Chapter Fifty-Six: To Wear a Nightgown or Not to Wear a Nightgown?

Elphaba opened her eyes and then closed them again. She instinctively woke up early, but it was now summer, and she didn't need to wake at this time, anymore. Reveling in the warmth of her husband's arms, she sighed contentedly. Maybe this morning, they could just nap and lounge like this for hours.

It was not to be. There was a knock on the door. Elphaba groaned, got up and opened the closet so she could throw on a nightgown. After straightening it out, she went to the door. "Damn it, Kalendrio, what is it now?"

"Glinda wants you to come downstairs and sit with her for a little bit."

"You know, she's only six months along. If you force her not to get up and to sit around like this, she really will get fat, and not just from pregnancy." Elphaba scolded.

Fiyero, never able to sleep without Elphaba, sat up in bed. "What's going on?" He eyed Kalendrio, and then Elphaba. "Why are you standing there talking to him in a nightgown?"

"Would you rather I got up and forgot the nightgown?" She demanded.

Fiyero flushed and then laughed. "Oh, yeah…"

Kalendrio raised his eyebrows at Elphaba. "Do you actually even use those?" He gestured to her gown.

"Not until you and Glinda started knocking on the door at ungodly hours of the morning, no." Elphaba placed her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes.

Kalendrio was amused. "So you two go to bed naked every night?"

"Why do you care?" Fiyero snapped.

"Nothing. You're just damn lucky. Married two years and you still get some every night." Kalendrio said.

Fiyero grinned. He didn't like to admit it, but he and Kalendrio sometimes actually got along well.

Elphaba made a noise in her throat. "We sleep naked, but it in no way means that we have sex every night, right Yero?"

"Well, occasionally we don't…" He winked at Kalendrio.

"Ugh! Men." Elphaba muttered. "And you," she turned on Kalendrio, "you better not be talking about it like that. You're getting nothing after that baby is born or right now and not until you get married."

"That's what you think."

"I'm going to kill her." Elphaba decided.

"Hey, it's a proven fact, women who have sex during pregnancy are more likely to actually want to afterwards. Otherwise they're totally not into it anymore." Kalendrio argued.

"I thought we were watching you." She wondered.

"You can't be watching us all the time, not when you're in the bedroom, anyway…"

"I knew the servants never listened!"

Fiyero shrugged. "Whatever. It's fine. Didn't you say that in Kumbrician religion, fornication isn't frowned upon?"

"You're arguing in favor of this? You, of all people? I can't believe this!" Elphaba threw her arms in the air, exasperated.

Fiyero made to get up. "Fae…"

"For Oz's sake, Fiyero, if you don't wait until I shut this door to get out of bed, I do believe you'll have scarred Kalendrio for life."

"He's a man. We don't care." Fiyero opined, getting out of bed anyway.

"Put some clothes on, now!" Elphaba protested.

"Fine, fine."

Kalendrio and Fiyero looked at one another. "Women," they said in unison.

"What does Glinda see in you?" Elphaba glared at Kalendrio. To Fiyero she said, "And what did I ever see in you?" She shook her head. Looking back at Fiyero, who had yet to get dressed, she mumbled, "And no, it wasn't just that."

"She has to remind me of that," Fiyero stated, chuckling.

"Kalendrio, get the hell downstairs. You are not going to sit around and watch Fiyero and my morning habits, all right?"

"But Glinda… You're supposed to deal with her."

"'Deal with her'?" Elphaba repeated. "She didn't ask for me, did she? You just wanted to get away from the moody pregnant craziness for a moment. Well, you know what? No way. You told me it was fine that the two of you are having sex. I'll tell you right now, it's only fine if you 'deal with her'!" She slammed the door.

Fiyero looked at her, looking somewhat like a guilty puppy that's soiled the carpet, knows he's in trouble, but still wants one last chance to get out of it. "I love you?"

"Would you just get dressed?"

"No. We're alone again. I knew you'd send him away. So I didn't dress."

"Just because we're alone in our bedroom doesn't mean we're going to have sex. Not after that conversation. Fiyero, could you please learn to be discreet?" She pleaded.


"Because that's not the sort of thing you broadcast to the world, Fiyero!"

Fiyero pouted.

"Oh, don't you dare give me that look! You know that's not fair." She covered her eyes, aggravated.

Fiyero grinned while she wasn't looking. He then pretended sadness again, and murmured, "But Fae..."

"No!" She glared at him.

He only pouted more.

She trembled and looked away. "Not this time."

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him, cupping her face in his hands. "I love you. I'm sorry."

She bit her lip.

The nightgown didn't last another second.

When Kalendrio came up much, much later, he knocked on the door softly and it was Fiyero who answered. "Open the door, but please be quiet, she's asleep."

Had Elphaba been awake, she would've actually been thankful for Fiyero's paranoia with Kalendrio, as he'd pulled the blanket up to cover all but her face. Sleeping, she was nestled, smiling, against Fiyero's chest, hair tangled and matted and sweat still in the process of drying. She shifted a bit when the door opened, and Fiyero stared at her with wide eyes, but nothing else happened.

Fiyero took a deep breath, relieved. "She'll never admit it, but in every argument about sex, I win. Every single time. And I get one hell of a victory dance."

Elphaba, eyes still closed, snuggled closer, murmuring, "Mmm, Yero."

He gazed down at her, slightly concerned she'd wake. Softly, he asked, "Fae?"

She was asleep again, having pressed the swell of her breast (under the blanket, of course) against the back of his hand. Fiyero flipped his hand over and teased her lightly, looking at the window as if he were doing nothing.

Kalendrio said, "Um, well, I wanted to just see what happened to you two. She kicked me out and then no one left the room."

Fiyero dropped his hand away from her distractedly. "Sorry."

"Fiyero, darling," Elphaba mumbled, barely coherent, "that was so good."

Kalendrio bit back a laugh, with some major difficulty. "Nice."

"I told you, victory is sweet," Fiyero replied proudly, squeezing Elphaba's shoulders.

She started to stir, really stir. Her mouth widened into a yawn.

"I'm going to suggest," Fiyero whispered carefully, "that if you want to live to see that baby, you'd better get the hell out of here."

The door shut slowly.

Elphaba rubbed her eyes and looked up at Fiyero. "Who were you talking to?"

"No one. You. You were talking in your sleep and I was confused, so I responded." He lied.

"Oh. Okay. I didn't mean to bother you."

"It was fine, believe me."