Edited to look clean and sparkly again! Yay!

DISCLAIMER: (insert normal "don't sue me's" here)


Helping Hand

It was unseemly, unthinkable even, to see someone as gentle, composed, and boring as Iruka-sensei in such a state. The Chuunin who worked at the missions desk and taught smelly snot nosed kids all day long was usually very quiet, very nice, and relatively the sanest person any of the Shinobi had met at the Academy, save for the few teachers that hung out in the dark so much nobody knew them.

After having analyzed Umino Iruka's personality to be one of a lifeless nature, his fellow teachers, Jounin and Chuunin alike, decided personally that Iruka-sensei needed something to give him a little spark in his dull world. The obvious answer to those taking on this mission of friendship was of course massive amounts of alcohol, as would be any spark needed in anyone's life. It was good for him after all. They were helping.

"Aaaha…. I think you spiked it a little to hard, Raidoh… eeeheee… look at'im." The toothpick chewing blurry eyed Shinobi rocked forward giddily before breaking into laughter.

Raidoh wobbled backwards in his chair, confusing lacing in his scared face. "Wait, I did that?"



"Is that Kakashi?"

"Where?" Raidoh turned to look, his mind visualizing the turn to continue as he toppled off the barstool with a horrendous laugh bellowing from his mouth the short distance down.

"I think… I think Ka-ah!-ashi's drunk, too!" Genma grinned, rocking back then forward again with the hearty laughter. "Kakashi!"

The Shinobi tore his eyes from an inebriated Iruka-sensei and walked over with relatively steady steps. "What'd you guys do'ta Iruga-sensei? He's completely smashed." He looked overly amused, rubbing his hand through the shock of white hair on his head roughly while weighing this newfound situation. "That's kinda… funny…" he giggled, eye going a bit blurry as he considered the amount of alcohol intake he had so far enjoyed at the other side of the party. "What's goin' on…? Raidoh… you're on the floor." He looked down at the swarthy man who looked more like a turtle on his back at the moment.

"Perstute Aseption. No… astute… astute perception. Friggin' A, Kakashi, just get me off the floor!" he bellowed finally, aborting his witty retort with a demanding plea for help.

Kakashi removed his hand from his pocket, reaching down and trying not to stagger over the other man. Though he may have been able to walk steadily, he could not vouch for his bending over capabilities. Indeed, the world spun a lot more when bent down looking at a chaotic bar sideways. He grasped a rough hand and prepared to pull the hulk to his feet, only to be bowled head first into the bar stool Raidoh had previously been occupying.

With the sound of metal meeting skull, a loud roar of laughter echoed in the bar from more than two little cliques that had been enjoying their own drunken fun.

Kakashi fumbled dumbly, feeling Raidoh yell in pain beneath him when elbow connected with something fleshy. He stared back blindly for a moment, eyes becoming fixated finally on a breathless Iruka, laughing so hard that his face had turned purple.

"Kami… you are soooo wasted…" Kakashi turned over with a smile beyond amused and into evil. Iruka spilled into his lap as he continued to laugh at a hilarity only he could see.

"I nnn…. I nn…." Iruka laughed harder, taking deep gasps for air in between cut off sentences and more spurts of snickers. "I know… I'm so dotally trunk…drunk" he rolled over to laugh some more, Kakashi's cheeks flushing as the drunken man rolled face first into his groin.

"Ah- Okay, up we go, Iruka-sensei." He grabbed the shaking teacher by the shoulders and stood him on his knees for the time being, standing his own hesitant body up, then hoisting his intoxicated friend to his feet. The feet, which apparently weren't as trustworthy as hoped for, indicated so heavily when Iruka only stayed erect for a total of two seconds.

"Umph-!" Kakashi caught him in a bee-line to the floor, standing him up again and trying to restrain his own laughter. After a moment he doubled over with Iruka, letting out the howling laughter. "What's Naruto going to think about this one, eh?"

Kakashi hadn't realized that those would be the magic words to snap Iruka from his stupor. "Naruto! N-no!" he stumbled sideways again in attempts to regain his footing. "You can't tell Naruto, please don't Ka-hic-…Kakashi-sensei!" he latched onto the taller man for support in order to stay in eye contact.

