Our scene unfolds in Gotham City, home of the largest collection of weirdoes and lunatics, according to Travel Planet. That helpful guide strongly advised travelling in groups if you insist on visiting Gotham. The unwary tourist could quite literally end up being eaten alive.

We move to a much frequented alley in Gotham's seedier business district. Jokerz, the plague of Gotham loved using this alley to spring nasty surprises on unwary passer-bys. For the pack of Jokerz currently in residence, a nasty surprise had just arrived for them.

"You Tiny Tiny?"

"Who wants to know?"

"I do."

Batman swooped out of the shadows, a black figure against the growing twilight and the Jokerz scrambled. Tiny Tiny, however, looked around for a weapon.

The fight was short, sweet and very ugly – for Tiny Tiny. None of his mates stuck around to help, using Batman's distraction to good advantage.

Soon, Tiny Tiny was swinging upside down from a neon sigh, wrapped in what may have been rope and was actually wire, groaning.

Terry patted him on the face and said, "Shoulda stuck with the circus, Big Lumpy. Woulda made great lion fodder."

Tiny Tiny groaned and passed out.

Batman dusted himself off and muttered, "Bertoleni sends you his best."

He turned around and was about to jet up to roof when an unexpected presence at the alley mouth stopped him. Momentarily pausing and preparing for a fight, the figure slowly resolved into the silhouette of a lady cop. Surprised, he straightened and she moved forward into the light and said, "Still mixing with the dregs of society, I see."

"Officer Delaney."


"Long time."

"Not long enough."

Matt, on Batcave duty, was returning from the kitchen with coffee, looked up at the screen and just about scalded himself in fright and exclaimed, "Holy crap, no!"


"I don't know how you usually operate, Batboy, but I for one, don't plan on taking it lying down." Officer Delaney closed the space between then and Terry backed up.


Matt, hunched over the console, covered his eyes, "NO! Slag no… nonnono…"

"I mean, I figure most women throw themselves at you given half a chance and you're a man, so you … don't … ah… gift horses and all, but I … us… I … hell, you've apparently got some hooker uptown pregnant which I'm half inclined to believe… but a hooker? And … what, wasn't I good enough for you? Too clean? Too normal?"

"What?" Terry had the distinct feeling that he had better keep backing up, and when Delaney prodded him with her finger, he did just that.

"Oh, I am so dead, Terry is going to kill me and Mom… will help him…" Matt scanned the Batcave, desperately hoping that no one else was around to see this.

"The flowers were a nice touch, for a pre-pub dork, but one kiss and you're breaking up with me?" Her face was inches from his now, her cheeks flushed with anger.

"Kiss?" Terry stammered.

"ARGH!" Matt was dancing on the spot, his cries muffled by his hands clasped over his mouth.

"You must be delusional, wait, look who I'm talking to, OK no… more delusional than most people give you credit for if you think one kiss and a couple of … liaisons.."

"Liaisons?" Terry gulped and Officer Delaney got even redder and yelled,

"Midnight chats! CHATS! Do chats constitute a relationship? No! And then I'm over… done.. ticked off your naughty list! Not good enough to screw or even a one night stand or… anything… and one kiss and its over. You're done playing Mr Nice Bat and I'm the laughing stock of the precinct!"

"Wait, I?" Dealing with irate girlfriends was one thing, but Delaney was armed and Terry was confused.

Matt however, was making plans. "Shit, shit… gotta… do… Computer, search for available flights to … ah… Alaska? Nah, ah…too close… Antarctica… Terry hates the snow… shit.. NO!"


Delaney shook her aching hand at him and shot him her best death glare, "No, no more waiting, Ratman. Tall dark and mysterious, maybe – but definitely a jackass through and through."

"Officer…" Terry tried to keep the anger from his voice, tried to sound concerned. Man, his face hurt.

"Don't! Just don't!" Officer Delaney gave him one final glare and stalked off, muttering under her breath. Stunned, Terry foolishly stammered, "I.."

She spun back and growled, "Fisher was right about you and I was a fool for being … well… hell, you weren't even man enough to end it like a… man, I suppose, or in your case, a frigging Crazy Person. Sending some dumbass kid with flowers… Oh Officer, Officer some "Knight" told me …Well you know what – that damn kiss wasn't even worth it – like being slimed by a slug with a cold! Jerk!"

The last insult was shouted from around the corner. She had stomped off, her voice slowly fading as she hit the street. But both Terry and Matt heard her.

"Dumbass kid?"

"A slug?"

Both McGinnises stared at the alley mouth, Matt via Terry's visor. A few seconds of silence and then Terry said, "Matt? Matt?"


"You are so dead, Twip."