Family Guy

The Real Meg Griffin Part 2

(Note: the reason why I had a recap was to make it feel more like the show)

Announcer: Previously, on Family Guy…

Peter: Guess what, my Uncle John is coming.

Cut to the part where Lois finds out that John is dead.

Lois: I think he's dead.

Stewie(v.o): Hallelujah!

Cut to the funeral.

Undertaker rolls his eyes into the back of his head.

Undertaker: I am gonna bury you alive!

UT grabs Peter by the neck, goes towards the grave, lifts him up and throws him into the grave. He starts putting in dirt as comes and attacks him with a shovel. He pulls Peter out of grave and beat's UT with the shovel while he's KO'd.

Mankind: And that's for what you did to me a King of the ring!

Cut to when Peter is on the computer.

Peter clicks on "Meg Griffin" and finds a different picture of Meg. It's a completely different person.

Peter: Whoah! Holy freakin' crap, there are two Megs!

Lois: No, that's probably just an error.

Peter calls Meg.

Peter: Hey Meg, look at this picture!

Meg: Whoah! Does that mean I'm not really part of this family! SWEEET!

Peter: Let's search for Mg on Google.

Peter types in "M", and because of the pre-fetch feature, it shows a bunch of pornstar names. Lois looks at Peter.

Peter: What?

Peter does his famous giggle. He types in "Meg Griffin". He finds a page that says that she's lives at some address in Michigan.

Peter: You won't believe some of the stuff that's happened to your daughter. She befriended a cult-leader, got shot by arrows, kissed a pig, kissed the nerd she despises most on camera, got sold to that same kid, and the best part is that she slept with Jimmy Fallon on TV!

Adam: It looks like she needs spiritual healing. We'll take her.

Meg(like how Darth Vader said it): Nooooooooooo!

Darth Vader: Noooooooooo!

Abel: You guys seem cool, I'm staying with you guys!

The Griffins leave while Meg er…Abel stays.

Meg: Life is gonna really suck now!

Opening credits. Cut to the Griffin home.

Peter opens the door.

Peter: Welcome to your new home!

Meg: Wow, this looks l exactly like that house that I went to when I first got wasted!

Flashback. Meg is inside of a car topless with a bunch of guys. She was so drunk that she thought the car was a house.

Meg(slurring her words): Wow, houses can actually move. I never knew that!

Stewie: Man, we're going to really get along!

Meg: He can talk!

Meg runs up to Stewie and starts grabbing his cheeks.

Meg: I'm your sister! Who's a good baby! Coochie-coochie-co!

Stewie slaps her.

Stewie: Don't try any of that baby talk on me sister!

Meg: How'd he get like that?

Brian: From jumping on the bed.

Flashback. Stewie(with a massive head)is jumping on the bed with Brian watching.

Brian: Hey, stop jumping on the bed, you'll hurt yourself.

Stewie(with a lighter voice): Shut up, you're not my mother!

Stewie's head hits the ceiling and it becomes football shaped like it is now.

Brian: Are you okay?

Stewie(with his normal voice): Yes, why do you ask?


Stewie: Wait, that flashback already happened!

Later that day, Peter is touring Meg around the house.

Peter: This is our kitchen.

Meg: Wow, that table is so big! I can have sex on it any day!

Peter: What! Me and Lois did once, trust me, it sucks.

Flashback. Peter and Lois are on top of the table. It breaks with Peter still on top of Lois.

Brian walks in.

Brian: Am I like, interrupting anything?

Present. Peter opens the door with Meg.

Peter: And this is your room.

Meg: Wow, that other girl sure was a nerd.

Peter: I know, what is this thing anyway?

Peter looks in a tank. A snapping turtle from it and goes on Peter's face. He starts running and falls out of the window.

Peter(v.o): Wow, I never knew how high up the second story is!

Meg: Wow, I have a family full of idiots.

Later that day, Stewie and Brian are watching the lottery numbers being drawn.

Announcer: And the numbers are…16…

Brian: 16!


Brian: 5!


Brian: 24!

Announcer: 18…

Brian: 18!

Announcer: 4…

Brian: 4!

Announcer: 50!


Marv Albert: Yessss!

Brian: I won! I freakin' won! Can you believe it; I won 50 freaking million dollars!

Stewie presses the eject button and a tape comes out.

Stewie: Hah! That was a tape from last week's drawings! The oldest trick in the book!

Ashton Kutcher opens the door.

Ashton Kutcher: You've been punk'd!

Stewie: No, it's not that kind of prank.

Ashton frowns, puts his head down and leaves.

Brian: This is worse than the time I thought that Stone Cold Steve Austin was at the airport!

Flashback. Brian is in the airport and spots a guy wearing knee braces, shorts, and a black shirt. He was also bald.

