Title: "You scream, I scream"
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Marc Cherry.
Spoilers: Not so much
Description: Bree/Lynette. A celebration of Halloween & ice cream.
Breebrushed the flour off her hands and picked up the ringing phone, "Oh, Hi Lynette. No, I'm not busy. Sure, that sounds lovely." Bree removed her apron and walked over to Lynette's.
It was Saturday afternoon, and Lynette wanted to go somewhere. The boys were begging her for a treat, and so she called Bree to help wrangle them. "If you can't stay quiet we're not getting any ice cream," Lynette warned.
"Are you ready?" Bree asked as she crossed the street.
"Yep," Lynette said as she piled the boys in the van and fastened Penny's car seat.
October is a fine time on Wisteria lane, the air turns crisp, the leaves change and the neighbors decorate for Halloween.
"It's getting a little cold to be going for ice cream, don't you think?" Bree said as she buckled her seatbelt.
"This is the season when the best ice cream comes out: Trick-Oreo-Treat," Lynette said. "Besides it's never too cold for ice cream. In Rome, the Italians walk around in January eating gelato, and those people are happy, let me tell you," Lynette waved her finger in Bree's face.
"Lynette, that's in a Mediterranean climate, and why are you equating happiness with the amount of ice cream that we consume?" Bree questioned.
"I'm just trying to make a point," Lynette stammered.
"Well, then there is a strong correlation between ice cream consumption and the amount of violent crime and drowning," Bree said.
"That's a classic fallacy, ice cream consumption rises in the summer when it's hot, which is the important factor, Bree," Lynette retorted.
"Oh, so you're saying it's better to eat ice cream when it's hot outside?" Bree said reinstating her original point.
"No, I'm saying maybe the only thing keeping people from drowning themselves and committing violent crimes is eating enough ice cream to deal with the unbearable heat and humidity of summer," Lynette seemed pleased with her rational.
"Mommy, what are you talking about?" Parker look frightened. "Are we still getting ice cream?"
"Of course, sweet pea, we're almost there," Lynette parked at the ice cream parlor. "Okay, do you all want Trick-Oreo-Treat?"
"Yes!" came the answer in unison from the 3 boys.
"Okay, here's the plan. I will go inside and get everyone's ice cream. I assume you want Trick-Oreo-Treat as well, Bree?"
"When in Rome…" Bree shrugged.
"Good girl, I knew you'd come around," Lynette patted her. "So you stay in the car and keep the kids entertained. I'll get the ice cream and then we'll drive to the park to eat it. The challenge is keeping the ice cream out of the boys' hands until we are out of the car in the park. You have to be in charge of that because I'm driving," Lynette said with a far off look of worry on her face.
"That is quite a strategy," Bree grinned mischievously and then added as if she were talking into a walkie-talkie, "Black Cat to Ribbon Dancer: do you read? Initiate. Over."
"Ribbon Dancer to Black Cat: copy that." Lynette said as she rushed into the ice cream parlor.
No sooner was Lynette out of sight, then the boys began bouncing in their seats and screaming for ice cream. Baby Penny just screamed. Bree made a half-hearted effort to quiet them, but quickly gave up and began to rub her temples. Lynette finally emerged carrying five large dishes of black and orange ice cream. The boys' eyes widened and their screams reached a fever pitch. Lynette opened the door and thrust the ice cream at Bree. "We've got to move," Lynette jumped behind the wheel and made a b-line for the park.
Tiny grubby hands reached from every angle toward Bree, she swatted them away in an effort to guard the ice cream. Soon they rolled up to the park. Lynette turned off the engine, motioned for Bree to get out of the car as fast as possible, and ran around to the sliding door. She pulled it open and each boy jumped out and cornered Bree, "ice cream, ice cream!" The bellowed like little zombies.
"Here we go," Bree handed each one a dish, but one dish was accidentally knocked to the ground. Bree gasped, she finished giving each boy a dish and their screams quieted as they began to feed. Bree looked at the splattered ice cream on the ground, "a casualty of war," she shook her head. "Lynette we're going to have to share."
Lynette put Penny in her stroller and as Bree handed Lynette the dish, both woman sighed in relief. "I can not tell you how helpful you just were. If there was no one to guard the ice cream it would all over the car by now," Lynette said as they walked to a bench.
"Well, that one is all over the ground." Bree sat down, "but it wasn't as bad as I had feared."
"That's sweet of you to say," Lynette gave a bite of the sweet concoction to Penny. Then she refilled the spoon and put it to Bree's lips.
