I'm all about Tsuzuki and Tatsumi so…
This is my first stab at a yaoi (I hope I'm using the right term, basically man on man love but not 'mature') story. It's going to start as a one shot, and I will continue it if the mood hits me as likely a series of one-shots that build into a story. Kind of a whole stand alone complex thing (TM Ghost in the Shell).
Feedback is a good way to make the mood hit me, and as they say, flames will be used to toast my marshmallows….and then make some s'mores, because I don't really like marshmallows by themselves….
Seriously, feedback is always appreciated!
Please note that I really just started getting into YNM. I've watched the anime, and am currently reading the manga, so if I get certain history and such wrong, please bear with me—I may just not know about it yet.
But this doesn't follow any particular storyline anyway…it's all just something that dances around in my head based on a variety of sources.
Finally, I am really busy, so if this becomes a regular story, it may not be updated often (it will alternate between this and other stories I write). I apologize in advance (but it's also one of the reasons I hope to be able to make each chapter stand on its own).
Disclaimer—I own nada. Really. I need some money….
Tatsumi finished his dinner, realizing that he could have made better at home. He had made better at home.
Yet, he hadn't been in the mood to go to his place. While he normally enjoyed the solitary environment his home provided, today he knew that being home alone would have him feeling just that…alone.
Tatsumi chastised himself for splurging. He went into his wallet, taking out the money for his dinner…the service was decent…eh…he decided to give the full tip, part of him wishing that someone was here to see that he wasn't always a 'tightwad' as he heard them whispering when they thought he wasn't around.
Tatsumi began the long walk home, remembering their conversation like it was yesterday.
He had told him it was all right. He had told him that it didn't matter.
Yet, his eyes…those enchanting violet eyes…screamed a different story.
Yes, he had acted like he didn't care, even reminding him that it had happened before.
But those eyes…those enchanting violet eyes….
Tatsumi hated that he had caused Tsuzuki so much pain. Tatsumi didn't handle pain well…sadness well…
He just wanted Tsuzuki to be happy, yet on this very day so many years ago, Tatsumi was the one to cause Tsuzuki all of that pain.
But really, did it even matter anymore? Not to Tsuzuki that was for damn sure. Because if it hadn't happened, he would never have been partnered with Hisoka; and in all honesty, Hisoka was the best partner Tsuzuki had ever had.
Tsuzuki didn't even need Tatsumi anymore.
And if he wasn't already dead, that fact would kill Tatsumi.
Despite Tatsumi being the one to allegedly cut their ties…despite the fact that Hisoka was there to be by Tsuzuki's side through the good and the bad so that at least Tsuzuki was no longer alone.
Despite the fact that the reason Tatsumi quit as Tsuzuki's partner in the first place was because he felt he couldn't handle Tsuzuki's blue moods…
The fact that now Hisoka was the one to be with Tsuzuki through those blue moods just made it more obvious to Tatsumi how closely tied he felt to the other.
No, he didn't want to be Tsuzuki's partner…but Tatsumi now realized he wanted to be 'the one'.
Even though he didn't really know how.
And in the end, that was what hurt the most.
Yes, he wanted Tsuzuki to be happy.
He just wished that Tsuzuki was happy because of him. But he didn't know how to make that happen.
It was an anniversary of sorts. One he wished he never had….
Tsuzuki finished his cup of sake only to pour himself another.
He had told him it was all right. He had told him that it didn't matter.
An anniversary he wished he couldn't remember. Yet, Tsuzuki remembered everything….
He had acted like he didn't care. Hell, it's not like this had never happened to him before, he had reminded the other.
He bet that Tatsumi didn't remember…or even if he did, that he didn't care….
And besides, if it hadn't happened, he would never have been partnered with Hisoka; and in all honesty, Hisoka was the best partner he'd ever had.
Which said a lot, coming from the years of experience Tsuzuki had.
Hisoka was like Tsuzuki's anchor, his balance. He reeled him in when necessary; whether Tsuzuki wanted it or not.
Hisoka was a better partner for him than Tatsumi. And Tatsumi was better off as well.
Of that Tsuzuki was sure.
So, really, didn't it all work out in the end?
Yet, that was how Tsuzuki found himself in such a strange predicament. Appreciating what he had, even as his heart ached for what he missed.
Because the fact remained, Tsuzuki originally thought that Tatsumi was 'the one'. And even though after-life had proved him wrong in parts, in all of the ways that mattered Tatsumi still seemed to be 'the one'.
Tsuzuki poured the last of the sake, already debating on whether he should order more.
But if he was late again tomorrow, both Hisoka and Tatsumi would have his head. Tsuzuki finished his drink, placed his money on the table, nodded politely, and then he was off.
The night was warm…or maybe that was just the liquor heating his body.
Happy Happy Happy…
Where had he heard that from?
"Happy Happy Happy" Tsuzuki repeated to himself, aloud this time as he walked slowly home. Soon, it became a chant, and as he took each step, the word happy would escape his lips.
"Happy Happy Happy…oh…excuse…" Tsuzuki looked up to see whose path he almost collided with. "Tatsumi!" he beamed. "I…" he stopped himself before admitting that he had been thinking of him…missing him.
His smile faded, something in him threatening to break as he stared into those blue eyes…those eyes so blue even in the night sky, so clear even somewhat hidden behind those glasses.
Tatsumi cleared his throat, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "Tsuzuki" he answered softly, ignoring the urge to ask if everything was all right. "You've been drinking" He was sure Tsuzuki wouldn't confide in him anyway.
He cleared his throat once more, pushed his glasses up again.
"Alone?" he compromised, thinking that was a normal enough question.
"Watari was with me for a bit...but he always seems ready to leave before I am. I asked Hisoka to come with us, but he reminded me that he hates drinking. I do wish that Hisoka enjoyed it more; I hate drinking by myself, and maybe between the two of them I would never finish alone." Tsuzuki pouted.
"Yes…well…you do have to be in bright and early tomorrow. I suggest you head straight home." Tatsumi nodded his goodbye before continuing on his way.
Tsuzuki turned, watching as Tatsumi began heading to his place again.
Tsuzuki wished Tatsumi was coming with him.
Watari…Hisoka…asking Tatsumi had probably never crossed Tsuzuki's mind, Tatsumi realized.
He wished Tsuzuki had asked if he wanted to join him.
He turned around, surprised to see the other was still standing in his spot. Was he that intoxicated? He didn't seem so, but…
Tsuzuki's eyes grew to see Tatsumi heading back his way.
"Do you need me to walk you home?"
Tsuzuki almost shook his head no.
But as he stared into those eyes… those blue eyes…those eyes so blue even in the night sky, so clear even somewhat hidden behind those glasses…
Tsuzuki found himself answering, "Yes."
It was better than nothing, Tatsumi decided. Tsuzuki needed him at this particular moment…yes, he was the only one here Tsuzuki could ask, but at least Tsuzuki needed him for something at this moment and time.
Without a word, Tatsumi began walking towards Tsuzuki's place, Tsuzuki at his side,
Waiting for that disapproving sigh Tatsumi was known for.
But it never came.
It wasn't quite what Tsuzuki wished for, but it was better than nothing. Tatsumi was here, walking with him right now…yes, it was only because Tatsumi had some sort of odd urge to take care of things…but still, at least Tatsumi was with at this moment and time.
There was nothing special about this one moment, they each told themselves.
Yet, it was one moment they each would hold onto and file away in their memories.