PrincessRose: Heh heh, this was fun to write.
AngelicDemnX: T.T Poor Ryoga…
PrincessRose: SHH! Don't give it away!
AngelicDemnX: Anyway, here's the disclaimer…and I'm only going to say this once, so when you go to read chapter two there will not be one. I don't like having to repeat myself.
Disclaimer: We don't own Ranma ½ or any of Shakespeare's ideas. We should also note that we don't own Pepto-Bismol…despite what everyone seems to believe.
Shakespeare: Ha ha! What a masterpiece!
PrincessRose: Aw, thank you!
Shakespear: What? I was talking about my play.
AngelicDemnX: (vein pop) Well, we hope you enjoy the story!
PUCK AND COLOGNE'S PLANS
"Oh John Bob! We can never be together again…after what happened between my uncle and your great-grandmother!"
"Oh Katrina! Our love is so pure, how could we stand to be apart?"
"I know, but we'll have to live day after day…year after year…until it's all over my love. And then we can fly the cosmos together!"
"Oh Katrina, I have something to confess…"
"Yes my love?"
"I…I'm not really John Bob…I'm his evil twin cousin, Marcus!"
"Oh…oh Marcus! But it was you I fell in love with!"
"SHAMPOO! Turn off that nonsense and deliver this food, the customers are waiting." Cologne chided.
"But is just getting to best part!" Shampoo was huddled in front of the TV in a room in the back of the café.
"This is your job Shampoo. You must live up to your responsibilities."
Shampoo pouted and gave a light "humph". She took the orders nonetheless and walked out of the café to deliver them.
Cologne sighed, "Everyone is getting so lazy these days. If Shampoo had the responsibilities of a wife, she might not be so lazy."
It was then that she heard someone enter the café, knocking on the door pain and shouting, "Hello?"
"Ah, a customer." Cologne left the room to meet the newcomer. "Welcome to the Cat Café!"
"Ah, Nihao Miss Cologne. That is how you say it, right?"
"Oh, it's you. I suppose you have something else to sell us?"
"Now now, Miss Cologne. I represent a company. And a company is like a family. We have traditions and values."
"Get on with your sales pitch."
"Right, I have something that might interest you, Miss." The salesman reached in one of his boxes and pulled out an even smaller box. The words instant fairy was stamped in kanji on the box.
"That looks interesting."
"Ah, but it's too dangerous for you. I have very many other nice things for you to look at!" He pulled out other items; a rusty sword lay on top of the pile he had accumulated. "This is very old and sacred sword. It is said to be able to slay a hundred demons in one swing!"
"We don't have a demon problem here…and that swords old and rusty…now lets see the box."
"No no, too dangerous." He placed the tiny box in his jacket pocket. "But I do have," he looked through the pile. "This sponge! It's said to clean up a big mess…and you'll never have to wring it out!"
"Are you implying that I can't handle one of your products? Just tell me more about that box!" Cologne was beginning to get frustrated.
"No no…this eh…clock…"
"If you're not going to show me the box then I can take my business elsewhere." Cologne began to turn around.
"Heh heh, don't be silly! Of course you can see the box! The dangerous item must have been something else, this is perfectly safe!" the salesman took out the box and handed it to her in fear of losing yet another client.
"Ah, so what is this that's so dangerous?"
"You have to pay first." His comment was followed by a punch on the back of his head. "Ah yes. The legend is that the thing contained inside this box has the power to control one's heart."
"What do you mean?" Cologne looked over the box.
"Well, that's what it says on the pamphlet. Anyway, it's some kind of love potion. Do you want to buy it or not?"
"Hmm, this may be helpful to me…but I've tried your love potions before."
"Then give it back!"
"Fine, I'll take it. How much?"
"That seems a little pricey."
"Hey, it's a very mysterious box. But because you're our best costumer, you get a ten percent discount!"
"Alright then." She paid the salesman and he quickly gathered his merchandise together.
"It was a pleasure doing business with you…" he began to laugh manically as he left the café.
Mousse walked over to Cologne, "Does that guy always have to laugh like that when he sells us something?"
"Quiet boy." She was already opening the box. Inside was a small pill that looked suspiciously like a Pepto-Bismol. There was also a set of directions in both English and Spanish. "They're lucky I'm able to read English."
Mousse glanced over her shoulder, "So what is it anyway?"
