Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans.
Carl Platinski was told he would never make it as a cop. And maybe, thought Carl, they had been right. He had never exhibited the same talent that his fellow aspiring cops had during the training sessions. When asked to cuff the officer who had been training them, Carl screamed and hid behind the building, refusing to come out for three hours until he was reassured that he would not have to cuff Officer Williams.
But that had not been his fault, thought Carl. Officer Williams was a very large man, he reminded Carl of the bully in his third grade class who had thrown Carl's new red bicycle over the school fence and into the street…where it was run over by the principal's car – who blamed Carl -who had to have a parent and teacher conference – and had promptly been grounded.
The injustice of it all still rankled.
So Carl Platinski had become a cop to fight back to all the bullies of the world. And here before him stood his downfall.
The towering man loomed over Carl. The man's face was covered in a ski mask. He wore a large Christmas sweater, jeans, and badly knitted navy blue mittens. He also wore a pair of large yellow boots that one would wear in rainy weather.
"Um, dawg…you ok?" asked the man who was holding one of the grocery store's shopping baskets.
This was the man who could bring about Carl Platinski's downfall. He certainly looked dressed to rob the place. In fact, he had probably robbed many places. This man would rob the store blind, and Carl would never make it as a cop. And that third grade bully would still pray on his memory…
… my how Officer Williams had been tall then.
But, thought Carl, this might not all be over for him. He could stop the criminal before anything happened, he could be a hero.
And all the while Carl Platinski was thinking this; poor Victor Stone (alias Cyborg, alias Twinkle) only wanted some turkey bacon.
With the skills of a puma…or a house cat with slight rheumatism, Carl Platinski pounced upon Cyborg, pinning him to the floor.
"Dude! What the heck is your problem?" asked Cyborg, who was currently being pushed onto the cold tiled floor.
"I'm upholding justice!" stated Carl Platinski shoving a fist in the air.
No displays of strength, can't give anything away just in case of reporters, Cyborg reminded himself.
"And how am Ibeing unjust?"
"You were going to rob the store," said Carl certainly.
"And how do you figure that?"
"You look like a robber," said Carl fumbling with his handcuffs.
"Well, you look like my Aunt Mildred, but you don't see me shoving your face into the floor!" said Cyborg angrily.
"In just a moment I'm going to take you into the investigation room…as soon as I get these-ugh-darn handcuffs…"
"- now don't get me wrong I love my Auntie Mildred, 'cept when she doesn't shave, that woman gets a major five o'clock shadow if ya know what I mean…weird looking 'stache too..."
"Ah hah!" exclaimed Carl, clicking the cuffs onto him.
Cyborg stopped rambling as Carl pulled him to his feet, "Uh dude, where the heck are we goin'?"
Carl led him on an awkward walk across the grocery store to the other side. Protective mothers pulled their children toward them and shoppers walked hurriedly by, avoiding eye contact.
"BIG MAN!" shouted a sweet little boy, pointing at Cyborg.
His mother raced over to him and moved him away hurriedly, "No honey, don't stare at the big man."
Cyborg and Carl arrived at a door on the opposite side of the supermarket.
"Welcome to the Investigation Room," said Carl, kicking open the door.
Cyborg raised an eyebrow, well at least he would…if he had any eyebrows, "The Investigation Room's a janitor's closet?" he asked, unimpressed.
"Where we sweep up criminals!"
Cyborg found it useless to reply, "…Yeah."
(Starfire and Raven.)
"S-Puppy, could you get over here, NOW!" said Raven backing away from Jay-Z who looked like he was not about to stop shooting bad pick up lines at her.
"Friend Flower," sighed Starfire, "I am conversing with my new homies, can I not 'rap' with them in tranquility?"
Jay-Z sauntered over towards Raven, "Hey baby, I just lost my number…"
"That's unfortunate," said Raven crossing her arms and rolling her eyes.
