Title: Conversation With Nobody

Author: vegemite

Rating: K+

Summary: Why Han "knows."

Disclaimer: I can't think of anything witty to put here, and if they wanted to sue me they could anyway, so why do I bother? Let's just say that I don't have a beard, and that should be a really big indicator.

A/N: Set on the trip to Bespin. I was feeling really weird when I wrote this one. I'm sorry if Leia seems a little out of character, but my theory behind this is that she's being driven to such extremes by desperation. I also apologize for the title, and as always, if you have an idea PLEASE tell me, because naming stuff is my biggest issue.

Conversation With Nobody

Han Solo was not a fan of droids. He was probably as bad as Jabba when it came to tolerance levels, although he didn't dish out such hard punishments. Still, if a droid pushed Han over the edge there was no telling what could happen. That was why Threepio had been shut down for most of the trip to Bespin. A couple of months listening to his tinny voice was just too much. And it was for energy conservation; at least, that's what they told Goldenrod.

But Threepio's lifeless shell was about to become one of the things Han was most grateful for, in an odd way and with no planning on the part of the droid.

Han had just woken from a night restless sleep filled with dreams of a certain Princess. He needed caffeine to pull him out of his semi-conscious state, so he made his way to the main hold. Leia was there when he arrived. He was about to enter the room when she started talking, passionately, at Threepio, who was slumped over on the chair in front of her.

"I just don't know how!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air and looking at the off-line droid. "This is so new. I mean..." She stopped and put her head in her hands, muttering something about going crazy, and began, again, calmer.

"I'm sorry to use you, Threepio, but I could never tell you this awake. This is embarrassing enough...but I need someone to talk to. This will help to clear my mind.

"The thing is...well, it's Han. What else?" She looked down at her fingers and he listened even more intently. "I just--I think...well, I don't really know. Everything's so complicated since we kissed. I barely think about Luke or the Alliance or what's going on behind us or in front of us. All I really think about is him," she said awkwardly, blushing furiously. This had to be a trick, an awful trick, and any moment she would turn and laugh at how easily fooled he was. "And when we're together...I feel like I'm twelve with my first crush or something, and all I can do is look at him and think about what it felt like when we kissed. Gods, I'm talking to a dead droid!" She buried her head in her hands again, staying that way for a long time. He was about to go in to the room when she reemerged, once more calmed.

"The biggest problem is that he's...well, a jerk. He's constantly making lewd comments and looking at my chest and winking and getting my angry at him. But I can't decide whether I like it or hate it. Then I'll realize what a Krath hound he is. I'm such an idiot..." She started to choke up, and he really felt bad for treating her so unkindly, but he still didn't know why he did. Probably because of how she looked when she was angry.

"Han?" He started, thinking she'd seen him, but she was still looking at Threepio.

"Yeah, Princess?" she said in an exaggerated drawl. What was going on?

"I wanted to talk to you."

"You sure you just wanna talk?" she drawled, winking. He realized what she was doing and almost burst out laughing at her interpretation of him.

"Yes," she said, with more determination and less red in her cheeks than Han was sure she'd have if she were really talking to him.

"All right, but I offered." She was a very good actress, but was that really what she thought he'd say? Was that really what he'd say? He liked to think he was a bit more of a charmer than that.

"I can't do this! I just know he'll say something." She looked at Threepio's unmoving face with pleading eyes and it seemed to Han like she would burst into tears. Then she appeared to realize what she was doing and went back to her speech.

"Han, I just wanted to say that I've been uncomfortable ever since we kissed, and I don't know if that was your intent, but I don't like it." She was being very stern, but he was barely noticing because of how intensely he was listening. This was a rare opportunity to get inside Leia's mind. "I don't like that I get so angry around you, I don't like the state of this place, and, in fact, I don't like this ship in general." How dare she insult his baby! The Falcon, that gave them flight! Blasphemy!

"I don't like that you're so cocky, and I hate that you never think about the Alliance. Mostly, I hate that you call me 'Your Worship' and 'sweetheart,' because I am not your sweetheart.

"But the problem is that I also like it. I kind of like it when I you tease me." He KNEW it! "I like your smiles that bring life to the dead of space. I like your hands; I wish you'd touch me more. Force, you have great hands. And...I definitely like that you wear tight pants." Here she blushed, and he stood in utter silence, mouth gaping. "You have a really, really nice backside." Obviously, she had taken something, probably spice left in a compartment somewhere. "Han," she said, voice trembling and a look of despair on her face. "I...I think I might love you."

He swore time stopped and she was frozen for the longest moment as his mind started racing. How...she...?

"Oh, gods..." She began banging her head against the table. "Threepio, give me some advice!" She continued in her assault on the table. Han still wasn't thinking properly, but if he didn't stop her she'd crack her skull in half. He shook his head quickly and went into the room.

"Princess? You okay?" Her head shot up and she looked over at him with wide eyes.

"Han?" Her voice was wobbling even more than before. "How long have you...?" She put her head back down with a thump. He shrugged, trying to look haphazard, and went to fix the drink, making an extra one for her. When it was finished he went to sit at the table and pushed her cup towards her.

"Thank you," she said tiredly, reaching out and taking the drink.

"You're welcome," he said sincerely, which surprised even him.

They sat in silence, Threepio watching over them.

"Han?" she said after a long while, looking at him like she'd looked at the droid just before.

"Yeah, Princess?" He didn't know why, and he felt pathetic, but his pulse quickened slightly. She looked like she was struggling with words. Finally she spoke and he was on the edge of his chair.

"Just...nothing. Never mind."

She finished her drink and left the room, and Han was left with the unconscious Threepio.


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