Brian: Oh shoot, its Austin 3:16!

Brian turns him around.

Brian: Hey can I have your autograph!

Brian finds out that it's someone who's acting like him.

Brian: Oh.

Present. Meg comes downstairs and runs into Chris.

Meg: You must be my brother?

Chris: hey, can you show me your boobs and let me take a picture of them and show it to my friends?

Meg: What?

Chris: Why do I get so nervous and uncontrollable in these kinds of situations?

Peter is putting his jacket on.

Peter: I'm going to the bar.

Meg: Oh, can I come?

Peter: I don't think they allow people your age at bars.

Meg: Don't worry, I have it all worked out! I took mom's old ID with me.

Peter: Whoa, I forgot how hot Lois was back then!

Cut to Michigan: Abel(old Meg)is being toured around the house.

Adam: This is your room.

Adam opens the door and finds a lot of posters of nearly naked guys.

Abel: This is better than the time Tommy Lee actually said something to me!

Flashback. Abel finds Tommy Lee at a music store.

Abel: Oh my God, it's Tommy Lee!

Tommy Lee: What? Who said that? Oh, it's just some girl. God, you're ugly!

Present: Cut to the exterior of the Drunken Clam.

Quagmire: Whoa! Where'd you get the hot chick from?

Peter: Oh um…this is my cousin.

Meg: Hey what's up!

She gave everyone high fives.

Commercial. Later that night, she was extremely drunk and quagmire saw her.

Quagmire: Giggadigiggadigiggadi-gu!

Quagmire took her and left.

Peter: Hey, where did Me-er…I mean my cousin go?

Cleveland: I think Quagmire took her.

Peter does the Charlie Brown scream.

Cut to the Griffin home. Stewie has a video camera and Brian is with him.

Brian: I'm taking Stewie to a drive-in movie. We'll be back in about two hours.

Lois: Alright, and Stewie, why do you have a camera?

Stewie: So I can make a bootleg movie. That's right, I'm a movie dealer and I sell them in Harlem.

Flashback. Cut to Harlem and Stewie is talking to two black people.

Stewie: Yo, wazzup my ni(bleep)!

Black man #1: What'd you say boy!

Black man #2: We don't want white people calling us that!

Stewie: So, you want to buy these movies? I have Monster's Ball, Gangs of New York and Tupac: The Resurrection.

Black man #2: Oh, Tupac: Resurrection? I'm down with that!

Present. Cut to the drive-in and Stewie and Brian are in the car. Stewie puts his camera up and goes to the back to see Brian playing one of those scratch and win games.

Brian: Alright, the numbers are $16, $1, $10000, $1500! Holy crap, I just won $23,000! I won!

Stewie: Hah! That's a fake card that I made up! You just got played!

Brian: Can you stop doing that?

Stewie: Gosh, I should send these to America's Funniest Home Videos! Then again, that does kind of take away the magic.

Brian: Yeah it does. It's just so different once other people see it. It's not as special.

Stewie: Yeah, that's why I didn't really like that show. Besides, didn't they send something like that before?

Brian: Yeah, but he only thought he won $10,000.

Cut to home. Lois is wondering where Meg is. Peter opens the door with a wasted Meg.

Lois: Meg, where have you been?

Peter: She followed me to the bar, seriously!

Meg: Yeah, I got drunk and had sex with that Quagmire guy. He has a crush on you, mom.

Flashback, all you can see is Quagmire's bed and his feet and Meg is moaning.

Meg: Yes, yes, yes! Hey wait, is that my mom?

Quagmire: Um…I gotta go!

Present Cut to the school.

Teacher: Meet Meg.

Christie(I can't remember her name): Wow, did you get plastic surgery or something?

Meg: What'd you say about me?

Meg tackles Christie and they fight.

Christie: Whoa, you're cool. How about we skip class?

Meg: That'd be great!

Later that day Meg and the gang are outside of the school and Meg has a spray-paint can in her hand. She sprays, "The principal licks ass." A teacher catches them.

In the principal's office, Meg, Lois, and the principal are discussing.

Meg: Well it's true! I have proof!

Meg gets a tape and puts it in the VCR. It shows a video of him licking someone's butt. Lois' mouth drops.

Principal: What? Gosh, this is worse than the time I was caught masturbating to the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee sex tape!

Flashback. In the Principal's office the Principal has his pants down with the TV in front of him. A teacher walks in and drops her coffee cup.

Principal: What? This isn't what it looks like!

Present. Abel is introducing Adam and Eve to her boyfriend.

Adam: It is a sin to have a boyfriend.

Eve: Now, please leave.

The boy leaves and Meg runs upstairs.

Eve: You want to watch the Bible Channel?

