Disclaimer: If I owned anything as popular as Buffy or Harry Potter I wouldn't be on such a limited budget during Christmas.
Summery: A new magic school is being built where Sunnydale use to be and they want Xander to teach. They even offered to let him meet a long lost cousin to sweeten the deal. Crosses with Harry Potter.
Authors Notes: This was supposed to be an answer to a challenge made by DhampyrX2, but I didn't stick too close to it so I don't think it counts.
Xander closed his eye, enjoying the relatively cool African day. It wasn't often that he was able to relax between demons and warlords trying to kill him, so he had quickly learned to enjoy these moments when he found them. Unfortunately they never did last more than a moment.
"Mr. Harris," asked a man with an American accent.
"Yes," said Xander as he reached for the gun he tucked under his back. Most Americans that had approached him since coming to Africa were drug smugglers or worse so it was always best to be on guard.
"I am Mr. Pseudonym, and I'm here to offer you a job."
"I already have a job," said Xander as he got ready to shoot the man as soon as he drew his gun.
"Working for the new Watchers Council finding Slayers, I know," said Pseudonym.
The gun was out and pointed at the mans head as soon as he finished the sentence. "Just how do you know that," snarled Xander as he kept the gun pointed directly between the mans eyes.
"Please let me explain before you do anything rash," said Pseudonym in a worried voice. "I'm part of a community of wizards, and as you can imagine the exploits of you and your friends are quite well known."
"I've met a few wizards here, and they tried to sacrifice some of my slayers. If that's the only reason for me not to kill you this is going to be a very short conversation," said Xander in a dead tone.
"Call Mr. Giles, he's the one that recommended I approach you," stammered Pseudonym.
"Okay I will, but you stay right here. By now you are surrounded by slayers who will be happy to kill you if you start sweating too hard. If you hurt one of them we will be having this conversation while I practice some information gathering techniques I learned from a tribe of Grath demons," said Xander as he finally lowered his gun from the face of the very pale man.
Walking back into the building Xander picked up the phone and hit number one on his speed dial. The conversation shouldn't take to long, and then he would either talk to the man outside, or he would find a way to really hurt him.
"Hello?" asked Giles as he picked up on the third ring.
"Hey Giles I have a Mr. Pseudonym at my door that says you recommended me for something. Do I need to kill him for lying or what?" asked Xander.
"No I don't think you'll need to kill this one Xander, the Coven vouched for him when he visited with me," said Giles. "Honestly I was expecting this conversation a month ago; he has certainly taken his time getting to you."
"Okay so he isn't evil, that's a relief considering the last two people you sent my way. Got to ask though why he's asking me about a job, are you trying to get rid of me G-man?" asked Xander.
"Not forever, but I think it would be wise for you to get away form your current work for a year or two. Out of all of us who escaped Sunnydale you have had the most thrust upon you these last three years. Not even Robin has had to deal with as much demonic activity and he is stationed on a Hellmouth," said Giles.
"I never asked to take it easy," said Xander.
"I know, and I appreciated it during these years where we have had to build everything back up. The truth is Xander, you have made more lasting contacts in changing governments and friendly demonic tribes than the Council had before the First destroyed everything."
"Exactly why I need to stay Giles. Those new contacts know and trust me, and if you send someone to replace me things will be rocky at best," said Xander with a sigh.
"I know that, and I'm willing to risk it. Listen Xander I won't force you to leave, I just ask that you hear Pseudonym out and make you own decision. What ever you decide I will support you, but I do wish you to seriously consider the strain you have been under since arriving in Africa," said Giles with a sigh.
"Okay Giles, I'll hear the guy out, but I make no promises," said Xander.
"That is all that I ask Xander," said Giles in a warm voice before they both hung up the phone.
Walking back out side, Xander was pleased to see that Mr. Pseudonym hadn't moved an inch, and was looking very uncomfortable. Good, it served the jerk right for interrupting quiet time.
"Good news, wizard; Giles vouches for you so I won't have you killed. You can stand down now girls," said Xander right before twenty three heavily armed girls emerged from their hiding places.