"I can feed myself, Lynette," Bree said, despite her protest she opened her mouth, shut her eyes, and let Lynette slip in the spoon.
"Hmm, mmm. That is delectable. You win," Bree said as Lynette had a bite.
"I know. They only have this once a year," Lynette said as she gave Bree another spoonful.
"Who are the kids going to be this year?"
"We're all dressing up as a character from the 'Wizard of Oz.' Parker is going to be the scarecrow, Preston is the cowardly lion, and Porter is the tin man. Penny is going to be a munchkin. Tom is going to be the wizard and I'm going to be Glinda," Lynette finished.
"That sounds so cute; I haven't dressed up in years. I never celebrated Halloween as a child. I used to love making costumes for Andrew and Danielle," Bree had a brief reminiscence.
"Well, you should dress up this year."
"I don't have anywhere to go on Halloween. I usually stay home and hand out homemade treats to the neighborhood trick-or-treaters," Bree said.
"On Halloween, I only have a staff meeting in the morning, so I'm chaperoning the Halloween party at Barcliffe. Actually I have to come and chaperone my own kids—(you get an ounce of sugar in those boys and they act like they're on a coke binge) but since I know you love chaperoning, you should come help me, everyone has to wear a costume for the party-so there you go," Lynette offered.
"Who am I going to be?" Bree wondered.
"You could be Dorothy… or the Wicked Witch of the West."
"I just threw out my gingham fabric, but I have a surplus of black garments, maybe I could put them to good use…," Bree had that devilish look she got in her eye when she thought about making something.
"So you'll come? Tom will be so relieved, he hates coming to these sorts of things, so he can stay home with Penny. I won't have to face those other bitch mothers alone. This is so great," Lynette was giddy.
Bree went home and made her costume that day. She even made the hat and the broom. The only thing she had to buy was the vibrant green makeup.
On Halloween, Lynette came home from her morning meetings to prepare for the kid's party. She found Tom in the bathroom vomiting. "Tom, are you sick?"
"Yeah, I think I ate something that had been sitting out too long," he said between vomits.
"Honey, what should I do?"
"Just go, Lynette. I'll be fine. You take the kids trick-or-treating tonight, and I'll just pass out candy," Tom said.
Bree knocked on their door, and Lynette left Tom in the bathroom to let her in. Lynette opened the door to find Bree in the most beautiful gothic-looking black dress. It was silky, with a plunging neckline that tapered off into a corset, with a long flowing, layered skirt. Her hat was of the classic pointy variety with a long trail of fine black netting billowing behind her.
"Hi, Lynette. Where is your costume?" Bree asked.
"Wow, Bree you made that? It's fantastic!" Lynette said turning her around for a full view. "I was just getting into my costume, come help me. Tom's sick, he's feeling terrible."
"What's wrong?" Bree asked as they walked to Lynette's bedroom.
"Something he ate," Lynette explained as she pulled her huge pink dress out of the garment bag. "This costume was kind of expensive, it's all pink chiffon. I don't want to rip it." Lynette pulled off her clothes immodestly and Bree guided the dress over her head. She turned and Bree zipped her up. Lynette stood in front of the mirror next to Bree, admiring the dress.
"We look so mismatched, you look like a beautiful pink cupcake and I look…evil," Bree commented.
"You're not green," Lynette noticed.
"I have the makeup, but I need help applying it evenly. Oh, I brought some body glitter spray that Andrew had left over, for you Lynette."
"Why does Andrew need body glitter?"
"Well…um…He and Danielle dressed up. They are going to dinner with friends and then to a midnight showing of something called 'Rocky Horror Picture Show.' Danielle dressed as a French maid, and Andrew wore…a gold Speedo… and glitter." Bree hesitated as several thoughts occurred to her. "I wouldn't let Danielle wear the garter belt though; the whole French maid idea just seemed too sexy for a girl her age…maybe I should have been more concerned with Andrew."
"Yeah, French maid costumes can get people into trouble," Lynette said knowingly.
"Really? Do you think I should be worried?" Bree asked. "I mean I'm already afraid Andrew is going to catch pneumonia."
"No, they'll be fine. I used to go to 'Rocky Horror' all the time in college, but I always dressed as Janet," Lynette said.
"Really, Susan said Janet is who Julie is dressing as. When she came over to the house she wasn't wearing a shirt," Bree lowered her voice and said, "Lynette, I hear that movie has homoerotic themes, is that true?"
