Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.
She giggles softly and smiles at me. Her chin rested gently on the palm of her hand. Soft pink lips curled at the edges. Blue eyes shining. An image of flawed perfection. Everything thing is flawed. Her blue eyes, too deep a blue. Her long blonde hair, the wrong shade. Her pink lips. The wrong smile. My own smile falters.
"I love you." Her voice has a lilt to it. It's humming and soft and daring. I try not to frown. I want to hear those words. I want to see that smile, those eyes looking at me with a longing I can't comprehend.
I don't say it back. I can't say it back. Because it wouldn't be true. Because I don't love her. I'm not in love with her. Instead, I kiss her. I kiss her because she expects to hear me say it back. She expects me to tell her I love her when I can't. I can't love her. She tastes like strawberries. I pull away, the taste still on my lips. Reminding me she's not the one I want. I don't love her.
She rests her head on my shoulder and my fingers tangle themselves in her silky hair. My eyes watch her face. Wishing she was someone else. I'm wishing she was her. And I hate myself for it. I hate the fact that I can't love her because I don't want to love this girl whose eyes aren't bright enough. Whose hair isn't long enough. Not the right shade. I don't want to stop loving her.
I whisper her name and kiss her forehead.
"Rei." She stops my hand from running through her silky hair and pulls away. Her eyes are pleading with my and I can't figure out what I've done. The blonde stands and begins pacing the floor. There's a sickening uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. Blue eyes bore into my very soul, the glistening promise of tears being held back. Her daring, confident voice breaks through to me. "Why did you call me Usagi?"
Shit. I look away from her. I can't hold her gaze. "You're hearing things Mina."
"No Rei." She turns my face towards her. The look in her eyes is killing me. "You called me Usagi."
"I didn't." Why am I lying to her? Why am I lying to myself?
Minako looks away and shakes her head. Her hand moves back to her side and she laughs bitterly. "I should've known."
Why does that hurt?
"What am I to you Rei?" She doesn't look at me. I find myself standing. I need her to look at me. "A distraction? A replacement?"
"No. You aren't a replacement Mina." I lift her chin up. She's crying. She won't look at me.
The blonde doesn't speak right away. The air is thick and tense. I can barely breathe. She nods. "I'm a distraction then. That's it, right Rei?"
"No. That's not-"
"You can't have her." Her eyes lock onto mine. I can't breathe. I can't speak. Why does it hurt? "So I'm the next best thing."
She shrugs my hand away and walks towards the door. "Mina."
She stops but she won't face me. I need her to look at me. I need her to know. I didn't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt her.
"I didn't mean-"
I'm cut off by the sound of my door sliding open. "Rei… Minako?" She takes in the scene before her. Worry fills her features. "Wha-"
"I was just leaving Usagi." Minako rushes past Usagi. She doesn't shut the door and I catch that brief look of hurt in her eyes before she's gone. I… why? Why does it hurt? Why does it feel like I'm being split in two? Like my heart can't stand to beat anymore. I'm frozen. I want to run after her but I can't. I'm a coward.
"Rei?" Usagi's bright blue eyes stare up at me. "What's happen-"
I kiss her. She taste sugary. Her lips are soft. Warm. I'm kissing her. It's everything I thought it would be. Why does the taste of strawberries linger? Why do I stop? She's kissing me back and I stop. I pull away and look at her. Searching. What am I trying to find?
Her eyes are too bright. Her hair the wrong shade. I loved this girl. I loved this girl who never loved me back. "I'm sorry."
Another blurb. I dunno. Blah.