Kakashi blinked drowsily, wondering why he was now the only one of the two to be laughing. "Heh? Whatever... here… have another drink!" He put the glass to Iruka's lips, suddenly enjoying this more than he thought he would.


The merriment only escaladed when the real games began. Explaining the rules was almost unnecessary.

"No, no, no. You drink a shot, I throw a kunai, and you see how fast your reactions are. If you dodge it, you get to take another shot…if you don't –hic-… never mind, just go stand in front of that wall…" Anko waved the Chuunin at the wall, indicating where to stand with her kunai as a pointer.

Kakashi watched, giggling still as another one screamed in pain. "Aaah, that was a good shot Anko." He draped a drunken arm around an entranced Iruka.

"Wait… isn't that dangerous?" the drunken teacher mumbled, eyes crossing as he refocused on Kakashi who happened to be much closer than the game across the room. "Woo… hiii…You're right there…" he giggled, amused as his eyes adjusted slowly.

"Yes, yes I am." Kakashi agreed, giggling with the other man and pulling out a kunai, "Watch this."

"Watch what?"


"What the hell is 'this'!"

Kakashi huffed mock irritably. "You sure are… something… as a drunk. What's the word?"

"Am I drunk?" Iruka gaped, then took notice of the kunai which Kakashi still held over his shoulder in preparation, "What're you doin' with that kunee?" he mumbled, reaching out to take it from him as if taking a spit wad shooter from an irritating student.

"Nooo…. I'm gonna throw it at Ibiki and see if I can hit'im." Kakashi pulled his arm back to throw, a loud thunk echoing behind him on the bench. He opened his empty hand and stared at it a moment. "Where'd my kunee go?"

Iruka was in another fit of giggles. "You dropped- hic- you dropped it. Behind you." He giggled again in unnecessary amounts about the incident.

Kakashi turned around, Iruka being smothered in his shoulder for a moment as he swayed. "Oh… I know what will fix that."

"Mm?" he was still laughing giddily into Kakashi's shoulder.

"Another drink." The silver haired Shinobi beamed happily. He stood up and staggered to the bar counter to grab the half empty bottle that seemed to have his name on it.


Something was wrong. With a head ache this bad and a stomach this ill, he knew that that was normal for a hangover. Something else was wrong.

"Oh shi…" Kakashi half murmured, half wheezed, looking to the bundle he was wrapped around so tightly. So it hadn't been a wandering pillow that had squirmed its way into his arms.

Before any more curses could be muttered, whatever he ate last decided it wanted to be the first to leave his mouth that morning. Kakashi rolled sideways almost violently, stumbling to the bathroom door which was open. It appeared that the bathroom had already been visited a few times. Aah, the sweet smell of hang over.


After cleansing the taste of acid by forcing half a tube of toothpaste into his mouth, Kakashi looked around the foreign bathroom with a low throb at the bottom of his burning throat. He glanced back out to the bed where a not-as-disheveled looking Iruka-sensei had wrapped around the mass of pudgy blankets after Kakashi's absence.

Dread pitted in the bottom of his stomach as he thought of all the scenarios he could have preformed to convince Iruka-sensei to let the hound dog into his house. He growled, berating himself mentally. He had probably tricked poor Iruka somehow, being drunk and as clever as he was at luring unknowing victims into false security. He might have raped the innocent young teacher for all he knew!

Kakashi gazed dryly back to the bed again, standing over the bare back and messy locks of brown hair that faced him. Iruka would never forgive him now. He'd never see the teacher again. How would he explain that to Naruto? "I'm sorry, Naruto, Iruka-sensei won't come near me because I raped him when he was vulnerable."

The body before him shifted, then rolled over to stare directly into his mismatched eye. Kakashi's breath hitched in his throat, jaw clenching in apprehension.

After a moment's consideration, Iruka moved over and pulled the covers back. "I'm cold. Hurry up. It's only noon, we can get a few more hours in." he grunted, rolling onto his face and putting his arms above his head. "I need some stronger aspirin." He moaned into the pillow as an afterthought.


Kakashi considered his options for a moment. A) Iruka remembers everything and Kakashi doesn't. B) Iruka has instantly accepted this situation and is completely okay with it for the time being. C) Kakashi is still very, very drunk. D) This isn't Iruka-sensei, you just wish it is. To his momentary horror he realized that the man didn't really look like Iruka-sensei at all. Especially with the blurry face from the jounin's slightly drunken vision.

