with the Wind," sweeps Scarlett off her feet and carries her struggling up the staircase to ravish her. In "It Happened One Night" (a movie that you all must rush out to see), Clark Gable plays a reporter, Peter Warne, who travels with a spoiled heiress to get a good story as she runs away from her father.
"Is Emeril taken? 'Cause suddenly I feel very single. Or what about the Naked Chef? Jamie what's-his-face. He's closer to my age," Rory said, setting her chin in her hand.
"Aw, honey, it's Jamie Oliver, but you already have one Naked Guy in your life," Lorelai said, stroking Rory's back.
Emeril is a chef known for his trademark exclamation of "bam!" Jamie Oliver is a British chef who is also called The Naked Chef.
"What are you, Dr. Phil?" Logan said derisively. "You're full of crap."
Dr. Phil McGraw is a psychologist who was first featured on Oprah and then got his own talk show where he dispenses his Texan straight-talking advice.
"Oh please," Colin scoffed. "Logan Huntzberger, man's man, man about town, having a serious girlfriend? Now is the time to play, man, before real life starts. You only have another year to live it up before you gotta be responsible."
The "man's man, man about town" is a reference to the movie "Down With Love" starring Ewan MacGregor and Renee Zellweger, where MacGregor plays a cad who plays the field and Zellweger hatches a plan to make him commit.
"What's with you?" Paris asked, busy at her craft station. "You've been in a very Daria mood lately."
Daria Morgendorffer is an animated character who had her own show on MTV which was a spinoff from Beavis and Butt-head. She has great contempt for the shallow and superficial world, as personified by her sister, Quinn. She is very cynical and sarcastic.
"You've been Bingleyed," Paris said authoritatively.
"Excuse me?" Rory said, eyebrows raised.
"You're Jane, and Huntzberger is Bingley. He's dropped you like a hot potato for no apparent reason, am I right?"
Paris is making an analogy to Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. The heroine of the novel is Elizabeth Bennett, and she has four sisters, the eldest of which is Jane. Jane's love interest is Mr. Bingley, an amiable fellow who is very much in love with her, but his friend Mr. Darcy convinces him to abort his intentions toward Jane due to her unsuitable family and position in society. Of course, Mr. Darcy eventually realizes he is in the wrong about that decision... not long after he realizes he's in love with Elizabeth. If you have not read this book, read it! Or if you want a faithful adaptation, watch the miniseries version with Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. This is still my favorite version, although the recent Hollywood adaptation starring Keira Knightley as Elizabeth was well done. You can watch the old version starring Katharine Hepburn, but be aware that there are many discrepancies. Or, if Bollywood is your thing, you can watch Bride and Prejudice, where our very own Alexis Bledel has a small role as Darcy's little sister!
"Yeah, except he changed the theme. What once was the Chinese New Year, to honor his fascination after seeing Memoirs of a Geisha, changed to neo-Bohemian squalor, then Narnia, briefly back to a night at Hogwarts, then to King Kong," Robert replied.
"So what's the final verdict?" Logan asked with a grin.
"Well, we convinced him to abandon the whole gay cowboy theme and finally he agreed to a general Hollywood theme, as long as the stars/roles are recognizable."
The neo-Bohemian squalor theme refers to the movie version of the musical Rent, Narnia obviously from the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and a night at Hogwarts to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. The gay cowboy theme came from Brokeback Mountain.
"Ach, who knows. She figures if Demi can do it, so can Patty," Lorelai said. "So what do you think? Poofy enough?" she asked, holding up a mirror.
A reference to the May-December romance between Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.
"Ok," Lorelai said. She stepped back and looked at Rory. "Just, please, Golightly on him, ok?" she said with a straight face.
Rory is going to the party as Holly Golightly from "Breakfast at Tiffany's," one of Audrey Hepburn's most famous roles. It is based on a novella by Truman Capote.
"Yes. A-hem. I guess it's time to... haul out the Hol-ly! Put up the tree be-fore my," clap, "spirit falls again!" she sang.
Another reference to Holly Golightly.
"Cut the Mame before I maim you!" Rory threatened.
The excerpt that Lorelai just sang was from "We Need A Little Christmas" from the musical "Mame."
"I hope you'll be Peppard with compliments! Bye!" Lorelai said in one breath before making a fast exit.
Audrey Hepburn's costar in Breakfast at Tiffany's was George Peppard.
"Indy, Marilyn," she said icily. Logan, ignoring her tone, grinned and tipped his hat. He had a wide brown fedora perched on his head, and he wore a loose white shirt with the top few buttons unbuttoned along with some khaki slacks. Over the shirt, he wore a brown leather jacket, and he also wore a holster that held a fake gun and a very real whip. His date was a skinnier version of Marilyn Monroe.
Logan is dressed up as Indiana Jones. Let us take a moment to think about the sexiness that was Harrison Ford pre-Calista.
"Right, Larissa. This is Larissa," he said. "So," he said to Robert, trying to mask his jealousy, "you're the Duke, eh?"
John Wayne, western movie star extraordinaire, was nicknamed The Duke. There are many theories as to how he got that nickname, but Wayne himself said he was named after a dog. Which, by the way, do you think Spielburg and Co. stole that idea for the third Indiana Jones movie when they explain that he's really Henry Jones Junior, which is why Sean Connery's character keeps calling him Junior, and that Indiana was their dog? Hmm.
"Of course I am, darling," slurred Finn. "I'm fucking Johnny Weissmuller, can't you see the resemblance?" he asked, striking a muscle pose.
Johnny Weissmuller is the man most people associate with the screen presence of Tarzan. He was actually an Olympic gold medalist in swimming before winning the role of playing Tarzan to Maureen O'Sullivan's Jane. His Tarzan movies were released throughout the 1930s and 1940s.
"Um, you know what?" Rory said. "I think Jane sees Cheetah. Jane go now," she said with a grin.
Cheetah was the name of Tarzan's chimpanzee friend.
"Hey, Billie Jean is not my girl," Logan said.
Logan is quoting a line from the Michael Jackson song "Billie Jean."
"Aah! Kill my buzz, why don't ya?" Robert said indignantly.
