Disclaimer: I own nothing
"Is everyone ready?" Sideswipe asked. The group shrugged. "Ok then let's begin" Sideswipe said sitting next to Blurr.
"Sideswipe, why are Alexis and I here?" Rad asked.
"We are now required to have all couples that frequent the base attend marital counseling" Blurr answered for Sideswipe.
"The legal age for marriage is sixteen with parental consent," Rad said.
"Alexis and I are thirteen"
"WE'RE TO YOUNG TO BE MARRIED!"
" Well you have to be here so deal with it" Blurr told them. Rad and Alexis glared at him.
"Ben. Why are you here?"
"I want to be counseled" Ben whined.
"You don't have a romantic interest"
"Yes I do"
"No you don't. Your girlfriend died millions of years ago and hasn't been resurrected yet" Blurr said.
"We're working on it though" Eris said.
"But he doesn't have a partner now" Blurr said.
"I can find one" Ben offered.
"The only available people are Carlos, Billy, or Fred" Blurr said.
"Nevermind" Ben said running out. "Don't want to be around when you all realize the Minicons are missing anyway".
"Ok. Since we've already heard from Optimus and Megatron" Sideswipe, Blurr, and Rad twitched "let's start with Eris and Hisao today" Sideswipe looked toward Koji's parents. "Tell us a little about yourselves, like how you met for instance".
"I was sent to kill Hisao and his brothers" Eris said flatly.
"What happened after that?" Sideswipe asked.
"She fell in love with me on first sight and allowed me to escape" Hisao remembered fondly.
"I killed his brothers and then he threw himself on me and kissed me" Eris shuddered.
"She got all starry eyed and short of breath" Hisao smiled.
"My eyes were watering and I couldn't breathe. Mouth wash was still in the planning stages back then" Eris sighed.
"But you eventually fell in love right?"
"No. We got together after the Trojan War because Koji had come to the past and told us when he was conceived. We were only together for the time period we knew Koji was going to be conceived in" Eris stated.
"But I only told you 'next week'. You had no idea when I was going to be conceived in the course of that week. You couldn't have-" Koji looked at his parents questioningly. "You didn't…"
"It was a very pleasurable week," Hisao admitted with a wry smile.
"Ewww" Koji looked disgusted.
"Be glad. 99.9 percent of your father and I's marriage is-" Eris was cut off.
"On to the next couple. Koji? T-Ai?" Sideswipe looked at them pleadingly.
"Ok. We met when I was twelve, got together when I was sixteen, and had Rad soon after that" Koji said.
"T-Ai, I hear that you're a lot older than Koji. How does being a cradle robber affect your relationship?" Blurr asked.
"I don't know. How does being a cradle robber affect your relationship?" T-Ai asked pointedly.
"Shut up!" Blurr yelled at the speakers. He was only six thousand years older than Sideswipe. That wasn't that big of an age gap. And just because Sideswipe had been his student and had been failing his class when they started their relationship didn't mean he took advantage of the younger 'Bot.
"Ok. Let's hear from Jetfire and Red Alert now" Sideswipe pushed the conversation in a new direction. "Jetfire, how do you feel about the way your relationship is going?"
"He loves those dolls more than he loves me!" Jetfire accused.
"They're not dolls! They're action figures!" Red Alert yelled clutching his Hasbro Optimus and Hasbro Megatron dolls (AN: Red Alert glares) –ACTION FIGURES (AN: Red Alert smiles … I think… I hope… What are you doing with that scalpel? BACK I SAY! BACK!) to his chest.
"Red Alert! I told you to get rid of those!" Optimus yelled.
"See! They're all he cares about!" Jetfire said exasperated.
"How about Blurr and I tell you a little about us?" Sideswipe suggested. Everyone shrugged, anticipating a boring story.
"We met when I was still in the academy. I was failing hand-to-hand combat and Blurr offered to tutor me. While we were practicing during one secession-"TEN HOURS LATER…
"And that's everything" Blurr finished. Everyone was on the edge of his or her seat from the excitement.
"You seduced a student?" Optimus asked, recovering from the story. Blurr shrugged.
"You two's life is like a soap opera," Jetfire said, still in awe.
"The seduction, the jealousy, the danger, the lies, the adventure… it's all so romantic " Red Alert sighed.
Sideswipe and Blurr looked at each other funny. They didn't think their relationship was all that strange… other than Sideswipe's brother trying to kill Blurr all the time. Come to think of it the guy was probably still plotting Blurr's painful death.
"Now we need to go into the depth of our problems" Sideswipe said.
"By talking about them to your partner" Sideswipe said simply.
Ten Minutes Later...
"That went well," Sideswipe said sarcastically. Megatron had tackled Optimus, grossed everyone who wasn't busy arguing with their spouse- meaning T-Ai, Koji, Rad, and Alexis; T-Ai and Koji because aside from their large amount of children there was no major stress on their relationship and Alexis and Rad because they weren't married- out. Then Megatron stormed off in search of their toaster (AN: Megatron glares) CHILDREN (AN: PUT THAT CANNON AWAY! OPTIMUS! CONTROL YOUR WIFE!).
Red Alert and Jetfire actually made some progress. Jetfire agreed to stop complaining about Red Alert bringing his Hasbro Optimus and Hasbro Megatron action figures (AN: I CALLED THEM ACTION FIGURES! PUT THAT LASER CUTTER AWAY YOU FREAK! DON'T MAKE ME GET BEN IN HERE!) to bed and Red Alert agreed to not accidentally kill Jetfire's pet snail, Saint Jimmy.
Hisao and Eris had argued about why they were still together now that their son- supposably the only reason Eris agreed to be with Hisao in the first place- was grown. Eris couldn't give a better reason than she liked their house and killing Hisao to get it would hurt her son. They decided to forget counseling and go on a third or fourth honeymoon at the ruins of the Trojan Royal Palace just to piss off Priam's ghost, who still haunted the place since he died of a massive nosebleed after looking down Artemis'- his patron god's twin sister- toga. It hadn't been determine yet if it was a natural nosebleed or if Artemis had broken the old man's nose. According to history- or the movie with Brad Pitt- Priam died during the sacking of Troy. Apparently Koji's trip back in time to retrieve his son had screwed up history; his Uncle Ben was so proud.
"Well the good news is that we both know how to relieve stress" Blurr said thinking of another 'hand-to-hand combat' secession.
"Yup. NEEDLE POINT!" Sideswipe squealed in joy.
Blurr sweat dropped.
Deep, Strong, Mysterious Voice In The Darkness….
Will Rad and Alexis ever convince the others that they are not married? If Megatron and Optimus are technically back together why is the war still going on and why are the Autobots still on Earth? Will Sideswipe's brother ever succeed in killing Blurr? What happened to all the Minicons in the base? They haven't been seen in seven stories. Will Optimus and Megatron's children ever be turned back into themselves-
The light comes on. "There you are" Megatron says coming in and picking up the toaster. "You shouldn't scare Mommy like that" Megatron said (AN: IF you follow 'Chaos Reigns Over All'; Megatron's still male).
"Cookie" the toaster moaned pitifully.
"Maybe later" Megatron said. "Where did all these extra appliances come from?" he asked looking around at all the strange appliances.
The appliances started to beep. Megatron looked very closely at a white and green space heater as it beeped rapidly. Then his optics widened. "Leader-1?"
"Prime! That damn bat turned all the Minicons into appliances!" Megatron yelled running out.
AN: Merry Christmas!