Disclaimers: Mutant Enemy and Joss Whedon own it all. I'm just doing this for fun, and hopefully entertainment
Reviews: Welcomed and appreciated
After "Surprise", Buffy makes some different choices...
As he entered the room he felt the familiar constriction in his chest at her beauty. "You look lovely." He leaned over to leave a kiss on her shoulder before he turned and fell onto the bed.
"Why aren't you ready?" Buffy nodded at the girl who had fixed her hair and she left the room. Getting up Buffy joined him on the bed. "Are you alright?"
Looking up at the ceiling, he shrugged. "I'm tired of this place. Sorry I even suggested this party." He looked over at her for a reaction, she smiled at him.
"You can be such a little boy. Get ready. I am not doing this alone, these are your friends." She attempted to rise, but he stopped her and pulled her to him. "Umm, hello. The hair?"
"I like it better when you wear it down." He lifted his hand and began to release the pins that held it up. She let him. He was in an odd mood and she really didn't car about the hair anyway.
"What am I going to do with you?" She smoothed her hand across his cheek.
"You asked for this. Never forget this was your choice." His voice was firm.
"I've never regretted the decision. It was mine to make and I made it." She tried to move away from him again but he held her in place.
She looked deeply into his eyes. "What? What is it?"
"Why?" He asked the question, not really sure he wanted to know the answer.
Buffy chuckled at the question. "Why what?" She knew the answer but wanted him to verbalize it for her.
"Why did you choose me? I'm not him." For the first time since they came together Buffy heard a tinge of fear in his voice and it confused her.
Rubbing her face on his shoulder, she whispered into his ear. "You're close enough." He felt her shrug. "And I could never have him."
"So. I'm the consolation prize." His voice was flat and she felt his anger begin to rise.
"You were. You knew that from the start, but then my sweet Angelus you became everything, my everything." She looked up into his face, taking it into her hands so he could see her eyes. "You are my reason for being. I have no regrets. There was no choice."
He looked deeply into her eyes and believed. His thoughts went back to the first time she came to him…
The fear, the longing, the anticipation. The lust. They were all there in her eyes, in her very stance. She had shown up on his doorstep a few days after she found out he had lost his soul. Her first attempt at making love to the only man she could ever love had resulted in him losing his soul. She just stood there staring at Angelus, not saying a word, not sure what to say. Not really sure what had drawn her. All Buffy knew was that this was where she had to be. Knowing that he would more than likely reject her, and knowing that more than likely she would have to kill him, she went to him never-the-less. She wanted him, needed him beyond words, beyond thought and he didn't disappoint. He took her in, wordlessly. His desire for her overcame his hate of the emotions she had brought out in his souled counterpart. She made love to him and he fucked her, no real words were spoken, just the noises that came with a volatile coupling. She rose, got dressed and left as silently as she had arrived. After that, she came to him almost every night. And on that last night…
"Angelus." She was cradled in his arms after their latest bout of intense, violent sex. He wanted it this way, she needed it. "I can't do this anymore. Not like this."
She felt him shrug. "So, what do you want me to say? It's your call lover. But once you walk out of here all bets are off. We become what we were. I'll give you tonight, but after that we're back to it. I'll destroy you." He put his hands behind his head. "If I can't have you nobody can. And I'll make sure nobody ever does." He spoke the words emotionless, his eyes like ice. She felt the change in him and rolled her eyes.
Shock raced through him when he felt her laugh. A genuine laugh. Only this girl could surprise him. "Oh." She giggled. "I didn't mean it like that." She sat up, her face a bit more somber. "I mean that I can't live this life. Apart. I did it with him for too long. I can't, I won't do it with you."
He gave her a hard look. "What is that supposed to mean? You want to move in here?" His laugh was as cruel as the look on his face. "You are really fucked up Buff. You honestly expect a master vampire to shack up with the latest and the greatest slayer? Fucking you is one thing, domesticity quite another." He pushed her away, but she continued to smile at him. Angelus shook his head. "What?"
