Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any characters in this story. Rumiko Takahashi does. I also don't own any peaches (sigh).
I can't believe I'm actually going to write this.
Yes, I realize, it's out of character, random, and would never happen in a billion years.
This story is rated mainly for my ending comments.
Oh, and I have a question. In the episodes of the anime relating to the panther demon tribe, they keep saying that they are from the west, that they are from the west, that they are going back to the west etc. Yet I've always heard Sesshoumaru being referred to as the Lord of the western lands. Please explain? Someone, anyone?
Also, this is not my usual type of story. I do not intend to start writing similar stories. This just popped into my head and won't go away, so I'm writing it. Besides, I find the idea amusing, and if even one other person does, it won't have been a wasted to post it. Besides, I'm not doing any harm by it anyway.
Author's note: (added during 4th page) I can't believe I'm writing this.
"Yes." Naraku and Kagura answered in unison, looking eagerly at the inu youkai. Lord Sesshoumaru never would have admitted it, but the almost hungry look on the faces of the pair sitting across the table from him made him uneasy. He raised an eyebrow skeptically at the peach Naraku held before him.
"We-" Naraku and Kagura started, then looked at each other. After a slight battle of wills, Kagura sat back, and Naraku began his explanation.
"I was sitting under a peach tree, listening to Kagura report on the success of her most recent mission, when a peach fell on my head. I was curious as to what it would taste like, so I instructed Kagura to take a bite. She had difficulty eating it, because it was very juicy. It was actually quite amusing to watch. She started growling at me, and threw the peach at me, so I… persuaded her to apologize and promise to behave. She did. And as she was leaving, I caught her muttering under her breath that I would have had just as much difficulty eating the peach without making a mess as she did. Naturally, I decided to try it myself."
"The scent of peaches is all over you. I take it you're little experiment was not a success."
Naraku only smiled brighter.
"Indeed. Anyway, we discussed it further, and I made an offhand remark that even that ridiculously proper Lord Sesshoumaru could not eat a peach without at least a little peach juice dripping on him."
"Hmn." Sesshoumaru continued his incredibly arrogant smirk, "I assume your "offhand comment" has been edited for my benefit."
"Perhaps." Naraku had his usual smile in place, "of course, Kagura is under the impression that even you would be covered in peach juice."
"The point is," interrupted Kagura, as Sesshoumaru's narrow eyes drifted lazily in her direction, "that we have a bet going, on how messy you would get if you were to eat a peach."
"Doesn't eat human food, we know, we know. But still." Interrupted Kagura. Naraku decided to intervene before the inu's ego got in the way of things.
"We are merely curious, Lord Sesshoumaru, as to how you would go about eating a peach, if, hypothetically, you were to."
"Hmn." Sesshoumaru's seemingly disinterested gaze moved slowly from Naraku to Kagura, carefully calculating his next move. "Your curiosity is not my concern."
"I agree, Lord Sesshoumaru. But, if, hypothetically, we were to gain your interest."
Sesshoumaru studied him carefully.
"Do not presume to threaten-"
"Goodness no, never threaten, persuade. We wish to make a pact."
Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed.
"The last time I made a pact with you-"
"I was less than friendly. I agree. But this one merely involves inactivity on my part, so I can't possibly curse an arm to devour you."
"Yes. You're choice. I will either never go out of my way to attack you, or never go out of my way to harm your little human ward. And all for the small task of eating one whole peach."
"What do you mean both? Who the hell-" Kagura went silent at a small gesture from Naraku.
"That is a heavy price, Lord Sesshoumaru. I'm afraid that is too much. But instead, may I offer a friendly wager?"
Sesshoumaru stared without comment.
"If you can eat a fresh peach without getting a drop of juice on your robes, I will never in any way, directly or indirectly, knowingly cause harm to your human pup, or go out of my way to spite you. I might still attack you, but only if I have a better reason than holding a grudge or sheer amusement."
"Hang on, what if he doesn't?" Piped Kagura, ever the opportunist.
"Hm. Good point. What if he doesn't?"
"It matters not. I never spill on my clothing."
"But it is possible." Replied Naraku.
Kagura muttered something remarkably similar to "arrogant prick" under her breath, which was ignored.
"Let's see. I've got it. If you do fail, you relinquish the Tokijin to me."
"Really? No haggling? Fine by me. Here. Eat it."
Sesshoumaru examined the peach quietly without taking it. Naraku and Kagura stared unblinkingly as the inu wrapped his fingers around the plump fruit. He brought it closer to his face, inhaling its fragrance.
"It's not poisoned, that would be foolish. Poisoning it would tamper with the results, and then I'd always have to wonder." Naraku said, explaining it as though he were talking to a rather slow child.
Sesshoumaru just glared, before bringing the peach to his lips. He bit it, and was shocked. He had only a second to react, wiping the juice on his wrist to keep it from dripping off his chin and on to his clothing. He then had to lick it off his wrist to keep it from sliding down his arm. Both Naraku and his pawn were speechless, there eyes wide as saucers. They had just seen the Lord Sesshoumaru lick peach juice off his arm. Baffling.