Ok, so this isn't exactly a pop culture reference, but I was watching a Dawson's Creek Season 3 DVD when writing this chapter, and for anyone who remembers or cares, it was the season where Pacey and Joey get together, and in one episode the group goes to Dawson's Aunt Gwen's house for spring break and she recalls meeting Pacey as a child. He was chasing Joey around the yard, and when Aunt Gwen went to stop him, he said "hey lady, kill my buzz, why don't ya?" and so I had to use it. The end.
"I heard you, but I don't quite follow," he said. Realization dawned on his face. "Was that one of your GRE words-of-the day?" he teased, smirking. Rory just glared at him.
For those who don't have to freak out about this test, the GRE stands for the Graduate Record Examination, which is basically the SAT for grad school.
"Man, that was a real Letterman/O'Reilly moment you guys were having," Colin said, coming up to Logan.
Colin is referring to the much publicized impromptu debate when Bill O'Reilly was a guest on Letterman, and boy, did they get into it!
"Well, I find it rancid. Can't you get in touch with your inner Deepak Chopra somewhere else?" Rory complained.
Deepak Chopra is a famous holistic healer.
Lorelai pulled up next to Rory in the Gilmore driveway. She got out to hug Rory and ended up giving her the two-pat distance hug. "Love your new perfume. Eau de Pepé Le Pew?"
Pepé Le Pew is a Warner Brothers cartoon character. He is an amorous skunk, whose stench prevents him from successfully wooing his intended.
"Oh, I fired Sophie. She was incompetent," Emily said flippantly, closing the door behind them and taking their coats.
"So it wasn't Sophie's Choice to leave?" Lorelai said in mock seriousness.
Sophie's Choice was a movie starring Meryl Streep.
"Yes, she did!" Lorelai said emphatically. "They were carelessly flung away, like Zsa Zsa Gabor's latest husband."
Zsa Zsa Gabor holds the prestigious rank of being the celebrity who was married the most times.
"Yeah?" Emily said, drawing out the word. "It's so refreshing to know that people feel comfortable enough to use slang in any given situation these days. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am that we are such a casual society. Tell you what, why don't I go change into some hip huggers and we'll listen to Eminem while we have our drinks, hm?"
Eminem, real name Marshall Mathers, is a rapper.
"I can imagine. How about your love life? Does Annette still have her Frankie?" Emily asked cheekily.
Annette Funicello, the most famous of the Mousketeers, made a series of beach movies with Frankie Avalon, a teen heartthrob at the time. (You probably would recognize him as the angel in the number "Beauty School Dropout" from "Grease.")
"Hey, so, That 70s Show is gonna end this year, pretty sad, huh?" Lorelai said, blurting out the first thing that came to her mind. "Yeah," Lorelai said, gaining momentum. "That show, you know, with the kids in the 1970s and they… um… live in the 1970s, and I think they smoke pot sometimes but it's still really sad that it's over, you know? Because two of the main characters left, and, come on, was the show really gonna survive without Eric and Kelso?" Lorelai said sensibly.
"That 70s Show" is one of Fox's greatest hits, and until recently starred Topher Grace and Ashton Kutcher in two of the main roles.
"Hey," Lorelai said defensively, "I could have gone on a rant about Howard Stern moving to satellite radio. Before you know it, two strippers and a midget would have wormed their way into the subject matter. Did you really want that to happen?"
Lorelai is referring to the moving of the shock jock to Sirius. Howard Stern's shows always push the envelope of taste and raunchiness.
"Yes, a monologue. Maybe something like… ooh! Like Lester Bangs, Almost Famous." She started ranting in what was meant to be a man's voice. "You see this? This is fatuous, pseudo blubber! You know...which is fine, but...to foist it off as art -- Or The Doors? Jim Morrison? He's a drunken buffoon posing a poet. Aw. Give me the Guess Who. Come on. They got the courage to be drunken buffoons, which makes them poetic!"
Lorelai is quoting a monologue from "Almost Famous," a movie based on Cameron Crowe's days as a journalist for Rolling Stone Magazine.
"I've got a job to do, too," Lorelai said in her best Bogart, imploring to Rory/Ilsa. "Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world."
Lorelai is now doing the famous last scene from " Casablanca," where Rick, the hero, sends the love of his life, Ilsa, away with another man.
"Wait, wait, come on, I gotta do one girl one! Ok ok. Save the best for last: Who am I?" Lorelai said, preparing Rory. "My aunt died of influenza, so they said. But it's my belief they done the old woman in. Yes, Lord love you! Why should she die of influenza when she come through diphtheria right enough the year before?"
Lorelai is impersonating Eliza Doolittle from "My Fair Lady." This is the scene where Eliza is trying to sound posh, but failing miserably.
"We are clear! Very clear! Brita clear!" Rory said emphatically.
Rory is referring to a Brita filter, which probably every single one of you out there has.
"I had a farm in Africa...I had a farm in Africa at the foot of the Ngong Hills. I had a farm in Africa..." Lorelai said dreamily.
Lorelai is now doing her best Meryl Streep from "Out of Africa," a movie where Streep uses a Dutch accent. "Out of Africa" also stars Robert Redford as her love interest. By the way, everyone should see this movie. Just don't forget the tissues. John Barry's soundtrack alone is enough to make you cry!
"Well, I can't seem to remember it. What was the name, Richard? Evil?"
"Oh, I don't know, Emily, I'll have to check after dinner," Richard said distractedly.
"Wicked?" Rory asked excitedly.
"Wicked" is a musical based on the book of the same name by Gregory Maguire. It tells the story of the unlikely friendship between Ephalba (who we later know as the Wicked Witch of the West) and Glinda. Idina Menzel, who originated the role of Maureen in "Rent" on Broadway, won the Tony Award for her portrayal of Ephalba in "Wicked."
Lorelai surveyed her. "Hmm: all black, very pointy shoes, purse that can only hold the extremely portable Dorothy Parker and half a lipstick… yep, very New York-y."
An insider Gilmore reference: When Dean takes Rory to her first dance at Chilton, he comments on how heavy her purse is, and she explains that she always carries a book, and this time it's the portable Dorothy Parker.
"Aw, honey, don't you know? Yente's gonna make you marry the butcher," Lorelai said, stroking her hair.
Yente is the matchmaker in "Fiddler on the Roof," and made a match for Tzeitel, the eldest daughter, to marry the butcher, though she really wanted to marry someone else.