Buffy sat up and allowed the sheet to fall away from her and smiled again at his reaction. He wasn't so immune to her, for all his protestations. "I don't want the slayer to shack up with the master vampire. I want to come with you. Be with you always." She lay back down on her stomach, her chin on her fists. "I am so tired of doing for everyone else. They all say I'm the greatest slayer in recorded history. It's such bullshit. They say it to keep me in line." She looked up at him. "Take me as your mate Angelus. Become my sire."
Angelus was speechless. The fact that he had let her live, had taken her into his bed; he had been more than surprised by his actions. He attributed it to the fact that he wanted to stick it to that tight ass Angel. And stick it to the slayer as hard and as much as he could. And face it, the sex with her that one time had been fantastic. Fantastic enough to make soul-boy release his demon, release him. He remembered every second of it and it had made him hate her for making him want her. And now she was asking to become his mate? The thought gave him a hard on and his only thought was he had to fuck her, now. So he pushed her onto her back, his eyes flashing golden flecks causing Buffy to moan before he even touched her.
"So, was that a yes?" Buffy had been lying in Angelus' arms for the last fifteen minutes, unable to speak before now. This hadn't been an easy decision for her and she had been considering her options for quite sometime. She was unhappy, more than unhappy, she felt that she couldn't go on. Taking risks, pushing her friends away, daring the powers to end her misery. She realized that the only time she ever felt alive was when she was with him. He gave her the reason to keep going day to day. Angelus had become her constant. He didn't depend on her. On the contrary, he was usually non-pulsed by her. But the more time they spent together the more they wanted to be together. The first time he nonchalantly asked her if she was coming the next night, she knew. He wanted her. Needed her? No, he didn't need her and probably never would. But he wanted her and he showed her every night just how much. And she was so tired of being needed, to just be desired meant everything to her. Angel, now he had needed her. Her purity, her nobility, her morality. Angelus, he wanted nothing to do with that. He wanted nothing of her slayer heritage. He just wanted to fuck her. To posses her. And he did. Buffy didn't really remember when it had turned into more. When they began to talk to one another, to share little moments, to just be together. The pure physicality had turned into a relationship that neither one was willing to acknowledge. But one morning she did and that moment of clarity led her here. No one would ever understand. Not Willow, not Xander. Never Giles. But she understood and she knew that if she didn't take this step she would die. A different kind of death, but a death all the same. She'd walk and talk, go through all the motions but inside, everyday in so many little ways, her light would extinguish. Buffy had felt it begin when Angel had gone. She was lost. Being with Angelus had brought her back to herself. And that self, her new self was tired of living for others. She was over saving the world and she just wanted to save herself. And Angelus was that salvation.
So, here she was. Propositioning the Master of Aurelius. Waiting for his answer. Knowing what it would be and knowing her life as a slayer would soon be over. Maybe there was a prophecy somewhere that warned the watcher's council of this and they chose to ignore it. She didn't know and she didn't care. What she did know was that she was being totally selfish and she had reconciled herself to that fact. Losing Angel had been almost unbearable, but she was damned if she would lose Angelus as well. It had been almost a year since they had begun this life and she was ready to make this her real world. Faith, the new slayer was here now and Buffy was sure Giles could turn her into a great slayer. Actually, she'd probably do better as the only slayer in town, no one to compete with, no comparisons by her watcher.
Angelus looked down at her, trying to gauge her sincerity. Not that it mattered. He wanted her and eventually he would've turned her. She was making all this easier on him. The fact that she wanted it was gravy. His looked turned predatory and he felt her shiver. "You sure? I'm not gonna refuse you, but you if you try to back out it'll be a lot harder on you. And hey, I'm not gonna lie, that's fine with me too." He chuckled and was surprised by her laughter as well.
"I'm sure. But you do realize just how powerful I'm gonna be, right? I mean, I can totally whip your ass now; can you deal with a slayer vampire hybrid? Cross me and you'll have to answer for it. Sire or not." Her eyes narrowed. "I can deal with all that you are. But the one thing I will not stand for is infidelity. Darla and Drusilla and Spike may have been into the whole group thing and the sex with whomever, but I won't. Are we clear on that?"
Angelus was incredulous. Here was this little girl making demands on him. "Do you know who you are talking to?"
"Yeah. Do you know who you are talking to?"
