If You Want to Call It That

A Slayers Fanfiction

Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers, and I am making no money from this.

As the Knight Gordon kicked in the door to the monster's lair, only one thought was on his mind. He had to rescue the maidens! Almost half of the maidens in his village had dissapeared in the past few days, and he had finally tracked them to this place. It had been easy, almost as if whatever fiend had taken them wanted a fight.

Greeting his eyes was what seemed to be a man. He was somewhat tall, with purple hair. His eyes always seemed to be closed when looked at, and his mouth seemed permanently upturned in a smile. Though Gordon didn't know it, he was looking at Xellos, the Trickster Priest.

More importantly, at least in Gordon's mind, was the maiden tied up by Xellos' side. She was short, and had fiery red hair. Rather than the fear the Knight expected, the look on her face was one of fury. Again, Gordon was unaware of her true identity: She was the Enemy of All Who Live, Lina Inverse. The poor knight thought she must simply be a maiden from some other village.

A maiden with a dagger to her throat, that is. As the door settled on the floor, Xellos spoke. "Don't come any closer, human."

Gordon felt a righteous anger build in him. "Vile Creature! Unhand her at once!"

Xellos smile deepened in a sickening way. "But I don't want to take my hands off of her." He gently ran a single finger along Lina's thigh in a seductive manner. "I want to keep them on her, and do all kinds of things to her... to make her scream."

Lina's anger showed even more strongly on her face, but Gordon paid it no mind. "Is that why you took all those girls, you fiend? To satisfy your foul appetites?"

"No, actually it isn't."

"For what reason, then?"

"I'm trying to prove something to someone important to me. You didn't think I'd go to all this trouble on my own account, did you?"

"Hah! A Demon cares for no one but himself. Release the girls at once!"

"I didn't say I cared, exactly... I said important. And if you want the girls, just put all your money in a pile over there." Xellos pointed nonchalantly to the side of the room.

"And why should I do that? I'll simply kill you!"

Xellos moved the knife by Lina's throat menacingly. "I told you not to move. All I want is your money."

"My money is worth sacrificing a young girl's life?"

At this, Xellos' eyes opened. His irises betrayed a great anger, a cruel malevolence that desired pain. "More than you know, holy man. This mission is actually very annoying. Normally if I wanted your money I'd simply kill you. But today's your lucky day! The one who set me on this mission seems to want you alive."

"Why would a Demon care if I lived or not?"

The smile returned to Xellos' face. "Now that... is a secret!"

"So you demean yourself to satisfy the whims of your demon master. How pathetic."

"I would level nations on this person's whim alone. I would beg, cheat, steal, or kill for a mere word. I would even end my own existence if it were needed to protect the bearer of that whim. Feel lucky that that whim only wants your money."

Gordon scoffed. "So, even a Demon can feel something akin to love."

"If you want to call it that. Look, give me your money and I'll release every girl here. They're even unharmed."

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because," Xellos hissed, giving Lina a significant glance, "I don't lie."

There was a long, tense silence. Finally, Gordon threw a pile of coins to the wall "Uphold your end."

Xellos smile brightened. "Of course!" He waved his hand, opening a side door. Looking in, he waved out several maidens. "And as promised, a protective charm for each of you."

Confusion grew rapidly on the knight's face. "Huh?"

The maidens all bowed. One of them, the oldest, spoke. "Thank you for your hospitality, Mr. Xellos."

Gordon simply stood there, dumbfounded, as Xellos released Lina. "Well then, I believe I've won our little bet."

"Oh no you haven't!"

"I've upheld our terms, Lina! I got his money without killing anyone and without lying!"

At this, Gordon interrupted. "What? You liar! She wasn't your hostage at all!"

"I did not lie. She was tied up, and I did hold a knife to her. You were the one who assumed I intended to use it."

Lina pouted slightly. "Well, I guess that isn't technically a lie..."

Gordon finally dispelled his confusion. "Now that you have no hostages, I'll kill you, you beast!"

As the knight charged, Xellos sighed. He stepped over, put his arm around Lina, and teleported them to a nearby part of the woods.

After collecting herself, Lina turned back to Xellos. "Okay, so you didn't lie about the hostages, you let them assume."


"But come on! All that crap about loving Beastmaster Zellas had to be a lie!"

"But Lina, I never said anything about her."

This caught Lina short, and her only reply was a quiet, "Huh?"

"After all, she didn't send me on this mission, now did she?" Xellos turned and began walking.

As she contemplated the meaning of his words, Lina's face grew redder than her hair.

"Oh, and Lina?" Xellos turned back and gave Lina a predatory grin. "I didn't lie today... about anything.