I don't owe anything regarding Gone With The Wind
(A/N Hope you like this chapter, I would always like your thought)
Each time her daughter stirred, Scarlett awoke and placed her daughter to her breast, never once did she complain during the night. Rhett was on guard and awoke seconds after Scarlett; his daughter wouldn't be missing anything in her life and he wouldn't tolerate that she cried for more than a couple of minutes before she was in the arms of an adult. But Rhett needn't worry. Scarlett, who once had believed that children would develop healthy lungs from screaming and besides that, never had cared for her babies, tended to her baby daughter with patient and love and gone was the idea of giving the infant a healthy set of lungs that night. As a matter of fact Scarlett would have denied ever have suggested such a thing if anyone had asked her. With each breastfeeding the bond between mother and daughter grew tighter, Scarlett wondered if her own mother had ever felt this for her children and she doubted it. Scarlett had no remembrance of receiving warm, unconditional love from her mother; Ellen had always been distant and tender but had never bonded with her children or husband.
"Wasn't Mother happy? Pa loved her but she was always so distant towards pa. Did she love me?"
It was confusing thoughts and Scarlett almost followed her old habit of "Tomorrow, I will think about it tomorrow"
But the thoughts wouldn't leave her.
"Mother called for a Philippe when she died, did she love another man all of the years she was married to pa?"
This was a most disturbing thought, parents were suppose to love each other and their children, but the thought wasn't as disturbing to Scarlett as it should be. It was not flattering, but if she took a good, honest look at herself she couldn't deny it. Sighing, she spoke softly into the night.
Why not! I have never loved any of my husbands or my babies before".
All the thinking was exhausting, but she couldn't stop it just went on as she looked at her infant daughter.
"I know what's it like to love another man than your husband and have children with men I don't like"
Looking at the little one in her arms Scarlett smiled
"What's the difference this time honey? Please, do tell"
Scarlett almost giggled, that would be something if her youngest daughter would actually teach her on this subject, called love. Little did she realised that she actually was being taught a thing or two about love from her tiny daughter, after all Scarlett would have taken it as an offence if a tiny, newborn girl was considered wiser then Scarlett O'Hara…Butler
Scarlett turned her head and watch her sleeping husband, for the first time in almost a year she saw him, really saw him as she had on their honeymoon "Why, Rhett Butler is a handsome man. No wonder he knows a lot about women"
Narrowing her eyes, Scarlett suddenly remembered how the women had turned their heads at Rhett in New Orleans, back then she had just laughed at it. Off course, she had been flattered, that they envied her for the are company of her husband and she had teased Rhett with the women, reminding him that now other women were forbidden fruit; due to their marriage. He had just laughed and retorted with his jesting smile.
"You're a lucky woman, my pet"
But she had soon forgotten the other women and just taken Rhett for granted, after all he was the lucky one. Scarlett also remembered how charming and nice he had been towards her in the early days of their marriage.
"Why, you would almost think I'm in love with my husband. I'm not!"
In the next few days, Scarlett witnessed her husband change into an unmanly person, he was obsessed with their daughter and doted on her every waken minute. Talking silly baby talk and acting ridiculously. And to make Scarlett more furious, he acted like he had more right to the girl then she, her mother had, Scarlett had to fight him to hold the girl besides feeding times. Adding to that, Scarlett was offended that Rhett had never spoiled her this much as he did their daughter and she, Scarlett O'Hara…Butler always wanted to be first in every man's hearts
"Why, I could turn into air and he wouldn't even notice!"
Scarlett angrily thought while watching her husband making faces to the baby.
"Rhett Butler, you are making a fool of yourself and I don't see why"
"No! You wouldn't would you, Mrs. Butler. The reason is that she's the first person, who's ever belonged utterly to me"
Scarlett grew irritated,
"She belongs to me, too!"
The amused expression never let Rhett's face but his eyes had turned into a colder shade of black.
"No, you have two other children. She's mine"
By now Scarlett's temper was boiling,
"Great balls of fire, I had the baby, didn't I? Besides, honey, I belong to you" Rhett smiled an oddly smile.