"Um… Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!" Lorelai exclaimed. She went silent.
"Beetlejuice" was a Tim Burton film starring Michael Keaton as the title character. In order to summon the help of the main character, one must repeat his name three times.
"Hush honey, never interrupt Mommy's Harry Belafonte. 'Shake, shake, shake Señora, shake it all the time…'"
Harry Belafonte is a Jamaican-American calypso singer, probably most famous for his "Banana Boat Song," which Rory quotes. In the movie "Beetlejuice," the above song is sung at the end of the movie.
"Come on, I'm Billy Idol over here!" pleaded Lorelai.
Billy Idol, a rock singer from the 1980s, sang a song called "Dancing with Myself."
"I hear the new Ephalba is fantastic," he said. Still, Rory said nothing.
Ephalba is the name of the main character in the book/musical "Wicked."
Logan was running out of ideas, and was frankly miffed that Rory was not going to submit to his charm. "So, are you gonna Marcel Marceau your way through the evening, or what?"
Marcel Marceau is the name of the most famous mime of all time.
"Not necessarily," Rory said, flipping down the visor and adjusting her hair. "I could communicate by whistle."
"Yeah, I don't think the Harpo approach is really gonna work for me," he said dryly.
Harpo is one of the Marx Brothers, and he never says a word – only blows a whistle!
"Hey, I'm flying high, defying gravity!" Rory quipped from her seat.
That's a line from "Defying Gravity," Ephalba's solo Act I finale.
"Now it would take some serious drinking to get me footloose and fancy free," Finn said, making a face.
"Whaddya say, Ace?" Logan asked.
"Let's hear it for the boy," she responded dryly.
References to "Footloose," that great '80s movie starring Kevin Bacon. One of the hit songs from that musical was "Let's Hear It for the Boy."
"Hey," she said defensively, "I stayed up pretty late last night. It was movie night at the Gilmore house, which meant movies until 3 a.m. complete with every kind of junk food imaginable. If Pinky and the Brain over here wanna go conquer the world, be my guest, but I'm down for the count."
Pinky and the Brain are two characters from the Warner Brothers cartoon show "Animaniacs" who had their own short-lived spinoff. They are lab mice, and Brain is obviously the smart one who always comes up with schemes to take over the world, and Pinky is his dim-witted accomplice. Everyone say it with me: "Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?" "I think so, Brain, but if Jimmy cracks corn, and nobody cares, then why does he still do it?"
"Right, well, two out of three ain't bad," Rory said wryly.
I know, I know, a clichéd reference to the Meatloaf song. So sue me.
"Ha! Bloody brilliant!" Finn crowed. "When we get back, you call her and tell her I want to play MASH. She can be the Korean peasant, and I'll be the dashing young doctor who sweeps her off her feet despite the fact that we speak different languages," Finn said, getting lost in his fantasy.
Finn is living in the dreamworld of MASH, a TV show based on the movie of the same name. It's about a group of doctors stationed in Korea during the Korean war, and was alternately a comedy or drama depending on the storyline. Random factoids: did you know that the TV show ran longer than the actual war did? And did you know that the series finale was, like, the most watched TV thing ever? Or maybe it was until that point in time. I should Google that.
"My next little bottle here," Finn said, choosing a new bottle from the minibar. He took a sip. "Ugh! It's rubbish. Good thing you passed on the offer. Bloody disgusting," he said, setting it down. "Right: what's up first? Oompa Loompas or Stellaaaa!" he asked, flopping down on one of the beds. Colin grabbed a bottle for himself and settled on the other bed.
Oompa Loompas are the names of the workers in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, and "Stella!" is the classic cry uttered by Marlon Brando's brutish character in "A Streetcar Named Desire." I'm telling you, you have got to watch that movie!
"Yes, well, I realized that the first step was to send Colin and Finn home. I mean, the day was much more pleasant without Dumb and Dumber, right?" Logan said.
"Dumb and Dumber" is a hilarious movie starring Jeff Daniels and Jim Carrey which prompted an entire generation of guys to threaten their prom dates with the possibility of wearing orange or powder blue tuxedos. The title is self-explanatory.
"It was," Rory agreed. "I have a hard time seeing Finn give the Inside CNN tour its proper respect. We would have been one bomb scene from Meet the Parents away from getting kicked out."
In "Meet the Parents," Ben Stiller is the main character, and at the end of an extremely stressful and frustrating visit to his would-be fiancée's house he is taking a flight home and has a bit of a run-in with the airport staff when they inform him that his bag is too big to be considered a carry-on. His meltdown is perhaps the funniest part of the whole movie.
"No, I don't know. Suddenly you're going all Harrison Ford on me; do you plan on rescuing any wayward hikers while we're in this thing? And by the way, didn't you sink a yacht?" Rory countered.
Rory is referring to Harrison Ford's love of flying planes, and specifically an incident where he was flying his helicopter and rescued a hiker stranded on a mountain.
"Well, don't you need a bomber jacket? I mean, the sunglasses I could forgive, but the jacket completes the Cruise image," Rory teased.
Rory is describing Tom Cruise's character from "Top Gun."
"Tell me something: out of all the restaurants in New York that you could have chosen from, with Zagat's help, mind you, you're taking me to Luke's?" Rory asked incredulously.
The Zagat Guide is a well-known guide to restaurants, and many restaurants proudly display their Zagat ratings.
"My mother's lawn," she clarified. "My house here in Stars Hollow. Oh yeah, and you can't hire somebody to do your dirty work, ohhhh no. You have to physically mow it yourself for…a month. Without John Deere's help."
"John Deere" is a brand name of industrial machinery, often used in agriculture, construction, and, you guessed it, lawn and grounds care. (Of course, when most people think John Deere, the immediate image is of a tractor. But Rory means a riding lawn mower.)
"Hey Beavis, where's Butthead?" Logan said, distracting Colin from his line of questioning.
Ah, Beavis and Butt-head, the MTV show about two degenerate cartoon characters known for their characteristic laugh. Huh huh huh.
"Ok, ok," Logan said. "So we promise not to get physical?"
"By Olivia Newton-John, I think he's got it!" Rory said.
"Let's Get Physical" is one of Olivia Newton-John's greatest hits.