Lynette looked at her naïve friend and simply said, "Yes it does. Now let's get you green." Lynette took the shady looking bottle of runny green makeup and began applying it to Bree's face. "I think we're going to need a few coats. I must say this shade of green with your hair is a nice juxtaposition." Bree sat still as Lynette covered her face and neck with makeup, she applied it to her chest and chastely dipped her green fingers between the cleft of her breasts. Bree gave her a look, but didn't stop her. "Just trying to be thorough," Lynette smirked.
When she was fully green and the makeup had dried, Bree got revenge on Lynette with the glitter spray, by pulling up her skirt and giving her a nice aerosol blast. Lynette jumped, "Bree, that stuff is cold, and no one is going to see my glittery ass."
"You never know. Just trying to be thorough," Bree shrugged.
The ladies made their way to Barcliffe for the party. Lynette had brought all of their costumes. She and Bree dressed them and made up their faces. They looked so cute, Lynette couldn't resist taking pictures. She got one good one before the boys had practically torn apart each others costumes in their sugar induced bouts of mania. Lynette focused her attention on Bree; she had to get a good picture just to prove to all her friends that Bree was actually in this getup. "Bree mount your broom and ride it around for me, okay?" Lynette tried to persuade her to.
"Broom riding is impractical, it's so sacrilegious," Bree said with passion.
"Come on Bree, if you thought it was that bad you wouldn't have dressed up as a witch."
"No, I don't have a problem with portraying a pagan identity; I have a problem with using this sacred cleaning tool as a flying device. Brooms have been used for centuries, even when people only had dirt floors."
Before Lynette had a chance to respond, one of the other moms called attention to Bree and Lynette's costumes. "Oh, my gosh you guys are just too great!" The chipper woman squeaked. "Get together I must get a picture of you two!" Bree wrapped her arm around Lynette and smiled. "No, you guys are supposed to hate each other. Look mad at her and cast a spell," another mom said as she took a picture. Bree and Lynette posed willingly. "I love Halloween," Lynette said as she faked hitting Bree with her wand.
"Watch it Miss. Glinda, I could beat you a lot worse with this broom," Bree wielded the broom over her head. She was really getting in to the Halloween spirit.
"I thought it was a sacred cleaning implement? You wouldn't dare use it to hit me," Lynette taunted.
"Oh contraire, dear Lynette, people have been beating others with brooms and wooden objects for centuries as well."
"Give it to me then," Lynette dared her. Bree laughed and put her broom down, "I won't get you now, but soon, my pretty… and your little dog too," Bree was having a blast, and she forgot how easy it was to be someone else when in costume.
After the party, Lynette and Bree took the boys trick-or-treating around Wisteria lane. Lynette made the boys run to every house in an effort to wear them out faster; she knew excitement and candy were a deadly combination. When their bags were full and Bree had inspected every piece for razor blades and signs of tampering they all returned to Lynette's house to get ready for bed. Tom was about to fall asleep and Penny was asleep. "Tom do you feel good enough to help me get the boys of out of their costumes and to bed?"
"No," came his honest reply, "...but if I must." He started to get up off the couch.
"Don't get up Tom, I can help," Bree offered. She grabbed the boy nearest her and hauled him to the bathroom to scrub off his makeup. Lynette did the same. After all the craziness died down, and the boys were in bed (including Tom) Lynette offered to help Bree get her makeup off.
"That would be great Lynette, but can we go to my house?" Bree asked. I really want to get out of this dress.
"Bree your house is so far away," Lynette whined sarcastically.
They walked up to Bree's, and took stock of the cauldron full of treats she had left on the step. There were only a couple of brownies left. Lynette picked one up and proclaimed that she was starving. "You mean you didn't fill up on candy like the kids?" Bree mocked her. "Come on, I'm sure I can whip us up something to eat, but let's get out of these costumes first."
The ladies went up to Bree's bathroom, and Bree pulled off her hat, and prepared a cloth with makeup remover. Lynette grabbed it and began to scrub Bree's face. It became apparent immediately, that the makeup was not coming off. "Um, Bree honey, I hate to break it to you, but you're still green," Lynette looked troubled.
Bree looked in the mirror; sure enough there was a definite luminescent distinctly toxic green color to Bree's face, neck and chest. "Oh, my God, Lynette, what are we going to do?"
"Don't panic, um... we'll soak you. Here, take off your dress," Lynette said as she started running water in the bath tub.
Bree unfastened her corset and stepped out of her dress. "Don't look at me, I'm shy," Bree was wearing her favorite matching red lingerie and green fishnets. Lynette couldn't really avoid looking at her. "I didn't know you were wearing green fishnets, where did you get those?" Lynette was surprised. "Nice underwear, is that La Perla?"
