a/n-I was reading the most retarded dHr ever! It sucked so bad, I decided that instead of writing a flame, that I would write a cliche! So here's downright retarded!

Chapter 1

Hard and Sexy


Draco Malfoy walks down the windy alley, (here tumbleweed blows and cowboy music plays).

He is dressed in tight leather pants, disobeying the extreme laws of masculinity put down by society, oh so cruelly, but he can't resist because...


Fans cheer loudly.

As he walks, the scene changes, from sexydracomalfoy, to sexyhermionegranger, who has on virtually... NOTHING!

And would not be accepted at even a hooker society!

Here we see her, lounging outside the Hylton (nobody ask me why there's a Hylton in London), in the perfect position we always see whores in magazines in!

And now, the scene changes, and she's on...the train! Surprise surprise!

Then she goes on the train!

And miraculously, there's still a Hogwarts, with no regard to what happened in the sixth book!

And, even more miraculously, she's head-girl! I wonder why they never mentioned that before she went to school!

But sadly, she now has to live with Draco Malfoy, that whiny, stuck-up Slytherin, who is only classified as a guy because he HAS A PENIS!

But then, he comes forward, with blonde hair, pool grey eyes and a smirk!

Someone tell me why he's so happy!

Instinctively, he then turns away, to start pushing Pansy up against a wall!

And then Hermione meets Harry and Ron!

Harry is now obi-wan-kenobi, and Ron is an ugly little sleaze!

'Hi guys!'

Harry bows, his hands clasped together, because now he is not only obi-wan kenobi, but holy obi-wan kenobi!

Oh, I'm baaaaddd.

And Ron, is completely distracted by her F cups, which are bouncing about gloriously on her chest, which is even a wonder she can move them because of her tight clothes!

And the author (me, anya) is too idle to say that she is wearing muggle clothes on the train!

How dare she!

'Hermione--we want youuuuuu.' Ron chants.

'Well, OK, but just this once.' She says, being a whore, she snogs Ron, and immediately makes Malfoy...

dun dun dun...


Then he runs up to her.

'Hey, who said you coulddo it withRon instead of me!'

'Do it with---'

'It's an American expression that means to have sex!'

'Why are you using it?' Asked Hermione, confused with her I.Q. of less that her age.

'Because it attracts American readers, cleverly getting our sexy author at least 3 reviews!'

Anya-hint, hint.

Hermione: 'Ohhhh!'

'So anyways, ready to shag?'

'Define shag...'

'Rip off your clothes, and let me get at you!'

'Oh sure! But let me just adjust my stomach so its now 16 inches small, and my stick straight hair even stick straighter!'

(five minute session elapses)

'Done!' Giggled Hermione.

'Let's go!' Draco giggled, again ruining his masculinity.


Here fans begin to wonder if he's bisexual.

Think, think, think...

Brain Blast!

No, it's cool for guys to be gay!


End Session!

More later my beautiful readers!

P.s., if i get a review i will continue, definitely!

Should each chappie be a oneshot?