Not mine. Will never be.
Pairing: Waya x Hikaru
By Datenshi Blue
Hikaru has heard there are some people who think their souls are captured in a photograph once the shutter has been opened and closed. Trapped in a piece of paper for the rest of eternity. It wouldn't be that bad if the world shown in the picture remained forever like that for the soul captured in it. Forever imprisoned in one of the happiest moments of your life.
And why not? If Sai's soul could get captured in an old bloody goban, a photograph shouldn't be all that different. It holds at least as many memories as Torajiro's goban did.
Hikaru looks at his own face looking back at him from the colored piece of paper. His green eyes are wide open and bright, he looks flushed and he knows himself well enough to be able to appreciate an uncommon reddish shine in his lips, swollen because of many kisses, hot because of many promises and filled with laughter and smiles.
He wished his soul had been captured by that photograph, forever listening to Waya asking him to look over there, his hazel eyes, amused and full of love, looking at him while taking one picture after another of a dream that seems lost in time now. Just a memory. Broken.
Like his heart when Waya walked away from his life after many explanations that made no sense to Hikaru's ears. Something about duty. Promises that had to be kept. Hikaru didn't understand it then. He doesn't want to understand it even now. It is all just a bunch of crap, a separation so raw and painful as Sai's departure was, except he can still see Waya several days a week in the Go Institute while Sai simply vanished into thin air. The old realization that his go would never be good enough. The newer realization that he will never be good enough.
Hikaru can't tell which one is worse. He could quit playing go, but he can't quit being himself. He can only wish his soul had been trapped within that photograph, a wizened mirage that seems to mock him from a timeless place.
And wait. For this shall pass, and just like he was able to find Sai again within his own go, one day he will be able to recognize himself somewhere other than in Waya's eyes.