"Lynette, come on, it's not easy being green," Bree said not realizing her Kermit reference, which sent Lynette into hysterics. Bree looked at her, indignant, "These fishnets were in the back of my closet, I don't even know where they came from." Bree was flushed, although it was hard to tell on account of the bright tinge to her usually pale skin.
"What else do you have in the back of your closet?" Lynette pried. She was really getting a strange kick out of seeing Bree squirm.
"Nothing!" Bree said a bit too defensively.
"Okay, look, take off your underwear and get in to the water."
She made no movement.
"Bree, come on, I've seen you naked tons of times, its okay," Lynette reassured her.
Bree pursed her lips, "You have not seen me naked! What are you talking about? I'm not the type of person who changes clothes out in the open."
"No, I haven't," Lynette sounded a little too disappointed. "I just said that because it sounded like the right thing to say. Come on, you need help, let me help you. If you want me to go home I will."
"No, Lynette please stay and help me---"
"If it helps, I'll show you mine-" Lynette pulled down the front of her dress and flashed Bree. Bree stood stock still.
"Okay, is that better? Now strip 'em off, you need to get that green shit off or it'll be permanent. Let's see, how many hours were you wearing it?"
The thought of the toxic makeup soaking into her skin won her over. Bree reluctantly unhooked her bra and self-consciously pulled down her panties. She wasn't sure why she was so nervous to get naked in front of Lynette. Well, actually she did know why. She was afraid getting naked with Lynette would cause a resurgence of the dirty feelings for Lynette that she had been fighting so desperately to repress. She thought she was winning the battle, but she was wrong.
Lynette was shocked to find herself feeling so 'impressed' with Bree's body. Lynette was still reeling from discovering that Bree owned green fishnet stockings.
Bree was now sitting in the water. She shut her eyes, took a breath and sunk under. She couldn't believe this was happening. She cursed herself for buying that green makeup, she should have known better. Why hadn't she tested it?
When she came up for air, she saw Lynette's face and something in Lynette's expression dazed her. She saw lust. There was no mistaking it. Somehow the look on Lynette's face made her feel very exposed, but in a very interesting way.
"Oh, sweetie, are you aware of how gorgeous you are-even green," Lynette said sincerely as she picked up the washcloth and gently rubbed Bree's face. The ring of green on her chest was very pronounced especially just above her breasts, which were creamy white in comparison. Bree's coral colored nipples were erect and poking out of the water. Lynette couldn't help but think about earlier when she had applied the cursed makeup, and now there was big green smudge in the valley between her breasts.
"Go down for another soak," Lynette instructed her. Bree shut her eyes and went under. The only sound in the dim room was the gentle sloshing of water. Lynette swallowed the lump in her throat; she was feeling decidedly weird with this sudden attraction to Bree, especially the way she was just watching her soak in the tub. Lynette pushed her feelings down and decided to try drastic measures to get the green off. She ran to Bree's laundry room look to look for cleaning supplies.
When Bree resurfaced Lynette had disappeared. She felt very alone and self aware. Lynette returned with a spray bottle. "Hey, how are you doing? I think we should try this, it says it will lift a red wine stain out of carpet, but it's non-abrasive on skin."
"Am I stained?" Bree looked like she was about to cry.
"Oh, honey, no... Not permanently, you'll be fine," Lynette stroked Bree's hair. Bree in her emotionally bare state became acutely aware of the intense intimacy of the moment. "Let me take care of you," Lynette said when she noticed Bree looking uncomfortable.
"I trust you," Bree said and she took a deep breath. Lynette sprayed a cloth with the stain remover and hesitantly rubbed Bree's neck as she tilted back her head. "Does it burn or anything?"
"No, rub harder," Bree said absently, Lynette blinked; she had never seen such a sexy sight. The green began to disappear, Lynette rinsed Bree's neck and then she cleaned her face. "It's coming off," Lynette told her. Bree looked relieved; she opened her eyes and smiled at Lynette. Lynette used her fingers to wipe away the makeup from her ears.
"Lynette, you are such a good…" Bree was about to say mother, but she meant 'friend' but she suddenly wasn't thinking very motherly or friend like thoughts toward her. She cut herself off and an awkward tension arose. Lynette regarded her and then unnecessarily trailed her fingers down Bree's throat to her chest. Lynette rubbed her chest with the cloth and then filled her hand with water and slowly poured it over watching the droplets bead on her skin, which was prickled with goose bumps.
