A little something light-hearted and fun for the run-up to Christmas. Enjoy!
Thanks to campy for his ever invaluable beta and proofing assistance.
You saw it on KP, Disney owns it …
This was so wrong. So, so ferociously wrong.
It was 3:30 on the afternoon of Christmas Eve and Kim Possible, the girl who could do anything, didn't have a present for her BFBF, Ron Stoppable.
"What do you mean you're out of stock?" she asked, an edge to her voice. "I pre-ordered it months ago!"
"I'm sorry, Ms. Possible, but it says here that someone came to pick up the item for you …"
"Yes, a Francis Lehrman."
Kim's eyes opened wide. Frugal Lucre.
And he had the new Fearless Ferret video game that she was going to give Ron for Christmas.
"Let's see. About two hours ago."
Kim directed angry thoughts towards Prof. Dementor. If the pint-sized menace hadn't tried to steal the pan dimensional vortex inducer – yet again – she wouldn't be having this problem because she would have been able to pick up Ron's present first thing that morning when the video game was officially released.
Kim whipped out her Kimmunicator and pressed the call button.
"Hey, Kim!" Wade said cheerfully. "What up?"
"Wade, I need to get to Philadelphia. I don't care how many favors you have to call in … just get me there. Yesterday."
"You got it, Kim … mind if I ask what's going down?"
"Frugal Lucre," she growled.
Good for his word, Wade had a ride waiting for her the moment she emerged from the Middleton Mall. Parked in the lot, much to the annoyance of shoppers looking for spots, was a GJ hover jet. As Kim approached the aircraft, a door opened and a ladder extended to the tarmac. Kim jogged up the ramp and into the jet and … groaned.
"Kimberly. It is good to see you."
"Uh, hi Will," Kim said to her least favorite Global Justice Agent. Still, if he was willing to take her to Philly on such short notice, the least she knew she should do was be gracious. "I am so grateful to you for giving me a lift."
"A lift?" Will asked, confused. "I was under the impression that you felt you were unable to deal with Frugal Lucre alone. I am here to help you apprehend him."
Kim seethed. Wade is so busted. Wait. The mission. Focus on the mission. You are going to retrieve Ron's present, she told herself.
"Uh, yeah," she said, quickly improvising. "Well, you know, I'm a Club Banana kind of girl and Frugal is a Smarty Mart man and I know how you know everything about everything and I thought you would be able to offer insights into his plan."
By now, Kim had sat down in the co-pilot's seat and Will was heading eastwards.
"That was a prudent assumption, Kimberly. My vast experience and my appreciation of the criminal psyche will more than compensate for your limitations."
Kim's eyes flashed. She wanted to beat down Will. But she knew that receiving a call from Dr. Director that his girlfriend was in a GJ lockup for attacking their number-one agent was not the way Ron would want to remember this Christmas.
"You seem agitated," Will noted. "I notice that your sidekick is not with you. Should I infer that not all is well between the two of you? If that is so, I know that Dr. Director would be interested in recruiting you. It would be an excellent opportunity for you and I concede that you have potential. And, if I may add on a personal note, lovely eyes. Perhaps you would be interested in joining me at the Global Justice New Year's Eve party?"
Kim's emerald green eyes bugged out. She thought she was having a bad day when she learned that Frugal Lucre had stolen Ron's present. But now Will Du was somehow finding a way to proposition her while simultaneously insult her!
"Sorry to burst your bubble, Will, but Ron and I are good," she said, her fierce expression melting into one of affection and desire. "In fact, we're beyond good. We're ferociously good." Kim let herself daydream about being with Ron for just a moment. "He's just, uh, busy …"
"I see," Will replied, containing his disappointment – and bewilderment. He simply could not understand what Kim saw in Ron.
"Yes, busy. Very busy," Kim added, wondering just what Ron might be up to at that moment.
At that moment, Ron Stoppable was a very satisfied young man. He had everything ready. No Bueno Nacho Bueno Bucks for Kim this year. Even if she weren't his girlfriend, after learning just how she really felt about that perennial gift, he would have chosen something else. But now that he had the most bon-diggity girlfriend in Middleton, no, the world, he had pulled out all the stops.
He began wrapping the gold charm bracelet he'd picked out for Kim, with Mrs. Dr. P's assistance. Ron thought it was badical that charms could be added to the bracelet over time. He decided to start off with a little pom-pom charm. And he had a special one made – a pandaroo. Ron was looking forward to the expression on Kim's face when she opened her present. He knew she'd be blown away.
He looked at his handiwork and sighed, feeling a little less satisfied. Wrapping paper and ribbon appeared to be Ron's natural enemies.
He tried to undo the ribbon, but instead turned the bow into a knot. Grumbling, he cut the ribbon, then tore off the paper.
Rufus, who had been watching from the side, hopped over, looked at the damage, and shook his head.
"It's a mess, isn't it, Little Buddy," Ron sighed.
