is My Hatred, He is My Love
b Author: /b shadowillusion
b Summary: /b "Because I love him, I hate him. Because I feel, I must break him. He is my hatred, he is my love."
b Rating: /b What I do know: yaoi.
b Pairings: /b sasunaru! All the way XD
b Feedback: /b YES PLEASE! It would be nice if people gave me constructive criticism. If you have something bad to say, at least give me reasons. Don't just tell me it sucked; tell me WHY you thought it sucked. Or if you liked it tell me what you liked.
b Beta's: /b I have no beta, except for myself and my word processor.
b Author Notes: /b This is my first fanfic. I thought I would test the waters with a oneshot first. Okay, my story came about after finding a sasunaru fanart on my computer. It isn't very well drawn but I like the idea. Unfortunately I don't have the link to it to show you all. Basically, Sasuke has Naruto pinned to a tree with a kunai and he is trailing his bloody fingers down Naruto's exposed chest. Email me if you want to see it.
b Disclaimer: /b I don't own Naruto and make no money off this. All I have gained is personal satisfaction. And maybe some reviews.
b u He is my Hatred, He is my Love /b /u
He is always smiling and laughing as if nothing in the world affects him. I want to break him. It's a sadistic fantasy but that is what I want nonetheless. A true ninja shouldn't be like he is. A true ninja dirties his hands with the blood of his enemies. Their death. You don't laugh as if you haven't plunged your kunai into their chest. You don't smile like you haven't seen the blood trickle from the corners of their mouth. What we do is murder, a sin. I hate the fact that he makes me forget these realities with those idiotic grins. I hate that he is slowly melting the ice that has incased my heart since the death of my kin. Nowhere should there be laughter. No where should there be smiling. He shouldn't shine so bright. He needs to be broken.
I hate that mask of smiles. I see the way the villagers look at him. I have felt the heat of hate scald my skin when I have walked alongside him. I have witnessed the insults, the violence. I have seen him shrug it all off with those grins like it all doesn't exist. How? How can he be happy with all the hate? With all the loneliness? I can feel it in my own heart, the pain in my chest that makes my body quiver whenever I see a simple scene of family affection. Love. A crying child sheltered in the arms of their mother. A fathers pride and congratulation: because their child is now a Genin. It burns through my soul. Yet he takes it all and smiles. He laughs. People hate him and he pretends. Pretends it doesn't hurt him. I insult him. But he still desires my approval, my recognition that he is worthy of living. With this knowledge I continue to tell him that he is a baka, a dobe. He still comes to me. I despise him. I want him to feel pain from my hands. I want him not to smile, not to laugh. I want him to despise me back. I want him to love me because I love him.
I am a walking contradiction, a mixture of emotions. I hate him most because I love him. He is slowly bringing me back from the depths of my hell, a hell created by someone I loved….love. My revenge is wavering due to the depths of his azure eyes. The desire to save him….like he is saving me. I no longer understand what I am thinking….feeling, which is something I haven't done in a long time. Feel. Because I love him, I hate him. Because I feel, I must break him.
He is my Hatred, He is my Love.
An eerie silence permeated throughout the myriad of trees. Leaves fell majestically to the forest floor, littering it with dying greens and browns. Two boys, now men, stared at each other with grim determination. Both readying themselves, they moved into their fighting stances. The tension flowing off the two could be cut with a katana. Sweating. They gazed. Panting. They waited. They waited for a signal, anything to recommence their battle. A battle which began in the waning hours of the afternoon.
Neither knew how long they stared at each other. Onyx eyes bled into crimson, cerulean eyes darkened to new depths. A silent acceptance that their fight was going to the next level. The snap of a twig echoed loudly upon the ears of the boys turned men. It was on….again.
A laugh filtered through the battleground.
"I see you're serious today, Sasuke-kun." The blonde stated with a foxy grin on his lips, as he said his opponents name in the tone of his many fangirls.
"I am always serious dobe." Sasuke smirked.
"I see, in that case I'd hate to disappoint you." The whisper of i kage bunshin no jutsu /i could be faintly heard as five Naruto's surrounded the other boy.
"Usuratonkachi, when will you grow out of that technique?"
"When you admit that I am better than you."
"In your dreams." Red eyes settled on blue.
"Every night Sasuke- i chan. /i Every night." The blonde disappeared, leaving an irate Uchiha and five shadow clones in his wake.