"Yeah, it's like he's joined some new commitment religion," Rory commented.
"Oh, I heard about that one. Madonna's going to join it and Gwyneth is going to name her next baby after it," Lorelai said loftily.
"Yes, and what is up with celebrity baby names? Apple, Coco, what's wrong with these people?" Rory asked.
"Do I look like Robin Leach to you? I got nothin'," Lorelai said. "So let me get this straight; you've been sleeping there every night this week?"
Lotsa references! Ok: They're referring to Madonna joining Kabbalah, a trendy religion-of-the-moment as far as celebrities are concerned, and Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin named their first child "Apple." Courtney Cox and David Arquette named their daughter " Coco." Yes, as in Chanel. And finally, Robin Leach was the host of a television show called "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous."
"Ugh, no way, at least go to Wal-Mart; K-Mart sucks," Lorelai said.
"Ok, Rain Man," Rory said dryly. "Hey, did I ever tell you? I ran into Dean at the concert. He asked if I was going to the winter carnival this weekend. I told him I was, and I think we might have agreed to hang out."
Lorelai is quoting Dustin Hoffman in the 1980s drama " Rain Man." Good movie, often quoted, important in pop culture. Watch it with a box of tissues.
"867-5309," Lane replied, going to wait on another table.
Finn began frantically pushing numbers into his cell phone. "Hold on, I think I need that again."
Rory giggled. "Finn, you can stop. That's Jenny's number," she explained.
Great 1980s song by Tommy Tutone. You know you love it. You also know you'll be humming it in your sleep tonight.
Lorelai reconsidered. "On second though, you kids go, I have to talk to Luke. Just remember, if you need anything, who you gonna call?" she asked, pointing to herself.
"Ghostbusters?" Rory offered.
Tagline from the Ghosbusters movies!
"Bye," Colin said with a grin. "Come on, Finn, let's find you a nice girl, preferably one who doesn't speak English. Wanna go to Europe? We can find you a nice milkmaid…" he trailed off as they exited the diner.
Gilmore universe reference: remember when Colin brought back the milkmaid in Season 6? Funny funny funny!
"Same bat-time, same bat-channel," Lorelai said. She watched with a smile as Kirk left. Luke finally appeared from the kitchen.
What they used to say at the end of every episode of the Batman tv series.
"You will skip class today," Logan said, waving his hand over Rory's face.
"You know, Jedi mind tricks only work on the weak of mind," Rory said, elbowing Logan in bed.
Logan is attempting a Ben Kenobi from the first Star Wars movie. Obviously, Jedi mind tricks don't work on Rory.
"What's up with you? You look very smug. Are you and Huntzberger still all Rock Hudson and Doris Day?"
Rock Hudson and Doris Day made a series of light-hearted romantic comedies in the 1950s, pretty much pure as they could be. Possibly because Rock Hudson was gay in real life.
She was a miracle worker! What was it Paris said the other day? Oh yes, she was Annette Bening.
Sort of a Gilmore-universe reference. Annette Bening tamed the playboy Warren Beatty, and Paris compared it to Rory taming Logan.
"Wow. Lovely little Blair Witch thing you've got going on," Paris remarked callously. "Tissue?" she offered.
Paris is referring to the movie "The Blair Witch Project" in which there were many close-ups of a terrified girl with snot hanging out of her nose.
"It is a puzzlement," Paris said.
Paris is quoting the King of Siam from "The King and I," a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical. The film version starred Yul Brynner and Deborah Kerr.
"It's all Charlie Brown teacher talk to me," Paris said, not acknowledging his presence.
In every Peanuts television special, every time the teacher talks, all you hear is indiscriminate noise, and I bet your best friend can do an impression for you. :)
"You heard me. You lull Rory into a false sense of security, gain her trust, only to be screwing around behind her back this whole time? You disgust me, and you're damn lucky if she doesn't pull a Lorena Bobbitt on your ass," Paris said.
Ah yes, Lorena Bobbitt: the famous case where she cut off his you-know-what because you-know-why. And that's all I have to say about that. (Like the subtle "Forrest Gump" reference there? I thought you would.)
"Hey Bill, where's Ted?" Rory asked.
"Off having an excellent adventure without me, I suspect," Colin replied easily, stopping and looking around.
Of course, this is another famous duo reference starring Colin and Finn as Bill and Ted from "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures."
"I don't know what Hermione's talking about, Professor Trelawney knows her stuff," Rory joked.
Finally, a Harry Potter reference:) Professor Trelawney is a Hogwarts teacher who teaches Divination, and though she is for real on occasion (one very important occasion as you well know if you've read all the books), for most of the time she comes off as a crackpot, and Hermione seriously doubts her validity.
"Happy talking talking happy talk…" Lorelai sang, complete with hand puppets.
"Don't you know when to cut her off from the fruity drinks?" Luke said, taking a cup of Miss Patty's punch out of Lorelai's hand and dropping it in the trash can. The server at the punch table just shrugged.
"No! No cutting off! I'm thisclose to Bali H'ai," Lorelai whined.
"Ok, Bloody Mary, time to go home," Luke said, taking her arm and leading her away.
Lorelai is doing a Bloody Mary impression from the movie musical "South Pacific." Did anybody else think they used too much tinting in that movie? I mean, it's exotic, we get it, the screen doesn't need to go all red and fuzzy.
"I'm coming to join you, Elizabeth!" Lorelai said in a gravelly voice.
"Geez," Luke said, rolling his eyes. "You're not gonna have a heart attack. Where's your car?"
A Redd Foxx impression! Woo hoo! As Fred Sanford on "Sanford & Son," Foxx often clutches his heart dramatically and sways about the room, shouting "I'm comin' to join you, Elizabeth! It's the Big One!" to which his son either grunts in disgust or ignores him.
"Awwwwwww…." Lorelai said, petting the hood. "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we still love you," she cooed.
"Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," a cute kids movie starring Dick Van Dyke that is now a Broadway musical.
"Stay cool, boy," Finn said.
"Um, Finn, now's not the time, unless you wanna involve a real life Officer Krupke," Rory said, slipping off the bench.
Yes, yes, I know, more "West Side Story" references. What can I say? They work.
"Lead the way, Jeeves," she said, placing her hand in his, resigned to her fate.