"Yes, the slayer who's asked me to turn her. If you think you can make demands on me you can think again. I will be your sire, do you realize what that means?" He hadn't had sex with anyone but her since soul-boy had been the first and he didn't want anyone else. But the fact that she was giving conditions irked the hell out of him. He was Angelus, the Scourge of Europe, the master of the Aurelius line. The vampire who caused villages to cower in homage at his name alone for fuck's sake. And she was making demands on him?
"You killed your sire as I remember." She shrugged and her face became stone-like. "Fine. I guess this was a stupid idea. I seem to be living in a dream world." She started to get up but Angelus stopped her.
"Alright, if you feel the same way once I'm your sire, we'll rethink it. Okay?" He knew that once they were mated it would be forever, but she didn't need to know that.
"Okay." Buffy paused. "So, if we decide indiscriminant sex is best does that mean I can have as many lovers as I want?" She knew she wouldn't change on this issue, but she wanted to see his reaction.
Angelus raised one eyebrow and gave her his signature smirk. "We'll talk." Once he had made his mark, once she was his, no other vampire would dare to cross the line with her without his permission. And this was something he would never give.
"Then, are we on?" Buffy had to smile at her cavalier attitude.
The rest, as they say is history. Angelus had turned the whole thing into a little ceremony. He had presented her with an antique cream colored lace dress. "Don't wear anything under it." And had lit candles and placed red roses all about the house.
He had surprised her with all the little touches. It seemed more an Angel thing, which caused suspicion. But when was all said and done, he reverted back to his Angelus persona. Which in a very odd way comforted Buffy. She wanted no reminders of Angel. She had loved him, loved his soul, but he was too pure for her on one hand and yet too filled with self-loathing to ever allow them to have a life together. Buffy realized that a little too late, she had fallen in love with him for all she was worth. As a slayer she was programmed to be self-sacrificing, it would seem. But she would have given it all up for him. Angel on the other hand would've never asked, never expected, never allowed. He would have walked away before he'd let her. That was the difference between Angel and Angelus. And the difference between Angel and herself.
When she had woken in Angelus' arms as a vampire she didn't really feel all that different, just very free. It had been almost anti-climatic. She could see, smell, hear better. And she felt no pain. No pain at her failures. No pain at her losses. She felt clear. She was Buffy, but without all the whiney baggage, all the indecision, all the questions. She was Buffy, but she wasn't.
Angelus turned her over in his arms. "So, who shall we kill first? Giles or that pain in the ass Xander."
"None of them." She held his face in her hands and looked directly into his eyes.
"Angelus, promise me, none of them will be harmed. Not the slayer's mother, or her watcher, or her friends. None of them."
He looked at her in confusion. The first thing he did when he was turned was to eviscerate all vestiges of his old life. His life, his family. She hadn't called them her own, she had referred to them as someone else's, the slayers not hers. He hesitated, maybe it didn't take quite right. She was turned, of that he was certain, but when he looked into her eyes they were still the eyes of his Buffy. He couldn't see the demon. Then he shrugged, he could deal as long as she stayed. "Alright, I promise. I can do that for you."
"And you'll do one other thing."
He snorted. "And pray tell, what would that be?" She was starting with the demands again.
"You will be faithful to me alone." She pushed him onto his back and straddled him. "You will never want or need anyone but me. We may have no souls but we are Soulmates. Accept it." And she proceeded to make a believer out of him.
The night after she had been turned she waited for Giles outside his apartment. She felt it only right she tell him of her new life in person. Angelus was confused once again by the slayers reaction to becoming a vampire. She was certainly freer, but she didn't have the needs, the urgencies a vampire should have. She drank the blood he gave her, but didn't feel the need for the kill. All he was certain of was her need and desire for him, so he just shrugged off the rest. As long as she didn't hold him back he could handle this new gentler form of vampire. So he allowed her to meet with Giles.
"Buffy, oh thank the gods! We've been so worried. Please, come…"
"Stop Giles. Don't invite me in. Come, sit by me. We need to talk." Buffy moved over, making a space for her ex-watcher on the stone bench.
Her voice was sure, strong. Giles could sense her confidence and something else he couldn't put his finger on.
