Gendo's Need Part 1

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Shinji felt a headache coming on.

Now it wasn't your normal headache most people get for one reason or another. Those weren't too bad for the last blood male Ikari.

No; these were the headaches he got when he knew his father had just done something stupid.

And we aren't talking about "I just got these real cheap off an infomercial" stupid.

We are talking "the World Court is now in session" stupid.

And it all started because of the binder Misato had given him as they entered the Geo-Front.

NERV. God is in his heaven, and all is right with the world. "My father's in charge, isn't he?"

"Of course, he—"

"Oh God, not another damn cult!"

Misato could only blink. "What do you mean 'not another damn cult'?"

Shinji sighed. "Most people look for new friends, enjoy a night on the town, or have some ice cream, if they feel depressed. My father gets involved with cults."

"Really?" Misato asked, thinking it was all a joke.

"He's been linked to ten of them, started seven."

"Well I can assure you Shinji that NERV is not a cult. The Angels are very real."

He could only look at her with a disbelieving stare. "He had an entire city convinced he was the wielder of the Seven Dragonballs and that he had summoned the Eternal Dragon."

She could only gape. "What?"

"It was all done with holograms run by some down-on-his-luck Hollywood special effects man.

"And that's not even the worst. The worst was this cult he made before I was even born. He got these people together and took them to Antarctica. Called it 'the Worshippers of Adam'."

Misato paled.

"Yeah; had promised them that they were going on some spaceship to leave humanity behind, or some shit like that. I'm still not certain how he melted all that ice. My money's on a nuclear bomb with thermal shielding being lowered into that active volcano they discovered before it happened."

Misato was starting to freak out. Ritsuko had told her one time that maybe her father had been there to protect her and humanity from Adam, somewhat of a 'major action' to prove himself in his daughter's eyes.

And now she learns the whole Katsuragi Expedition was a cult!

Shinji waved his hand in front of her. "Man; just what I needed, another cult-head."

Ritsuko could only stare as Shinji continued to lead the catatonic Misato around like a seeing-eye dog. "What did you tell her?"

"Just some of the idiotic and illegal activities my father was involved in," said Shinji. "So; what's your position in this cult?"

"We are not a cult," she growled out. "I am the chairperson of Project E, Technical Department Division 1; Dr. Ritsuko Akagi. I work with the Evangelions, which we use to fight the Angels."

Shinji nodded. "In other words, you're sleeping with my dad."

"THAT HAS NOTHING TO... I mean, what gives you that idea?"

Shinji sighed. "Great; so what does my father want to do with me this time? Character witness? Be some holy prophet? Dress up as Son Goku? Maybe I'm supposed to be the holy groom of some girl he's duped into helping him?"

In the Medical Bay, a certain pale-skinned girl sneezed, before she cringed in pain.

"God help him if it involves a fuku," growled Shinji. "I am not dressing up for some fucking Sailor Moon cult again. That pink hair dye stayed in for weeks, and those red contacts had people throwing what they said was holy water, on me. But Holy Water doesn't smell like cheap vodka."


"Oh; and we had those damn pedophiles, asking if I'd like to see the 'dark side of their moons'; fucking bastard."


"Then there was that time he was going to have me be Jesus Christ and walk on water. I can't even fucking swim and the jackass expected me to walk across a god-damned lake in the middle of the rainy season!"

"SHINJI!" screamed Ritsuko.

"What?" he asked.

Misato just looked around. "How'd I get here? Rits? You won't believe this weird dream I had."

Rubbing her head, Ritsuko continued on to the Eva-bay. She wasn't getting paid enough for this.

"This is mankind's greatest weapon against the Angels. The biomechanical fighting machine; Evangelion Unit 01!" proclaimed Ritsuko. "Still think this is some fucking cult?"

Shinji shrugged. "His last cult had three N2 bombs and a device that could create tsunamis. The fact he managed to build a robot this time doesn't change anything."

"Hello, son."

The group arched their heads upwards, spotting Gendo Ikari standing before an observation window.

Shinji sighed. "Great; he's in 'I'm your new God' mode." He turned back to his father. "You're off the medication again, aren't you?"

"I do not require any."

"You expect me to believe this is all real?"

"I am working for the UN."

"The UN as in United Nations based in Neo-Berlin, or UN as in something you just made up?"

"... That does not matter."

Misato, Ritsuko, and the assembled support crew could only blink.

Shinji just sighed again. "And why are we fighting these ... Angels?"

"To prevent the end of humanity."

"That's new," said Shinji. "Usually; your cults are trying to wipe us out."

"I do not know what you are talking about?"

