"Arthur, are you sure this is a good idea?" Molly Weasley asked her husband nervously. They were planning on taking a Muggle vacation for the very first time, and she wasn't so sure if taking her 7 children on the road was an intelligent thing to do.
"Molly, it's a great idea! I've always wanted to take a Muggle vacation! Besides, the kids are absolutely thrilled!" Arthur Weasley, unlike many wizards, was absolutely fascinated with Muggles.
"That's what I'm afraid of." Molly muttered as her youngest son Ron came bursting out of the Burrow with his younger sister Ginny in hot pursuit.
"MUM! HELP!" Ron screamed as he ran and took refuge behind his mother.
"What's going on?" Molly cried.
"RON STOLE MY BERTIES!" Ginny shrieked.
"NO I DIDN'T!"
"YES YOU DID!"
Molly rubbed her head.
"Mum, you forgot my broomstick!" A new voice called.
"No I didn't Charlie." She called to her second eldest son. ("DID TOO!" "DID NOT!")
"Yeah you did. Here." He handed it to her to put with the rest of the luggage.
"We're not taking your broomstick."
"What? Yes we are! We have to!"
Molly knew prying Charlie away from his precious broomstick would be like separating a fish from the water and expecting it to survive. "Charlie, we're taking a Muggle vacation and I'm very sorry, but that means no broom."
"But I'm Quidditch Captain!" He whined.
"Oh stop whining Hot-Shot, we'll only be gone a couple of days!" Bill, the eldest Weasley brother, yelled above Ron and Ginny who were still shouting at each other.
"ENOUGH!" Molly shouted. "Ron, do you have Ginny's Berties?"
"No!" Little Ron told his mother.
"Ginny, do you know where you saw them last?"
Ginny sniffed. "On the table." Molly suddenly realized who the guilty party was and as if on cue, two boys snuck around to the other side of the van where they wouldn't be seen and tried to climb in through the door.
"Fred! George!" Molly called. After a moment, the door facing them slid open and two identical angelic faces appeared.
"Yes?" The twins asked sweetly.
"Where are Ginny's Berties?"
"Ron." They replied.
"Wrong." Molly told them. The twins looked at each other.
"Give them to me." She held out her hand. Reluctantly, Fred reached into his back pocket and held out a bag of brightly colored jelly beans. Molly handed them to Ginny. "Here you are dear."
Ginny inspected the half-eaten bag. "Yuck. They only left the nasty ones." She turned and promptly stuck out her tongue at her twin brothers, who were smiling innocently.
Arthur, who had been standing and watching all the events of the morning, broke the silence. "Well then, are we ready to go?" He asked excitedly.
"Yes, I – wait, where's Percy?" Molly asked, referring to her 3rd eldest son.
"Uhhh…I think he was inside reading." Bill said.
"Yuck!" The twins made disgusted faces.
"Oh come on. Reading's not that bad." Charlie told them.
"That's because you've only read two books in your life." Bill remarked. "Quidditch Through the Ages and Men Who Love Dragons Too Much."
"They're good books."
"I'll go get Percy." Molly said.
"Aw, can't we just leave him?" Ron asked.
"Of course not Ron! He's your brother." Arthur told him.
"But he's boring!" Ron complained. "It's always homework or school or – "
"'I'm going to be the next Minister of Magic!'" Fred and George finished Ron's sentence.
Soon they were on the road. Barely 2 minutes into their drive, Fred commented, "I'm bored."
"Me too." George agreed with his twin.
"Oh my word. You two have the shortest attention spans out of anyone I have ever met. We haven't even been driving for 5 minutes!" Percy told them, looking up from his homework.
"What was that you said Perce?" Fred asked
"Yeah, we weren't paying attention." George added.
"Nothing." Percy said through clenched teeth, well aware that the twins were making fun of him. He went back to his homework.
"Explain to me why you brought your homework along when we're supposed to be on vacation." Charlie said to his younger brother.
"You wanted to bring your broomstick." Molly reminded him, feeling the need to stick up for Percy.
"But Mum, flying is fun!" Charlie explained to her as if this was the most obvious statement in the world.
"Well maybe to Percy, homework is fun." She told him.
"What normal 12-year-old, or anyone for that matter, enjoys homework?" Charlie asked.
"You know, I can hear every world you're saying about me." Percy glared at his brother.
"That's ok. We don't mind." Fred said.
"What? What do you mean you don't mind? You're not even a part of this conversation you little twit!" Percy snapped.
"Mum!" Fred whined.
"That's enough! Out of all of you!" Molly warned her children.
"I haven't even said anything!" Ron said.
"Me neither!" Ginny piped up.
"Yeah, we're your good children Mum. It's those other ones who are the trouble makers." Bill grinned.
"That's why you're Head Boy, right Bill?" Charlie asked.
"Yep!" Bill said with a satisfied grin.
Charlie stared at him. "You know I was making fun of you, right?"
"Like you could ever be Head Boy." Bill rebutted.
"Hey, I'm a prefect."
"Why don't we turn on the radio?" Arthur said.
"No…" Percy groaned.
