Disclaimer: I don't own JOA or anything else, really. Nor do I have any claim to any of John Mayer's lyrics, although they are amazing.

Just something I thought about the other day...

The premise is that Kevin, sometime in season 2 following the breakup with Beth and the beginning of his relationship with Lily, considers how things were before and what he's currently doing as a means of finding love or companionship or whatever...My first and probably only songfic.


I just remembered that time at the market

You snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart

And rode down aisle five

You looked behind you and smiled back at me

Crashed into a rack full of magazines

They asked us if we could leave

"I can almost reach it."

"Kevin, stop. I'm serious. We'll just get a stock boy or ladder or something."

"No need. I'm going to climb up there and get it."

"You're going to break the shelf."

"No I won't. They can hold tons of weight, besides, what's the worst that could happen?"


"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, but I wrecked the deodorant display on the other side of the aisle."

"Uh oh! Here comes the manager."

When he arrived he pointed them to the door.

Can't remember what went wrong last September

But I'm sure you'd remind me if you had to

"It's freezing out here!"

"Here, take my jacket. It's big enough to fit over yours."

"Won't you get cold."

"I'm fine."

"Do you have any gloves?"

"Maybe in the pockets."

"There's something in here. What the..."

"What is it?"

"Panties. Not my panties."

"Beth, I can..."

"Explain? I'm sure you can, but I'm pretty sure that I don't want to hear it."

"It doesn't mean anything."

"I thought you loved me."

"I do love you. I was afraid I was losing you."

"So you decided to just push me out the door?"

"No. I didn't mean for anything to happen."

"Right. Then you should have checked your pockets."

"Beth, don't walk away. Please wait."

"Here, keep the coat and your trophy." She dropped both articles of clothing on the ground, and without turning back., walked away.

Our love was comfortable and so broken in

I sleep with this new girl I'm still getting used to

My friends all approve say she's gonna be good for you

They throw me high fives

"So I'm assuming that things went well."


"With the girl. She's here, the one from the hospital. Rebecca?"

"Oh yeah," Kevin grinned, "It went ok."

"Good. You like her?"

"Yeah. She's smart, beautiful, funny. What's not to like?"

"Sounds like you're headed in the right direction."


She says that the Bible is all that she read

Prefers that I not use profanity

"So, you were a nun?"


"What was that all about?"

"I had a lot of guilt about the horrible things I'd done. Catholicism seemed like the right place to turn."

"Oh. So you really did the poverty and celibacy and all that shit?"

"Well, it wasn't The Sound of Music."


"Can you dial down the profanity a bit? I may not be in the convent, but there are a few aspects of the lifestyle that I did adopt."

"Yeah, sorry."

Your mouth was so dirty

"Did you pick a wallet?"

"Yeah, can you guess which one?"

"Um, the pink one with flowers?"

"Hell no! It's the brown leather one that says Badass Motherfucker."

"You kiss your mother with that mouth, Beth?"

"It's been some other places, too."

Life of the party and she swears that she's artsy

But you could distinguish Miles from Coltrane

"Smoltz's slider is amazing today. Really sets up the change."

"You know the difference in off-speed pitches?"

"Yeah, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Didn't look like it last night. What was that crap you were throwing in place of your curve?"

"It was supposed to be MY slider."

"Maybe a slurve, if one was being very generous."


"You probably shouldn't experiment with new pitches against Seaside, seeing as they're our biggest division rivals."

"Thanks, Leo."


"Mazzone? Braves pitching coach."

"Oh, right."

"I'm assuming you've heard of him."

"Well, where do you think I learned about off-speed pitches?"

"Obviously, my bad."

"You really should work on a four seam fastball. You'd hit the high 90's on a regular basis, you know."

"I'll keep it in mind."

Our love was comfortable and so broken in

She's perfect so flawless or so they say

She thinks I can't see the smiles that she's faking

Or poses for pictures that aren't being taken

I loved you grey sweatpants no makeup, so perfect

"Seriously, I look like crap and you're liable to catch the flu if you stay around too long."

"I don't care. I could use a couple days off."

"Doubt they'd even give it to you. You know they'd send you out on the court anyway."

"Guess so."

"I'd rather you not see me looking like a hungover crack whore."

"I think you're beautiful."

"I think you need glasses."

"Can I get you anything?"

"I'm fine. But I am going to watch a movie and take a nap."

"Can I stay with you?"


"Could I kiss you?"

"Sure, if you don't mind contracting jungle fever, or whatever this is."

"Sounds great."

Our love was comfortable and so broken in

She's perfect so flawless

I'm not impressed

I want you back...