"It's none of your business. Now finish mopping the kitchen!" Cologne gave him a stern look.
"Fine." Mousse muttered, "Slave driver." He walked back to the kitchen.
Cologne set the box and its contents on a table. The directions read simply: Add water. Although it had a strangely long list of warnings. She didn't bother to read over them all, but she did notice it could cause a rash if swallowed. She ran to get a glass of water and dropped the pink pill inside.
For a few moments it just bubbled. The water began to glow a soft pinkish color, "Hmm, so what do you do with it?"
At that moment it seemed to just spontaneously combust. With a loud "KA BOOM!" smoke filled the room. A bright, yet small, figure showed through the smoke.
"What's going on?" Mousse coughed as he ran into the room. He was about to put on his glasses when a blunt object hit him right in between his eyes, knocking him out cold. The object bounced around the room a few more times, other items being broken in the process. It finally came to a stop in front of Cologne, who had to breathe through her long shirtsleeve because of the smoke.
"Greetings, Master." The figure spoke slowly and deeply. Cologne's eyes widened for a short moment.
"It's a genie!" A deep laugh came from the figure. The smoke began to clear away.
It was a small person, barely taller than a foot. He had wavy black hair that only reached round his chin, and his eyes were a deep prune color. His white robes were adorned with vines. He shifted his clothes around a little, and then smiled playfully. "Don't be ridiculous! I'm a fairy! Did you read what was on the box?"
"Yes, I suppose that would make sense." Cologne was finally able to remove her sleeve after the smoke had dissipated.
For a few moments they both stared at each other. Cologne's eyes narrowed, "So…what do you do?"
The fairy cracked his knuckles and a flower appeared in front of him. It was almost as large as he was and it resembled a white lily. "Don't you even want to know my name?" Before Cologne could respond, he answered. "It's Puck, if you must know. I can make all your dreams of romance come true!"
Puck examined Cologne suspiciously, "Of course you seem like you would definitely need my help."
Cologne hit him with her staff; "Maybe I'll just dehydrate you into a pill again!"
"Eep," Puck squealed. "No! Don't do that, Master! I'm sure we could get you a suitable boyfriend, Master!"
"I'm not looking for one, fool!" She glared down menacingly at him.
"Oh? Then why did you awaken me?"
"Look. You can control people's affections, right?"
"Oh yes, this flower here is the source of my power." He grinned as he waved it around. "Whoever smells the pollen will fall in love with the next person he or she sees." His eyes showed nothing but pride and mischief.
"Good, this is exactly what I need." Cologne's face brightened. "Now I have a set of instructions for you."
"Yes Master. And if I do as you command you won't turn me back into a pill, right?"
"Yeah sure. Now, listen closely…I need you to find a boy named Ranma Saotome. He's the best martial artist in Nermia, so you might have to be careful. I need him to fall in love with my great-granddaughter, Shampoo." She pulled out a picture of Shampoo to show the fairy what she looked like.
"Got it. Any thing else?"
"N…" Cologne thought a moment. Of course Mousse will get in the way if he's not taken care of. Also that Akane Tendo will cause problems. A thought struck her. "But not if they're together."
"First, I want you to make Mousse here," she indicated the unconscious form on the floor. "Fall in love with the short haired girl at the Tendo dojo. Then you can get Ranma, who is living there as well."
"Got it! I'll be off then."
"Now remember, Mousse with the short haired girl Shampoo with the pig-tailed boy."
"He has a pig tail?"
"Yes. Now be off with you."
"Yes Master!" Puck sped off out the door. A few moments later he came back, looking rather sheepish. "Heh heh, I forgot the boy here." He grabbed Mousse and, with unusual strength, he lifted him up and flew out again.
Cologne looked after him, now a little worried. "I hope he doesn't mess this up."
Puck searched around the area for a while, "Now I wonder what a dojo is." He finally came upon a house with a sign that read "Tendo Dojo". "What luck!" He took out his flower.
He stopped when he heard yelling and crashes inside. "You think you can take me, Old Man!" It was a female voice.
Puck looked over the wall and saw that a girl was not fighting an old man, but a Panda. "How odd." The girl had a pigtail, he specifically remembered the Master saying something about a pigtail.