He crawled onto the bed on his hands and knees, nudging the limp body sideways to get another look at the face.

"Mm… what? Forgot who I was?" Iruka snorted, eyes closing groggily. He opened one eye to look at Kakashi's blasé features and horror-stricken eyes. "It's Iruka. Don't look at me like that. I have a hang over. I probably look horrible." He planted a large hand across Kakashi's face and pushed. "I'm going to keep sleeping. Better chance of getting over this migraine." He mumbled, eyes closing again. "Are you leaving?"

Kakashi hadn't spoken a word yet, once more running through his options. "You're not mad?" he whispered, eyes searching.

"Mad?" Iruka opened a lid to peer at him. "Don't tell me… you don't remember last night?"

It seemed implausible that Iruka would remember and Kakashi wouldn't. He searched his hazy memories with deeper concentration this time. "You brought me here?" Kakashi felt the urge to guffaw, but restrained the odd sensation.

Iruka smirked. "You mad?" he mimicked the previous question directed at him.

Kakashi considered this for a moment. "No." he decided finally, pulling the covers over his bare body and snuggling into the down comforter. "How come you remember better than I do?" he accused, eyes narrowing as he sensed foul play.

Iruka smiled at this. "I wasn't as think as you drunk I was. I stopped drinking bout half way through the night. Then to show me how macho you were you played that stupid kunai game." He snorted, eyes still closed as he spoke softly with a hoarse voice catching in his throat once in a while.

"What happened?" Kakashi asked curiously.

Iruka's hand snaked out from beneath the covers and poked a spot on Kakashi's arm which stung with the sudden violation. "Sunk in so deep you had to get stitches. I was drunk at the time, so they're a bit wobbly, but then again, you were drunk at the time and a bit more wobbly than my needle, so it all worked out well."

Kakashi stared at the bandaged arm, then up to Iruka's serene face. "Did I tell you anything?" he asked hesitantly, pulling another pillow beneath his head while listening.

Iruka snorted at the question, eyes opening to consult the ceiling thoughtfully.

"Let's see. Yoouu…. stalk me when I go for walks… you turn in your mission report only when I'm in the office… you stole my picture from Naruto's house… hm… on a general level you confessed to all the hounding you did."

So it hadn't been one sided the previous night. "So we were both trying to get into each other's pants the whole night?"

Iruka weighed the statement, then nodded. "Yeah, I'd have to say so. If I remember correctly there was a wager going on about whose house we would go to. Ibiki won." He shifted, grunting and kicking Kakashi's leg aside to give himself more room.

"How do you know Ibiki won?" the copy-nin asked with a rush of minty fresh breath.(1)

Iruka seemed to growl this time, a scowl replacing the groggy smile. "Because he came knocking on the door this morning at nine o'clock asking if Kakashi had, how did he so eloquently put it? '-given it to me all night long?' I believe were his words. Turns out that there was a large sum of money involved." He shifted under the covers again, still grimacing. "I'm going to go back to sleep now. Will you be here when I wake up?" he asked, his voice drifting into what appeared to be silent grievances at the hopeful question.

Kakashi smiled, his handsome mouth gracefully sliding into a delectable curve. "And give up the bed that I've worked so hard to get into?" his fingers deftly felt for warm skin, then slipped across Iruka's lower back to pull the Chuunin closer.

Iruka snorted a smile. "Good. I'll cook dinner when we get up."

Kakashi grunted, pulling the naked body adjacent to his. "Make it a midnight snack."

Iruka smiled and cuddled into the arch of Kakashi's body. "Sure thing. And after your midnight snack?"

Kakashi grinned, knowing what Iruka wanted to hear. "Dessert."

(1)Have you ever tried to say Minty Fresh Breath at one o'clock in the morning? Or type it for that matter? Here are my variations for your giggiling pleasure:

Frinty Mesh Beth.

Minty Bresh Feth.

Frenty Bresh Mint.

Yeah, you may be laughing now, but I dare you to write a story about drunk people then try and say a tongue twister in you head. At one o'clock in the morning.