A Queerditch Pub Drabble
by Kihin Ranno

Penelope was the sort of person who always told the truth. She'd been taught to never ever tell a lie on punishment of spanking or a night with no book being read to her. So, when her roommate asked her if a certain dress made her look fat, Penelope told her she looked rather like a hippopotamus. And when her mother worriedly asked her if she was a virgin, Penelope told her in great detail of the night she and Cho had felt rather adventurous. It had gotten her into trouble, but the important thing was that she wasn't lying.

So, when Penelope decided it was time to end things with Percy, she retained her brutal honesty.


"Yes, honeybunch?" His eyes were wide with adoration. Wider than anyone's eyes really should be.

Penelope looked right into those eyes in spite of her discomfort. "I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what, sugarpuss?"


Percy's face fell, shattering like her old porcelain dolls when she'd accidentally botched a levitation charm. "You're... breaking up with me?"

"Yes. Yes, Percy. I am."

Percy's lower lip trembled. Penelope desperately hoped that he wasn't going to cry. He had a tendency to squeak when he cried and she found that very annoying.

"But why?"

"For many reasons, Percy. Many, many reasons. And I would tell you that it isn't you, but frankly it is you. I could tell you that we've grown apart, that you deserve better, and all the sorts of things I'm supposed to tell you to let you down easy, but I think it would be unfair of me to tell you that you're just not that good of a boyfriend. Or a person really when you get right down to it."

Penelope realized that if she hadn't wanted him to cry, she probably shouldn't have said anything. She decided to bolt before he tried to speak again. Her eardrums just couldn't take it.

"Goodbye, Percy. Please don't call."


She paused. He sounded too pathetic not to pause.


"Is there anything I could have done better?"

Penelope did so wish he hadn't asked her that.

"Well... really Percy, what did you think was going to happen when you left me alone with Charlie and Bill? And how could I stay with you after that? The only other good orgasm I had when we were together was from a vibrator. Isn't that sad?"

When Penelope heard him crumble as she turned and walked out the door, she couldn't help but think that perhaps she could have been kinder...

But it really was his fault.