Bree shifted, pulling up her knee. She looked like to she was about to ask something, but she bit her lip. Lynette slowly moved her hand between Bree's breasts, and scrubbed off the last remaining bit of green. Bree shivered, the water was getting cold she guessed, she wasn't really feeling anything but Lynette's touch on her skin. Lynette had finished cleansing her, but neither of them made any motion. Lynette's hand still rested on her chest.
Slowly and deliberately, Lynette moved her hand over to cup a breast. As she slowly squeezed it, she watched Bree's face to gauge her reaction. Bree's eyes slipped shut and her head dipped back into the water. Lynette tweaked her pert nipple, and Bree let out a slight gasp. Lynette moved her hand away, and Bree sat up. Again, they simply sat in silence, until Lynette averted her eyes ashamed. Bree reached out and touched Lynette's chin, pulling her face toward hers. Their lips touched softly, and then again and again. Soon their kisses became harder and more urgent. Lynette scratched at Bree's slippery, wet back trying to get more contact with her.
Lynette, still wearing her dress, was getting completely soaked as she was half on top of Bree in the tub at this point. Water was crashing out the sides as they flailed around. Lynette urged Bree to get out of the bathtub, Bree simultaneously urged Lynette to get out of her dress. Lynette reluctantly broke their contact. She ran into Bree's bedroom to get more space. Bree rose out of the water and went to help Lynette, she pulled the dress off, and neither of them cared if the pink chiffon tore.
With Lynette out of the dress, Bree actually let out a noise that sounded like a giggle, and pointed to Lynette's butt. It was very glittery. Lynette crossed toward Bree in a very predatory manner, but it was Bree who grabbed Lynette and backed her toward the side of the bed. Bree pushed her down and straddled her thigh. When her center made contact with Lynette's leg she let out an exquisite moan, and she shivered from the water rapidly evaporating off of her body. She pressed her body tight into Lynette's as she began rocking on her thigh. Lynette's mind was so overloaded with sensation she could barely process the moment. She rested her hands on Bree's rotating hips. She knew Bree was coming when she flung her head back and grabbed Lynette's shoulders. She let out a strangled: "Yes!" and then her rhythm began to slow.
Bree opened her eyes to meet Lynette's. Without a pause, Bree slid off of Lynette's leg. In one fluid motion, she pushed her down on the bed and got on her knees to press her face into Lynette's core. "You are so wet," Bree said as she fully tasted her. Lynette let out a growl that sounded so primal that Bree stopped and asked if she had hurt her. Lynette was writhing on the bed. She panted, "oh god no, please, don't stop." Bree eagerly complied. She lapped at Lynette's delicate folds, Lynette thighs muffled Bree's ears from the stream of Deities Lynette verbally invoked as her orgasm rocked her world.
Bree kept up her ministrations even was Lynette was quiet and no longer moving around. She then crawled up Lynette's body, and stopped to swirl her tongue around her belly button, then she descended to nip at her hip bone, before retaking her place between Lynette's legs. "Bree, what are you doing," Lynette sounded exhausted. Bree looked up, "That was so delightful. I want you to come again."
"I can't…" Lynette protested, but Bree was already kissing her hypersensitive clit, as Bree used one hand to stroke her own. Lynette's second orgasm quaked through her and sent her into the abyss, along with Bree.
"How was that even possible?" Lynette stared at the ceiling, overcome by the bliss that was settling like a cloud over her tingling body. Bree pulled her self up on shaky legs only fall down on the bed next to Lynette. Bree's hair had dried into beautiful, messy, curly ringlets and Lynette twirled her fingers through it, as Bree smiled and grabbed her other hand. They crawled under the sheets and dozed together, but soon Lynette awoke, starving. "Bree honey. Are you hungry?"
"Yes," came her groggy reply. They pulled themselves out of bed, and Bree found them each a robe to wear. Lynette looked up and saw her bra hanging from the ceiling fan. "I don't remember that coming off, let alone getting up there," Lynette looked puzzled.
"I do," Bree said playfully.
The ladies walked downstairs, "So my domestic goddess, what do you have to eat?" Lynette opened the refrigerator and then the freezer. Lynette saw a quart of Trick-Oreo-Treat ice cream. "When did you get this?"
"You told me they only have it for the month of October, so I went and got a quart," Bree replied. "Do you want to eat that? Or would you rather I make you something healthy? I'm afraid I may have depleted your energy and I feel terribly about that, but nonetheless, I want to reenergize you, so I can do it over again."
Lynette smirked, "I'll eat whatever you want me to, but I want to feed you this for dessert… upstairs."
"I love Halloween."