"Do you, my dear?"
Scarlett dropped her eyes to her baby, her mind was clouded making it hard to think.
"Where do I belong?"
Reaching for her baby, who made sounds indicating she was hungry, Scarlett kept her face in shadows. From unknown reason she couldn't meet Rhett's stare or answer his question.
"Did the cat take your tongue my dear?"
"What do you care Rhett Butler?"
She dared one quick glance at him; his eyes were oddly alert but his face as blank as ever.
"Well, believe it or not Mrs. Butler but I do care about my processions not unlike you".
Rhett's ever alert eyes became even more alert and black due to the softness appearing in Scarlett's face when their daughter started her feeding.
"Pray, answer my question Scarlett"
Scarlett met his eyes.
"Why, it's just… I don't know where I belong anymore"
Scarlett spoke the words so low that Rhett almost missed them.
"Leave me alone Rhett"
"I will do no such thing Mrs. Butler. Pray, do tell me why you don't know where you belong anymore?"
"Wouldn't this man ever stop?"
"God's nightgown Rhett, how would I know?"
"No, how would you know Scarlett? You have never been good at understanding your feelings. You simply let your pretty head leads your way"
Scarlett's mouth was formed in an O, but before she had the chance to answer a knock on the door interrupted the conversation.
Quickly covering up Scarlett begged
The visitor was Melanie and Scarlett felt happy for unknown reasons
"Why, have I missed Melly? That would be a first"
But she was happy and her face couldn't hide her happiness, not that she wanted to.
"Melanie, it's good of you to come"
"Of course I came Scarlett! Please let me hold your beautiful daughter" Reluctantly Scarlett handed the baby to Melly. But soon she gloved in Melanie's praises of the baby girl. Rhett leaned over and looked at the child "Her eyes are going to be pea-green"
Melanie answered without thinking,
"Indeed they are not. They are going to be blue, blue like Mr. O'Hara's eyes, as blue as- as the bonnie blue flag".
"Bonnie Blue she will be!"
Even Scarlett liked the name and forgot about naming her daughter after two queens.
In the next couple of weeks Scarlett got out of bed rest, which improved her mood remarkable, it was a waste of time to be in bed for Scarlett O'Hara Butler, she always forgot the two other names she had gotten from two husbands before the one she was married to now. And she didn't like to waste her time. Scarlett avoided Rhett as much as she could; she hadn't forgotten his question and her reaction to it. Still she would get a knot in her stomach when she tried to find out; where she belonged. All she knew was that she belonged with Bonnie but would it be enough to make her happy. Having found the pleasures of motherhood with Bonnie, she studied her two other children, she still found Wade Hampton timid and Ella silly. As the days went by Scarlett discovered that Ella wasn't as ugly as she had been when she was born. Sure she still had Frank's colourings but the girl's face had changed, Ella was turning into a pretty little girl. And Ella wasn't that annoying in Rhett's company. Wade Hampton also looked like his father
"Why, did Charles and Frank leave so much of themselves in their children. To hunt me, they must be laughing on my account now"
On closer inspection Wade Hampton only had his dark colours in common with his late father; the boy looked more like Ellen.
"Great balls of fire! How could I miss that?"
Scarlett was amazed. Seeing her children as individual persons instead of copies of their fathers helped Scarlett taking steps towards them but only when Rhett was near. She didn't dare alone
"Perhaps I can learn to love my children. But why did I love Bonnie right away, is it because she doesn't look like Rhett but me?"
All the confusing thoughts had a welcoming side effect; Scarlett became gentler and softer to her surroundings. Her children started to seek her company willingly, little Ella could sit quietly for a reasonable long time when Scarlett played with Bonnie and allowed Ella to join in. Soon Scarlett improved the games to fit Ella and Wade Hampton as much as Bonnie. For unknown reasons Scarlett was content playing with her three children, her store and mill were long forgotten.