"Can I have yours?"
Raven raised an eyebrow, "That pick up line ever work for you?"
"You'd be surprised," he said giving her what he thought was an "inviting" wink.
"In. Awe," said Raven monotonously. Raven growled in frustration when he didn't go away, "Do you hit on anything that moves?"
"Just things that move like you do, baby."
Raven glared, "That's it." She marched over to Starfire and grabbed her wrist, pulling her away from "her new homies".
"Ooh, she's a feisty chick," said Swizzle nodding at the other guys.
Raven blinked, "Well I'm officially creeped out."
"Friend Flower," said Starfire cocking her head to the side, "What is the matter?"
"Uhm, an idea, how about I go get Roberta for you?" offered Raven, eager to leave the parking lot nothing S-Puppy. I have.
Starfire grinned, "That would be most marvelous."
"Super," said Raven in monotone. She walked briskly over to the supermarket.
"Who's Roberta?" asked Swizzle, "She hot?"
Starfire shrugged, "Sometimes he- I uh mean SHE is hot and sometimes she is cold."
Skins looked at her confusedly, "Say what?"
"Well it depends upon the weather."
(Robin and Beast Boy.)
"Okay," said Robin running over the list, "Deodorant, check!"
"What's next on the list?" asked Beast Boy, shoving his gloved hands into his pockets, "The sooner we get out of this isle the better."
Robin scanned the list and blew a strand of blonde hair away from his face, "I don't think you're going to like it."
"What's it say?" asked Beast Boy, taking the list from him, "..no way."
It was one word that could make all teenage boys' blood run cold. It was a word that, when uttered, could bring all males to their knees and force them to beg for mercy. It was the most treacherous, frightful word in the dictionary…
"Someone up there's punishing me," said Beast Boy looking up.
"It's okay Daniel," said Robin putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, "We'll get through this…together."
Just then Raven came down the isle, "Roberta, I've come to relieve you."
"Never mind," said Robin shrugging.
"Wha-What? That's no fair Rae-I mean Flower," said Beast Boy crossing his arms.
"Sorry Daniel, Roberta and I are switching places. It was getting a little too close for comfort out there," said Raven shivering at the thought of it.
"Out where?" asked Robin.
"The parking lot," said Raven, "And be prepared to be hit on, those guys mean business."
Robin froze, "What guys? I did not agree to this."
"Good luck Roberta!" said Beast Boy giving Robin a cheerful pat on the back. He ruffled Robin's blonde wig, "Go get 'um cutie!"
Robin walked away sulkily.
"Ya know," said Beast Boy watching him go, "He's getting much better at walking in those."
"Soo…," said Carl, pacing as much as the small closet would allow, "sooo…"
Cyborg raised an eyebrow, "Soooo, what?"
"You will speak when spoken to!" said Carl, slamming his fist unto the cool, metal desk, "…owwie."
"Dude, I don't know who you think you are, but all I came hear to do was to buy me some groceries."
"OH!" said Carl holding up a finger, "You came looking for groceries is it? Well I think, you came looking for trouble. Trouble with a capital…uhm…"
Cyborg lifted an eyebrow, "Q."
"That's right!" Carl pulled out a flashlight and shined in Cyborg's face, "We can do this the easy way or the hard way."
Cyborg cocked his head to the side to avoid the beam of the flashlight, "What's the hard way?"
Carl considered this.
"Uhm, I dunno. But the easy way is you telling me why you're here!"
"I already told you! I'm here buying groceries."
"Uh huh," said Carl giving him a patronizing look, "What's your name?"
Cyborg gritted his teeth, "…Twinkle."
Carl looked up from his notebook, "Pardon?"
Cybrog have him a menacing glare, "Twinkle. Do you want me to spell it for you?"
Carl choked back a laugh, "Uhm, no that's alright, Twinkle. What's your last name?"
Cyborg blinked, "Uh, I don't have one?"
