Hello everybody! So here is finally the last chapter! Thank you to all my readers, hope you like the ending, please let me know?
'Okay?' The physiotherapist asked as she looked at the woman in front of her.
Billie nodded although she hadn't heard a word of what the woman had been explaining to her. When she had entered the hospital again she had felt so hurt, so confused and above all, so vulnerable. And if she hated something, it was feeling vulnerable.
'Okay, you can start with the bike and later with the weights and we'll talk about how it went tomorrow, is that a good idea?'
Being rejected like that, it felt like a knife cutting in her heart. She looked up to the physiotherapist when she remembered that the woman was explaining something to her.
She nodded quickly. 'Yes, thank you.'
The only thing she could think is how stupid she had been. She had kissed Van and the most horrible thing was that he hadn't kissed her back. He had just looked at her like she was an alien. Van. The man that had kissed so many woman, slept with so many woman.
Maybe she wasn't good enough. What had she been thinking anyway? He probably hated her. Well that was fine because she hated him too! An angry scowl appeared on her face at that thought.
She walked towards the weights and took one in her hand. She sighed deep as she pulled it up and felt her muscle tense. It had been so awful. She didn't count on him not kissing her at all. She was a woman after all. Most men would kiss her back. Well it didn't matter now. It had happened and it was a mistake. It meant nothing. Nothing at all. She didn't mean anything by it. It was just because she was tired and confused that she had done that. Kissed him. It was a mistake. Like so many other mistakes she had made. People made mistakes right? She was allowed to make mistakes too. It meant nothing. Nothing at all. She would just act like nothing had happened. Erase it from her mind.
She remembered shortly the feel of his body against hers, his soft, warm lips, the wonderful feel of the stubbles on his chin pushing roughly in her soft skin. It made a nice contrast: hard and rough, but soft and sweet at the same time… But it hadn't happened. It was nothing, it was nothing, it was nothing, it was nothing. It was a mistake. If she repeated this in her head she would forget all about it and feel better soon. She wouldn't feel ashamed anymore…
She bended to get another weight from the bench. It was nothing, it was a mistake, it was nothing, it was a mistake, it was nothing, it was a mistake…..
Billie kissed me, did Billie just kiss me? She kissed me, she kissed me…
Van stalked towards the reception and thought of a way to get to Billie, because he would this time. He was happy to see that there was another nurse then last time behind the desk.
'Hi, my sister had an appointment here and I really need to see her. I know that that's not usual, but it's kind of an emergency.' Van said as he gave the nurse his most charming smile.
'What is her name?'
'I can call her here.'
'O that's okay. I'll go to her.'
'That's not possible sir. O wait…' The nurse said as she watched in the computer. 'She is in the gym hall. You can go there, it's down the hall on the left, the first door.'
'Thank you so much, you are a life saver!' Van said as he nodded at the nurse and had to concentrate fully to not run over there as fast as he could.
She heard the door open, and before she could even turn she heard a hard, manly voice.
'How can you kiss me and just walk away like that?' Van stated hard as he walked through the door in a hurry and stopped a few meters away from her. The door closed with a thud.
Her big blue eyes looked rapidly from the door to Van. She was caught of guard.
'Don't read anything into that.' Billie said quickly after a few seconds. 'That was a mistake.'
'O Yeah I heard that before, it happened in the heat of the moment right?'
'Yes, that's right.' Billie answered soberly.
'I didn't even know that you were attracted to me.' Van began.
'I am not.' Billie said, where did he get that idea?
'You wouldn't kiss someone you aren't attracted to would you?'
'Obviously I did. Van, am I going to hear this the rest of my life now? One slip up?!' She swallowed deep. Those had been the wrong words. The wrong words in another context…
She looked away.
'I am sorry Van. That's what I wanted to say. I didn't do one slip up. I did a lot of slipping up… on that Island.' She swallowed a lump away with a lot of trouble as she studied the ground. 'I just needed time to give that a place. That's why I didn't want to see anyone.' God she was such a good lyer. Something that was of use when she had undercover jobs.
'And did you give it a place?' Van asked.
She felt angry again. Again he was sweet. Why wasn't he shouting at her? That would be so much easier. She stood up from the bench she was sitting on.
'Aren't you angry with me?' She asked as she looked at the weights under the mirror.
'I….I tried to kill you.' There, she had said it. The dreaded words.
The image of her trying to strangle him with the leather belt came up again. She just couldn't get rid of that image. It came up during the day, during the night, all the time. And it made her even tenser then she already was.
