And Gamblore Says… READ AWAY PUNY EARTHLINGS!… Please?


"Look at the ring!" gasped my mother, a glass of Chardonnay in hand, at the celebratory dinner that night, "It's twice the size of mine" – she hit dad – "You bastard, cheap skate."

James laughed nervously, eyeing his parents wearily.

You see, his parent's are the perfect, Housewife Annual's couple of the month type. Mine, on the other hand, prefer getting drunk and cussing to being… Normal.

"You know you love it!" slurred my dad, knocking over a bottle of red wine as he did an elaborate hand gesture.

"Well," said James' mother, Judy, putting down her knife and fork daintily and shooting James a look, "I suppose we should be getting going. James, dear, I'll drop by tomorrow to talk to Lily."

James nodded, his face taking a pinkish twinge.

James' parents stood, and left, after paying for the meal.

"Thanks, love!" said my mother, "Lemme give ya a kisssssss for paying, yeah?"

Judy Potter let out a tinkly laugh, "I don't think that will be necessary."

And walked out.

I wish she was MY mother.

"Hey! Garcon! Clean up this mess here, you hear?" My dad indicated to the red wine puddle – "And get me another whiskey!"

"I think we should leave," I whispered hurriedly, as my face slowly turned as red as the wine.

James nodded enthusiastically, and turned to my parents, saying loudly, "Well, me and Lily better get back to our apartment…"

"So you can have a romp in the bed covers, you know what I mean!" hooted my mother, laughing obscenely.

James and I exchanged 'yeah,-now's-time-to-leave' glances, and left.

As soon as we walked outside, I turned to James, embarrassed tears filling me eyes, "I'm so sorry about them, I won't be like them, honest. If you want to break off the engagement-"

James interrupted my upset outburst, grabbing my cheeks with one large hand, "Lily, your parents are wonderful. A lot more… free than mine. I love you, and it would take a lot more than my parents disapproving to get me off your case."

Wiping my eyes with my fist, I smiled, "What'd I do without you?"

James shrugged, "Marry someone who was exhaustingly sexy, fabulously rich, amazingly hilarious, and intoxicatingly humble… Oh wait, that's me. What would you do without me?"

"Don't get too cocky, Mister, there's a lot more people who are exhaustingly sexy out there."

"Not one's who make even wire rimmed glasses look exhaustingly sexy."


I know, I shouldn't be feeding his ego. But you have to admit, he is adorable when he wants to be.


"James," I whispered, poking his face as he slept, "James, wake up."

He opened an eye groggily, "Wha? Time to get up? But it's still dark outside…"

"No, it's not. I'm just scared."

"Scared of what? Yetis?" James said, rubbing his eyes.

"No. I'm scared that we may be rushing into this." I replied.

"We've been going out, non stop, for six years. We're not getting any younger," James said, reaching for his glasses and slipping them on.

"We're only 24!" I said indignantly, propping myself up against the bed post, "I have my whole life ahead of me."

"But that's with me."

"But what if it's not?" I responded.

"Code for what if you get sick of me?" James said, looking at me sadly.

"No. Code for what if you get sick of me?"

"Lily, I've been crazy about you since I was eleven. That's thirteen years. Over half my life. Do you really think I'll ever get sick of you?" James asked.

And suddenly, before I even realized it, I was pouncing on James, snogging him, "I love you."

"I love you too," James said, grinning against my lips, "And you want to know why?"

"Why not? My ego's in need of new nourishment," I said.

"Because you're smart," –he kissed my nose.

"Sexy" –he kissed my forehead.

"Spontaneous" –he kissed my right cheek.

"Stunning" –he kissed my left cheek.

"Saintly" –he kissed my chin.

"Sinful" –he kissed my neck.

"And Mine" –he kissed my lips.

"That last one didn't start with a 's'." I teased.

"Fine," James heaved a mock long suffering sigh, "And soon-to-be-my-wife."

"Good save," I giggled, kissing him again.

And this is the part where we tastefully fade out…


I ran around the room in a silent panic. What should I wear? Judy was coming over to talk to me, and I had to look my best…

I'll wear the green summer dress.

But what if she thinks it's too short? She won't.

Will she?


She won't.

I slipped it on, and heaved a sigh of relief. The difficult part is over.

There was a knock at the door.

Taking a deep breath in, putting on a wide smile, and opening the door, I said, "Hi, Judy!"

"Hello, Lily," she said, walking into James and I's (! – we're living together!) living room, "Eugh. So dirty."

Taken aback, I widened my grin a notch, "Would you like tea? Coffee? Water?"

"Oh, no, I'll conjure one up when I'm thirsty," she said noncommittally, before surveying me, "What background do you have, again?"

"Oh, Irish and Scottish," I said, still smiling.

"No, I meant blood purity. You're pure blood… Right?" She said, quirking a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

"Well, no, actually…" I said earnestly, "I'm muggle…"

Her eyebrows shot up; "My grandchildren will be half muggle? Half blood? Eugh."

"Grandchildren?" I asked in a panic, "James and I don't want children. Not yet…"

"Oh, he'll get you knocked up quite fast. The Potter men have strong sperm," she commented airily, flicking through our mixed CDs, "Who on Earth are the 'Beatles'?"

"Oh, they're a popular muggle band," I explained happily.

"Muggle? Eugh," she said, wrinkling her (magically smaller?) nose in disgust, "Revolting."

"Excuse me?" I asked, before I could stop myself, "Is there something wrong with muggles?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," she said, looking directly at me.

"And what, pray tell, is that?"

I admit it. By now, my voice had adopted a very (very) aggressive tone. But can you blame me? She was basically shitting (pardon my French) on my very heritage! Talk about RUDE.

"Look," she said, walking right up next to me, "I don't care how much James rambles on about 'loving you' and how special you are – to me, you're just an insignificant mudblood."

It stung. Like Hell. To be called the worst obscene name in the wizarding world by the woman who you would be related to.

With one look of disdain, she evaporated.

I couldn't believe it.

One minute you're talking about The Beatles, and the next she's taking a swipe at your blood line. What a cow.

James came out, his face completely white, as he looked at me sorrowfully, "I'm so sorry, Lily."

"I'm fine," I said reassuringly.

If only I could get myself to believe that.


Sixteen reviews and counting for my first chapter! Aww, chucks, guys, you spoil me. Now I shall answer said reviews.

Brianna Black: No problem.

Bucky Katt Rocks: Heh… You're actually reviewer number 12, so that puts ya in the clear.

Cd Lover: Lol! I love how when you review my stories, you always start it with a BOOYA! Or a DUDE! Very cool. And Kim Possible Ron-ish.

James4Lily: Actually, it isn't! I haven't even seen that movie, but I will admit I did steal the Monster In Law title from it for the summary.

Renee: Yeah… It was kinda short. I wrote it when I was night-owling.

Also Thanks To… Anna B. the Greek, Butterflykiss89, Kute Anime Kitty, Faith Tibbles, Steph, Emerald Purity, Micki, Krissy P, Padfeet the Evil Twin (Great Name, By the Way!), and Amber.

And with that I say,

Will YOU be my reviewer?

Until next time, America,

I'm Maury Povich.

I mean, Trapped Rabbit… Heh.