Secret Lives (Or… Not)

AN: innuendo out your nose! Ah, I couldn't resist this one…Slight shonen ai.

revised as of 8.23.06

Disclaimer: Don't own the rights to Gundam Wing or a proper shelving unit.

"Hey Quatre, where are you going?" I asked, strolling down the hallway of the dormitory. It was dead quiet, except for me of course. The other students were probably out partying. It's what they did on Saturday night, while we Gundam pilots sat around bored out of our skulls, waiting for a new mission to kick some serious ass. God, I couldn't stand the waiting!

Quatre turned and smiled. "Just returning a book from the school library."

"Ah…" Well, what else could I say to that?

Thump.

Quatre and I turned and looked at each other. "What… was that?"

He shrugged. "It sounded like it came from Heero's room."

We glanced at the dormitory door. Thump-whump. "You don't think he's trying to kill Trowa, do you?" he asked anxiously. Earlier in the day they were discussing a project to work on. Dear Heero was not known to work well with others. I had a few scars to prove it. I would've pitied Trowa, but I figured he could stand up for himself pretty well. He was taller than Heero.

I shrugged. "I wouldn't put it past him. Heero's a little trigger happy, you know? But he'll be fine."

"Heero, not so hard."

We exchanged looks again. What the hell? I shifted my weight nervously. "Does he sound like he's… you know?" I asked, making suggestive gestures.

Hastily, Quatre shook his head. "Of course not, don't be ridicu-"

"It won't go in otherwise." There was no mistaking the grunt in the voice of the Perfect Soldier.

Quatre's already pale face paled more. He dropped his book and ignored it where it landed. And I didn't blame him. What was going on in there? "We should…" he gulped. "We should go."

"We should stop them!"

Thump.

He gave me a frantic look. "How are you going to explain barging in on them? Hey guys, just passing by. Thought we'd come watch."

"… Maybe."

He shook his head vehemently at my suggestion. "No. You know… This- this is…" Again, he gulped, "a private moment." His face scrunched in agony of the thought.

"I guess you're right," I admitted. But I hated the fact that Trowa got to Heero first. Or… at all. Heero was mine! Er, he just didn't know it yet. Damn him. Damn the both of them! "Fine. Let's just go-"

"Will you stop moving so much? I can't get it in when you do that," Heero muttered.

"Ahh… sorry… I don't have a lot of experience with this sort of thing."

By this time Quatre and I had fervent ears pressed to the door.

Thu-thump.

"Neither do I."

"Really? I never would've guessed." Thump. "Ouch! Heero, that hurt!"

"Gomen ne. Didn't mean to hurt you."

By now, Quatre's face was scarlet and mine felt equally hot. Heero, I never guessed… If I'd only known, I would've gotten to you first dammit! But Trowa was stealing you away! And here I was, shamelessly listening to him do it. God, I hated myself, but I couldn't tear myself away. Somehow, hearing the guy I secretly pined for in the throes of passion made my blood hot. I sensed that Quatre was feeling the same way. His expression certainly read as much.

Thump.

"Are you okay now?" we heard Heero ask.

"I- yes, I think so."

"You guys aren't finished yet?"

Quatre and I choked. Wufei too! I felt betrayed. Was this what the guys did when we were away? Those bastards!

"You can join us." Was Heero… Did Heero just suggest…? I was in such disbelief that I couldn't even complete the thought. I was pretty sure I didn't want to complete that thought. Trowa and Wufei… I hated them!

Wufei snorted. "I'll show you how a real man does it."

THUMP! Thu-THUMP!

"Damn, you're good."

Quatre and I slumped against the door, nearly beside ourselves. My mind was sullied. My Perfect Soldier… dirtied through orgy! How could I think of him in the same way?

"It wasn't that hard to figure out. I've been watching you two go at it for over an hour."

Quatre choked and I felt the blood drain from my face.

"Wufei, can you show me what you did?" Heero asked. "Trowa keeps moving. I can't get it in right."

"Hold on, I'll get something that will make it a bit easier." Oh God, that could only be-

The doorknob turned. By the time Quatre and I realized what was going to happen, it was too late. The door groaned open and the two of us tumbled inside Heero's room, end over end.

Shadows loomed over us. Hastily, I clamped my eyes shut. Oh shit, oh shit, ohshitohshitohSHIT!

"Duo, Quatre. What are you two doing?" Heero demanded severely.

Goodbye sweet life! I peeked. Yes, I know… I'm sorry! I couldn't help it! And I was vastly disappointed. Surprised, too, but mostly disappointed. They were fully dressed. I sat up, dumping Quatre aside. And immediately, I clamped my hands over my lap. No need for them to know what had been going through my sinfully dirty mind.

"Ah… heh heh heh… Hey guys." From the corner of my eye, I saw a pile of wood. So I looked at that as well. From what I understood, it was one of those do-it-yourself shelving units. With neat little grooves for each shelf to fit into place. Knowing Heero's lack of carpentry skills, they were probably trying to beat the shelving into place… Accounting for the random thumps. Even Trowa was nursing an injured thumb. I could feel my face growing redder by the second. Oh Christ, this was embarrassing.

"I'm not going to ask again."

"Well, I... uh, we- that is…" Quatre stammered.

"Justwantedtosayhisohigoodbye!" I seized Quatre's collar and bolted, dragging him behind me. It was then that I vowed to never, ever listen at Heero's door again.