Jeeves as in P.G. Wodehouse's character from the Jeeves and Wooster series of books (which were also well-characterized in the Masterpiece Theater tv mini-series starring Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie, better known for his current role on "House").
"Yeah, right, and Spicoli's a Mensa candidate," Rory said rolling her eyes. She grinned as they hurried to her house.
That's right, Spicoli, Sean Penn's stoner creation from Cameron Crowe's "Fast Times at Ridgemont High," directed by Amy Heckerling... recognize that name? Oh yeah, she directed another little movie...called "Clueless!"
"You know, Rick Steves says there's nothing like a little premarital travel to test your relationship," Logan said, leaning his seat back. It was 11:00 Eastern Time, and they were somewhere over the ocean at that point.
Rick Steves is a travel guide; he has a book series and television show about his Travels in Europe, and you might remember that when Rory and Lorelai were planning their backpacking trip, one of the books that the Gilmores were disgusted by was "Europe Through the Back Door," one of Steves' most popular guides.
"A joke?" Rory asked.
"Yeah. So Gore Vidal, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and Norman Mailer all walk into a bar," Logan said.
All important authors; let's assume that Logan's joke was going to be bad. Really bad.
"Yeah, especially those choose-your-own-adventure books. Did you ever read those when you were a kid?" Rory asked.
There is a series of books called Choose Your Own Adventure. They are a story-based game book and started in 1979 and the series includes 184 books. The last one was published in 1998, and they are now out of print.
"Is that your way of saying you wanna hit the Eurostar and country hop?" Logan said.
The Eurostar is a high-speed passenger train that transports you between major European cities.
"Absolutely," Rory said. "Although I feel like Maurice Chevalier should be singing in the background," Rory said.
"How's that?" Logan asked. "I just feel very Gigi at the moment… the movie, not the sister," Rory clarified.
"Ah. Well, I have to say I agree with my man Maurice… thank heaven for little girls. They do grow up in the most delightful way!" Logan said with a smirk. They left the department store and Logan led her to the hotel.
Gigi is a movie musical in which Leslie Caron, as Gigi, transforms from a cheeky girl to a beautiful young woman, and a man who was her friend when she was a child now sees her as a woman and starts to buy things for her and cultivate her to be his mistress. All of this goes on while Maurice Chevalier observes the happenings, and one of the most famous songs from that movie is "Thank Heaven For Little Girls," which sounds pedo, but really isn't.
It was turning into a real Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan moment, and he wasn't sure he was comfortable with that.
Just another way of saying it's a rather Nora Ephron moment. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan made a series of romantic comedies in the 1980s-90s.
"Oh yeah," Rory said. "I'm sleepy, so sleepy," she said mischievously, giving him big pouty eyes. "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" she asked innocently.
Rory is quoting from the song "Lady Marmalade," first recorded by Patti LaBelle and then re-recorded by Christina Aguilera, Pink, Mya, and Lil' Kim for the film "Moulin Rouge." The song is about a… shall we say… lady of the night in New Orleans, and one of her guests.
Translations for Chapter 12:
"Chauffeur, vous pouvez arrêter ici." Driver, you can stop here.
"Puis-je vous aider?" asked the woman behind the counter. May I help you?
"En fait, vous pouvez," Logan said, an idea slowly forming in his head. Actually, you can...
"Bonjour madame, comment ça va?" Hello, ma'am. How are you?
"Comme ci, comme ça. C'est aujourd'hui froid," the middle-aged woman replied. So-so. It's cold today.
"Ah, mais c'est l'hiver!" Logan pointed out. Ah, but it's winter!
"Cela est vrai," she laughed. "Et vous, comment ça va?" she asked, gesturing to the pair. That's true. And you, how are you?
"Ah, nous sommes dans l'amour!" Logan said playfully, hugging Rory. She offered a sweet smile. Ah, we are in love!
"Bien, bien! Que peux-je faire pour vous?" she asked. Good, fine! What can I do for you?
"Nous aimerions une pièce, s'il vous plaît," Logan requested, flashing the famous Huntzberger smile. We'd like a room, please.
"Bien, j'ai seulement la suite de lune de miel disponible," she said. Ok, I only have the honeymoon suite available.
"Cela serait parfait. Merci," Logan said. That would be perfect.
"Et ici la clef," she said, handing over the key and getting the paperwork ready. And here's the key.
"Merci beaucoup," Logan said. Thank you very much.
"Sortez-vous sur la ville?" the woman asked from behind the counter. Are you going out in the city?
"Oui, nous allons aux musées," Logan said, pausing to answer her. Yes, we're going to the museums.
"Bon. Amusez-vous, Monsieur Huntzberger," she said. Good. Have fun, Mr. Huntzberger.
"Merci. Au revoir," Logan said. Thank you. Goodbye.
Rory rolled her eyes. "Ferme ta bouche," she said loftily. Shut up. (Shut your mouth, really.)
"Voulez-vous danser?" he asked. Do you want to dance?
"Vous êtes belle," he persisted. You are beautiful.
"Je suis (I am)… ugh, what's the word for married? J'ai un homme, (I have a man) um… crap, that's not right," Rory said, trying to communicate.
"Excusez-moi, mais j'aimerais danser avec ma femme," Logan said, a hint of steel in his voice. Excuse me, but I'd like to dance with my wife.
"Votre femme?" the man said in surprise."Désolé," he said. Your wife? Sorry!
"John Cleese. Ministry of Silly Walks," Rory explained.
Rory is referring to a popular Monty Python sketch where John Cleese, as the Minister of Silly Walks which features the long-legged Python explaining his department's woes and demonstrating his own Silly Walk.
"Because that's perhaps an even bigger deal than what we've just done, and we've only just begun -"
"Hey, Karen, I know," Logan said with a smirk, catching her unintentional reference. "I didn't say those either."
Logan created a reference to a popular Carpenters song: "We've Only Just Begun." He teased Rory for the role of Karen Carpenter.
"No. I'm taking a very important quiz; I'm about to find out if I'm a Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, or Miranda."
Rory's quiz, no doubt from a Cosmo-like magazine, is a personality test to see which Sex in the City gal she's most like. Who out there agrees with my Miranda theory?
"Yeah, you know, that way if I ever have the urge to be Esther Williams, bada-bing-bada-boom! Don't you want to turn me into a Million Dollar Mermaid?"
