Disclaimer: I do not own Rave Master (Groove Adventure Rave) in anyway

Teaser: six reasons Haru Glory was better off eloping

Warnings: Thanks to the Supreme Suck Lords of Cartoon Network, Rave Master is on at six every morning on Sunday. I didn't think such a time existed on Sunday so I don't watch it anymore. I have a vague idea how the anime ends so bear with the lack of… accuracy, alright?

Timeline: I take a few liberties with the ages here, and think along the lines that the adventure took a while and people got married younger.

Better Off Dead

I. Sister

When Elie agreed to marry Haru Glory, he decided their wedding should be at Garage Island, with the one family member he had remaining. His sister.

On the way home, he had imagined his wife-to-be and his beloved sister meeting for the first time. Tender, loving music would play in the background as Elie and Cattleya stared at each other across a field of flowers. Then they would step forward, summing each other up. Then they would smile and clasp hands, finding sisters in their souls, and life would be just grand because the two women Haru cared about the most loved each other and—

Yeah right.

Cattleya pushed Elie out of her way so she could hug Haru and Elie reached for guns. Haru deflected the situation by introducing Elie to his sister and then his sister to Elie.

Of course, the situation only worsened as Elie marched up to Haru and put a possessive arm on his shoulder, her body dangling dangerously close to his. Cattleya's eyes went cool as she raised her eyebrow—oh, really? she had asked, how… nice…

It only got worse from there. Cattleya and Elie couldn't agree on a single thing. They argued and argued and argued… they argued forever. Haru wondered if maybe instead of going home, he had died on the way there and had somehow ended up in the ninth ring of Hell or something.

"Are you positive, Haru?" Cattleya had asked him once, gripping his hand. "That you want to marry her? It's not too late to call the whole thing off, you know."

"Don't try to twist him around, you witch!" Elie had snarled as she came into the kitchen. "Haru and I love each other and there's nothing you can do to stop it!"

"Really? I was just making sure my brother wasn't being overpowered by your large, annoying breasts!" Cattleya thundered back and Haru actually blanched at the sound of his sister insulting his girlfriend's… attributes.

"You're just jealous 'cause you're shaped like a boy!" Elie shouted back, her face going beat red. Luckily, Haru had taken and hidden Elie's guns the day before.

Both of them missed Haru slipping out of the room.

It could be worse, he told himself and then stopped. Honestly? No it couldn't. What happened to the vision of the two finding sisters in one another and blissfully coming together to help Haru get married?

Haru was put in the middle of their arguments, as was expected. Elie was tugging on one arm and Cattleya on the other. Sweet God help me… Lord…

"Haru, you don't want silly roses, do you? Poppies are much better aren't they?" Elie asked, smiling a dazzling up at his face, her big doe-eyes alight with love.

"Don't let her breasts overpower you, Haru!" Cattleya said, grabbing his other arm. Her eyes were full of concern and compassion for her younger brother.

"Knock it off with my breasts!"

"Shut up! I was talking to, Haru! Well, Haru?"

"Yeah. What do you think, Haru?"

He looked between them. A rock and a hard place. One way or another, he was dead. But did he want his sister to do the honors or his lover?

"I think…" he said slowly, aware of two pairs of eager eyes on him. "I think we should have… lilacs."

Elie and Cattleya stared at him.

And stared.

And stared.

Haru felt sweat bubble on his brow. They were quiet. Too quiet. Were they both going to attack and maim him? Hopefully, they wouldn't kill him because then where would all their plans be? Couldn't have a wedding without a groom, right?

Unless Elie found a replacement…

Okay, bad thoughts ended there.

Then Elie turned to Cattleya, completely ignoring Haru's existence again. "Poppies it is."

"Poppies? I think not. They're a weak flower. Roses are a symbol of eternal love. Roses it is." Cattleya put her hands on her hips in a that's final kind of way.

"Roses are plain and boring. Everyone does roses. I want something original. Poppies are great," Elie snapped, her hands moving to where her gun holsters would have been. Then she shot a glare at Haru.

"You are not having poppies for the wedding," Cattleya snarled, looking ready to attack. Haru had never seen his sister in an all-out catfight, but something told him it would not be pretty.

Of course, Elie could hold her own. "I'm sorry, was a mistaken? I was under the impression it was my wedding!"

They continued fighting like that for hours and hours and hours. Haru stood right in the middle, hoping the floor would open and swallow him up. Or that he would wake up from this terrible, terrible dream and everything would be alright. Unfortunately, he pinched himself, drew blood, and was swarmed in pain. Not a dream, then.

I should have been a priest, Haru thought mournfully, looking between Cattleya and Elie as their faces grew redder and redder and their voices rose higher and higher.

Then he passed out.

a/n: yeah. I know weird and short. But lucky, there's five more of these on the way and hopefully they'll be funny! We can all pray, can't we? Review!