Title: I Don't Want To Be
Author: Sorceress Fantasia
Warnings: Ficlet, POV
Archive: Finally Fantasia (my homepage)
Disclaimer: A wild cat snuck into my house and crapped on my cheque book that I had whipped out so I could buy the rights to Naruto. As I'm waiting for a new cheque book from the bank and prevent myself from skinning the cat, I have to say I don't own Naruto in any way. I do own this ficcy though.
Summary: Sasuke thinks about his ambition and Naruto.
The first meeting we had with Kakashi, he was a barrage of questions: who were we, what were our likes and dislikes, and our dreams.
I remember answering that that dreams were poor excuses for fantasizing about something you would never accomplish (1). They were so inane I refused to even have one. But I did have an ambition. In fact, it was my only goal in life. And my ambition was to kill the man whom I once called brother.
Still, that ambition isn't that important anymore. People do change over the years, and I too, have changed, even if I refuse to acknowledge it out loud.
And my ambition has changed so much; it became something I never thought possible.
Killing Itachi doesn't seem so important anymore. In fact, it pales in comparison with what I want to have with you, what I want to share with you.
Your golden hair, your sky-blue eyes and your sincere grins... I want to have them all. I want to have you.
But Naruto, I have no idea what you want. Becoming the hokage is your ideal, not your ambition. Getting everyone's recognition and acknowledgement is your wish, not your ambition either. Both are things that are difficult to accomplish, both intangible and ideals. I want to know what you want in tangible terms.
Would you want me?
Me, Uchiha Sasuke, number one rookie of our year, sole survivor of the Uchiha massacre, and the ideal prince of many of Konoha's young females.
No, of course you won't. No one would want someone who doesn't know what he wants to be. No one would want a confused soul. And all I have is a vague ambition and an aimless path.
I've tried to set my priorities straight, to get my eyes in sight on who I really am, but my efforts always fall short. Even to this date, I still don't know what I want to be. But I do know what I don't want to be.
I don't want to be a precious jewel because that would mean a security that gets tighter and tighter as you get closer, and I'd be doomed to a life of seeing the world through a glass case. I could be the most precious jewel in the entire world with everyone passing my glass case sighing at my beauty, but it would be meaningless if you never got to see me.
I don't want to be a pearl because that would mean layers and layers of mother-of-pearl encasing me, and I'd suffocate inside all alone. I could be the most beautiful pearl in the entire country with the wealthy lords and their wives emptying their wallets and fighting for me, but it would be meaningless if you can't see my heart that's been wrapped all over.
I don't want to be the most sought after boy in Kohoha because that would mean hordes and hordes of fans chasing after me, and I'd feel lonelier than ever because none of them truly know me. I could be the most handsome man in the village with all the girls swooning after me, but it would be meaningless if you don't like me.
I don't want to be anything if I can't be with you.
(1) I'm not sure what Sasuke actually answered because the subtitles are different in Chinese and English, and I have seen both of it. But this is the overall gist of the Chinese subtitles I have.
Author note: My first Naruto fic, and so ends my foray into the fandom for now. Maybe more some time later...