Adam: Sure.

Cut to a basketball game. Stewie and Brian are high up in the audience.

Stewie: Gosh, they look like ants on that gray platform!

Brian: That's because they are!

Stewie: Oh. GET OUT!

They all leave.

Announcer: And the winner is sitting in Section 3, Row 12, Seat 18!

Brian: Yes! I won! I won!

Stewie: Oooh! Pranked again! I switched your ticket with Dave Chapelle's.

Dave Chapelle is shown smoking weed.

Man: Hey, can you stop smoking that! I don't want to breathe Second-hand smoke!

Dave Chapelle: Shut up!

Brian: I hate you!

He tackles Stewie and they fall all the way into the court and starting fighting outside. Outside, they start laughing and go back to their seats.

Stewie: What were we laughing at anyway?

Brian: No idea!

The next day at home, Meg is lying down on the couch.

Lois: You're grounded. Do your chores!

Meg: I don't want to!

Lois: I didn't want to do this!

She whistles and the guy from the Six-Flags commercials the famous dance to the techno music. When he's done, he leaves.

Meg: What was that supposed to do?

Lois: I have no clue. R. Kelly!

R. Kelly comes.

R. Kelly: I have to pee.

He unzips his pants and Meg runs around screaming.

Meg: Alright, I'll do my chores!

Ashton Kutcher opens the door.

Ashton Kutcher: You just got punk'd!

Lois: This isn't that kind of joke Ashton, now stop doing that.

Ashton puts his head down and leaves.

Later that day, Brian and Stewie are watching the Lottery numbers being drawn.

Announcer: 1…

Brian: 1!

Announcer: 47…

Brian: 47!

Announcer: 12

Brian: 12!

Announcer: 16…

Brian: 16!

Announcer: 5…

Brian: 5!

Announcer: 23!

Brian: Damn!

Stewie(gets lighter with every sentence): Ooh, so close. Man, our luck sucks. But hey, now you have more material for that novel you've been working on. You know the one that you've been working on for three years, huh? A character thinks he hits big. He thinks he's won a lot of money, but finds out it's a joke!

Brian: Will you stop?

Stewie: Okay, alright.

Meg is in her room and here's someone knocking on her window.

Meg: Christie!

Christie: Come on, let's sneak out!

They leave and take Brian's car.

Brian and Stewie are walking to the gas station to get one of those scratch and win games.

Brian: Alright; $10, $82, $10000, $1600.

Brian scratches the card.

Brian: Holy crap, I won $43,200!

Stewie: Finally!

Meanwhile, Meg and Christie are drunk at a party.

Boy: Hey, I'm making a Girls Gone Wild video, show us your boobs!

Meg flashes the camera.

Meg: Whooo!

Meg goes up to Christie.

Meg: Man this is so awesome, let's drive around the city!

They're driving wildly on the highway and then drive off of it and crash 16 feet into the ground.

Meanwhile, Brian and Stewie are walking home.

Brian: Hey, where's my car! This is worse than when Peter shot the sheriff!

Flashback. Peter throws a CD in the air and throws it. He aims his gun wrong and shoots a sheriff. People come up to him.

Peter: Hey, I just shot the sheriff, but I didn't shoot the deputy!

Present. The police call home.

Cop(v.o): Are you the mother of Meg Griffin?

Lois: Yes I am, what's happening?

Cop(v.o): She was in a DUI crash.

Lois: What!

At the police station, the family is mad at Meg.

Lois: I can't believe you. You sneak out and drive under the influence. You could've been killed! Peter, this is your fault!

Peter: Why me? You guys blame for everything.

Lois: Pack your stuff up, you're out!

They leave and see the car getting towed.

Peter: Oh, I didn't see that sign!

Lois: We need another car!

Everyone looks at Brian.

Brian: What? I have my own money, I'm not gonna spend it on a car. Alright!

Cut to the Barcola house. Peter opens the door and throws Meg in.

Abel runs out.

Abel: Yes! Thank you, I'd rather live with you guys than them.

Adam: What happened? Oh, Abel, you changed.

Lois: Look, it doesn't matter how miserable you may be Abel…Meg. We raised you and we love you!

Meg: I love you guys to!

They do a group hug and get into the car.

At home, Peter gets drunk from a lot of wine and smashes the bottle over Meg's head and Stewie kicks her.

Stewie: Yup, back to normal!

Cut to a house in Houston, Texas. The Undertaker is drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Mankind sneaks behind him and cracks him a plate. UT falls to the floor but does the Deadman sit-up and chokeslams Mankind onto the table, which breaks on impact. He picks up Mankind and drags him, and then rolls his eyes into the back of his head.

Undertaker: Rest…in…peace!

Ending credits.