Title: Damn Those Ranchers
Rating: T
Pairing(s): Implied YamixYuugi
Genre: Humor
Warnings: Sexual misinterpretations, crude humor, and mild language

Summary: Yami overhears Yuugi telling Jounouchi some rather…interesting things. (one of those 'character listens through the door and hears some VERY suggestive things' stories – YYY – oneshot)

Disclaimer: I own neither Yu-Gi-Oh nor Jollie Ranchers. …Though I don't know if there are any juice-filled Jollie Ranchers out there…


Yami was in the living room one day, bored out of his mind and flipping aimlessly through the channels. He decided to make himself a sandwich, and began the perilous trek to the kitchen. But as he neared the entranceway of the room of pointy objects, he stopped at the sound of Yuugi's voice. Yami, being the bold and noble pharaoh he was, decided to eavesdrop.

"It was amazing Jou. It was really hard, so then I put it in my mouth."

"Did you suck on it?"


Yami stood horrified behind the doorway, hoping he had just misheard Yuugi's words.

"It tasted…sweet. So I kept sucking on it- I swear I nearly choked."

Yami suddenly felt bad for riding his little love like that- I mean…uh…

Yami was still giving Yuugi the benefit of the doubt, hoping his light wasn't really telling Jounouchi their bedroom secrets. That's what I meant…right… n.n

"The taste was addicting, and I kept sucking on it. But it stayed practically rock hard. So I took it out of my mouth and fingered it a little…"

Yami melted. Hell yeah- he remembered that night…heh… A goofy smile dawned on his face, but Yuugi wasn't quite done talking.

"I licked the tip because it was dripping a little, then put it back in my mouth."

"Was it still sweet?"

Damn, Jou, you're perverted, Yami thought to himself, finally accepting the fact that Yuugi was indeed revealing their little escapades to the blonde duelist.

"Yup. So I kept sucking, and licking it with my tongue, and then…it just burst into my mouth. A bittersweet, sticky liquid came out and I swallowed all of it. I wanted more…but Yami told me that I had had enough for one day."

Good thing I had, Yami decided, breathing a little faster now. If that story was any longer… He didn't need to look down to notice the discomfort in his pants. After all, you couldn't hear a story that hot and not remember the pleasurable memory that produced it.

The pharaoh was about to go up the stairs to take a cold shower when Jounouchi spoke.

"Can I try?"

Yami's mouth flew open. Stupid Jou, stupid Jou, stupid Jou!

"You wanna try?" Yuugi asked.

No fucking way in hell! Right, Yuugi?

"Okay, Jou. Sure."

Yami's eyes bulged out.

"Let's get near the sink counter, where the napkins are- this can get kind of messy."

Yami's eyes were as big as dinner plates. It was definitely time to interject. Striding into the kitchen with his head held up high, he immediately screamed, "Jou! Get away from my hikari! The only person he's gonna suck on is ME!"

Yami looked down at the two and spied them, not on the counter with their pants around their ankles, but by the counter, their pants on perfectly right, with a bag of juice-filled Jollie Ranchers in Yuugi's hands.

Jounouchi was utterly speechless, his honey-colored eyes wide in shock by the sudden interjection, while Yuugi was staring at Yami, alarm written all over his face.

"What the fuck, Yami?" he squeaked in embarrassment. "I thought what goes on in the bedroom stays in the bedroom!"

Yami stood stunned in the middle of the kitchen, face dumbfounded and sheepish. "Uh…I…uh…thought you were telling Jou…about…you know…"

Yuugi looked confused for a moment. "Yami, what are you talking-" His eyes then widened in realization. "OHHHH! I see! …Eww, Yami, you're dirty."

Yami's cheeks were tinged with a bit of pink.

"But then again…" Yuugi winked at Yami saucily and smirked uncharacteristically, puffing out those hot little lips of his. "You taste pretty tasty, too, Yami…"

Jounouchi's eyes grew even wider while Yami's tinge turned into a full on red blush.

Yuugi merely resumed his childlike nature and blinked up at them innocently, as if nothing had happened. Then the light's fingers darted into the Jollie Rancher bag, pulled out one of the wrapped candies, unwrapped it, and popped the treat into his mouth, sucking on it loudly.

Damn those Jollie Ranchers.

Oh how Yami envied those inanimate bastards…


Killah: So...waddaya think?

Yami: ... /drools/

Yuugi: O.O Look what you did, baka author! Idiot... /whaps back of head/

Yami: ... /dehydrates from drooling too much and dies/

Killah: ...Oh dear.

Okay... so review then, and send me your feedback! n.n And for my story statuses...uh... I'm currently typing up a bit of Crash Landing, a lot of a oneshot kleptoshipping fic, a semi-lot of a oneshot OtogixYuugi fic (that pairing just seems so cute /drools/), and writing out a short-ish Christmas fic. I'll try to get at least one of them up soon... Until then- REVIEW! Heh... /glomps/