A month after Scarlett was permitted outside the house, she still hadn't left it, too busy with her children Scarlett hadn't counted the days but Rhett had. He had seen the changes in Scarlett. First of all, the once vulgar house seemed inviting now; it held a warmer and happier atmosphere. Wade Hampton and Ella were not scared and broken anymore, now they were often found close to their mother and baby sister.
Rhett's fascination with Bonnie hadn't changed, he still spend most of his time at home with her. Scarlett was jealous, more than she would admit. She laughed at the thought, that she had found him unmanly when Bonnie came, now she found nothing unmanly about him.
"Has he turned this attractive out of the blue?"
She wondered. It was late night, Bonnie had just fallen asleep and Scarlett absentmindedly watched her husband undress.
"Finding anything you like Mrs. Butler"
"Oh, don't be a cad"
Becoming seriously Rhett asked,
"A penny for your thoughts Scarlett"
"I was just thinking of how quickly Bonnie grows"
"You are a poor liar Scarlett. It wouldn't be the wood headed Mr. Wilkes occupying your mind would it? I would have thought you would have resumed your chasing of him by now. Or is it that you don't you want him to see you with MY child?"
Scarlett narrowed her eyes,
"Mother of God! Don't be silly Rhett. I didn't think of Ashley Wilkes"
Stepping closer Rhett lifted her chin.
"Pray tell, why Mr. Wilkes isn't in your thoughts tonight?"
Scarlett locked eyes with him; she was strangely attracted to this man standing before her. Her body reacted in ways that almost made her blush.
"How you do run on Rhett. It's not like I spend my time thinking of Ashley Wilkes."
Unable to break the eye contact Scarlett began to loose herself in the black velvet of Rhett's eyes.
"Why, his eyes are warm and tender, have they always been that?"
Scarlett was amazed, for the first time ever Rhett lowered a tiny bit of his guards around her and Scarlett was drawn to what she saw like a magnet Rhett broke the silence with a harsh tone of voice
"Do you love Bonnie, Scarlett?"
"What kind of question is that Rhett? Of course I do"
"Have you wondered why you love her? After all, she is after all my child"
Scarlett was startled,
"Why did he ask her that question when she didn't know the answer to it herself?"
Still with locked eyes she answered.
"Well, she is a beautiful child"
Rhett sighed deeply,
"Well, you never could see the truth even when it stands right in front of you noise. You are such a child Scarlett"
Anger made Scarlett's eyes sparkle emerald green.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
Rhett spoke like he would to Ella when explaining her something
"Could it be, because Bonnie is my child that you love her Scarlett?"
Choked, Scarlett broke the eye contact
"Was that why? No! It couldn't be"
Suddenly she felt cold and sad, like she had lost something very important, taking in the room again, she realised she felt cold because Rhett had moved away from her.
"I will be sleeping in another room tonight Mrs. Butler"
He sounded tired, but Rhett was never tired;
"Something was wrong, so very wrong"
Images of her mother's sad, lifeless face came to into her mind.
"Oh! I don't want to be like my mother, sad and crying for another man. Not when I have a handsome, rich husband."
In a soft, frighten voice Scarlett called out to her husband.
Abruptly Rhett turned.
"Why would you like me to stay Mrs. Butler?"
"I won't be able to sleep alone Rhett"
With an emotionless voice Rhett looked boldly at her, his eyes locked with hers,
"That won't make me stay, my pet"
In a few steps he was standing right in front of the door, his left hand already reaching for the handle.
"Rhett, please stay. I need you"
The words left Scarlett's mouth on their own record. Two seconds later she felt Rhett's lips hungrily on hers and she invited him to deepen the kiss, all thoughts disappeared and only a calm peace was left.
"I love you, your heartless woman"
Rhett mumbled in her mouth and then Scarlett immediately knew where she belonged. She belonged in the two, strong arms holding her right now, belonged with this rough and yet gentle man. He was her other half, she had just been too blind to see it. Breaking the kiss Scarlett locked eyes with Rhett
"I love you Rhett Butler, cad or not"
Just before she kissed him again, she thought she heard him mumble;
"How I have been waiting for those words"
And in her heart she knew he had indeed waited, waited for her to grow up.
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