Painfulhumor warning! I don't own Slayers, and if you get hurt reading this fic, it's not my fault!


It was a normal morning, Zelgadis had gotten up, gotten dressed, and gone down to the dining room of the inn they were staying at for a bit of coffee and maybe some toast. It was a pleasant morning, actually. For once, Lina had slept in, leaving the inn quite peaceful as his breakfast was served and the Chimera sighed in bliss as he absorbed his daily dose of caffeine.

As all mornings like this, it wasn't meant to last, and Zel glowered as Gourry came bursting down the stairs, looking panicked. "Zel!" the blonde shouted needlessly, as the inn was quiet enough for a whisper to be heard- he'd probably woken everyone up with that howl.

"What?" the Chimera demanded in return, his good mood flown and his usual sour outlook replacing it. It made him wonder why he traveled with these idiots at all- he rarely had good days anymore.

Stumbling through the room, Gourry tripped over a chair along the way and landed hard against the table, knocking over Zel's coffee pot, but attention to that catastrophe was diverted when Gourry announced what had caused him so much distress. "Lina's missing! So is Amelia!"

Standing and shouting, "What?" in panic which apparently was contagious, Zel shoved past Gourry and headed up the stairs, slamming Amelia's door open first- and found the room clean, the bed made, and no sign anyone had been in the room all night. After thoroughly investigating, he turned and headed to Lina's room. Now this room was a mess. "Gourry!" he shouted and turned- running into the blonde's chest. Moderating his tone, Zelgadis continued, "Did you make this mess?"

Nervously, Gourry nodded, "I was looking for Lina."

Taking a breath to regain some sanity, the Chimera asked, "How was the room when you found it?"

"Clean- like Amelia's," Gourry answered, blue eyes wide, he bit his lower lip, "What could have happened to them?"

Turning again, Zelgadis stepped into Lina's room and picked through the mess, finally discovering a letter that had apparently been tossed across the room in Gourry's haste. Picking it up, he carefully opened it as Gourry sidled up to his elbow. "What's that?" the blonde asked.

"A letter to you..."

Dear Gourry,

I know we had a lot of fun together over the years, destroying Rezos and Dark Lords and a hell of a lot of bandits but... I just can't do this any more. This lying to myself about our relationship, or lack thereof, is tearing me apart and I can't live a lie. I'm sorry to do this to you so suddenly, but I know you've already got your sight set on someone else, and I'm sure he'll mend your broken heart- if you even remember me five minutes after you read this. If you can read at all. Maybe HE will read it for you.

Zelgadis paused in his reading aloud and glanced at Gourry- who was blushing.

Clearing his throat, Zel continued.

Don't worry about me and Amelia. We've gone on our own adventure to find Amelia's sister, Naga, to join forces with her and Sylphiel and see if those two have preferences... similar to mine and Amelia's. Amelia and I have also decided to-

Zel squeaked, "Get married!"

Gourry collapsed.

So, good bye forever, Gourry, and you too, Zelgadis. It was fun, but I wish you both the best!

Lina Inverse

Sitting up from the floor, Gourry sniffled and wailed, "NOOOO! NOW how am I going to get Phil to notice me!"