"You don't have one? So, what? You're just Twinkle."
"Yeah dude, like Prince."
(Starfire and Robin.)
"Woah, woah, woah," said Swizzle pointing at something near the grocery store, "Check out blondie!"
Starfire furrowed her eyebrows, "Brethren? Who is this 'Blondie'?"
Jay-Z ran a hand through his greasy hair, "Well that'd be that fly piece of tag comin' this way."
Swizzle leaned against the hood of his "ride" (also known as: Station Wagon), "'ay baby! You wanna pimp my ride?"
Starfire turned and let out and excited gasp, "Oh my new brethren, that is not a baby," she laughed slapping Swizzle in the arm so that he fell backwards onto the hood of his car, "That is my friend, Roberta!"
"Blondie's yours?" asked Jay-Z.
A pink tinge spread over Star's cheeks, "Well, Roberta and I are well…our relationship is simply of the friendly nature."
Jay-Z rolled his eyes, "Dude, S-Puppy. You gotta blur that line dawg, between friend and friendlier."
"I am begging your pardon?" asked Starfire cocking her head to the left.
Robin's face began to heat up as he neared the cat-calling boys, 'Honestly, all I am is an object to them. Pigs,' he thought as he tossed his blonde mane. He paused, "Oh…my god," he groaned, "I'm gonna need some serious therapy after this."
"Friend Roberta!" shouted Starfire, "Come converse with my new homies, they are very excited to meet you."
Skins nodded, "Yeah baby, you bet I'm excited."
Roberta blinked, "…Ohkay."
Starfire bounded over to Roberta. She grinned as she whispered, "Oh Robin, they really are nice young men, and they seem to have a fondness for you."
Robin glared at the surrounding boys, "Yeah, I noticed."
"Friends, this is my friend Roberta."
Jay-Z sauntered up to Robin, "Hey sugar, what you doin' tonight?" he said in an undertone as Starfire began to speak with the remaining boys.
Robin crossed his arms over his make-shift cleavage, "I don't think that's any of your business," said Robin in a high voice.
"Well," said Jay-Z slinging an arm around "her" shoulders, "I'm making it my business."
Robin glared, "Trust me, I'm not your type."
"Baby, you're definitely my type," he smarmed as he gave Robin the once over, "All the right stuff, in all the right places."
"No," said Robin, "Trust me," and with this he leaned in, dropping his voice to it's normal tone, "I'm not your type."
Jay-Z jumped away from Robin as though he had been scalded. Robin gave a self-satisfied smirk. Jay-Z shivered, "Only in Jump City," he muttered, "Shoulda stayed in Maine."
Swizzle smirked from where he stood, "Hey Roberta!"
Robin shifted where he stood, but made no inclination that he heard him. Starfire coughed nervously, "Roberta," she drawled.
Robin jumped, "Oh, right, me!"
Swizzle gave Robin a sly smile as he walked over, "So I was wondering when you were going to let me take you out on a date?"
Starfire did not know many things about Earth customs, but she had seen enough chick-flicks to understand date.
Star glared at Swizzle, "Roberta is not able to be dated, my new homey," she said glaring.
Swizzle raised an eyebrow, "You said she wasn't yours."
Robin opened his mouth to respond but was shoved out of the way by Starfire, "I did not comprehend the question. But now that I am able to, yes, she is mine."
Swizzle glared, "Well then if she's really yours you'll fight me for her?"
Robin pulled Starfire away from the argument, "Star don't do this, that guy was just being a jerk."
Starfire tugged her arm away, "Nonsense, he insulted your honor," She marched up to Swizzle, "I accept your duel."
"Fine," said Swizzle," Arm wrestling. Here and now. You better fight me like a man S-Puppy."
Star gave him an innocent smile, "I intend to fight you like a girl."
Short, I know! And it lacks BBRae, but fear not my readers! The next chapter will have more BBRaeness galore.