"You sure you want to be left alone with him boss?" asked one ebony skinned beauty.
"Giles vouched for him so I'm giving him some leeway. You girls can go inside and raid the ice cream if you want, I didn't hear any of you getting into position so you deserve a treat. Just let Ashana know that I heard her playing with her spare ammo when I was coming back out," said Xander with a wide grin.
"Thanks boss," said the young woman just before she and the other girls began a mad rush into the house to enjoy their favorite treat.
"Okay Mr. Wizard, I'm listening so you better make it good," said Xander right before he sat back down in his chair.
"As I said my name is Mr. Pseudonym, and I'm here to offer you a job."
"What job?" asked Xander.
"A teaching job," said Pseudonym. "You see these last seven years the wizarding world has been at war, and a school was destroyed."
"Don't see why you came to me, I destroyed the last two schools I set foot in," said Xander with a shrug.
"Well you see the American Congress of Magic thought it would be a good idea to build the new school over the ruins of Sunnydale California."
"Are they insane!" roared Xander. "That sink hole is the last place children should be sent even if the Hellmouth was destroyed!"
"The American Committee for Enchantment Education disagreed," said Pseudonym. "The natural aversion field that was put off by the Hellmouth and the First Evil was still lingering, and was easily enough to alter so that all muggles and demons will avoid the area at all costs."
"Its still a stupid idea," said Xander. "If demons get a whiff that Sunnydale is back in business they're going to flock there inversion files or not."
"That brings me to the point of your job. As unfounded as such concerns are, many parents have voiced similar opinions. It is the belief of the ACEE that having someone who survived the last battle of Sunnydale would ease most of those worries."
"Still doesn't explain why you came directly to me," said Xander right before he caught something in Pseudonym's face. "You didn't consider me first did you. You contacted everyone else first and they all turned you down, so now you're asking me."
"That isn't entirely true," said Pseudonym with a wince. "We still haven't contacted the vampire Spike."
"Nice to know, but as flattering as that is I'm still going to have to turn you down. Even if I knew magic, I still have too many responsibilities here," said Xander as he got up from his chair.
"Wait you wouldn't have to do any magic! You would be teaching Muggle Studies. We would be paying you, quite handsomely I might add, to simply talk about the lives of non magical people, something you know quite a lot about already," said Pseudonym in a desperate attempt to regain Xanders interest.
"Still not interested," said Xander as he began walking towards the house.
"If you sign on we can arrange for the release of you cousin from prison!" yelled Pseudonym.
Xander paused and turned back around and said, "My parents were single children, I don't have any cousins."
"The people who raised you weren't your parents. After the war the English Ministry of Magic found out that two of their new prisoners had a together when they were young, and bespelled a couple of muggles into thinking that it was theirs."
"So my real mom and dad put the whammy on Tony and Jessica rather than raise me themselves? Yeah, like I really want to get to know them now," said Xander.
"From what I have been told it was a teenaged pregnancy while both were still in school, so they may have had your best intentions at heart when they gave you up," said Pseudonym.
"Yeah, because good people are always taken as prisoners of war and drop their new born children off at the mouth of hell," said Xander. "Let's just say I can get past dear old mom and dad for a few moments here though, what is my cousin in for."
"Attempted murder," said Pseudonym. "Your other cousin is attempting to set him free, but has run into some obstacles. The assurance of the American government, and you vouching for him could very well turn the tide."
"You're sure that he should be set free?" asked Xander.
"I have spoken to both your cousins, and reviewed the case myself. While your cousin wasn't a saint, I don't think he is as bad as the current administration has made him appear."
"What are their names?" asked Xander.
"Excuse me?" asked Pseudonym.
"The names of my parents, and my cousins. If I'm going to leave to see if they are worth knowing I need to know their names," said Xander.
"Your parents are Bellatrix Lestrange and Severus Snape; both of whom are imprisoned with your cousin Draco Malfoy. Your other cousin is Nymphadora Tonks, an Auror working for the English Ministry of Magic," said Pseudonym.