The Swiss Alps, 188-
My Dark Star has many, many marvelous ideas.
This idea is called the tobog.
It's a long sled that everybody rides down long hills on. Wheeee, what fun!
Or that's what our Dark Star claims.
Grandmama said, "I don't think so."
Papa Angelus said, "Wha' a stupid looking contraption." But he climbed on anyway.
My dark star said, "C'mon pet, what have you got to lose?"
Drusilla said, "It's a silly looking sled, this tobogogogogogogogogogan."
Miss Edith said nothing because she was blindfolded and couldn't see what was happening.
Drusilla said, "I think I will get on this silly looking sled."
Grandmama said, "Drusilla, if you get on that thing with those two fools, you're crazier than I thought."
Tonight is the king's birthday, which makes tonight a good night to be a fool: Drusilla sat down between Papa Angelus and her dear boy, how very nice! Miss Edith sat on Drusilla's lap.
"Eh, c'mon coleeen, get over yehs silly pride and join us in wee our bit o' fun, will yeh?" said Papa Angelus.
Grandmama walked in a little circle in the snow on the top of the bigbigbigbig hill that we were all on. She made angry noises, very pretty!
"If we all goes down wi'out yehs, we'll laugh at yehs f' bein sech a ninny!" Said Papa Angelus.
My Dark Star, who was in the front said, "It'll be a great ride, I'm steering." He held up the rope on the front and shook it at Grandmama, "Great ride, great!"
"How come this wee limey is the one steering?" said Papa Angelus "We all know he's a mickle sort when it comes to horses. Move over, let an Irishman drive!"
Our Dark Star said, "Who you callin' wee limey, you big stupid mick?"
Papa Angelus had to hit our Dark Star.
Our Dark Star had to hit Papa Angelus.
They rolled around in the snow hitting each other.
They hit each other a lot.
It was very amusing.
It was so amusing that Grandmama sat down on the sled behind her pretty Drusilla and Miss Edith, "'Tis better than standing in the snow letting my feet freeze." She said.
After a while Papa Angelus and our Dark Star came back to the to-tobog-toboggan, no toboggan and sat down on it; Papa Angelus in the back, our Dark Star in the front.
They started arguing over who would steer.
Grandmama said, "I'll solve this, you two stupids." She took the rope that one steers with and bit it in two. She handed one rope to Papa Angelus and one to our Dark Star. "Now shut up and let's go!"
We started going down the bigbigbig hill very, oh so very slowly.
Our Dark Star said, "If a certain big lump of a mick would get off the sled we'd go faster!"
Papa Angelus said, "If we didn't have such a wee limey in front, we'd go faster."
Grandmama said, "Drusilla, if we weren't weighted down with two useless jackasses, we'd go faster."
Drusilla said, "Whee, we're off to see the ostrich? I forgot to bring the umbrellas."
Grandmama said, "Right, whatever- look out for that barn!"
Oh fudge! The toboggo-toboggan missed the barn.
We started going faster down the hill.
It was a big hill.
It was a big bumpy hill.
Papa Angelus and my Dark Star were steering together.
They were very good at it.
Papa Angelus would scream, "Right, right, pull right, yeh stupid bollocks!"
Our Dark Star would scream, "No, left, left, pull left, you stupid bogtrotter, no right!"
The to-t-t-toboggan went round and round, splendid!
Now we were facing up the hill going backwards. How delightful!
Grandmama said to Drusilla, "We're all stupid."
Drusilla said, "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee. Oh pooey, we missed that cow!"
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" said Grandmama. She has such a pretty voice.
Now we were going down the hill sideways!
This hill is very bumpy under the snow.
Hurrah, we ran over a farmer and his dog!
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" said Grandmama.
We bounced off of a horse!
"Bloody Hell!" said our Dark Star, "This is all your fault, Angelus!"
"It's yeh fault, Willy!"
"Who you callin' Willy?"
"Yeh, Willy, yeh's an ijit from the day yeh was sired, let a man steer!"
We were going faster and faster.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" said Grandmama
The world was going faster and faster and the moon couldn't keep up!
"I said left, yeh daft runt!"
"Right, pull right you dumb bogtrotter…bloody he…!"
This was when the tobo-tobo-toboggan decded to fly. It ran up the side of a haystack, wheeeeeeeeee and we flew like angels, like wild geese, like rocks.
We all landed on the bottom of the hill.
Papa Angelus was in a tree.
Our Dark Star was under the tobog tobo toboggan, making noises.
Grandmamama was hiding her head in a snowbank. This was strange because how can one hide when one's red pantalettes are showing high in the air for the moon to see?
Drusilla and Miss Edith were sitting all snug and tight on the tobog toboggan.
Papa Angelus climbed down from the tree, groaning.
He pulled Grandmama out of the snowbank; it was rude of her to be hiding when no one else was. Grandmama pulled her skirts down and hid her red pantalettes.
She was very quiet.
Our Dark Star came out from beneath the to-to-to-toboggan, "Whoop! Great ride! Great ride! Whoop! Ready to do it again?" he yelled laughing. "Whoop!"
Papa Angelus looked at Grandmama.
Grandmama looked at Papa Angelus.
Then she said, "Drusilla, kindly get off the toboggan, will you?"
Whyever for? If we are to do this marvelous ride again, why do Drusilla and Miss Edith have to get off of the to-t-toboggan?"
Drusilla is a good girl and does what she is told.
Grandmama held out her hand, staring at our Dark Star who was still whooping and brushing snow from his hair and coat.
Papa Angelus picked up the big long wooden to-to-toboggan.
He put the to-to-toboggan in Grandmama's hand.
Grandmama raised the tobug-toboggan over her head. She smashed the to-to-toboggan over our Dark Star's head.
Our Dark Star fell down.
On his face.
In the snow.
"Come along Angelus, Drusilla. You too, Miss Edith. We are now going inside to sit by the fire while William takes a very long nap in the snow." Grandmama said. "One can only hope that he doesn't wake before the sun rises." Then Grandmama leaned on Papa Angelus, "If William ever suggests such a harebrained scheme again, stake him."
They walked up the hill to the big house we had stolen to live in.
Drusilla and Miss Edith followed like the good girl she is.
Our Dark Star and the tobo-tobo-toboggan stayed out in the snow and took a nap together.
It is very rude to disturb a man and his sled while they are sleeping.
Oh look, it's snowing again!
Drusilla hopes that tomorrow night the to-bo-toboggan will be feeling better and we may do it all over again. Right Miss Edith?