"Does the incident the UN called Second Impact ring any bells, Servant of Adam?"

"That was a false calling, this is real."

"NOOOOOO!" cried Misato. "My daddy couldn't have brought me into a cult!"

Everyone ignored the crying cult-baby.

"You will pilot Unit 01 and defeat the Angel," said Gendo.

Shinji looked at him with lidded eyes. "And this is a real Angel, not some machine you cooked up to keep your job?"

"I don't know what you are insinuating."

"Let me remind you then. YOU HAD ME PILOT A DAMN GOJIRA (Godzilla for the uninitiated) TO ATTACK TOKYO WHEN I WAS THREE!"

Misato stopped crying, as did everyone else, as Shinji's statement. They all remembered the footage of a real Gojira attacking what remained of Old Tokyo. "Shinji," said Ritsuko, "why did he do that?"

Shinji sighed. "He wanted control of his own base of scantily clad women, and formed a cult based on the idea that he and he alone could defeat them.

"You have no idea how traumatic it was. Every time I pushed a button marked 'EXIT', the only thing the button actually did was to have Gojira attack. And every damn button was marked 'EXIT'."

"I still recall no such event."

"You recall the beating Mother gave you for almost sterilizing me because you were too cheap to pay for effective radiation shielding?"

"... Yui never could understand me."

In the Bridge, the group could only stare as their beloved (cough-won't die-cough) leader slowly proved his madness.

Fuyutsuki sighed. "Yui; I warned you he was nuts."

Maya gulped. "Are we really in a cult?"

Shigeru shrugged. "Do cults give you a paycheck?"

"You get paid?" said Makoto in amazement.

The other two techs and the Sub-Commander turned to face the lone bridge bunny. "Of course we do," said Fuyutsuki. "We are still a sanctioned UN organization. We follow the UN charter."

Makoto nodded.

"If you aren't getting paid, Makoto," started Maya, "then why do you work here?"

Makoto stood straight at attention, surprising the others. "I have sworn to serve the High Priest of Lilith; Gendo Ikari, All-Master of the World, in gratitude for his granting of my wish to be wed to the woman promised to me!"

Fuyutsuki sighed. "You do realize that Gendo doesn't have the power to marry anyone?"

Makoto started to cry, pulling out a picture—computer-generated of course—of his and Misato's wedding day. "But it has to be real."

Shigeru wanted to give his crazy friend some hope. "Look at it this way, man; at least you didn't follow some stupid order like 'all male members must be eunuchs' or something like that."

Makoto sunk to his knees, balling his eyes out. "He promised they'd be returned after Lilith ascended the world!"

The others could only stare at Fuyutsuki.

Finding himself sighing once again, he walked to the Commander's Station. "I'll call the UN and ask he be relieved of duty. Maybe they can do something for Makoto as well."

"Yeah," said Shigeru, "like transfer his ball-less ass."

Up above this all, Sachiel sighed as he continued to tear apart the city.

He had been a kind Angel, never wanting to cause bloodshed.

Of course, try explaining that to his old man. For the last fifteen years, all that the commonality that all Angels shared, was filled with the rantings of the All-Father for his fallen disciple.

Adam had offered the Lilim ultimate power.

And the fool threw it away for a few million yen in life insurance policies on his team, as well as to hide his relationship with a visiting scientist; Soryu-something. Add to that the rants of the disciple complaining about "not getting his desired bride of purple locks", and the bastard had tried to wipe them all out with a single bomb.

So to shut their father up, the Angels decided they would track down this Lilim and crush him, if for nothing else than to have some peace and quiet.

"Gendo Ikari; get your ass out here right now!" bellowed the green monster.

Too bad he didn't develop vocal cords that could speak Japanese. It would have saved everyone a lot of trouble.

Gendo stared as hard as he could at his son. Why was he resisting him? Did he not know his place in this new world? Did he not know of all the sacrifices Gendo had made for him? Hell, he had even lined up two half-sisters so that a new Master Race could be born.

Perhaps I should have summoned Soryu here as well. Too bad Rei is so banged up. He'd do it for some eye-candy.

Hmm; perhaps I should offer him Misato and Ritsuko. They are well formed. Yes; that is my will. So shall it be done.

But before he could make the decree that would have had his current and former wanted lovers trying to kill him, Shinji sighed. "I'll do it. But I swear to God that if I crack this thing open and a guy falls out; I'm putting a bullet in your head.

"Even if it's real; you're going back on your medication."

"I do not need them."

Shinji sighed as Ritsuko lead him to get ready to pilot Unit 01. "Someone shoot him," he muttered.