"Uh huh," Rufus agreed. Then he looked to his human and smiled. "Paper! Ribbon!" he squeaked. Ron laid out the requested items. Rufus quickly went to work and, moments later, Kim's present was wrapped, looking like it had been prepared by a professional.
"Boo-yah!" Ron exulted. "You are da man, Rufus! You are da mole rat! Extra cheese on the nacos for you, my friend, the next time we go to Bueno Nacho!"
"Cheese!" Rufus enthused, before he took a little bow and beamed.
"Man, Kim is gonna love this!" Ron said. "So, what do you think she's gonna give me? Not that I need anything as long as I have her and some of those awesome KP kisses. But she always does the coolest things, ya know, Rufus? Remember the digital photo album? That was sooo cool!"
"Ya know, I am one lucky dude to have a best friend girlfriend like KP!" he said, stretching out his body and twining his fingers behind his head. "It sure is good to be the Rondo!"
"It's closing time, Lucre!" Kim snapped.
"Ah, my arch foe, Kim Possible. And I see you have a new sidekick," the budget villain said in his appallingly bad faux accent.
"I am not a sidekick," Will protested. "I am a highly trained agent, fluent in seventeen languages and multiple dialects."
"Oh? A real smarty pants, are you?" Francis sneered, slipping out of his villains' voice. "Where'd you get that uniform?"
"It was custom made."
"Custom made! That must have cost a fortune!" Lucre exclaimed. "You could have gotten something just as good at a fraction of the price at a discount retailer, you retail snob! I hate your kind!"
Kim rolled her eyes. "Melodramatic much, Francis? Hand over what you stole earlier today and we'll be on our way."
"You mean this?" he said, brandishing the box.
"You know if you waited, you could have bought it for 30 percent off at Smarty Mart next month."
"But I need it now, Frugal," Kim growled.
"Can't wait to save a few dollars, can we? Gotta have it now," he sneered. "Pay top dollar! I see you're wearing Club Banana when you could have bought the same items for …"
"… a fraction of the price at a discount retailer. I know, I know," Kim said, exasperated. "I've had the conversation with Ron, thank you very much. I understand value shopping and I am so not caught up in labels anymore …"
"Excuse me, Kimberly, but perhaps we should complete the mission and you and Mr. Lucre can continue your colloquy on preferred shopping venues after we take him into custody."
Kim, embarrassed, blushed. "Er, right." Then, in horror, she saw a grinning Lucre break the seal on the package. He was ruining Ron's present!
"Francis, you can't do that. Stop! Now!" she called out with urgency.
Will pulled out his GJ laser – issued only to top agents, of course – and fired a bolt with pin-point accuracy at the disk in Frugal's hand.
"Noooo!" Kim exclaimed in horror as Will vaporized Ron's present.
"What?" Will asked. "He was surely about to use the disk to spread a virus over the internet. I had to stop him from deploying the weapon …"
Francis stood stunned for a moment.
"Weapon? What are you talking about?" he asked. "It is – or was – a video game."
"A game?" an incredulous Will asked.
"Yes," Kim said, crushed. "Ron's Christmas present."
"I do not understand …" Will, confused, stammered.
"What's not to understand?" Francis asked. "I read in Villain's Digest in a profile on heroes' sidekicks that Ron Stoppable was into four things: Kim Possible, Bueno Nacho, pushing shiny red buttons in lairs, and being the first to get a new video game. I assumed he'd be on the list for one of these babies, and decided to go out to Middleton to claim it. Why wait if I didn't have to pay? Talk about a bargain!"
Dejected, Kim turned to the stairs. "C'mon, Will, let's go."
"Shouldn't we take in this criminal, anyway? He is guilty of fraud and theft, after all."
"I don't care. I have to find another present and be back to Middleton in … ohmygoshthirtyminuteswegottajet!" Kim grabbed Will's arm and yanked him up and out of the Lehrman household.
Ron insisted that Kim open her present first.
"Oh, Ron, this is beautiful," she cooed with delight. And felt that much worse for what she was about to give him. She handed him an envelope.
Ron, with his girlfriend now trying to conceal just how awful she felt, carefully opened the gift.
"Bueno Nacho Bueno Bucks?" he asked, surprised.
"Yeah," she said glumly. "I feel so ba …"
Ron wasn't listening to her. "Badical!" he exclaimed. "This is awesome! My bon-diggity girlfriend and pre-paid nacos! This is the best Christmas ever! Coolio!"
"You, you really like it?"
"Oh, yeah!" he said pulling her close. Then, whispering into her ear, he said, "And maybe if I get some Diablo sauce on my lips you'll help clean it off …"
Kim pulled back just a bit then brushed her lips against Ron's, before giving him kiss that was more … grande-sized. "You mean like that?"
Ron, after they were done, responded with one of his goofy grins. "Yeah!" he said dreamily. "Merry Christmas, KP."
Kim, relieved and filled with joy that she'd made her boyfriend happy, giggled then replied, "And a Merry Christmas, to you, Ron ..." as she leaned in to give him another grande-sized Yuletide treat.