Lorelai wants to be Esther Williams, movie star of the 40s and 50s who was famous for her movies that inevitably landed the bathing beauty in a swimming pool, either alone or surrounded by a bevy of females doing synchronized swimming for a very Busby Berkeley effect. Million Dollar Mermaid was probably her biggest movie.
"I already gave you a skating rink. That ought to fill my quota of crazy home improvement requests. I'm already pulling full time Vila duty."
Luke is comparing himself to Bob Vila, home improvement go-to guy.
"I know," Lorelai said, "and as sexy as your Bob Vila routine is, and as thankful as I am that you are more Vila than Taylor - "
Obviously Lorelai does not mean to compare Luke to Elizabeth Taylor, but rather to fictitious Tim Taylor, Tim Allen's character on the TV show "Home Improvement" (which, incidentally, featured many guest appearances by Bob Vila).
"I'll bet," Lorelai said dryly. She tried to get her mind out of the gutter. "So, did you see Gene Kelly?"
Lorelai is referring to one of Gene Kelly's most famous roles as Jerry Mulligan in "An American in Paris," where he played an ex-GI who wanted to become an artist and stayed behind after the war, eventually meeting and falling in love with Leslie Caron so they could do a 17 minute ballet and live happily ever after.
"I know, but he's the only American in Paris I know. Ooh, except Sabrina!"
"Which one? Audrey Hepburn or Julia Ormond?"
"Sabrina" was first made in 1954 starring Audrey Hepburn as the title role and Humphrey Bogart and William Holden as her love interests and was remade in 1995 with Julia Ormond as Sabrina Fairchild and starred Harrison Ford and Greg Kinnear as her love interests. Both are fantabulous movies, although for the first time in my life I actually prefer the remake. (The same does not hold true for Born Yesterday because Judy Holliday is too perfect.)
Lorelai just looked at her. "Did Davey just discover Alice in Wonderland?" she asked.
Sookie is experiencing that phenomenon which is bound to happen to all children: Davey has a favorite movie that he has to watch over and over a billion times a day. Davey chose "Alice in Wonderland," a 1950s Disney movie adaptation of the Lewis Carroll books, causing Sookie to be able to sing "The Unbirthday Song" in her sleep.
"Yeah, you know, alcohol. The great social lubricant. Makes white people dance and what not," Colin said dryly.
The "makes white people dance" reference is to a song by Brad Paisley called "Alcohol." I know, the world has ended, I've used a country song reference.
"Give me two piña coladas; I need one for each hand," Rory said with a smirk.
And another country song reference! What can I say? I'm feeling southern today. This is the first line of the chorus from the Garth Brooks song "Two Piña Coladas." Hey, at least I didn't reference the "American Honkey Tonk Bar Association." Ok, time to change the radio station.
"Shut up! Did you guys elope?" Stephanie asked. "I can't believe it. There went the line. I mean, it was an unbe-fuckin-lievably long line, and you just demolished it. Unless this was like a Britney Spears wedding? Cuz then it won't really count."
"Or a Ross and Rachel," Colin said.
"No," Finn said in a rare moment of clarity, "Ross and Rachel were drunk. Ross didn't go out and buy a freaking ring. Well, not til another season, anyway, and that's another story entirely. I can't believe you didn't tell us! This is so uncool. I was hoping to be a best man, man."
Ok, so everyone remember Britney Spears' brief and annulled marriage to her friend? This was before the K-Fed debacle. Also, the Ross and Rachel reference is of course to "Friends" when Ross and Rachel got drunk and got married in Vegas, and a few seasons later when Rachel had just had her baby, Ross was going to propose, but as in all good sitcoms it got screwed up when Joey found the ring and more fun ensued.
"Allow me to translate," Rory said. "The wedding was more of a J-Lo affair."
Remember Bennifer? The first one? That's right, the one that didn't happen despite a ridiculously expensive pink diamond engagement ring.
"Hey, you try being forced to sing "Baby Face" sans the "baby"s at your dad's girlfriend's baby shower and tell me you wouldn't be scarred for life."
This is a reference to episode 3.06, "Take the Deviled Eggs." Remember Sherry's awful baby shower?
"Yeah, and that's Donald Trump's real hair," Lorelai scoffed.
"Ok, fine, so there is a distinct possibility that I need to do laundry," Rory admitted.
"Ha ha! I knew it," Lorelai crowed. "You caved so easily. I didn't even get to do my Omarosa impression," she pouted.
Ok, so you all have seen the weirdness that is Donald Trump's hairstyle, right? And Omarosa was one of the more famous contestants on the first "Apprentice."
"Yeah, check out my frosting," Rory said.
This is a reference to the movie "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" where Kate Hudson's character helps out Matthew McConaughey's advertising firm with a diamond slogan labeling diamonds as "frosting."
Lorelai leaned in conspiratorially. "Honey, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret courtesy of Nia Vardalos: The man may be the head of the family, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants."
A quote from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."
"Well grandpa called the other day to ask about a book, and Logan answered my phone, which was mistake number one, and they got to talking about something… what? Oh, Logan says they were talking about Scotch - "
"Ah. Cuz, you know, I was having SNL flashbacks. Plaid everywhere."
Lorelai is referring to the classic SNL sketch "Scotch Boutique," featuring Gilda Radner working in a store that sells nothing but Scotch tape.
"Well, halleluiah! Lead me to Martiniland," Lorelai said.
"Martiniland?" Emily said with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes, it's right next to Margaritaville," Lorelai replied.
Ah, yes, Margaritaville. A Jimmy Buffett song that you all should know by heart... and a place we should visit often.
"Are you kidding me? Naked City! Who wouldn't want to live in the Sun Aura Nudist Resort? The place has a giant lady's leg sundial."
There is an actual place called Sun Aura Nudist Resort, and yes, they do have a giant lady's leg sundial. You know you want to Google it.
"Are you kidding me? Pâté, French for 'dog food'?" Lorelai said, astounded. "We need to re-educate him."
"Re-educate in the Chinese Cultural Revolution sense?" Rory asked.
