Title: The Beginning of Their Ending

Author: sapphiretragedy/diggingupophelia

Pairing: Remus/Lily

Rating: PG

Word Count: 1700

Notes: First time writing the pair. Feedback is never required but always appreciated.

Summary: Remus wants Lily. Lily wants Remus. They have a discussion.

Remus would spend hours holed up in the library. He used the excuse that he had to get his work done before the full moon. James and Sirius bought it and Peter never really cared much. If any of them knew what he was really up to he was certain he'd be friendless before the second word of explanation could fight it's way out of his mouth.

Remus was currently sitting in a table that was nestled in an alcove just inside of a window. His back was leaning against the cool glass and he was pretending to read from his Charms text. He hadn't flipped a page in at least an hour. Occasionally, he would stare down at the book and scribble some nonsense down on his parchment to give off the impression he was working. If anyone were to come and peer over his shoulder, they would find a parchment littered with unreadable symbols that were something of his secret code. He took a deep breath and actually flipped the page of his text, looked down at the page, furrowed his brow in mock concentration, put his quill to his mouth, and looked back up at the real object of his studies: Lily Evans.

She was a study in perfection. Her long red hair was pulled back in a plait, but there were tendrils of hair that refused to be tied down. Remus smiled at the significance; Lily herself refused to be tied down. Remus knew this because James would rant about it - at great length and to anyone who would listen - constantly. Remus couldn't help but look at her. She had the most brilliant green eyes. He would have told her they looked like emeralds, but then she would have laughed at him. Even he had to admit it was a bad cliché. But cliché or not, her eyes were gorgeous and he would stare into them unto eternity if she would give him the chance. Lily's head moved and Remus quickly averted his gaze back to his book. He heard footsteps approaching him and quickly shifted his parchment to appear busy. He dipped his quill in ink and was just about to use his blotting paper when he heard the sound of a throat clearing.

He sheepishly looked up and found Lily standing there. Well, he thought to himself, at least she's smiling.

"Hello, Lily," he said offering her a slight smile before he bent his head down toward his book again. Suddenly he felt his heart lodged in an anatomically possible position in his throat, his stomach was flipping as though faeries were flying in it, and his palms were producing more perspiration than James did in an entire Quidditch match.

Lily didn't say a word but took the seat opposite Remus. He could see that she smiled at him coyly from the corner of his eye. He was battling with himself trying to decide if he should say anything more to her or if he should allow her to speak first.

Lily put her elbows on the table, laced her fingers together, and set her chin on her hands. "I can't help but notice you keep looking over to my table," she whispered. "Tell me now, have I got ink smudged on my face?"

"N..no," Remus answered. His tone indicated much confusion. "I was ... wasn't staring at you Lily. I was staring off into space. I was trying to work out the proper wand work for this charm," he supplied in his own defense.

"Oh, really?" Lily asked as she leaned over the table to look at Remus' book. She giggled quietly as she sat back down in her seat. Remus didn't understand what was so funny. "Remus, that's our first year Charms book. You're telling me you still haven't worked out how to levitate a feather?" she was skeptical.

"I was preparing for NEWTs," he retorted indignantly. "And if you must know, I am a failure when it comes to charms work!" he exclaimed dramatically.

Lily smiled and rolled her eyes as she crossed her hands over her chest. "NEWTs aren't for another two years and you were my charms partner first year. I happen to know you've got that spell down. Now I'll give you one chance to tell me what it was you were looking at and why before I tell all my friends you've got a crush on me. And you know what gossips they are. James would be livid," she paused in thought then smiled devilishly. "On second thought, I might just tell my friends you have a crush on me anyway. Seeing James in a fit is always amusing. It would also serve the prat right!"

"Lily if James found out ..." Remus began in a panic, but caught himself before he gave too much away. "You should have been in Slytherin," he said accusingly.