"YEAH!" Fred and George shouted.
"I think it's broken Arthur." Molly said, looking as though she sincerely wished it wasn't.
"That's ok. Fred and me can sing!" George said cutely.
"NO!" This time it was Bill, Charlie, and Percy who protested.
"That's very nice Sweetie, but why don't we just talk?" Molly said, trying to save everyone's ears, but at the same time trying not to hurt her 10-year-old twins' feelings.
"Ok, about what?" George asked.
"I had a dream about a Pop-Tart last night!" Fred said, grinning with pride.
"A what?" Ginny asked.
"It's a kind of Muggle pastry. Quite tasty actually." Arthur explained.
"Ooh! I wanna try one!" Ginny said excitedly.
"Me too!" Ron declared.
"You're a very special person, aren't you Fred?" Charlie asked.
The twins turned and flashed their 15-year-old brother adorable, identical grins.
"You know, if you hadn't dropped them on their heads when they were 2, they may have turned out relatively normal." Bill said.
"Charlie dropped us!" George gasped, turning once again to face his older brothers.
"I don't remember that…" Fred said thoughtfully.
"That's my point." Bill said.
"Charlie never dropped you boys." Molly said as if the whole idea was absolutely absurd.
"Yeah, actually he did." Bill snickered.
"Charlie?" Molly turned to face her son, who was attempting to maintain an it-was-no-big-deal-they're-just-fine face.
"It didn't affect them!" He tried to defend himself. At that remark, Fred and George puffed out their cheeks, crossed their eyes, and put their hands to their cheeks and started flapping them like fish gills. Bill hooted with laughter.
"No, it didn't affect them at all." He laughed.
"Look! Cow!" Fred shouted, dropping the fish act and pointing out the window.
"Moo." George said.
"Moo." Fred echoed.
"Moo." "Moo." "Moo." "Moo."
Five minutes later
"Moo." "Moo." "Moo." "Moo."
"STOP IT!" Molly cried, exasperated. The twins shut their mouths and pulled on their best innocent faces.
"Moo." George said quietly. Molly turned and threw the twins a death glare. They hid their faces behind their hands.
"Ooh…look! A cemetery!" Ron said, fascinated.
"Let's hold our breaths!" Fred yelled. He and George took deep breaths.
"Fred dear, you have got to keep your voice down. Everyone can hear you just fine." Molly told him. Fred and George could only look at her with their big blue eyes as they were still holding their breaths. 10 seconds passed. 20 seconds. The cemetery was meters behind them. 30 seconds and the twins were starting to turn very red. George started flailing his arms about as a signal to his family that he was about to pass out. Charlie smacked the twins on the back of the heads.
"Breathe geniuses! Breathe!" He told them. Fred and George each took deep breaths, looking very relieved.
"You certainly have some brilliant children Mum." Bill commented.
"Don't I know it." Molly remarked.
"I can see stars." Fred said absent-mindedly staring at the ceiling.
"Oh Merlin…" Bill muttered.
"How much longer?" Ginny asked.
"We still have a pretty long drive ahead of us." Arthur said cheerfully.
"With us! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" Fred and George laughed demonically.
"Someone stun me, please." Charlie pleaded.
"Me first." Molly told him.
"Better yet, someone stun THEM!" Bill said pointing to Fred and George who were bouncing up and down in their seats. They stopped immediately and turned to face Bill.
"But you LOVE us!" They told him.
"Yeah, like I love having staring contests with Basilisks." Bill said sarcastically. Fred and George took that as an opportunity to hiss at him. They then turned around and sat back down in their seats.
Bill shook his head and whispered, "So strange."
"Yeah, but they'll make great Beaters one day." Charlie said.
"I would not go within a ten mile radius of Fred or George with Beater clubs." Bill said.
"We'll be the greatest Beaters Gryffindor has ever seen!" Fred said enthusiastically.
"Don't you mean Syltherin?" Bill asked.
"MUM!" Fred and George whined.
"Hey, you two just hissed at me." Bill pointed out. The twins giggled evilly.
"Mum! He won't stop poking me!"
"Fred, stop poking Ron."
10 seconds later
"I'm bored!" Fred defended himself.
"Well, find something to do other than abuse your little brother."
Fred and George looked at each other. Then George reached over Fred and pulled Ginny's (who was sitting up front with her parents) hair.
"What is it Ginny?" Molly asked.
"Someone pulled my hair."
Molly turned and gave Fred and George (whose innocent, angelic expressions fooled no one) an angry glare. "Please keep your hands to yourselves."
"Yes Mum." Fred and George sat in silence for a few minutes longer before they turned to look at their older brothers. They stared directly at Percy, who looked up from the book he was reading when he felt their eyes on him.
"May I help you?" He asked. Fred and George continued to stare at him. Percy tried to concentrate on his book again. After a few more seconds, he looked up and said, "Would you kindly not stare at me?" Fred and George stared on. "Stop staring at me!"
"Fred! George! I am going to separate the both of you if you do not behave yourselves!" Molly scolded.
Fred and George gasped at the very thought. "NO!"