"What were the directions again…. that's right! Make Mousse fall in love with the pigtailed girl! And Shampoo with a shorthaired boy! My Master should learn to be more specific with directions." He quickly blew pollen on Mousse and tossed him inside. "That should do it!" He began to fly off, very proud of himself.
"Okay, now to find Ranma. He's supposed to be around here, right?" He heard a rumble come from below the surface. "Oh no! An earthquake!"
"Where am I?" Ryoga shouted as he, literally, popped out of the ground. "I need to get my present to Akane!"
"A shorthaired boy! That must be him!" Puck shouted with glee and dived down to the boy. Ryoga had already climbed out of the hole and had begun walking away from the dojo. Puck, surprised by his quick movement, hit straight into the ground.
"Hm? Is someone there?" Ryoga turned around. He noticed a small person lying on the ground, looking rather trampled.
"Oh brave youth! Please help me!" Puck raised a hand towards him.
"What exactly are you?" Ryoga bent down to examine the fairy a little closer.
"Gotcha!" Puck pulled out the flower and blew it on him. Ryoga was taken by surprise and fell over.
"Gah! What have you done to me?" He glared at Puck.
"Now just behave yourself and…" he took out a hammer and hit Ryoga on the head as hard as he could manage. "Go to sleep. You will be with your true love soon." Ryoga fell unconscious with a big red circle on his forehead.
Puck picked up Ryoga, now even happier than before. "That didn't take long at all! And the best part is that nothing went wrong!" He flew off quickly to the Cat Café.
Meanwhile, Shampoo herself was also heading back to the café. "Mmh?" She looked up and noticed a person flying through the air and recognized him as Ranma's friend. "What his name again? Pig boy? One who gets lost a lot?" Shampoo hit her head softly, trying to remember.
"Oh well. He not important. I better get back." And with that she continued on her way. She didn't get very far, since Puck had noticed her and was remarkably able to remember the picture.
"Shampoo?" Puck dropped Ryoga and flew down to her.
"Yes? What you want?"
"Oh Shampoo! I am your Great Grandmother's servant. I have come to tell you that your true love is now…well, in love with you!"
Shampoo's eyes sparkled with happiness, "Ranma love me now?"
"Yes! And here he is!" Puck turned Ryoga over and pointed to him. "Sorry, I had to get him to cooperate."
Shampoo looked crestfallen, and then angry. "That not Ranma."
Puck looked at her quizzically, "What? But this is the boy your Great Grandmother said for you to fall in love with."
"I said that not Ranma, fool!" She took Puck by her forefinger and thumb. "Ranma much better looking and not stupid like pig boy!"
"Well, I must have made a mistake. It can be fixed." He shook when he heard a loud grunt from Ryoga.
Ryoga looked at Puck, and then glanced at Shampoo. His eyes widened and he began to blush. "S…Shampoo?"
"What you want?" She glared at him.
Ryoga jumped up and took both of Shampoo's hands, "Oh my love we must spend eternity together!"
"Eh?" Was all Shampoo could manage.
Ryoga leaned in closer, "I know we have our differences…but from now on we'll be together! For the devil himself could not keep me away from you!"
"Get away Pig Boy!" She slapped his hands away. "I love Ranma!" This did not even seem to register in Ryoga's mind as he dashed towards her.
"My love!" Shampoo screamed and dodged his assault. "Ho ho! Don't tease me!"
"Don't touch me!" She jumped out of the way and kicked him square in the jaw. He still seemed unfazed by the attack.
"I'll catch you!" Shampoo ran off as fast as she could, Ryoga followed quickly.
Puck floated along, having been trampled by Ryoga and his first attack. "Those moves… they could only be those of a martial artist. Cologne did say that Ranma was the best martial artist in this…Nermia place."
He gasped loudly, "Oh my…. what if Cologne wants a marriage that Shampoo is against?" He bent over at the tragedy of the situation. "But…if it is Cologne's wish…then IT MUST BE DONE!"
Shampoo continued to run and dodge Ryoga's playful attacks, "Help me you fool!" She screamed at Puck
Puck flew up with his flower ready, "Oh Shampoo…forgive me!" He was about to blow pollen on Shampoo when she slapped him away.
"Get away from me!" She ran past the café, desperately trying to escape Ryoga. He stepped on Puck before running off after Shampoo.
"My love! Return to me!"
Fe Fi Fo Fum…I smell the blood of…a reviewer!