Sasuke quickly dispersed of the shadow clones, much to Naruto's displeasure, and flew at the boy throwing a barrage of shuriken. Naruto merely dodged with a chuckle flowing from his lips. Sasuke was even more agitated, no; he was down right pissed off. This was NOT a game. He should not have been chuckling as he threw weapons with the potential to harm him….KILL him. Sasuke's crimson eyes got more menacing, if that is even possible. Naruto is not a ninja, he is a jester. Once again the pain that he should feel inside was being pushed down with that mask of happiness. Of blissful ignorance. I want to break him even more.
They rushed each other, a blur of blue against orange, kunai at the ready. The clashing of metal on metal. A slash down a pale cheek. Blood. A violent punch to the stomach. A broken rib threatening to puncture a lung. A roundhouse kick to the face. A blackening bruise. More violence, more blood, more bruises and most of all: more pain. The laughter in Naruto's voice began to die out at the increasingly more volatile attacks. He was finding it hard to breathe with his newly acquired broken rib, let alone laugh. Although the blonde saw seriousness in his opponent's eyes, he didn't think it would get this dangerous. Normally, one was out to prove his superiority, the other acceptance, acceptance that he was worthy of the one standing before him. Now, one was out for blood, for hate. The other, to escape.
It became like a dance between them. Each move seemed orchestrated. They knew each other too well. One would attack, the other would dodge. One would use a ninjutsu; the other would use the opposing force. One would trap the other into an illusion, it would be dispelled. What do you expect? Naruto didn't have a death wish that day but it appeared that Sasuke was more than willing to deliver him one.
Naruto came to a dead stop. Wheezing slightly due to the injury; that the Fox was slowly healing. He glared at the Uchiha with anguish and bewilderment in his blue orbs. Sasuke returned the glare and wiped away the trail of blood that was dripping down his ivory cheek. It stung. The blonde was stunned when crimson eyes turned black, and lips began to speak. Head downcast.
"How?" Sasuke whispered into the approaching night.
Confused blue eyes stared at him, "How what?"
"How can you smile and laugh when all you receive is hate?"
Naruto looked directly into ebony, "I am a demon Sasuke, I need absolution," he turned away.
Sasuke stalked over to the blonde. With the tips of his fingers, in an almost affectionate manner, he moved Naruto's face to meet his own. Glazed over with the beginning of tears he made a lame attempt to detract himself from the others gaze. The grip tightened, forcing Naruto to stay locked in his position. Panic was slowly etching itself onto his visage.
"Why are you a demon Naruto?" Sasuke questioned with a hint of caring in his usually stoic tone.
He was met with silence.
"Tell me Naruto! My patience is slipping!" he yelled, lost was his concern, replaced with mounting anger, "I do not like to be ignored."
Silence once again. Fear taking the place of panic.
Sasuke's patience finally ran out with the lack of explanation and quietness from his teammate….his rival….his hate….his love.
Fury rolled off the Uchiha, like waves crashing to the shore. Those formerly black orbs turned red once again, meeting his rage. Naruto was paralyzed with terror. Never had such an expression been present on the habitually apathetic boy. His eyes spoke volumes to the blonde, even with the Sharingan staring at him.
Naruto willed his body to move, to obey his command. To run. To escape. To survive. He remained motionless. He felt a body crash into his and subsequently into a tree, which was an innocent bystander to the feud. Frozen. Sasuke retreated slightly. Naruto fell to his knees. Sasuke raised the blonde's arms so they rested above his head. Submission. He held the wrists in place with one hand. The other slowly, as if time had stopped; pulled out a kunai from the boys pouch. The kunai pierced through flesh, palm upon palm. Held hostage to the tree, a pained scream sent a shockwave throughout the forest. Scarlet lazily streamed down his arms, like the stream of his tears. The sleeves of his formally orange jacket stained with the red of his blood.
"Do you fear me?"
"Why are you doing this Sasuke?" Naruto choked out, the hurt evident in his voice.
"Do you fear me?" Sasuke questioned again calmly.
"Hai." The blonde whimpered just above a murmur.
"Naruto, you are not a ninja. A real ninja does not smile or laugh. A real ninja does not shine in a world full of death. I want you to feel pain, knowing it comes from my hands. I want to break you. I will break you. And you are so weak, that you will let me."