"Buffy? You're scaring me. What's this all about?"
She turned to him, allowing him to fully take in the appearance of her skin and eyes and gave a harsh laugh. "You don't know? You really do have to get out in the field more, Watcher."
It was then he noticed the paleness of her skin, the tiny blue veins running though her jaw line, the eyes, so different than his slayer's. "Oh god, no Buffy. Please, no." Giles let his tears fall unbidden down his cheeks.
"Oh Giles. Be happy for me. We both knew my death would be unnatural. I just chose how and when. I need to be with him Giles."
"Be with him? Be with whom?"
She smiled at him, a very un-Buffy smile. "Angelus. I know, I know. How could I do this to Angel's memory? Don't know, I just had to. And now I'll be with him forever. The thing is Giles, being turned was my biggest fear, my nightmare. But it isn't as bad as I thought, actually I feel great." She sobered and moved in close to him, in a hushed tone, she spoke into his ear. "Leave us alone Giles. Don't look for us, don't come after us. I made Angelus promise to leave Buffy's mother and friends alone. But if you try anything, like replacing souls or hunting us down, I won't stop him. And I can't say that I wouldn't join him. I'm a slayer with vampiric strength, very difficult to come up against." She put her hand on his cheek causing him to shiver. "It's odd, I still care for you in a very strange way. But my life is off limits. Don't push me. Fight your fight, but leave us alone." She leaned over and kissed his lips in another very un-Buffy way. "Tell them all, I'm not your Buffy anymore. I'm his."
Giles closed his eyes and when he opened them a few seconds later, she was gone. He could smell her soap, lilac, but that was all that was left of his slayer.
"The party went well, yes?" Buffy was brushing out her hair and looking at her lover. He was still in a strange mood and he wasn't talking. Never a good sign.
Angelus came up behind her. "They can't have you back, you know that." He stilled her hands.
"What are you talking about?" She turned to him and began to unbutton his shirt.
"You think I don't know?" He grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her onto the bed.
"This had better be good Angelus because I am about to so make you sorry for that." Buffy jumped to her feet, ready to fight.
"I saw you with him, with Giles. Are you going to deny it?"
She threw his head back and laughed, causing confusion in him, once again. Buffy was the only one who could do this to him. "You silly boy. Why didn't you ask me about this earlier? It was nothing, which was why I didn't mention it."
"Mention what?" He walked over to her.
She snorted and resumed the removal of his clothing. "It would appear Buffy's mother is quite ill, a tumor in her head or something. Giles thought it would be nice for Joyce if I went to visit her. Give her some sort of comfort, some sort of closure. The stupid cow has never accepted the fact that her daughter is dead." She stopped in her self-appointed task. "Actually, it's sad really. Giles said she scoured the streets looking for me after I was turned. Kinda lost it I guess." Buffy shook her head. "Anyway, that's what it was all about."
"And how did he get hold of you?" His eyes narrowed.
"I have the same cell silly, he just called."
"Oh. So are you going to see her?" Angelus felt a bit of fear creep into him. Buffy had never really embraced the whole vampire life-style. She was an entity all unto herself. Not the same whiney bitch she was as a human, but she had held onto more of her humanity than he liked to think about. And she made him a little less of the master vampire he had been in the day. She never held him back, she actually understood and accepted his perversions, she just wouldn't go with him into those dark places. So, he usually ended up being with her, doing the things she liked to do. And now this, her old life being brought up to her, it frightened him for some reason.
She shrugged as she began to remove her dress. "I don't know. I guess I could. She did give birth to me, after all. Maybe she'd like to be turned, to end her suffering. I could offer her the option."
"No. This is something I will not allow. Visit her if you must, comfort her for all the good it will do. But I will not allow her into our lives. Are we clear on this?" His voice was like steel. He very rarely made demands on her, but he did now.
"Alright Angelus. As you wish." She pulled him into her arms. "Babe, don't worry, it's not my life anymore. They don't want me and I don't want them. I won't see her if that's what you want. Please, don't be angry." She kissed him until he relaxed, until he lifted her in his arms and took her to their bed, until he buried himself deep within her and lost all thought save one. Buffy.