Sesshoumaru spared them a glare as he swallowed the peach flesh in his mouth, and then proceeded to lick the excess juices from the peach (looking remarkably similar to a dog lapping up water). He then started to suck the juice from the wounded peach to prevent anymore of its ridiculous leaking. Sesshoumaru smirked in triumph.
Naraku only shrugged, grinning from ear to ear.
"Don't look so smug, Lord Sesshoumaru. There is still a great deal of peach left."
Sesshoumaru glared at the remaining peach, as though daring it to drip. He then took another bite, and licked what tried to drip off his wrist before chewing and swallowing. He could feel the eyes of his miniature audience riveted to his mouth as he did. Sesshoumaru ignored them, opting to honor the offending fruit with his infamous death glare. The peach, however, would not be intimidated.
The inu sunk his fangs into the fleshy fruit once more, but did not pull away. Instead he chose to suck the juices from the wound beforehand, not giving the Evil One a chance to bleed onto his flawless attire.
For his next assault, he sank his fangs in again, and was promptly distracted by the proximity of his hosts. Both were leaning over the table, onto their elbows, their noses inches away from his hand, staring shamelessly. He pulled away from the peach, glaring at them. Unfortunately, he for got about the juice.
It wasn't until he saw their eyes following a path down his arm that he realized his mistake. He saw the single drop, trailing down his arm, straight for his sleeve, which hung loose at his elbow. Without thinking, he darted towards the offending drop, and licked, from the original drop, all the way up to his wrist.
When he could be sure it would not continue to drip for now, he looked up, tilting his head ever so slightly to one side.
"You seem more than mildly amused."
"It isn't every day one gets to watch you licking fruit juice off your skin." Replied Naraku bluntly. "This is quite a treat."
Sesshoumaru repressed a growl, and returned to the peach. He was almost halfway done. He had to think up a strategy.
'What would be better, several smaller bites, which would take longer, and give the peach more time to drip, or a few very large bites, which afford memore control?'
Well, it is no surprise what he chose. The inu took another small bite, and then another, sucking the sweet juices as he went to keep it from dripping. He even managed to prevent more juice from dripping down his arm. And then he noticed a problem. There was nothing to hold the peach by but other parts of the peach. There was no handle, no hilt, nothing. Just peach skin, peach flesh, and peach pit. And that was it.
It hadn't been a problem at first, but the more he ate, the less dry surface was left to hold on to. So, unless he managed to get all the juice off the pit and then take the rest in one bite, he was going to have a problem. He could easily do it without dripping on his clothing, but getting it all over his hands and arm was another matter, and he didn't want to give them the satisfaction of watching him lick it off.
Well, he decided to just go with his strategy and proceed with caution. He bit the flesh off the majority of the pit, and then wet to suck the excess juice off it, but the second he did…
It was all he could do not to let his disgust mar his features. That was, bar none, the worst taste he had ever tasted, including the time he tried to chew on his father's boot as a teething pup (he suppressed a shudder at the thought). Bracing himself for the horrible taste, he licked the pit clean of extra juices, and decided he could tolerate a little moisture if some remained between the cracks. He then held the pit between his fingertips, and proceeded to bite off the last of the peach. He pulled it away, smirking with satisfaction, until he noticed some rouge flesh clinging to the pit. He swallowed, licked his lips, and nibbled the rest away.
"There. You are now honor bound never to harm Rin again. Do not forget that."
With that, Sesshoumaru left, honoring the truce called in order to discuss the peach situation, by not obliterating his hosts. Naraku stared after the inu with a mischievous grin. He did not even break his gaze when Kagura spoke.
"Naraku, you realize he's going to be a lot more trouble, now that he knows we can't hurt the girl."
Kagura looked after him, as well.
"Do you think it was worth it, Naraku?"
"To see the stoic Lord of the Western Lands licking himself like a cat? Kagura, don't be absurd."
"Hn." She replied, sulkily. Naraku grinned, and turned his gaze to her.
"It was worth far more than that."
Hm, admittedly lacking in plot, and definitely OC, but still, I liked it. Then again, I'm a shameless fangirl, and like the idea of watching Sesshoumaru lick peach juice of his skin. Hm. This is the second story now that I've included peaches with my favorite bishonen. I suppose now is as good as any to mention that peaches are my very favorite fruit. Then again, peaches are one of my favorite foods in general. Fresh peaches, not canned. Although, I like canned peaches too. I just prefer fresh. Anyway, this is getting somewhat rambly. I'm gonna go. Hope you found this amusing. Goodness knows I did. I think the ending was weak though. Oh well.
Hm. This is another story that was thought up, written, and posted all in the same day, and therefore never mentioned on my profile as being worked on.
Oh, and one last note: Woot! More than 5 pages!