"Why Remus, whatever are you talking about?" she asked innocently. "I must confess, I also have a crush on a ... what's it Sirius is always calling you lot? Oh, yes, a Marauder. But it certainly isn't James. He's far too boisterous."

Remus was stunned silent.

"You know I only do my homework in the library because I know you're going to be here. And even then I'm still rushing though my essays in the common room at night because I'm always too busy trying to look at you when I know you're not looking at me. And ... well, it's gotten ridiculous!"

"Well, it may be that I also think it's ridiculous. But James is one of my best friends and he's absolutely goes round the twist where your concerned and there is no way I can ever do anything more than stare at you while I pretend to read," he said, his voice level.

"So, you do stare at me then?" she asked triumphantly.

"Yes. I do. You're beautiful and totally off limits to me. Plus, there are things about you don't know. You'd best go back to your table Lily; before we both do something I'll regret," Remus said sadly as he shuffled his parchment into a pile and put the stopper back in his ink pot.

"Who do you think you are to make those kinds of decisions for me?" she asked crossing her arms, angrily.

"Lily, I can't..."

Lily leaned across the table and stared into Remus' honey colored eyes. "I know your secret Remus and it doesn't matter. So what? We both go a little insane every twenty eight days," she shrugged. "I'm not bothered by it in the least."

Remus stared at her. "How?"

"Let's just say Severus Snape doesn't always do what the Headmaster asks him to," she replied settling back in her seat.

"And you ... how long ... I can't ... I have to go, Lily," he stammered.

Remus set his bag on the chair, held it open, and levitated all of his belongings into his bag. He didn't look back at Lily as he slung the bag over his shoulder and ran out of the library. She wasn't supposed to know any of his secrets and know she owned them both. Remus stopped running a quarter of the way back to Gryffindor Tower, threw his bag aside and crumpled into a heap on the floor. This was bad.

xxxx

Lily noticed that Remus had left a half eaten bar of chocolate, carefully folded in the gold foil, on the table where he had been "working". Lily gently took it in her hands and with a swish, flick, and jab her books were packed in her satchel and it was dangling from her shoulder. She took her time going after Remus. She hadn't meant to chase him off; in fact she had intended on having the complete opposite effect.

xxxx

Remus was leaning against a wall staring at the one opposite him. Over and over again the scene in the library replayed in his head. He thought of all the things he wanted to do but couldn't do. He thought of what it would be like if James wasn't his friend so that he could have the woman he wanted without any regrets. He decided it was stupid to wish for things one could not have. He had pulled himself to his feet when her voice raked across his body like silver.

"Remus," she called. "You left this in the library."

Remus took a deep breath before he turned to face her. "Thanks," he said taking the chocolate bar. "I was in a hurry."

"To sit in the corridor?" she asked quirking an eyebrow. "Look. I'm sorry, I didn't mea..."

Before Lily could finish her thought, Remus had captured her soft lips in a delicate kiss. He snaked a hand around her waist and let his free hand touch her hair. If he was only going to do this once, he reasoned, he had better do it right. He pressed his body into hers as he deepened the kiss. He took great pleasure in noting that Lily's arms wrapped around his waist and squeezed him. She wasn't afraid of him at all. He broke the kiss and smiled against her lips.

Lily moved to kiss him a second time. Remus reluctantly broke away. "We can't ... not ever again. James would be heartbroken."

"No.You'll be heartbroken," she said, her eyes bright with tears. "Quit being so damn noble, Remus. James isn't the one I want," she insisted. "I ... that was perfect," her voice was pleading.

"And nothing that is perfect can last forever," he said with the wisdom of a man eighty times his age. "Most people never get that moment ever. We were lucky to have it."

"This was ours. I won't tell," she whispered as she turned away from him. "If you change your mind, Remus, I'll be there."

Remus turned away from her and made his way back to Gryffindor Tower. He had changed his mind with the first step he took away from her. He couldn't stop himself from turning on his heel, running toward her and scooping her in his arms. It was the beginning of their ending.

-Fin-