First of all, pâté isn't really French for 'dog food.' Second of all, in the 1950s during the Chinese Cultural Revolution, an ideological movement led by Mao Zedong, masses of people were sent to the countryside in forced labor camps to be 're-educated'. (Who knew fan fiction could lead to a history lesson?)
"Make sure to tell him about the Rory curtain. Bye!" Lorelai said, driving away.
You remember the Rory curtain, right? When Rory noticed some little kids gawking over a Showgirls VHS case at the video store in Stars Hollow, she suggested that the box be moved to a higher shelf. As a result, Taylor took every movie that could possibly be construed as inappropriate and put it behind a curtain, naming it the 'Rory curtain.' (And let's not forget how Jess helped her get Taylor back... gotta love him.)
"Yeah, well, I'm no Phoebe Buffay, but I can certainly try." Rory said, straddling his back and beginning to rub his shoulders. "Besides, you're my lobster," she said.
Reference to Lisa Kudrow's character on "Friends." As for the lobster:
Hang in there, it's gonna happen.
Ross: What? Okay, now how do you know that?
Phoebe: Because she's your lobster.
Chandler: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.
Phoebe: Come on, you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, you know, holding claws like...
"Oh," Rory said, touching the scarf wrapped whimsically around her throat. "I was feeling very Mary Tyler Moore this morning."
"Ah. Looks like you'll make it after all," Lorelai quipped.
The scarf really is a very Mary Tyler Moore look, and Lorelai was quoting a line from the theme song to the Mary Tyler Moore Show.
"Yuh huh!" Rory insisted. "What, am I gonna have to pull a Laverne DeFazio?" she said, cocking her head to one side.
Laverne as in "Laverne and Shirley," a great comedy from the 70s. Laverne had an "L" embroidered on every shirt she owned.
Logan frowned and took her hand, following her into the crowd. He rubbed his backside, muttering to himself. "That was my own personal butt…"
"Come on, Donkey," Rory said, rolling her eyes.
Logan quoted Donkey from Shrek!
"Well I don't know," Brian said defensively. "I mean, if we are keeping with the Lewis Carroll theme here, she could go for authenticity and we'd all be tripping before the tea party even starts."
Lewis Carroll, the author of all the Alice books, was rumored to be... how shall we say... chemically altered when he wrote of her journeys in Wonderland.
"Oh, I didn't buy it. Mother made it for me for our high school production of Harvey."
Harvey was first a play, then a movie starring Jimmy Stewart as Elwood P. Dowd, a man who had an invisible rabbit... well, actually, a pooka, for a best friend. It's a quiet, good-natured film, but there are some unforgettable lines in it!
"Perhaps you should tell it again to those people," Paris said, pointing. "We need a representative sampling of the party population to gauge the success of the joke."
"What is this, the Aristocrats?" Colin snorted.
A reference to the recent movie, "The Aristocrats," where comics tell the same joke over and over again, and it is received differently by different audiences. Of course, the joke changes in raunch factor...
"I love that movie!" cried Lulu, passing by. "Everybody wants to be a cat…" she sang as she walked.
And Lulu thinks they said "Aristocats," a Disney animated movie about cats.
"I've been really tryin , baby…tryin to hold back these feelings for so long. And if you feel, like I feel baby, come on, oh come on…let's get it on," they sang.
"Let's Get It On," by Marvin Gaye. You know you know it.
"Aw, come on, why not?" he cajoled. "There's a wide variety of selections. For example, we could sing Cruisin', I've Had the Time of My Life, Something Stupid, A Whole New World…Hell, let's go High School Musical on this crowd. It'll be the Start of Something New."
"Hmm. How do you feel about the Sounds of Silence?" Rory said sweetly.
All those are famous duets, and High School Musical was a recent smash hit on the Disney Channel... and in pre-teen DVD players everywhere. "The Start of Something New" is a song from it. Rory's comeback, and the "Sounds of Silence" is a Simon and Garfunkel song.
"You kids go talk in your room, but when there's a quiet moment, you got some 'splainin to do!" Lorelai said quietly, pushing Logan and Rory through her bedroom door and shutting it behind them.
Lorelai is using Ricky Ricardo's favorite famous expression: Luuuuuucy, you got some 'splainin' to do!
"Oh, he went out the back door… I guess you didn't see him. He was having another one of his nightmares. When I woke him up he shouted, 'I want the purple carrots' and then 'on with their heads… on, dammit!'"
Ok, so the purple carrots are completely random, but as for the second part, I believe Kirk was having Queen of Hearts nightmares where she was shouting 'off with their heads!'
"A lockbox?" Lorelai said, a gleam in her eye.
Ok, think way back to SNL Presidential debates between Gore and Bush in 2000. Will Ferrell as Bush and Darrell Hammond as Gore: "I happen to agree with Governor Bush on that, and I commend him for it. But let me add something in my plan. The "lock-box" would also be camouflaged. Now, to all outward appearances, it would be a leather-bound edition of The Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexander Dumas. But it wouldn't be. It would be the "lock-box". JimLehrer: We are almost out of time, so I will instead ask each candidate to sum up, in a single word, the best argument for his candidacy. Governor Bush? George W. Bush: Strategery. Jim Lehrer: stunned Vice-President Gore. Al Gore: "Lock-box". Jim Lehrer: This concludes the first debate. Thank you."
Rory winced and sat down next to Lorelai. "Well, we brought the rings out of retirement for one night to play a trick on Colin and Steph and Finn at the pub. We got them pretty good and then just had a normal rest of the evening. I had no idea that a son of a son of-"
"A sailor?" Lorelai offered. Rory glared at her. "I'm sorry, was that not an insert-Jimmy-Buffett-reference-here moment?"
Obviously, the name of a Jimmy Buffett song.
"Seriously, come on, give it a try. Many a decision has been made based on what the all-knowing Magic 8 Ball says. Shall I wear the shirt with the rhinestone penis? Do I want to buy that Kenny G album? Should I marry Max?"
More of a Gilmore universe reference. Remember when Rory said to Logan that he needed to remind her to tell him about the time her mother wore a shirt with a rhinestone penis to dinner. Also, for those who don't spend much time in elevators, Kenny G plays saxophone. Guaranteed to put you to sleep in 15 minutes or less.
"Hey, don't look at me. I recall you and Finn wanting to finish a re-enactment of… let's see, what was it now… Last Tango in Paris?" Logan said innocently. "I'll have the omelet and a cup of coffee, thanks," he said to the waiter.