'You weren't trying to kill me. I know that.' And there it was again. She looked ashamed again and again it felt like a stab in his heart. She looked so lost. It was like he could see through her hard exterior momentarily.
'Hey..' He said in a sweet voice as he stepped towards her and touched her elbows trying to comfort her.
'Stop that!' She snapped as she pulled her arms away from him in an angry gesture.
Okay, emphasizes on momentarily, he thought. The hard exterior was back instantly.
'What is your problem?' Van asked annoyed.
'Can't you see? Are you just that dumb?!' She insulted him. 'I don't deserve this, I don't deserve that you are nice to me!'
'Don't decide for me what I should think or not think!' Van snapped.
'Look this conversation is obviously going wrong again.' Billie said as she put up her hands and made the gab larger between them by walking back. 'I know that we don't talk seriously a lot. But I have to get something of my chest here.' She sighed heavily. She just had to say something. She thought about Lila's words. She didn't want to run away. She should face her problems and deal with them. Deal, not run. She had come so far, she had built up her life when she had been down after her drug addiction. She didn't want to be down again.
'I am so sorry that I hurt you. I am sorry that I attacked you, I never want Deaq and you to get hurt, NEVER. I always want to protect you while it may not look like that a lot of times, but I do. The two of you... you both come before me. If someone hurts one of you, they hurt me. And I crossed a border. Because now I was the one hurting you. And I can't forgive myself for that. So just be angry, or punish me, or quit or resign but don't act so nice and understanding because that's not what I deserve.' She said as her big blue eyes looked in Van's intently. He could see that she had opened up to him.
'I know they did something to your brain but I think they did something to your ears too, I told you before. I don't have a grudge against you, if you want to be angry, be angry at Hicks, be angry at Stephan but not at yourself. And don't try to control me. If I want to act nice I will, and that's my choice Billie. I know you are bossy but don't interfere with my character, with the way I am. So quit the shit and let us help you because this has taken long enough now.'
Billie swallowed. Her eyes were glued to his face. She couldn't believe what he was saying, didn't understand it. She was so used to doing things on her own. Alone. Always alone. Because she knew that she could count on herself. She didn't know what to say, or what to do.
Van smiled. He was so glad that she was doing a little bit better. He had been so worried these last weeks. He just felt the urge to hug her. He walked towards her and she shrank back immediately.
'Look keep your claws to yourself okay? I just want to hug you. That's what friends do.' He said as he closed the gab between them and put his arms around her. 'Sometimes..' He mumbled after that. 'In special situations people do that you know.' He rambled suddenly noticing how nervous he became when he felt her body against his. He swallowed as he tried to concentrate on the warmth that came from her body. And then on the feel of her body against his.
'I didn't know you were that small.' He noted airily when he noticed that the top of her head was way below his chin. 'Maybe you look bigger when you are bossy…Which you are a lot of the time.' He said as he loosened himself carefully.
He looked at her and tried to get eye-contact but she was staring at his collar. Avoiding his gaze. He still had his arms around her. A big tear made itself loose from her right eye and before it could run a track over her cheek he caught it with his thumb. 'We can't get too emotional here.' He said trying to be funny but when her big blue eyes looked up at him he swallowed instantly. He had meant to step away now, this would be a good time but he just couldn't move anymore. Just like an hour ago when he had stood in the park looking at her back. What was wrong with him? He swallowed as he looked at her lips. This wasn't right. She was his boss. She is his boss. Yes, she is attractive, very attractive. He had always known that but she was off limits. OFF LIMITS.
He felt that he needed to explain what had happened to him moments ago, why he hadn't kissed her back. Maybe she had felt rejected, she had looked so ashamed, so hurt. But that hadn't been his meaning. He wanted her to know that.
'I always thought that I repulsed you, that you were grossed out with me. You know I remember when I was undercover in the Porn industry and I needed you to act as that teacher who wanted to make a porn movie. I remember that we had to have sex so that woman could see if you were any good. You seemed so repulsed by me.. And that's what I always thought.' He said he paused and looked her in her eyes. They were still standing in the same position. Neither of them dared to move. Or breathe too hard.
'And that's why I was so shocked when you kissed me because actually..' He laughed suddenly. 'I thought you were going to hurt me. And of course I know you didn't mean it, it was in the heat of the moment and all and you are my boss so, well that's a fact. But I didn't want to insult you, I think you are an attractive woman and if you weren't my boss I would maybe ask you out. If you weren't so bossy.' He finished teasingly. He looked at her, at her white hospital t-shirt. She looked so hot, even in that shirt.
'Okay, this is getting weird now.' Billie said as she loosened herself.