Cerulean, glazed over with tears, looked at crimson. The once upon a time expressive eyes of the blonde was replaced with the hollowness that he was now feeling inside. He knew the Uchiha didn't like him but he never thought that his rival and teammate actually hated him. He could see it now, in the others eyes and in his words.
Sasuke leaned over Naruto and slowly unzipped his jacket. The sound reverberated not only through the blonde's ears but his entire body. The magnitude of the situation began to ring true. Sasuke took one of the boy's kunai and languidly tore the black shirt that Naruto wore underneath. He paused to snicker as he remembered his sensei's words look underneath the underneath. A faint vertical cut could be seen down the slightly tanned torso of the boy, no, man, which Sasuke both loved and despised. A trickle of blood flowed. He inspected his handiwork, and, surprised them both as he slothfully licked away the trail of blood. Naruto shuddered. Sasuke felt it and continued his ministrations on the younger boy.
The dark haired boy reached up to the bloodied palms. He touched them gingerly, dipping his fingers into the red liquid. He looked at his own digits intently before smearing them over Naruto's now exposed nipples. A soft pink tongue glided over Sasuke's lips before heading to their destination. He licked at the bloodstained nipples, sucking them, biting them, until they were firm. A small gasp escaped Naruto's mouth.
A sly hand ran calloused fingers just below the band of the blonde's pants, earning the Uchiha another satisfied whimper. Sasuke moved his face lower and plunged his tongue into Naruto's navel. Teasingly, he kissed and licked his way up the younger boy's chest. All the while listening to the sensual noises that the other created, adding to his desire. Sasuke reached his collarbone and sucked. His 'fangs' sunk into unscathed skin. Hard and painful. Marking the boy with his hate….his love. His tongue continued its journey and tasted the salty flesh of the others neck, marking more of the boy with blue-black bruises. Sasuke tugged with his teeth the shell of his ear, and nibbled.
Naruto was bursting with need at Sasuke's attention. All that could be heard was the erratic breathing, panting, of the two. Former hollow blue eyes beamed with lust, lust for the man before him, the man that claimed he wanted to break him. Sharingan eyes mirrored the same lust. Sasuke's original purpose crept into his consciousness.
He must break Naruto.
He must feel my hate.
Then why do I only want to give him my love?
Another whimper. A crack in his resolve. Another shiver. Brilliant blue eyes peered into his soul. His resolve finally shattered like glass. Sasuke found himself slowly moving his face towards Naruto's. Their lips met in a chaste kiss. Gentleness overridden by passion. Sasuke bit at the others lower lip. He delved into Naruto's warm mouth and caressed the tongue of the smaller boy. A fight for dominance, the blonde submitted. Soon the need for air forced them to separate. A soft pink blush tinged Naruto's cheeks.
Sasuke ripped the kunai from its place in Naruto's palms and disposed of it quickly. With trepidation, he tentatively held the others injured hands in his. Naruto looked at the display of affection utterly mystified, he saw a single tear mar the pale cheek of the Uchiha, blending with the blood of the earlier inflicted wound. Before he knew what he was doing, he was lapping up the bloodied tear like a kitten would cream. Sasuke moaned with the desire in his heart scorching his rapidly heating skin. To touch, to feel, to taste and to be with the blonde before him.
"Why." Naruto asked quietly, perplexed.
Sasuke pulled him into his arms. He buried his face into Naruto's neck, as he embraced him tightly. He inhaled the scent of the other boy. Yearning. Naruto, apprehensively, moved his almost healed hands, and hugged the boy back. Time passed silently. Naruto felt the heat of Sasuke's body leave his own as he moved away slightly. He cupped the smaller boys face in his hands and held his gaze, and whispered:
"I want you to hate me, because I love you."
Hesitantly he let his hands drop to his sides. His black bangs covered his eyes, and the tears that were flowing down his ivory cheeks. A wisp of leaves circled around Sasuke. With his final confession, he disappeared.
Naruto eyes widened at the words just spoken. He watched helplessly as the boy escaped amongst the foliage of his teleportation jutsu. He stared at the place that the boy once stood. More of his own tears fell, with his body, to the forest floor.
Melancholy, Naruto whispered into the darkness, "I love you too."
He is my Hatred, He is my Love.
Thank you for reading. Please review!