Note: Written to honor the birthday of Snegurochka. Happy birthday, hon!
Disclaimer: Don't own it, JK Rowling does. Too bad, so sad. No harm/profit intended.
by Rex Luscus
The door flew open with a bang, startling Remus and Sirius out of their kiss. Severus Snape stood in the doorway, flush with righteous fury.
"HA! I knew it!" He stormed up to the bed and loomed over the two naked men, who were blinking in mute surprise. "I knew you'd go back to him the first chance you got, Lupin! Sure, I'm good enough while the mongrel bastard's dead, but the second he's back from the grave--"
There was the sound of a toilet flushing from the bathroom, and a moment later, Kingsley Shacklebolt came in. He wasn't wearing a stitch.
Snape stared, his jaw hanging open.
"Now then," said Kingsley, rubbing his hands together, "where were--oh." He stopped at the sight of Snape. "Should I…?" He made a twirling motion with his hand back toward the bathroom. Remus shook his head vigorously.
Snape cleared his throat, turning his now-venomous glare back on Remus. "Well…obviously there was a lot more going on under my nose than even I suspected," he hissed dangerously.
"You could fit quite a lot under that nose," muttered Sirius. Remus elbowed him.
"Severus," Remus began, "perhaps we ought to talk for a moment outside--"
The Floo flared to life suddenly, and a dusty but otherwise quite nude Charlie Weasley landed gracefully on the carpet. He had a jar in one hand and a rather startling array of sex toys in the other. "Sorry I took so long, lads," he sang, not seeing Snape. "Had to hunt around a bit for the last--oh." At this point, he saw Snape.
Snape gaped at him. Remus swallowed loudly.
"Didn't you get my note, Severus?" Remus asked at last.
"Of course! I've been waiting downstairs for half an hour, you thoughtless berk!"
"Told you he wouldn't think to come upstairs," muttered Sirius. Remus elbowed him again.
"I suppose I should have been more specific than 'a little birthday surprise,' then," sighed Remus.
"I thought you'd made a pudding or something!" shrieked Snape.
"Bloody wild one, he is," muttered Sirius. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
"Severus," Remus commanded. "Get your clothes off and get over here immediately."
Snape hesitated. He looked at Sirius, who was trying to control his scowl. Then he looked at Kingsley, who was suppressing a smile, and at Charlie, who was suppressing nothing.
With a long-suffering sigh, Snape relented and began hauling his robes over his head.
Fifteen minutes later, five men were tangled in a blissful heap on the bed when the door banged open again.
"Sorry I'm late!" crowed Mad-Eye Moody, kicking off his wooden leg and hopping on one foot toward the bed while unbuttoning his robes.
"LUPIN!" shrieked Snape. Remus ducked as a hard smack caught him on the side of the head. "Next time, just make a bloody pudding!"