Last Tango in Paris. A very erotic film starring a middle-aged Marlon Brando and some French chick who was never in anything else again. Well, nothing in English, anyway.
Logan laughed. "Don't worry, I am. I think you were actually re-enacting Pirates of the Caribbean. Finn was both Jack Sparrow and Will Turner and you got to be Elizabeth and… um… Davy Jones, I think."
Ok, well, you know this reference, but I just threw it in so you go see the movie. Lots of swashbuckling. Great fun.
"Um, Luke's, I think. Today is Moroccan Tribute to Casablanca Day at Al's, and I think last time his couscous gave me diarrhea."
For those who don't know, Casablanca (yes, like the movie) is a city in Morocco.
"Ok, too much information, CIA-Leaker-Guy."
And Lorelai said this because we still don't know who leaked. The end.
"Hear me out, Rory," Mitchum said, putting up a hand to quiet her. " Logan has a certain lifestyle that he will need to maintain. None of us choose it, necessarily. It's just the way the business works. And a part of that lifestyle is a supportive wife. This may sound too Donna Reed to you, but if you were to marry Logan someday, your role would be a supporting one. You would not be able to go off and cover the Middle East for CNN because you'd already be busy hosting networking functions and logging time on charity boards."
Donna Reed, as in the impossibly perfect housewife of television in the 1950s. Also, Rory dressed up as Donna Reed in the early years.
"Yours and mine, not mine and his," Rory said dryly. "Apparently I need to choose between becoming Christiane Amanpour and your trophy wife."
Christiane Amanpour is CNN's chief international correspondent… and also Rory's professional idol.
"No, Logan," Rory said, shaking off his hands and folding hers across her chest. "You're the risk taker. I play it safe. You're a Lamborghini and I'm a Volvo. Your idea of a thrill is to go skydiving while mine is to find an original signed edition of The Fountainhead. We're too different, and this is never going to work. Your parents are right; I'm not the right girl for you. I'm not a cheap fling sort of girl, but I'm not going to be a society wife, either. So the way I see it, we're getting in too deep to be just having fun, and if we're not going to get married in the end, then it's just not worth it to continue. Now I know you may have random excuses but can you really prove me wrong?"
Lamborghini insanely fast and insanely expensive car. Volvo safest make of cars. Oh yeah, and The Fountainhead, one of Rory's favorite books, though Jess thought Ayn Rand was nuts.
"God, I hope so," Colin said. "So, guess who else we saw in the parking lot?"
"Suri Cruise?" Logan offered.
"Yeah, and she was chillin' with Bigfoot and Loch Ness," Colin scoffed. "No, actually, we saw Rory Gilmore."
Ah yes, the ever-present mystery surrounding the TomKat spawn. So a handful of celebrities have seen her…but does she exist? Hm? Where are the pictures, people? (Ok so personally I don't think it's a conspiracy or that the kid is a freak, but it's way more fun to pretend.)
"Don't worry, that won't be a problem," Paris said, stamping into the common area and slamming some glue down on her craft table.
"Whoa, hey, don't take it out on Elmer," Rory said, concerned the glue would explode with the force.
Elmer, as in Elmer's Glue, the white stuff everyone uses.
"Rory, geez, get some perspective. My need for bonding and drinking overrules your discomfort level at bumping into your ex-boyfriend. Besides, you're not gonna let Mr. SexyBack dictate where you can and can not hang out, are you? He can't claim the pub as his own. That's not fair. It's common ground."
SexyBack like Justin Timberlake. You think he's bringing it? (And since when did the initials "JT" automatically stand for Justin Timberlake? I thought it was James Taylor! The man has a freaking album named JT!)
"Hello, friends," Rory slurred, plopping down on the barstool next to Paris, giggling. "I'm your Vita…meta…vega…whatsit girl. Are you tired, run down, listless? Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpoopular? The answer to all your problems is in this bittle lottle," she said, tapping her drink.
Drunk Rory is doing her Lucy Ricardo impression from I Love Lucy's first season episode "Lucy Does a Television Commercial." You all know the Vitameatavegamin routine, right? Yes, with Vitameatavegamin, you can spoon your way to good health.
"Oh, come on, use your imagination, Paris," Rory chided. She thought for a minute, though her thoughts were very fuzzy. "Hey, Paris, did you ever wish your parents named you Normandy?"
Normandy, another famous French place. Doesn't make for a really great name, though. (My apologies to anyone named Normandy.)
"So, we didn't do any Coyote Ugly impressions last night, did we?" Paris asked cautiously.
Coyote Ugly, the famous bar/movie where there is much dancing on the bar.
"You, on the other hand," Rory said, her eyes shining with laughter, "got up on your barstool and sang 'Pour Some Sugar on Me' to the 1:30 last call crowd."
Ah yes, a classic rock song by Def Leppard. And we don't mean Last Call as in Carson Daly, though come to think of it, that works too. Last call usually happens at 1:30 a.m. and is your last chance to order a drink because the bar closes at 2.
"Are we talking 'wheel of' or the cookie variety?" Lorelai asked, shutting the door behind her.
Wheel of Fortune, the game show hosted by Pat Sajak and assisted by the lovely Vanna White, who officially has the easiest job in the history of the world. (And does anybody else have this problem: when you hum the theme song in your head, does it eventually turn into Ghostbusters?)
"Aw, hon, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to give me more than 'Eleven Andy Sober Me.' Little Orphan Annie couldn't decode that one."
Little Orphan Annie started out as a comic strip and then became a radio show. She was an orphan who fought Nazis, uncovered crooked politicians, and dodged gangster's bullets. Ovaltine was one of the sponsors of the radio show, and if you sent in a seal from a jar, you could become a member of her club, and as a reward you were sent a decoder. (Anybody see A Christmas Story?)
"Aw, we didn't even get a chance to MadGab. Oh well. Now it makes more sense. Well… almost. What brought this on?"
MadGab, a board game that has cards with nonsensical phrases written on one side, and one person reads them until the nonsensical words come out of your mouth like the phrases they're really meant to be. The goal is to figure out what you're saying. Like "dew ache who gulls urge" or "ask rude arrive her." Say that out loud. See what I mean?