'Yeah it is, isn't it.' Van agreed as he took a step back quickly. He couldn't think of her like that.
'I should finish my work-out.' Billie said as she looked at the weights next to her and bit her lip.
'Yeah I should go do a man thing. Like riding my car.' He said. He had talked too much already. He had to get that out of his system, what was going on with him?
'Yeah.' Van said again as he nodded and looked at the ground.
'Okay.' Billie said airily as she nodded too. 'Okay.' Billie said again as her hand went to the weight on the bench.
'Uhuh.' Van said as he nodded and looked at a far point in the gym hall.
He moved his feet to move away from her but instead of moving away he stepped towards her, she did the same at that exact same moment.
She dropped the weight and their lips touched wantingly. She kissed him passionately and Van answered her kiss as passionately until they collided against the wall. Van turned them around so Billie was standing against the wall. It was perfect. She felt perfect. He just never wanted to stop kissing her. He didn't want to let time move on. He wanted to be like this forever. Their tongues fought a heavy duel of so many feelings that were pushed away for so long. Pent up emotions.
Billie pushed them away from the wall and pushed Van down on the mat on the ground. She went to lay on top of him as they didn't stop kissing. His lips felt so warm, and soft and at the same time hard and masculine. She felt his stubble beard hurt her soft skin but she didn't care. She just wanted to feel him. Feel him close to her. She lost all control, she didn't think anymore. She ripped open his blouse as she felt his hands disappear under her shirt feeling her toned stomach and then going up her back. She bit his lip softly, teasingly as she felt his hand unclasp her bra. His hands roamed up to cup her full breasts as she bended forward and began to kiss his muscled chest wantingly.
They both panted even heavilier but froze intstantly as they heard high heels coming closer in the hallway. They looked at each other wide eyed for a moment then got off of each other. Van quickly moved towards the window, acting like he was looking outside while he tried to close his blouse…He noticed that the buttons were gone, ripped off….
Billie got up quickly too and tried to shut her bra but didn't have time enough when she saw the door handle going down. She quickly tried to straighten her bra and pulled the hairs that were sticking to her heated face away.
'Hey, how are you doing with your work-…..' Lila began as she walked into the gym hall but to her surprise saw Van standing near the window. '….-out.' She finished surprised. Her eyes took in Billie's heated face, the bra that was in a really weird corner on her body under the shirt.
'Fine.' Billie uttered in a thick voice as Lila noticed the red rough spots around her mouth. She smirked almost invisible.
She looked at Van who was standing with his back to her but his head turned towards her.
'Mr Ray.' She said as she nodded at him and smiled.
'Well that's nice to hear.' Lila said friendly in a business tone. 'I would say carry on then with what you were doing.' She smiled broadly as she turned and left. The door closed slowly behind her.
'She works here.' Billie said as she stared at the now closed door.
'I know.' Van answered as he helped Billie up.
'Maybe we shouldn't… Here…' Billie mumbled as she looked at the mat.
'Maybe…When I come home…' She mumbled after that as she touched his cheek with her flat hand.
'Ehm…' The prospect of lying in the open between a burned mess wasn't that great.
'O I forgot.' She said as she lowered her head.
'I have a home too.' He said in a husky voice.
'Yeah, like that's going to happen.' Billie stated as she tried to clasp her bra shut.
'Is that really necessary?' Van asked as he kissed her again and held his hands on her arm to prevent her from clasping it shut further.
'Your desk is very big, maybe we can…' Van began.
'Don't touch my desk. My desk is holy.' Billie snapped as she pinned her finger in his chest. She couldn't work on it properly anymore if she had 'used' her desk in that way. And she needed to concentrate when she was working, not to think back of a passionate night.
Van tried to straighten his blouse as good as possible when a group of other patients came in.
They walked outside together where they kissed again, leaning against the wall. Van broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers as he caressed her cheek with his index finger. 'I should go and take a very cold shower now.' He said.
Billie bit her lip. 'Me too.' She whispered.
Lila smiled as she saw Billie and Van kissing in the hallway. It wasn't allowed really for him to be here at this hour but she had made an exception. She had wanted to make Billie sign the letter that gave her all the possessions of the Candy Store back together with a new case that they could work on starting in three weeks. But she decided that could wait, she could give it later. She smiled again warmly as she walked back to her office door. She sighed and was glad that Billie had chosen to fight instead of run. She felt that she had made the right decision to go after Billie this morning instead of calling security or the police. She hadn't misjudged Billie after all…..
THis is the end :( :( :( What did you think? And did you like Lila?